Burden on family

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nichi874

New member
I'd like to share an opinion from the other side. JenDis is right, we knew what we were getting into when we started dating/married a person with CF. I'm guessing your husband is educated on the disease and knows what is in store for him.
As far as your guilt goes, it's normal, but not necessary. I know it's easy for us to say "don't feel that way" but you are going to. Your health may not allow you to do much for your husband but it doesn't take much. I know that when T simply empties the dishwasher or swaps the laundry I am happy. Before your mother comes maybe you should take him to the next town over and stay in a hotel for a night, if you can.
I know there are a ton of little things that make me happy so if you need some ideas on what you can do, just PM me. But the biggest thing you can do is take care of yourself and feel as good as you can.
 
N

nichi874

New member
I'd like to share an opinion from the other side. JenDis is right, we knew what we were getting into when we started dating/married a person with CF. I'm guessing your husband is educated on the disease and knows what is in store for him.
As far as your guilt goes, it's normal, but not necessary. I know it's easy for us to say "don't feel that way" but you are going to. Your health may not allow you to do much for your husband but it doesn't take much. I know that when T simply empties the dishwasher or swaps the laundry I am happy. Before your mother comes maybe you should take him to the next town over and stay in a hotel for a night, if you can.
I know there are a ton of little things that make me happy so if you need some ideas on what you can do, just PM me. But the biggest thing you can do is take care of yourself and feel as good as you can.
 
N

nichi874

New member
I'd like to share an opinion from the other side. JenDis is right, we knew what we were getting into when we started dating/married a person with CF. I'm guessing your husband is educated on the disease and knows what is in store for him.
As far as your guilt goes, it's normal, but not necessary. I know it's easy for us to say "don't feel that way" but you are going to. Your health may not allow you to do much for your husband but it doesn't take much. I know that when T simply empties the dishwasher or swaps the laundry I am happy. Before your mother comes maybe you should take him to the next town over and stay in a hotel for a night, if you can.
I know there are a ton of little things that make me happy so if you need some ideas on what you can do, just PM me. But the biggest thing you can do is take care of yourself and feel as good as you can.
 
N

nichi874

New member
I'd like to share an opinion from the other side. JenDis is right, we knew what we were getting into when we started dating/married a person with CF. I'm guessing your husband is educated on the disease and knows what is in store for him.
As far as your guilt goes, it's normal, but not necessary. I know it's easy for us to say "don't feel that way" but you are going to. Your health may not allow you to do much for your husband but it doesn't take much. I know that when T simply empties the dishwasher or swaps the laundry I am happy. Before your mother comes maybe you should take him to the next town over and stay in a hotel for a night, if you can.
I know there are a ton of little things that make me happy so if you need some ideas on what you can do, just PM me. But the biggest thing you can do is take care of yourself and feel as good as you can.
 
N

nichi874

New member
I'd like to share an opinion from the other side. JenDis is right, we knew what we were getting into when we started dating/married a person with CF. I'm guessing your husband is educated on the disease and knows what is in store for him.
<br />As far as your guilt goes, it's normal, but not necessary. I know it's easy for us to say "don't feel that way" but you are going to. Your health may not allow you to do much for your husband but it doesn't take much. I know that when T simply empties the dishwasher or swaps the laundry I am happy. Before your mother comes maybe you should take him to the next town over and stay in a hotel for a night, if you can.
<br />I know there are a ton of little things that make me happy so if you need some ideas on what you can do, just PM me. But the biggest thing you can do is take care of yourself and feel as good as you can.
<br />
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Just a passing thought:

I'm a "devoted mom" type. My first born son has atypical CF and a whole lot of other issues. He took a lot of my time. I don't know how I would have worked and also raised him. He and I get along well and the amount of attention he gets from me doesn't bother him. His younger brother is seriously introverted and I had to back off a lot and give him his space. It's no problem for me to give someone attention. It's much harder for me to give them space. I get along well with both my kids but I think I would have driven my younger son crazy if his brother didn't require so much attention. And I get to have an especially close relationship with my older son without it being neurotic and clingy. It was hard for me to get used to my second child not needing so much from me. I initially felt like he was rejecting me.

