I'm a little down in the dumps today. I went to the funeral home last night because my cousing passed away form multiple cancers. It was no shock as he had been ill for some time now, but death is not something you can be ready for. The thing is that in my life I have been very lucky to not have had many funerals to go to and this is the first one in my immediate family since I was like 12 or something. This is the first time I have been to a funeral home since my daughter was diagnose with cf and it bothered me in a way that I have never experienced before. It was almost like a panic attack, I kept thinking OMG I have to leave NOW!! I felt bad because at a time when I should be comforting my family all I wanted to do was run in the opposite direction. This cousin wasn't really close to me so it wasn't his particular death that made this hard for me, it was the thought that some day that could be my daughter and it nearly made me ill. Will this happen every time I go to a funeral home? I try not to be negative about her illness and not to think about the possibilities, but last night I couldn't quit. Sorry to be so negative, I just don't think many people would understand, heck I don't understand.
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Bummed out mom
- Thread starter Samsmom
- Start date
I'm a little down in the dumps today. I went to the funeral home last night because my cousing passed away form multiple cancers. It was no shock as he had been ill for some time now, but death is not something you can be ready for. The thing is that in my life I have been very lucky to not have had many funerals to go to and this is the first one in my immediate family since I was like 12 or something. This is the first time I have been to a funeral home since my daughter was diagnose with cf and it bothered me in a way that I have never experienced before. It was almost like a panic attack, I kept thinking OMG I have to leave NOW!! I felt bad because at a time when I should be comforting my family all I wanted to do was run in the opposite direction. This cousin wasn't really close to me so it wasn't his particular death that made this hard for me, it was the thought that some day that could be my daughter and it nearly made me ill. Will this happen every time I go to a funeral home? I try not to be negative about her illness and not to think about the possibilities, but last night I couldn't quit. Sorry to be so negative, I just don't think many people would understand, heck I don't understand.
I'm a little down in the dumps today. I went to the funeral home last night because my cousing passed away form multiple cancers. It was no shock as he had been ill for some time now, but death is not something you can be ready for. The thing is that in my life I have been very lucky to not have had many funerals to go to and this is the first one in my immediate family since I was like 12 or something. This is the first time I have been to a funeral home since my daughter was diagnose with cf and it bothered me in a way that I have never experienced before. It was almost like a panic attack, I kept thinking OMG I have to leave NOW!! I felt bad because at a time when I should be comforting my family all I wanted to do was run in the opposite direction. This cousin wasn't really close to me so it wasn't his particular death that made this hard for me, it was the thought that some day that could be my daughter and it nearly made me ill. Will this happen every time I go to a funeral home? I try not to be negative about her illness and not to think about the possibilities, but last night I couldn't quit. Sorry to be so negative, I just don't think many people would understand, heck I don't understand.
Hi Jean, i'm sorry to h ear about your cousin's passing and i'm sorry to hear your feeling this way.
I don't realy know what to say or even how to answer your question, i mean its ok to feel this way. I feel that way whenever anyone dies, even is its on the t.v and i don't know the person i just fully burst out in tears.
Although i have noticed ever since my dd was born and diagnosed with cf, its been alot more of an issue and i have become much more sensitive. Your not the only one that feels this way, death is very scary and more so when a loved one is diagnosed with a life shortening illness like CF.
Hang in there, i hope you feel better soon. Sorry if i didn't answer your question, its just whats come to my head as i read your post.
Pm me if you want to talk some more.
I don't realy know what to say or even how to answer your question, i mean its ok to feel this way. I feel that way whenever anyone dies, even is its on the t.v and i don't know the person i just fully burst out in tears.
Although i have noticed ever since my dd was born and diagnosed with cf, its been alot more of an issue and i have become much more sensitive. Your not the only one that feels this way, death is very scary and more so when a loved one is diagnosed with a life shortening illness like CF.
Hang in there, i hope you feel better soon. Sorry if i didn't answer your question, its just whats come to my head as i read your post.
Pm me if you want to talk some more.
Hi Jean, i'm sorry to h ear about your cousin's passing and i'm sorry to hear your feeling this way.
