Can't take it anymore! /jumps off ledge of building

F

Faust

New member
/gets blown back onto ledge by strong wind!


Well I finally realized (after knowing this for a while, but pretending I didn't know what was up) that I can't take it anymore, as in not finishing up my life like I should. I can't remain in fear of losing everything and not taking a potentially life ruining (or potentially life enhancing risk), and just remaining stagnant saying "Yeah well I have CF, and can't risk my disability, life insurance, and potential future". As my granny used to say, "You gotta either S*it or get off the pot". I could sit around till i'm in my 40's, and still have good health for a CF patient, and then look back and say "Man I wish I could go back in time to when I was 34 and realize I was going to live atleast till i'm 50 and make different choices". I've got an appointment set up for a consultation with a professional resume person tomorrow. I also have an appointment with one of our leading LASIK doctors the 9th of next month cause i'm damn near blind and I hate glasses and contacts and a blind law enforcement/security guard won't be able to do his job properly. I might have an inside skinny through a long term friends father in law, that would probably get my foot in the door in the security industry (big company), and I can go from there. Either way I need to say F it and take the biggest gamble of my life. If i sit idle by and do nothing, sure I don't lose anything, but I sure as hell don't gain anything. If I take this leap, I could very well lose EVERYTHING, but also have a good chance of gaining everything also, and being much closer to my goal of being 100% independent, getting married, possibly having a child, and having a ton more money for life than I do now (most major responsibilities $$$ wise are paid off).


Of course this is all wishful thinking. Due to my problems I could run into what I ran into before with the Sheriff's dept, and they could just be nice to me then ignore my application/resume, but it's a chance I've got to take. I currently feel amazing (thanks to the oregano oil), gonna start hitting the weights like I used to (used to be very cut and fairly ripped before I got sick last time), have 99% pft's with low microbe count, and i'm gonna look into that "back to work" thing via the SS admin. I'll only know if I have a chance if I fail. I really need to mentally get over what happened to me last time while seriously trying, because that really messed me up in the head, and still pisses me off when I think about it. So anyways, just thought i'd share. Of course i'll keep you posting. For all I know I could live to be 80 years old with all these new advances in the care of CF. I don't want to wake up at 50 one day and realize all this time was wasted that could have seriously been furthering my professional/career life. Not to toot my own horn but I feel i can be a serious asset to any company, especially if it's in a field i'm interested in. All I need is a chance, hopefully someone else will see that when i start carpet bombing with my resume.

Just thought i'd share.
 
F

Faust

New member
/gets blown back onto ledge by strong wind!


Well I finally realized (after knowing this for a while, but pretending I didn't know what was up) that I can't take it anymore, as in not finishing up my life like I should. I can't remain in fear of losing everything and not taking a potentially life ruining (or potentially life enhancing risk), and just remaining stagnant saying "Yeah well I have CF, and can't risk my disability, life insurance, and potential future". As my granny used to say, "You gotta either S*it or get off the pot". I could sit around till i'm in my 40's, and still have good health for a CF patient, and then look back and say "Man I wish I could go back in time to when I was 34 and realize I was going to live atleast till i'm 50 and make different choices". I've got an appointment set up for a consultation with a professional resume person tomorrow. I also have an appointment with one of our leading LASIK doctors the 9th of next month cause i'm damn near blind and I hate glasses and contacts and a blind law enforcement/security guard won't be able to do his job properly. I might have an inside skinny through a long term friends father in law, that would probably get my foot in the door in the security industry (big company), and I can go from there. Either way I need to say F it and take the biggest gamble of my life. If i sit idle by and do nothing, sure I don't lose anything, but I sure as hell don't gain anything. If I take this leap, I could very well lose EVERYTHING, but also have a good chance of gaining everything also, and being much closer to my goal of being 100% independent, getting married, possibly having a child, and having a ton more money for life than I do now (most major responsibilities $$$ wise are paid off).