So maybe your hubby chose you because he likes taking care of someone?
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Just a passing thought:

I'm a "devoted mom" type. My first born son has atypical CF and a whole lot of other issues. He took a lot of my time. I don't know how I would have worked and also raised him. He and I get along well and the amount of attention he gets from me doesn't bother him. His younger brother is seriously introverted and I had to back off a lot and give him his space. It's no problem for me to give someone attention. It's much harder for me to give them space. I get along well with both my kids but I think I would have driven my younger son crazy if his brother didn't require so much attention. And I get to have an especially close relationship with my older son without it being neurotic and clingy. It was hard for me to get used to my second child not needing so much from me. I initially felt like he was rejecting me.

So maybe your hubby chose you because he likes taking care of someone?
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Just a passing thought:

I'm a "devoted mom" type. My first born son has atypical CF and a whole lot of other issues. He took a lot of my time. I don't know how I would have worked and also raised him. He and I get along well and the amount of attention he gets from me doesn't bother him. His younger brother is seriously introverted and I had to back off a lot and give him his space. It's no problem for me to give someone attention. It's much harder for me to give them space. I get along well with both my kids but I think I would have driven my younger son crazy if his brother didn't require so much attention. And I get to have an especially close relationship with my older son without it being neurotic and clingy. It was hard for me to get used to my second child not needing so much from me. I initially felt like he was rejecting me.

So maybe your hubby chose you because he likes taking care of someone?
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Just a passing thought:

I'm a "devoted mom" type. My first born son has atypical CF and a whole lot of other issues. He took a lot of my time. I don't know how I would have worked and also raised him. He and I get along well and the amount of attention he gets from me doesn't bother him. His younger brother is seriously introverted and I had to back off a lot and give him his space. It's no problem for me to give someone attention. It's much harder for me to give them space. I get along well with both my kids but I think I would have driven my younger son crazy if his brother didn't require so much attention. And I get to have an especially close relationship with my older son without it being neurotic and clingy. It was hard for me to get used to my second child not needing so much from me. I initially felt like he was rejecting me.

So maybe your hubby chose you because he likes taking care of someone?
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Just a passing thought:
<br />
<br />I'm a "devoted mom" type. My first born son has atypical CF and a whole lot of other issues. He took a lot of my time. I don't know how I would have worked and also raised him. He and I get along well and the amount of attention he gets from me doesn't bother him. His younger brother is seriously introverted and I had to back off a lot and give him his space. It's no problem for me to give someone attention. It's much harder for me to give them space. I get along well with both my kids but I think I would have driven my younger son crazy if his brother didn't require so much attention. And I get to have an especially close relationship with my older son without it being neurotic and clingy. It was hard for me to get used to my second child not needing so much from me. I initially felt like he was rejecting me.
<br />
<br />So maybe your hubby chose you because he likes taking care of someone?
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
I guess I sort of have a bit of a different perspective then Jen & others. I dont think my husband knew what he was getting into COMPLETELY. Hell I didnt really know what to expect.

Yes you hear the stories, the statistics etc, but until you are going through it all you dont get it. Just like being a parent.....you hear all the good/bad, but from YOUR perspective when experiencing its like, WOW!

I dont question that my husband is in it for the long haul. But I bet he wishes (as I do in some ways) that you could look into a crystal ball & see exactly how things will be so you could prepare....

As to "limiting" the burdeness! Sometimes you can & sometimes you cant. I have learned that. There are days I can do it all (garbage, cooking, cleaning, dogs, kid, homework, treatments, doctors appointments, bills) & other days where getting dressed on my own is a chore. There are days of inbetween. I do my best & my hubby takes over where needed!

One thing that has helped is recruiting my family more. I contact my sister to take our daughter or have her come clean the house before I come home from the hospital etc. If my husband was more outgoing it would be easier to get HIM help from people, but he is even more resistant to help then I am <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0">

The little things do count tho.

