Dating with CF/I'm scared.

[BlueBeam]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>ej0820</b></i>

@ starkey6: I totally understand what you're going through right now. My fiance and partner of 6 years just up and left me about a month ago. CF wasn't the main reason (at least I don't think), but it was a contributing factor. I'm at a point now, way unhealthier than I was when I first met my exfiance, that makes me wonder if there's ANYONE out there that can deal with me (and like it), lol. I don't know much else to say except that I understand, and this sort of thing really leaves you feeling confused and empty.



@entropy: I hope you don't think we're all jumping down your throat here, I'm certainly not meaning to. I find it interesting that you think women with CF have it easier than guys, because I've ALWAYS thought the opposite. I guess I look at it that way because by nature, women tend to be very nurturing and caring which has me believe that a woman is more likely to stick with a person who requires a lot of care and attention because they are chronically ill. Your reasoning for why women don't want a man with CF is my reason why I believe men don't want a woman with CF. It's human nature to seek out the ideal mate...someone healthy and able/willing to reproduce. This is not me. Physically able or not (though I'm very not), kids are not something I see being a good idea in my future and I know I'm not the only CF girl who feels this way. That right there turns away many. Plus, I will forever need more in a relationship than I feel I could give (financially, emotionally, etc.), and I'm not so sure that many men have the patience for that (my ex fiance being a prime example). Again, I hope I don't come across as arguing with you, or have offended any other guys on here, but I just thought your response was interesting and quite thought provoking. <img src=""></end quote>hey!!<br><br>if i can add a bit on the whole 'what gender has it easier with cf in relationships'... I think men might have it harder, and by harder I mean horribly harder lol, in the dating world... and adding CF into the mix only makes it almost impossible to play the games people usually play. Because as a man, you might give 110% of yourself just to catch her attention, but get shut down once they learn about your condition... it's a very hard thing to get rejected, but to be rejected only because of it even when u tried to move worlds for her is tragic.<br><br>on the other hand, i don't doubt that once in a relationship, men might have it easier... women do tend to be more caring and optimistic about these kinds of things. Guys might grow tired faster of keeping up with their girls 'special needs'... (gosh i hate how that sounds)<br><br>but wtv, everybody's different, i'm sure there are a few cf studs and divas in this world, we just have to work on ourselves to the point of being in peace with the current state of our condition. good luck to all!<br>

 

[Havoc]

I think this is an interesting topic, but I think we should look at some of the variables to get a better idea of some of the challenges we all face.

Personally, I have never had any issues with being rejected because of CF. I wonder if that is secondary to my good health, or some other factor(s).

For those of you who have experienced rejection because of your CF, would you mind posting how good or poor your health is? Also, how much maintenance treatment (chest PT, nebs, IVs) do you do on a daily basis?

If we can identify that health status or the frequency/amount of maintenance treatments does not have a grossly negative effect on the attitudes of significant others, we might be able to alleviate some of the trepidation of CFers wanting to enter relationships.

 

[Havoc]

I think this is an interesting topic, but I think we should look at some of the variables to get a better idea of some of the challenges we all face.

Personally, I have never had any issues with being rejected because of CF. I wonder if that is secondary to my good health, or some other factor(s).

For those of you who have experienced rejection because of your CF, would you mind posting how good or poor your health is? Also, how much maintenance treatment (chest PT, nebs, IVs) do you do on a daily basis?

If we can identify that health status or the frequency/amount of maintenance treatments does not have a grossly negative effect on the attitudes of significant others, we might be able to alleviate some of the trepidation of CFers wanting to enter relationships.

 

[Havoc]

I think this is an interesting topic, but I think we should look at some of the variables to get a better idea of some of the challenges we all face.
<br />
<br />Personally, I have never had any issues with being rejected because of CF. I wonder if that is secondary to my good health, or some other factor(s).
<br />
<br />For those of you who have experienced rejection because of your CF, would you mind posting how good or poor your health is? Also, how much maintenance treatment (chest PT, nebs, IVs) do you do on a daily basis?
<br />
<br />If we can identify that health status or the frequency/amount of maintenance treatments does not have a grossly negative effect on the attitudes of significant others, we might be able to alleviate some of the trepidation of CFers wanting to enter relationships.

 

[BlueBeam]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Havoc</b></i>

I think this is an interesting topic, but I think we should look at some of the variables to get a better idea of some of the challenges we all face.



Personally, I have never had any issues with being rejected because of CF. I wonder if that is secondary to my good health, or some other factor(s).



For those of you who have experienced rejection because of your CF, would you mind posting how good or poor your health is? Also, how much maintenance treatment (chest PT, nebs, IVs) do you do on a daily basis?