I don't realy know what to say or even how to answer your question, i mean its ok to feel this way. I feel that way whenever anyone dies, even is its on the t.v and i don't know the person i just fully burst out in tears.
Although i have noticed ever since my dd was born and diagnosed with cf, its been alot more of an issue and i have become much more sensitive. Your not the only one that feels this way, death is very scary and more so when a loved one is diagnosed with a life shortening illness like CF.
Hang in there, i hope you feel better soon. Sorry if i didn't answer your question, its just whats come to my head as i read your post.
Pm me if you want to talk some more.
I don't realy know what to say or even how to answer your question, i mean its ok to feel this way. I feel that way whenever anyone dies, even is its on the t.v and i don't know the person i just fully burst out in tears.
Although i have noticed ever since my dd was born and diagnosed with cf, its been alot more of an issue and i have become much more sensitive. Your not the only one that feels this way, death is very scary and more so when a loved one is diagnosed with a life shortening illness like CF.
Hang in there, i hope you feel better soon. Sorry if i didn't answer your question, its just whats come to my head as i read your post.
Pm me if you want to talk some more.
Hi Jean, i'm sorry to h ear about your cousin's passing and i'm sorry to hear your feeling this way.
I don't realy know what to say or even how to answer your question, i mean its ok to feel this way. I feel that way whenever anyone dies, even is its on the t.v and i don't know the person i just fully burst out in tears.
Although i have noticed ever since my dd was born and diagnosed with cf, its been alot more of an issue and i have become much more sensitive. Your not the only one that feels this way, death is very scary and more so when a loved one is diagnosed with a life shortening illness like CF.
Hang in there, i hope you feel better soon. Sorry if i didn't answer your question, its just whats come to my head as i read your post.
Pm me if you want to talk some more.
I don't realy know what to say or even how to answer your question, i mean its ok to feel this way. I feel that way whenever anyone dies, even is its on the t.v and i don't know the person i just fully burst out in tears.
Although i have noticed ever since my dd was born and diagnosed with cf, its been alot more of an issue and i have become much more sensitive. Your not the only one that feels this way, death is very scary and more so when a loved one is diagnosed with a life shortening illness like CF.
Hang in there, i hope you feel better soon. Sorry if i didn't answer your question, its just whats come to my head as i read your post.
Pm me if you want to talk some more.
IMHO there are 3 types of people that handles funerals. The first are the ones that hate them, hate to speak of them and refuse to attend any. There are the ones that seem to go to ANY funeral that they read about in the obituaries. The third is the most common where people will go, pay their respects and some days or some deaths hit home and those thoughts linger a bit longer and there are some days and some deaths that you go pay your respect and leave. Its is reality check. Many, many people go thru life attending weddings, baptisms and funerals not thinking of their own mortality or the mortality of a loved one. I would think it would be unnatural in a way for you NOT to have these thoughts! Dont be hard on yourself, but also dont get stuck in that mode. It wont change anything! HUGS!
IMHO there are 3 types of people that handles funerals. The first are the ones that hate them, hate to speak of them and refuse to attend any. There are the ones that seem to go to ANY funeral that they read about in the obituaries. The third is the most common where people will go, pay their respects and some days or some deaths hit home and those thoughts linger a bit longer and there are some days and some deaths that you go pay your respect and leave. Its is reality check. Many, many people go thru life attending weddings, baptisms and funerals not thinking of their own mortality or the mortality of a loved one. I would think it would be unnatural in a way for you NOT to have these thoughts! Dont be hard on yourself, but also dont get stuck in that mode. It wont change anything! HUGS!
IMHO there are 3 types of people that handles funerals. The first are the ones that hate them, hate to speak of them and refuse to attend any. There are the ones that seem to go to ANY funeral that they read about in the obituaries. The third is the most common where people will go, pay their respects and some days or some deaths hit home and those thoughts linger a bit longer and there are some days and some deaths that you go pay your respect and leave. Its is reality check. Many, many people go thru life attending weddings, baptisms and funerals not thinking of their own mortality or the mortality of a loved one. I would think it would be unnatural in a way for you NOT to have these thoughts! Dont be hard on yourself, but also dont get stuck in that mode. It wont change anything! HUGS!