Hugs to you as you find a way!
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
I guess I sort of have a bit of a different perspective then Jen & others. I dont think my husband knew what he was getting into COMPLETELY. Hell I didnt really know what to expect.

Yes you hear the stories, the statistics etc, but until you are going through it all you dont get it. Just like being a parent.....you hear all the good/bad, but from YOUR perspective when experiencing its like, WOW!

I dont question that my husband is in it for the long haul. But I bet he wishes (as I do in some ways) that you could look into a crystal ball & see exactly how things will be so you could prepare....

As to "limiting" the burdeness! Sometimes you can & sometimes you cant. I have learned that. There are days I can do it all (garbage, cooking, cleaning, dogs, kid, homework, treatments, doctors appointments, bills) & other days where getting dressed on my own is a chore. There are days of inbetween. I do my best & my hubby takes over where needed!

One thing that has helped is recruiting my family more. I contact my sister to take our daughter or have her come clean the house before I come home from the hospital etc. If my husband was more outgoing it would be easier to get HIM help from people, but he is even more resistant to help then I am <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0">

The little things do count tho.

Hugs to you as you find a way!
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
I guess I sort of have a bit of a different perspective then Jen & others. I dont think my husband knew what he was getting into COMPLETELY. Hell I didnt really know what to expect.

Yes you hear the stories, the statistics etc, but until you are going through it all you dont get it. Just like being a parent.....you hear all the good/bad, but from YOUR perspective when experiencing its like, WOW!

I dont question that my husband is in it for the long haul. But I bet he wishes (as I do in some ways) that you could look into a crystal ball & see exactly how things will be so you could prepare....

As to "limiting" the burdeness! Sometimes you can & sometimes you cant. I have learned that. There are days I can do it all (garbage, cooking, cleaning, dogs, kid, homework, treatments, doctors appointments, bills) & other days where getting dressed on my own is a chore. There are days of inbetween. I do my best & my hubby takes over where needed!

One thing that has helped is recruiting my family more. I contact my sister to take our daughter or have her come clean the house before I come home from the hospital etc. If my husband was more outgoing it would be easier to get HIM help from people, but he is even more resistant to help then I am <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0">

The little things do count tho.

Hugs to you as you find a way!
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
I guess I sort of have a bit of a different perspective then Jen & others. I dont think my husband knew what he was getting into COMPLETELY. Hell I didnt really know what to expect.

Yes you hear the stories, the statistics etc, but until you are going through it all you dont get it. Just like being a parent.....you hear all the good/bad, but from YOUR perspective when experiencing its like, WOW!

I dont question that my husband is in it for the long haul. But I bet he wishes (as I do in some ways) that you could look into a crystal ball & see exactly how things will be so you could prepare....

As to "limiting" the burdeness! Sometimes you can & sometimes you cant. I have learned that. There are days I can do it all (garbage, cooking, cleaning, dogs, kid, homework, treatments, doctors appointments, bills) & other days where getting dressed on my own is a chore. There are days of inbetween. I do my best & my hubby takes over where needed!

One thing that has helped is recruiting my family more. I contact my sister to take our daughter or have her come clean the house before I come home from the hospital etc. If my husband was more outgoing it would be easier to get HIM help from people, but he is even more resistant to help then I am <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0">

The little things do count tho.

Hugs to you as you find a way!
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
I guess I sort of have a bit of a different perspective then Jen & others. I dont think my husband knew what he was getting into COMPLETELY. Hell I didnt really know what to expect.
<br />
<br />Yes you hear the stories, the statistics etc, but until you are going through it all you dont get it. Just like being a parent.....you hear all the good/bad, but from YOUR perspective when experiencing its like, WOW!
<br />
<br />I dont question that my husband is in it for the long haul. But I bet he wishes (as I do in some ways) that you could look into a crystal ball & see exactly how things will be so you could prepare....
<br />
<br />As to "limiting" the burdeness! Sometimes you can & sometimes you cant. I have learned that. There are days I can do it all (garbage, cooking, cleaning, dogs, kid, homework, treatments, doctors appointments, bills) & other days where getting dressed on my own is a chore. There are days of inbetween. I do my best & my hubby takes over where needed!
<br />
<br />One thing that has helped is recruiting my family more. I contact my sister to take our daughter or have her come clean the house before I come home from the hospital etc. If my husband was more outgoing it would be easier to get HIM help from people, but he is even more resistant to help then I am <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0">
<br />
<br />The little things do count tho.
<br />
<br />Hugs to you as you find a way!
 