Of course this is all wishful thinking. Due to my problems I could run into what I ran into before with the Sheriff's dept, and they could just be nice to me then ignore my application/resume, but it's a chance I've got to take. I currently feel amazing (thanks to the oregano oil), gonna start hitting the weights like I used to (used to be very cut and fairly ripped before I got sick last time), have 99% pft's with low microbe count, and i'm gonna look into that "back to work" thing via the SS admin. I'll only know if I have a chance if I fail. I really need to mentally get over what happened to me last time while seriously trying, because that really messed me up in the head, and still pisses me off when I think about it. So anyways, just thought i'd share. Of course i'll keep you posting. For all I know I could live to be 80 years old with all these new advances in the care of CF. I don't want to wake up at 50 one day and realize all this time was wasted that could have seriously been furthering my professional/career life. Not to toot my own horn but I feel i can be a serious asset to any company, especially if it's in a field i'm interested in. All I need is a chance, hopefully someone else will see that when i start carpet bombing with my resume.

Just thought i'd share.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
There's another old saying for this; "Nothing to lose, and everything to gain", sounds fitting to me.
Most definitely don't sit back and let something that you will later say "what if" go by. Take 'em by the B**ls and kick 'em hard!!
If you do fail, you can't say you didn't try. Sometimes, it's not always the results that count, but the effort put into it!
I just hope that it all works out for you.
Oh, as for glasses, I reccomend not to get contacts if you end up working long hours. For glasses, there are tons of different styles, and I'm sure you can find some that will fit you fine. I hated glasses, too (still do), but learned to adapt, cause I found it was better to see.
As for the previous experiences, take what you learned and apply it to the next experience, one of these times, you'll hit it right!!
Good Luck!
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
There's another old saying for this; "Nothing to lose, and everything to gain", sounds fitting to me.
Most definitely don't sit back and let something that you will later say "what if" go by. Take 'em by the B**ls and kick 'em hard!!
If you do fail, you can't say you didn't try. Sometimes, it's not always the results that count, but the effort put into it!
I just hope that it all works out for you.
Oh, as for glasses, I reccomend not to get contacts if you end up working long hours. For glasses, there are tons of different styles, and I'm sure you can find some that will fit you fine. I hated glasses, too (still do), but learned to adapt, cause I found it was better to see.
As for the previous experiences, take what you learned and apply it to the next experience, one of these times, you'll hit it right!!
Good Luck!
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
Sean

I couldn't agree with you more even if it was ME saying it. I feel the exact same way. I am not willing to sit around and wait to see what happends to me. I am going to live my life like their is nothing to hold me back.. YES you have to take care of yourself.. Like I overdid it this weekend and Now have a fever, so now I will spend the week trying to make up for it.. But it is worth it to me..I had fun... and who is to say sitting home this weekend would have prevented the fever.. I don't want to look back on my life and have a list of could have beens or would have beens.

I don't think you will regret your choices you make, as long as you are wise... I do think that if you don't do it, you will always be wondering what it would have been like to do it.

Your PFTS kick butt.. Good for you.. There is for sure something to be said about mental health corelating to physical health. Going after your dreams will help to give you the drive you need and certainly give you a wonderful emotional boost

Good luck... You can do it.....

Jennifer
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
Sean

I couldn't agree with you more even if it was ME saying it. I feel the exact same way. I am not willing to sit around and wait to see what happends to me. I am going to live my life like their is nothing to hold me back.. YES you have to take care of yourself.. Like I overdid it this weekend and Now have a fever, so now I will spend the week trying to make up for it.. But it is worth it to me..I had fun... and who is to say sitting home this weekend would have prevented the fever.. I don't want to look back on my life and have a list of could have beens or would have beens.

I don't think you will regret your choices you make, as long as you are wise... I do think that if you don't do it, you will always be wondering what it would have been like to do it.

Your PFTS kick butt.. Good for you.. There is for sure something to be said about mental health corelating to physical health. Going after your dreams will help to give you the drive you need and certainly give you a wonderful emotional boost

Good luck... You can do it.....

Jennifer
 
C

CowTown

New member
Hi Sean, I'm a little confused to why you are afraid of applying for this job? I don't understand why you would loose everything if something didn't go right, why is that? I'm obviously missing something here.

While I don't get the whole situation here, it kind of reminds me of that thread "don't wait for death". Is that what you're dealing with, worried about making a decision about a life goal because you're worrying about dying before you accomplish the goal?
 