I understand how you are feeling. After 7 months of panic and grief since my dd's diagnosis, I've started to feel some stoic calmness just on the edges, trying to assert itself over my uncontrolled emotions. I attended the funeral for a co-worker's son (age 26, Down Syndrome) and handled the emotions pretty well. I felt I was able to actually help my friend by being there and speaking with her. This would be highly unlike me because, as my husband says, I cry at Pepsi commercials. I think time will help you, as it has helped me. But I still crack every now and then.
I understand how you are feeling. After 7 months of panic and grief since my dd's diagnosis, I've started to feel some stoic calmness just on the edges, trying to assert itself over my uncontrolled emotions. I attended the funeral for a co-worker's son (age 26, Down Syndrome) and handled the emotions pretty well. I felt I was able to actually help my friend by being there and speaking with her. This would be highly unlike me because, as my husband says, I cry at Pepsi commercials. I think time will help you, as it has helped me. But I still crack every now and then.
I understand how you are feeling. After 7 months of panic and grief since my dd's diagnosis, I've started to feel some stoic calmness just on the edges, trying to assert itself over my uncontrolled emotions. I attended the funeral for a co-worker's son (age 26, Down Syndrome) and handled the emotions pretty well. I felt I was able to actually help my friend by being there and speaking with her. This would be highly unlike me because, as my husband says, I cry at Pepsi commercials. I think time will help you, as it has helped me. But I still crack every now and then.
kayleesgrandma
New member
Welcome to the world of human emotions, proving you are not a robot. It is the scope of our being human to feel the whole range of emotions against Cf, and because of Cf. Starting with numbness, we slowly go through so many enotions, we sometimes don't know where we are. It's ok, we are here for you when you feel this way, or any way. You will feel this way at weddings or high school graduations, heck even pre-school graduations! It's the nature of the Beast to bring out our fears, it is hope and faith that will conquer and subdue it.
kayleesgrandma
New member
Welcome to the world of human emotions, proving you are not a robot. It is the scope of our being human to feel the whole range of emotions against Cf, and because of Cf. Starting with numbness, we slowly go through so many enotions, we sometimes don't know where we are. It's ok, we are here for you when you feel this way, or any way. You will feel this way at weddings or high school graduations, heck even pre-school graduations! It's the nature of the Beast to bring out our fears, it is hope and faith that will conquer and subdue it.
kayleesgrandma
New member
Welcome to the world of human emotions, proving you are not a robot. It is the scope of our being human to feel the whole range of emotions against Cf, and because of Cf. Starting with numbness, we slowly go through so many enotions, we sometimes don't know where we are. It's ok, we are here for you when you feel this way, or any way. You will feel this way at weddings or high school graduations, heck even pre-school graduations! It's the nature of the Beast to bring out our fears, it is hope and faith that will conquer and subdue it.
Thanks for the support. I'm pretty new to this forum and allready I feel like I have "friends" even though I don't know what your voices sound like. I am working on my blog and as soon as I get it finished I'll let everyone know so I won't seem like a stranger. Thanks again<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Thanks for the support. I'm pretty new to this forum and allready I feel like I have "friends" even though I don't know what your voices sound like. I am working on my blog and as soon as I get it finished I'll let everyone know so I won't seem like a stranger. Thanks again<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Thanks for the support. I'm pretty new to this forum and allready I feel like I have "friends" even though I don't know what your voices sound like. I am working on my blog and as soon as I get it finished I'll let everyone know so I won't seem like a stranger. Thanks again<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Hi samsmom,
I can understand how you feel!!
my first funeral was hard because it was for a still born boy. my sister inlaws baby. Kj wasn't born then. The casket was sooo tiny.
My 2nd funeral was when Kj was a baby, it was my Uncle. I didn't have any fear for kj yet as she was doing really well (other than weight issues) So I just felt sad for my aunties familiy and for the loss of my uncle.
My next funeral was for a 7yr old girl who had cf. she was my first contact with another person with cf.
It was this funeral that made me scared for Kayla's future. I kept thinking that if only kayla could make it past 7. I would avoid the cemetry like the plague as it scared me. I thought I would jinx kayla if i went there (weird i know) but its how I felt. Her photo is up on the wall in the hall of our hospital and everytime we go there we are faced with how serious cf is.