D

dewgirl

New member
I kinda think it's like Mel said...he didn't quite realize the whole scope of it.

JenDis has great ideas. I just need to do unexpected nice things for him to help balance all the crappy things. And, Nicole you are probably right that he's happy when I feel good and do even little things.

About my mother, I'm looking into any alternative for her living arrangements. I mean, what if something happens during my transplant and my husband has to take care of my mother?! Doesn't work out so, maybe we'll find a different solution. Unfortunetly I don't have any other family. One step sister that lives in Australia. For those with big families, give them your hugs and thanks because not having them is ever so much worse.

Just try to make it fun and light for him I think so he enjoys things rather than stresses. Thanks for the feedback and encouragement yall!
 
D

dewgirl

New member
I kinda think it's like Mel said...he didn't quite realize the whole scope of it.

JenDis has great ideas. I just need to do unexpected nice things for him to help balance all the crappy things. And, Nicole you are probably right that he's happy when I feel good and do even little things.

About my mother, I'm looking into any alternative for her living arrangements. I mean, what if something happens during my transplant and my husband has to take care of my mother?! Doesn't work out so, maybe we'll find a different solution. Unfortunetly I don't have any other family. One step sister that lives in Australia. For those with big families, give them your hugs and thanks because not having them is ever so much worse.

Just try to make it fun and light for him I think so he enjoys things rather than stresses. Thanks for the feedback and encouragement yall!
 
D

dewgirl

New member
I kinda think it's like Mel said...he didn't quite realize the whole scope of it.

JenDis has great ideas. I just need to do unexpected nice things for him to help balance all the crappy things. And, Nicole you are probably right that he's happy when I feel good and do even little things.

About my mother, I'm looking into any alternative for her living arrangements. I mean, what if something happens during my transplant and my husband has to take care of my mother?! Doesn't work out so, maybe we'll find a different solution. Unfortunetly I don't have any other family. One step sister that lives in Australia. For those with big families, give them your hugs and thanks because not having them is ever so much worse.

Just try to make it fun and light for him I think so he enjoys things rather than stresses. Thanks for the feedback and encouragement yall!
 
D

dewgirl

New member
I kinda think it's like Mel said...he didn't quite realize the whole scope of it.

JenDis has great ideas. I just need to do unexpected nice things for him to help balance all the crappy things. And, Nicole you are probably right that he's happy when I feel good and do even little things.

About my mother, I'm looking into any alternative for her living arrangements. I mean, what if something happens during my transplant and my husband has to take care of my mother?! Doesn't work out so, maybe we'll find a different solution. Unfortunetly I don't have any other family. One step sister that lives in Australia. For those with big families, give them your hugs and thanks because not having them is ever so much worse.

Just try to make it fun and light for him I think so he enjoys things rather than stresses. Thanks for the feedback and encouragement yall!
 
D

dewgirl

New member
I kinda think it's like Mel said...he didn't quite realize the whole scope of it.
<br />
<br />JenDis has great ideas. I just need to do unexpected nice things for him to help balance all the crappy things. And, Nicole you are probably right that he's happy when I feel good and do even little things.
<br />
<br />About my mother, I'm looking into any alternative for her living arrangements. I mean, what if something happens during my transplant and my husband has to take care of my mother?! Doesn't work out so, maybe we'll find a different solution. Unfortunetly I don't have any other family. One step sister that lives in Australia. For those with big families, give them your hugs and thanks because not having them is ever so much worse.
<br />
<br />Just try to make it fun and light for him I think so he enjoys things rather than stresses. Thanks for the feedback and encouragement yall!
 
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