Can CF patients have children?

D

dramamama

New member
I am a 33 year old female with cf and am married to the love of my life, matt without cf. My brother, Chad no cf, died almost a year and a half ago from mental illness. He left behind a three year old boy and a wife who was 12 weeks pregnant. I have personally seen what death of a parent does to a child and it is terribly sad...excruciating actually. My sister-in-law and best friend is having a hell of a time raising those precious children....she is truly my hero. As hard as it has been on everyone involved, we all feel like Chad's life was a gift, and these boys are a gift. The oldest talks about his dad all the time and he misses him so much..... I can'y imagine life without my nephews....can't imagine it. Chad's legacy is his fight and those boys.

It is sad that we are having a discussion like this......what is right for one is not always right for someone else. I do not think I am able to take care of myself, my husband and a child...not to mention be a great aunt to my nephews. I would love to and maybe one day yes, but for now it is a no. Of course, for many years I refused to fall for anyone because I didn't want to hurt them in the end..when I passed. Now, I am married. And I believe with all of my heart, I will be here in my sixties. Love finds a way..hope finds a way. I applaud those of you who are parents and I applaud those of you who have chosen not to....

Amy-
no one disagrees with your decision not to have children. Most of us are open-minded. Have a little sensitivity...why is it sooooo hard for you????? Damn.
 
D

dramamama

New member
I am a 33 year old female with cf and am married to the love of my life, matt without cf. My brother, Chad no cf, died almost a year and a half ago from mental illness. He left behind a three year old boy and a wife who was 12 weeks pregnant. I have personally seen what death of a parent does to a child and it is terribly sad...excruciating actually. My sister-in-law and best friend is having a hell of a time raising those precious children....she is truly my hero. As hard as it has been on everyone involved, we all feel like Chad's life was a gift, and these boys are a gift. The oldest talks about his dad all the time and he misses him so much..... I can'y imagine life without my nephews....can't imagine it. Chad's legacy is his fight and those boys.

It is sad that we are having a discussion like this......what is right for one is not always right for someone else. I do not think I am able to take care of myself, my husband and a child...not to mention be a great aunt to my nephews. I would love to and maybe one day yes, but for now it is a no. Of course, for many years I refused to fall for anyone because I didn't want to hurt them in the end..when I passed. Now, I am married. And I believe with all of my heart, I will be here in my sixties. Love finds a way..hope finds a way. I applaud those of you who are parents and I applaud those of you who have chosen not to....

Amy-
no one disagrees with your decision not to have children. Most of us are open-minded. Have a little sensitivity...why is it sooooo hard for you????? Damn.
 
M

miesl

New member
I'm not going to sugar coat this...

Life as a CF spouse is hard. It is not a path most people could follow. Really, the whole "children" part of this decision is small. The real question is, can you handle his CF and all it will mean for you?

Things you need to do:

Go to one of your FI's doctors appointments (preferrably, go to all of his appointments), see what is clinical status is.

Read Allie's blog. Know this <b>will be </b>your future.

Figure out if you can deal. If you have ANY doubt, you would be best off running now rather than later (both for yourself and your FI). Your FI has limited time, it would be much better for him to find someone willing to stick it out than wait around for you to decide you're not up for the task.

It's a hard choice... and we're here for you.
 
M

miesl

New member
I'm not going to sugar coat this...

Life as a CF spouse is hard. It is not a path most people could follow. Really, the whole "children" part of this decision is small. The real question is, can you handle his CF and all it will mean for you?

Things you need to do:

Go to one of your FI's doctors appointments (preferrably, go to all of his appointments), see what is clinical status is.

Read Allie's blog. Know this <b>will be </b>your future.

Figure out if you can deal. If you have ANY doubt, you would be best off running now rather than later (both for yourself and your FI). Your FI has limited time, it would be much better for him to find someone willing to stick it out than wait around for you to decide you're not up for the task.

It's a hard choice... and we're here for you.
 
M

miesl

New member
I'm not going to sugar coat this...

Life as a CF spouse is hard. It is not a path most people could follow. Really, the whole "children" part of this decision is small. The real question is, can you handle his CF and all it will mean for you?