C

CowTown

New member
Hi Sean, I'm a little confused to why you are afraid of applying for this job? I don't understand why you would loose everything if something didn't go right, why is that? I'm obviously missing something here.

While I don't get the whole situation here, it kind of reminds me of that thread "don't wait for death". Is that what you're dealing with, worried about making a decision about a life goal because you're worrying about dying before you accomplish the goal?
 
L

Landy

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>SeanDavis</b></i><br>/gets blown back onto ledge by strong wind!
_____________________________________________________________________________

Sean,
You're such a drama king (if there is such a thing?)! You definitely add some excitement to these boards.
Not that you asked, but I think you're doing the right thing for you. It does feel a little like "jumping off the ledge" to risk losing your disability but I would guess you'll be so much happier having a job and making it on your own and it sounds as if you're physically able to do so. Keep us posted and good
luck!
 
L

Landy

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>SeanDavis</b></i><br>/gets blown back onto ledge by strong wind!
_____________________________________________________________________________

Sean,
You're such a drama king (if there is such a thing?)! You definitely add some excitement to these boards.
Not that you asked, but I think you're doing the right thing for you. It does feel a little like "jumping off the ledge" to risk losing your disability but I would guess you'll be so much happier having a job and making it on your own and it sounds as if you're physically able to do so. Keep us posted and good
luck!
 
A

anonymous

New member
Sean Davis about bloody time!! I have to say I've seen you comment a couple of times that as an 'oldie' with CF, you won't have much time left, or a cure won't mean anything to you, but the 'youngins' will benefit etc etc and the general impression you give me is that you think you're not going to be around much longer. And I just think........'WHAT THE????' If any CFer out there has a genuine chance at a fairly long, relatively normal and moderatively productive life, it's gotta be YOU!!
You are obviously very intelligent (if a little sarcastic with this intelligence sometimes!), you have bucket loads of common sense and an ambitious and logical outlook.....GENERALLY!! you have near perfect lung function and no other conditions such as diabetes to my knowledge. You are technically a 'fat' CFer (lardass!! haha) and you don't culture any of the really nasty bugs................why on earth would you die anytime soon? Bearing in mind we have CF'ers in their 50's and 60's who were around in the days of no or few treatments and they're still here...you have on the other hand had many years benefit of some very good medications and as such have managed to maintain and retain a high level of health. You're not going anywhere anytime soon and you need to roundkick yourself in the head (even Chuck Norris can't do that!!) and start LIVING!! It always seemed somewhat of an anomoly to me that you are on here daily sharing the knowledge you have obtained, analysed and summarised and helping people to be as strong and healthy as you are....only to round things off with a doomed forecast for yourself..............snap out of it and start using the obvious and numerous talents god has given you....you can do so much, the only thing stopping you is YOU!

Kat (37 with CF, NZ)
 
A

anonymous

New member
Sean Davis about bloody time!! I have to say I've seen you comment a couple of times that as an 'oldie' with CF, you won't have much time left, or a cure won't mean anything to you, but the 'youngins' will benefit etc etc and the general impression you give me is that you think you're not going to be around much longer. And I just think........'WHAT THE????' If any CFer out there has a genuine chance at a fairly long, relatively normal and moderatively productive life, it's gotta be YOU!!
You are obviously very intelligent (if a little sarcastic with this intelligence sometimes!), you have bucket loads of common sense and an ambitious and logical outlook.....GENERALLY!! you have near perfect lung function and no other conditions such as diabetes to my knowledge. You are technically a 'fat' CFer (lardass!! haha) and you don't culture any of the really nasty bugs................why on earth would you die anytime soon? Bearing in mind we have CF'ers in their 50's and 60's who were around in the days of no or few treatments and they're still here...you have on the other hand had many years benefit of some very good medications and as such have managed to maintain and retain a high level of health. You're not going anywhere anytime soon and you need to roundkick yourself in the head (even Chuck Norris can't do that!!) and start LIVING!! It always seemed somewhat of an anomoly to me that you are on here daily sharing the knowledge you have obtained, analysed and summarised and helping people to be as strong and healthy as you are....only to round things off with a doomed forecast for yourself..............snap out of it and start using the obvious and numerous talents god has given you....you can do so much, the only thing stopping you is YOU!