If we can identify that health status or the frequency/amount of maintenance treatments does not have a grossly negative effect on the attitudes of significant others, we might be able to alleviate some of the trepidation of CFers wanting to enter relationships.</end quote></div>I'm pretty healthy, the problem I have is just the fact that it's knowned inside my cicrcle of friends. Also, whenever it gets out, my prospect usually goes on google/youtube and freaks out.<br><br>I hang with pretty douch'ed up individuals, so these things are expected.<br><br>My FEV1 is around 80%, i'm a bit short, (5'8') and 'pale'... doesn't help, but I can't blame it all on cf, not by a long shot.<br><br>Anyway, let's see what others have to say.<br>

 

[BlueBeam]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Havoc</b></i>

I think this is an interesting topic, but I think we should look at some of the variables to get a better idea of some of the challenges we all face.



Personally, I have never had any issues with being rejected because of CF. I wonder if that is secondary to my good health, or some other factor(s).



For those of you who have experienced rejection because of your CF, would you mind posting how good or poor your health is? Also, how much maintenance treatment (chest PT, nebs, IVs) do you do on a daily basis?



If we can identify that health status or the frequency/amount of maintenance treatments does not have a grossly negative effect on the attitudes of significant others, we might be able to alleviate some of the trepidation of CFers wanting to enter relationships.</end quote>I'm pretty healthy, the problem I have is just the fact that it's knowned inside my cicrcle of friends. Also, whenever it gets out, my prospect usually goes on google/youtube and freaks out.<br><br>I hang with pretty douch'ed up individuals, so these things are expected.<br><br>My FEV1 is around 80%, i'm a bit short, (5'8') and 'pale'... doesn't help, but I can't blame it all on cf, not by a long shot.<br><br>Anyway, let's see what others have to say.<br>

 

[BlueBeam]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Havoc</b></i>

I think this is an interesting topic, but I think we should look at some of the variables to get a better idea of some of the challenges we all face.



Personally, I have never had any issues with being rejected because of CF. I wonder if that is secondary to my good health, or some other factor(s).



For those of you who have experienced rejection because of your CF, would you mind posting how good or poor your health is? Also, how much maintenance treatment (chest PT, nebs, IVs) do you do on a daily basis?



If we can identify that health status or the frequency/amount of maintenance treatments does not have a grossly negative effect on the attitudes of significant others, we might be able to alleviate some of the trepidation of CFers wanting to enter relationships.</end quote>I'm pretty healthy, the problem I have is just the fact that it's knowned inside my cicrcle of friends. Also, whenever it gets out, my prospect usually goes on google/youtube and freaks out.<br><br>I hang with pretty douch'ed up individuals, so these things are expected.<br><br>My FEV1 is around 80%, i'm a bit short, (5'8') and 'pale'... doesn't help, but I can't blame it all on cf, not by a long shot.<br><br>Anyway, let's see what others have to say.<br>

 

[entropy]

I've never been "rejected" because of my CF. It's never came to this point. It's very hard for me to tell people, especially potential mates, that I have CF. First impressions are important. The potential mate will probably get the idea that <i>something</i> is wrong because my posture is slightly hunched over, and sometimes I have to clear my throat often, and of course coughing (though I don't cough too much when I'm doing treatments regularly). In social situations where every movement and gesture has an unspoken meaning, I get very anxious and uncomfortable because I feel as though people are thinking "what is wrong with this guy?", and, as a result, I avoid these situations if I can. There is no doubt in my mind that my insecurities about CF are what has prevented me from finding a companion.

I agree with BlueBeam that, once in a relationship, men have it easier. This was my original assertion, but I wasn't very clear in my wording. I think that, overall, men have a harder time developing an initial relationship (that would lead to companionship). I believe females are able to more easily develop a relationship with someone, but would probably have a harder time sustaining it. I think it's hard for both genders, because each is affected in largely the same way. There are underlying cultural and societal conditions that make finding a mate so much more difficult for someone with a chronic disease, especially a disease with a nasty reputation like CF.

 

[entropy]

I've never been "rejected" because of my CF. It's never came to this point. It's very hard for me to tell people, especially potential mates, that I have CF. First impressions are important. The potential mate will probably get the idea that <i>something</i> is wrong because my posture is slightly hunched over, and sometimes I have to clear my throat often, and of course coughing (though I don't cough too much when I'm doing treatments regularly). In social situations where every movement and gesture has an unspoken meaning, I get very anxious and uncomfortable because I feel as though people are thinking "what is wrong with this guy?", and, as a result, I avoid these situations if I can. There is no doubt in my mind that my insecurities about CF are what has prevented me from finding a companion.