Things you need to do:

Go to one of your FI's doctors appointments (preferrably, go to all of his appointments), see what is clinical status is.

Read Allie's blog. Know this <b>will be </b>your future.

Figure out if you can deal. If you have ANY doubt, you would be best off running now rather than later (both for yourself and your FI). Your FI has limited time, it would be much better for him to find someone willing to stick it out than wait around for you to decide you're not up for the task.

It's a hard choice... and we're here for you.
 
A

Allie

New member
In Amy's defense, Christian, she was talking about having kids at all, not just having them biologically. I think adoption is a gift for several reasons, and if you care, Debbie, you can PM me on that. BUT. No matter how you have kids, there likely will come a time after your husband dies that you will question the choice, because of the sorrow it brings your child. I love my daughter, she's everything I have left in the world, but when she's upset about not having her dad around, I question the wisdom of having her. So no matter what you decide, you need to prepare for that.

On another topic, yes, being a CF spouse is incredibly difficult sometimes. I will argue that it's more difficult if you love them a great deal, because watching someone go through that is torture. Make sure you know the game before you enter. Amy said 38 is the average, well, that's not quite true. That's a median. 50% die before, 50% after. Be prepared to lose him from now to 50 before you take this on, you owe it to BOTH of you to know exactly what a life with CF entails. It's more painful for everyone when someone gets into a relationship thinking they can handle it, then, as the CFer gets sicker and sicker, you bail out. I've seen it a million times, and it's not fair to anyone.

If there's anything I cnan answer or help with, feel free to ask.
 
A

Allie

New member
In Amy's defense, Christian, she was talking about having kids at all, not just having them biologically. I think adoption is a gift for several reasons, and if you care, Debbie, you can PM me on that. BUT. No matter how you have kids, there likely will come a time after your husband dies that you will question the choice, because of the sorrow it brings your child. I love my daughter, she's everything I have left in the world, but when she's upset about not having her dad around, I question the wisdom of having her. So no matter what you decide, you need to prepare for that.

On another topic, yes, being a CF spouse is incredibly difficult sometimes. I will argue that it's more difficult if you love them a great deal, because watching someone go through that is torture. Make sure you know the game before you enter. Amy said 38 is the average, well, that's not quite true. That's a median. 50% die before, 50% after. Be prepared to lose him from now to 50 before you take this on, you owe it to BOTH of you to know exactly what a life with CF entails. It's more painful for everyone when someone gets into a relationship thinking they can handle it, then, as the CFer gets sicker and sicker, you bail out. I've seen it a million times, and it's not fair to anyone.

If there's anything I cnan answer or help with, feel free to ask.
 
A

Allie

New member
In Amy's defense, Christian, she was talking about having kids at all, not just having them biologically. I think adoption is a gift for several reasons, and if you care, Debbie, you can PM me on that. BUT. No matter how you have kids, there likely will come a time after your husband dies that you will question the choice, because of the sorrow it brings your child. I love my daughter, she's everything I have left in the world, but when she's upset about not having her dad around, I question the wisdom of having her. So no matter what you decide, you need to prepare for that.

On another topic, yes, being a CF spouse is incredibly difficult sometimes. I will argue that it's more difficult if you love them a great deal, because watching someone go through that is torture. Make sure you know the game before you enter. Amy said 38 is the average, well, that's not quite true. That's a median. 50% die before, 50% after. Be prepared to lose him from now to 50 before you take this on, you owe it to BOTH of you to know exactly what a life with CF entails. It's more painful for everyone when someone gets into a relationship thinking they can handle it, then, as the CFer gets sicker and sicker, you bail out. I've seen it a million times, and it's not fair to anyone.

If there's anything I cnan answer or help with, feel free to ask.
 
A

Axis

New member
Sakasuka- nobody would argue your right to express your opinion, particularly this open-minded spastic. It is, however, the way in which you choose to word your replies that is so offensive.

" I will not put my selfish need for a child above the child's welfare of possibly losing a mom at a young age".

That is more than an opinion, it is a judgment on anyone who has "selfishly" had a child. Opinions are fine. Judgments are another matter entirely.
 
A

Axis

New member
Sakasuka- nobody would argue your right to express your opinion, particularly this open-minded spastic. It is, however, the way in which you choose to word your replies that is so offensive.