Kat (37 with CF, NZ)
 
C

clairebells

New member
Way to go, Sean! It's worth trying to make your dreams come true so you'll have no regrets..... It seems sooooo unfair to me that you should have to worry about losing your insurance/disability..... it seems unbelievable to me that that is the case for you and many others (I live in Canada so even though our system is less than ideal, no one has to stress about being denied medical insurance due to preexisting conditions etc.). All the best to you!

Jenny (mom to Chrissy 4 w/CF)
 
C

clairebells

New member
Way to go, Sean! It's worth trying to make your dreams come true so you'll have no regrets..... It seems sooooo unfair to me that you should have to worry about losing your insurance/disability..... it seems unbelievable to me that that is the case for you and many others (I live in Canada so even though our system is less than ideal, no one has to stress about being denied medical insurance due to preexisting conditions etc.). All the best to you!

Jenny (mom to Chrissy 4 w/CF)
 
F

Faust

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>MyNewfy</b></i><br>Hi Sean, I'm a little confused to why you are afraid of applying for this job? I don't understand why you would loose everything if something didn't go right, why is that? I'm obviously missing something here.



While I don't get the whole situation here, it kind of reminds me of that thread "don't wait for death". Is that what you're dealing with, worried about making a decision about a life goal because you're worrying about dying before you accomplish the goal?<hr></blockquote>


It's a very large, indepth situation. Here is the thread I describes my situation in, it seems to still be on the site, so read it if you want the nitty gritty:




BTW my fear doesn't lie in me possibly dying, my fear is that i'll lose my benefits, my awesome insurance, and even my medicaid/medicare as a safety backup. Also I'm afraid of doing real good say working part time for 9 months (the extent that SS admin will take care of you for their back to work program), and then I crash and burn real bad like I did last time (when I went down to 45% pft). If that happens, i'll be screwed because I wont have ANY insurance (cause I can't work at present job due to health), and I wont have enough money to pay for KOBRA (however it is spelled, its the personal medical insurance for people who are self employed etc). Those are my overall fears. And then if say after a year or two of working and I was wrong, and I go downhill big time, trying to get back onto my dads social security would probably be near impossible cause you guys know how they are just getting on it in the first place...If you were on it then worked past 9 months and they cut your strings, and then you crashed and burned and needed it again, they would do everything in their power to deny you.

Anyways, read my thread to get a good grasp of my fears, they have nothing to do with dying.



<a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://forums.cysticfibrosis.com/messageview.cfm?catid=5&threadid=5657&FTVAR_MSGDBTABLE=">My story</a>
 
F

Faust

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>MyNewfy</b></i><br>Hi Sean, I'm a little confused to why you are afraid of applying for this job? I don't understand why you would loose everything if something didn't go right, why is that? I'm obviously missing something here.



While I don't get the whole situation here, it kind of reminds me of that thread "don't wait for death". Is that what you're dealing with, worried about making a decision about a life goal because you're worrying about dying before you accomplish the goal?<hr></blockquote>


It's a very large, indepth situation. Here is the thread I describes my situation in, it seems to still be on the site, so read it if you want the nitty gritty:




BTW my fear doesn't lie in me possibly dying, my fear is that i'll lose my benefits, my awesome insurance, and even my medicaid/medicare as a safety backup. Also I'm afraid of doing real good say working part time for 9 months (the extent that SS admin will take care of you for their back to work program), and then I crash and burn real bad like I did last time (when I went down to 45% pft). If that happens, i'll be screwed because I wont have ANY insurance (cause I can't work at present job due to health), and I wont have enough money to pay for KOBRA (however it is spelled, its the personal medical insurance for people who are self employed etc). Those are my overall fears. And then if say after a year or two of working and I was wrong, and I go downhill big time, trying to get back onto my dads social security would probably be near impossible cause you guys know how they are just getting on it in the first place...If you were on it then worked past 9 months and they cut your strings, and then you crashed and burned and needed it again, they would do everything in their power to deny you.

Anyways, read my thread to get a good grasp of my fears, they have nothing to do with dying.



<a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://forums.cysticfibrosis.com/messageview.cfm?catid=5&threadid=5657&FTVAR_MSGDBTABLE=">My story</a>
 
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