I agree with BlueBeam that, once in a relationship, men have it easier. This was my original assertion, but I wasn't very clear in my wording. I think that, overall, men have a harder time developing an initial relationship (that would lead to companionship). I believe females are able to more easily develop a relationship with someone, but would probably have a harder time sustaining it. I think it's hard for both genders, because each is affected in largely the same way. There are underlying cultural and societal conditions that make finding a mate so much more difficult for someone with a chronic disease, especially a disease with a nasty reputation like CF.

 

[entropy]

I've never been "rejected" because of my CF. It's never came to this point. It's very hard for me to tell people, especially potential mates, that I have CF. First impressions are important. The potential mate will probably get the idea that <i>something</i> is wrong because my posture is slightly hunched over, and sometimes I have to clear my throat often, and of course coughing (though I don't cough too much when I'm doing treatments regularly). In social situations where every movement and gesture has an unspoken meaning, I get very anxious and uncomfortable because I feel as though people are thinking "what is wrong with this guy?", and, as a result, I avoid these situations if I can. There is no doubt in my mind that my insecurities about CF are what has prevented me from finding a companion.
<br />
<br />I agree with BlueBeam that, once in a relationship, men have it easier. This was my original assertion, but I wasn't very clear in my wording. I think that, overall, men have a harder time developing an initial relationship (that would lead to companionship). I believe females are able to more easily develop a relationship with someone, but would probably have a harder time sustaining it. I think it's hard for both genders, because each is affected in largely the same way. There are underlying cultural and societal conditions that make finding a mate so much more difficult for someone with a chronic disease, especially a disease with a nasty reputation like CF.

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Havoc,
with my relationship with my ex boyfriend, he was just afraid for many reasons. He never really knew what a person with a disease went through and how often gets sick. he saw all the treatments i did and visited me in the hosptial. he even took care of me with home ivs. he was just afraid to find a job that he loved that provided good medical insurance to take care of me. there is pretty good coverage in Texas.
even though i am very close to be on a double lung transplant, i was in better shape then him. he had an issue with not taking care of himself through diet and exercise. therefore, he will have a better chance of having a disease that can make him sick enough like me and his disease may make him die before me. one never knows the time or the hour when someone will pass.
on another note, i am sad that people are afraid of getting into a relationship with some who already has a disease like cf. people need to wake up and know that everyone will get a disease or a major health problem later in life. this usually happens later when a couple took the vow of loving someone forbetter and worse. seems like love shouldnt matter if a person has a disease now or in the future.

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Havoc,
with my relationship with my ex boyfriend, he was just afraid for many reasons. He never really knew what a person with a disease went through and how often gets sick. he saw all the treatments i did and visited me in the hosptial. he even took care of me with home ivs. he was just afraid to find a job that he loved that provided good medical insurance to take care of me. there is pretty good coverage in Texas.
even though i am very close to be on a double lung transplant, i was in better shape then him. he had an issue with not taking care of himself through diet and exercise. therefore, he will have a better chance of having a disease that can make him sick enough like me and his disease may make him die before me. one never knows the time or the hour when someone will pass.
on another note, i am sad that people are afraid of getting into a relationship with some who already has a disease like cf. people need to wake up and know that everyone will get a disease or a major health problem later in life. this usually happens later when a couple took the vow of loving someone forbetter and worse. seems like love shouldnt matter if a person has a disease now or in the future.

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Havoc,
<br />with my relationship with my ex boyfriend, he was just afraid for many reasons. He never really knew what a person with a disease went through and how often gets sick. he saw all the treatments i did and visited me in the hosptial. he even took care of me with home ivs. he was just afraid to find a job that he loved that provided good medical insurance to take care of me. there is pretty good coverage in Texas.
<br />even though i am very close to be on a double lung transplant, i was in better shape then him. he had an issue with not taking care of himself through diet and exercise. therefore, he will have a better chance of having a disease that can make him sick enough like me and his disease may make him die before me. one never knows the time or the hour when someone will pass.
<br />on another note, i am sad that people are afraid of getting into a relationship with some who already has a disease like cf. people need to wake up and know that everyone will get a disease or a major health problem later in life. this usually happens later when a couple took the vow of loving someone forbetter and worse. seems like love shouldnt matter if a person has a disease now or in the future.