" I will not put my selfish need for a child above the child's welfare of possibly losing a mom at a young age".

That is more than an opinion, it is a judgment on anyone who has "selfishly" had a child. Opinions are fine. Judgments are another matter entirely.
 
A

Axis

New member
Sakasuka- nobody would argue your right to express your opinion, particularly this open-minded spastic. It is, however, the way in which you choose to word your replies that is so offensive.

" I will not put my selfish need for a child above the child's welfare of possibly losing a mom at a young age".

That is more than an opinion, it is a judgment on anyone who has "selfishly" had a child. Opinions are fine. Judgments are another matter entirely.
 
J

julie

New member
Can we stop for a minute and ALL (MYSELF INCLUDED, I'M GUILTY), the inital posters question? She did NOT ask what we all thought about having children in a CF relationship, she didn't ask about the hardships of a CF relationship.... she asked two very separate clear questions,

1. Can men with CF have children
2. How long will he live

The first one, many of us can answer, by personal experience or from our own reading and education of it. The latter one is not something that any of us can answer for her, but rather give our personal experiences and education about how Cf affects everyone differently and so on.

She didn't once ask us for the personal ramifications of choosing to have a child in a CF relationship and until she does so, I really think that we should leave that out of our responses. In my opinion, it isn't warranted.... therefore, I'm editing my post and removing the information I wrote because as I re-read her question, she's asking a question that has a simple yes or no answer, and would require a little expanation, but nothing of a personal opinion, but rather ACTUAL information.
 
J

julie

New member
Can we stop for a minute and ALL (MYSELF INCLUDED, I'M GUILTY), the inital posters question? She did NOT ask what we all thought about having children in a CF relationship, she didn't ask about the hardships of a CF relationship.... she asked two very separate clear questions,

1. Can men with CF have children
2. How long will he live

The first one, many of us can answer, by personal experience or from our own reading and education of it. The latter one is not something that any of us can answer for her, but rather give our personal experiences and education about how Cf affects everyone differently and so on.

She didn't once ask us for the personal ramifications of choosing to have a child in a CF relationship and until she does so, I really think that we should leave that out of our responses. In my opinion, it isn't warranted.... therefore, I'm editing my post and removing the information I wrote because as I re-read her question, she's asking a question that has a simple yes or no answer, and would require a little expanation, but nothing of a personal opinion, but rather ACTUAL information.
 
J

julie

New member
Can we stop for a minute and ALL (MYSELF INCLUDED, I'M GUILTY), the inital posters question? She did NOT ask what we all thought about having children in a CF relationship, she didn't ask about the hardships of a CF relationship.... she asked two very separate clear questions,

1. Can men with CF have children
2. How long will he live

The first one, many of us can answer, by personal experience or from our own reading and education of it. The latter one is not something that any of us can answer for her, but rather give our personal experiences and education about how Cf affects everyone differently and so on.

She didn't once ask us for the personal ramifications of choosing to have a child in a CF relationship and until she does so, I really think that we should leave that out of our responses. In my opinion, it isn't warranted.... therefore, I'm editing my post and removing the information I wrote because as I re-read her question, she's asking a question that has a simple yes or no answer, and would require a little expanation, but nothing of a personal opinion, but rather ACTUAL information.
 
J

julie

New member
dbtoo,

it's unfortunate for those who want to have biological children/adopted and for those who have to/choose to pay upwards of $10,000 to do IVF or to adopt a child. it's not unfortunate for those who choose not to have children because it's a natural form of birth control for those who are infertile, and it's definately convienent.
 
J

julie

New member
dbtoo,

it's unfortunate for those who want to have biological children/adopted and for those who have to/choose to pay upwards of $10,000 to do IVF or to adopt a child. it's not unfortunate for those who choose not to have children because it's a natural form of birth control for those who are infertile, and it's definately convienent.
 
J

julie

New member
dbtoo,

it's unfortunate for those who want to have biological children/adopted and for those who have to/choose to pay upwards of $10,000 to do IVF or to adopt a child. it's not unfortunate for those who choose not to have children because it's a natural form of birth control for those who are infertile, and it's definately convienent.
 
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