7 yrs after that funeral my oldest daughter died from a car accident.
Now I go to the cemetry every day <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
and Kj is now older than her older sister.
My advice to you, is to just "live each day as it comes and try not to think or dwell in the future."
Just have as much fun as possible with your child and make the best out of every moment.
This site brings me a bit of hope for kj's future as there seems to be alot of people with cf in there 30's or more. Also there seems to be some good medicines on the horizon, so keep the faith and stay strong<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
I can understand how you feel!!
my first funeral was hard because it was for a still born boy. my sister inlaws baby. Kj wasn't born then. The casket was sooo tiny.
My 2nd funeral was when Kj was a baby, it was my Uncle. I didn't have any fear for kj yet as she was doing really well (other than weight issues) So I just felt sad for my aunties familiy and for the loss of my uncle.
My next funeral was for a 7yr old girl who had cf. she was my first contact with another person with cf.
It was this funeral that made me scared for Kayla's future. I kept thinking that if only kayla could make it past 7. I would avoid the cemetry like the plague as it scared me. I thought I would jinx kayla if i went there (weird i know) but its how I felt. Her photo is up on the wall in the hall of our hospital and everytime we go there we are faced with how serious cf is.
7 yrs after that funeral my oldest daughter died from a car accident.
Now I go to the cemetry every day <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
and Kj is now older than her older sister.
My advice to you, is to just "live each day as it comes and try not to think or dwell in the future."
Just have as much fun as possible with your child and make the best out of every moment.
This site brings me a bit of hope for kj's future as there seems to be alot of people with cf in there 30's or more. Also there seems to be some good medicines on the horizon, so keep the faith and stay strong<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Hi samsmom,
I can understand how you feel!!
my first funeral was hard because it was for a still born boy. my sister inlaws baby. Kj wasn't born then. The casket was sooo tiny.
My 2nd funeral was when Kj was a baby, it was my Uncle. I didn't have any fear for kj yet as she was doing really well (other than weight issues) So I just felt sad for my aunties familiy and for the loss of my uncle.
My next funeral was for a 7yr old girl who had cf. she was my first contact with another person with cf.
It was this funeral that made me scared for Kayla's future. I kept thinking that if only kayla could make it past 7. I would avoid the cemetry like the plague as it scared me. I thought I would jinx kayla if i went there (weird i know) but its how I felt. Her photo is up on the wall in the hall of our hospital and everytime we go there we are faced with how serious cf is.
7 yrs after that funeral my oldest daughter died from a car accident.
Now I go to the cemetry every day <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
and Kj is now older than her older sister.
My advice to you, is to just "live each day as it comes and try not to think or dwell in the future."
Just have as much fun as possible with your child and make the best out of every moment.
This site brings me a bit of hope for kj's future as there seems to be alot of people with cf in there 30's or more. Also there seems to be some good medicines on the horizon, so keep the faith and stay strong<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
I can understand how you feel!!
my first funeral was hard because it was for a still born boy. my sister inlaws baby. Kj wasn't born then. The casket was sooo tiny.
My 2nd funeral was when Kj was a baby, it was my Uncle. I didn't have any fear for kj yet as she was doing really well (other than weight issues) So I just felt sad for my aunties familiy and for the loss of my uncle.
My next funeral was for a 7yr old girl who had cf. she was my first contact with another person with cf.
It was this funeral that made me scared for Kayla's future. I kept thinking that if only kayla could make it past 7. I would avoid the cemetry like the plague as it scared me. I thought I would jinx kayla if i went there (weird i know) but its how I felt. Her photo is up on the wall in the hall of our hospital and everytime we go there we are faced with how serious cf is.
7 yrs after that funeral my oldest daughter died from a car accident.
Now I go to the cemetry every day <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
and Kj is now older than her older sister.
My advice to you, is to just "live each day as it comes and try not to think or dwell in the future."
Just have as much fun as possible with your child and make the best out of every moment.
This site brings me a bit of hope for kj's future as there seems to be alot of people with cf in there 30's or more. Also there seems to be some good medicines on the horizon, so keep the faith and stay strong<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">