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Havoc,
with my relationship with my ex boyfriend, he was just afraid for many reasons. He never really knew what a person with a disease went through and how often gets sick. he saw all the treatments i did and visited me in the hosptial. he even took care of me with home ivs. he was just afraid to find a job that he loved that provided good medical insurance to take care of me. there is pretty good coverage in Texas.
even though i am very close to be on a double lung transplant, i was in better shape then him. he had an issue with not taking care of himself through diet and exercise. therefore, he will have a better chance of having a disease that can make him sick enough like me and his disease may make him die before me. one never knows the time or the hour when someone will pass.
on another note, i am sad that people are afraid of getting into a relationship with some who already has a disease like cf. people need to wake up and know that everyone will get a disease or a major health problem later in life. this usually happens later when a couple took the vow of loving someone forbetter and worse. seems like love shouldnt matter if a person has a disease now or in the future.

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Havoc,
with my relationship with my ex boyfriend, he was just afraid for many reasons. He never really knew what a person with a disease went through and how often gets sick. he saw all the treatments i did and visited me in the hosptial. he even took care of me with home ivs. he was just afraid to find a job that he loved that provided good medical insurance to take care of me. there is pretty good coverage in Texas.
even though i am very close to be on a double lung transplant, i was in better shape then him. he had an issue with not taking care of himself through diet and exercise. therefore, he will have a better chance of having a disease that can make him sick enough like me and his disease may make him die before me. one never knows the time or the hour when someone will pass.
on another note, i am sad that people are afraid of getting into a relationship with some who already has a disease like cf. people need to wake up and know that everyone will get a disease or a major health problem later in life. this usually happens later when a couple took the vow of loving someone forbetter and worse. seems like love shouldnt matter if a person has a disease now or in the future.

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Havoc,
<br />with my relationship with my ex boyfriend, he was just afraid for many reasons. He never really knew what a person with a disease went through and how often gets sick. he saw all the treatments i did and visited me in the hosptial. he even took care of me with home ivs. he was just afraid to find a job that he loved that provided good medical insurance to take care of me. there is pretty good coverage in Texas.
<br />even though i am very close to be on a double lung transplant, i was in better shape then him. he had an issue with not taking care of himself through diet and exercise. therefore, he will have a better chance of having a disease that can make him sick enough like me and his disease may make him die before me. one never knows the time or the hour when someone will pass.
<br />on another note, i am sad that people are afraid of getting into a relationship with some who already has a disease like cf. people need to wake up and know that everyone will get a disease or a major health problem later in life. this usually happens later when a couple took the vow of loving someone forbetter and worse. seems like love shouldnt matter if a person has a disease now or in the future.

 

[tarheel]

I completely agree with Havoc. I think the extent of our CF issues can really affect relationships. I mean, like, someone like me who has about 40% lung function will probably have a very different social/dating life as opposed to someone who at this point has milder lung involvement. <div>As my own mom might say, not good or bad- just is.</div><div>---</div><div>Oh, and I'm like 4'11/ 5ft depending. And white as a sheet. Someone else mentioned being pale and I was like "oh yeah! So me!" - but my personal theory on that is the DF508 mutation is Northern European in origin. And Scandanavian people are all sheet white too ('cause there's NO sun there. I went there a few summers ago and it was like... greyness) so I think it may be a common pairing. I call myself a "true viking" - Blonde hair, blue eyes, and CF. </div>

 

[tarheel]

I completely agree with Havoc. I think the extent of our CF issues can really affect relationships. I mean, like, someone like me who has about 40% lung function will probably have a very different social/dating life as opposed to someone who at this point has milder lung involvement.As my own mom might say, not good or bad- just is.---Oh, and I'm like 4'11/ 5ft depending. And white as a sheet. Someone else mentioned being pale and I was like "oh yeah! So me!" - but my personal theory on that is the DF508 mutation is Northern European in origin. And Scandanavian people are all sheet white too ('cause there's NO sun there. I went there a few summers ago and it was like... greyness) so I think it may be a common pairing. I call myself a "true viking" - Blonde hair, blue eyes, and CF.

 

[tarheel]

I completely agree with Havoc. I think the extent of our CF issues can really affect relationships. I mean, like, someone like me who has about 40% lung function will probably have a very different social/dating life as opposed to someone who at this point has milder lung involvement.As my own mom might say, not good or bad- just is.---Oh, and I'm like 4'11/ 5ft depending. And white as a sheet. Someone else mentioned being pale and I was like "oh yeah! So me!" - but my personal theory on that is the DF508 mutation is Northern European in origin. And Scandanavian people are all sheet white too ('cause there's NO sun there. I went there a few summers ago and it was like... greyness) so I think it may be a common pairing. I call myself a "true viking" - Blonde hair, blue eyes, and CF.

 

[Havoc]

Actually, I haven't made any conclusions yet. From the responses so far, it seems that the severity of the disease wasn't a contributing factor. What does seem to be a common theme is fear or worry. I might make another thread to see if we can get more responses, especially from the people who were successful in developing long term relationships.