i dont comment on this section of the forum, i just look. but i had to comment on this sentence as it is the MOST selfish digusting thing i have ever read...<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>If we had chosen to have another child then they could take care of each other, or the 2nd child (if healthy) could take care of their sibling<hr></blockquote>some people take the whole 'does it really matter if the kid has cf, mines doing fine' thing too lightly. your children are young and they havent felt the full force of cf yet. you will be regretting decisions to have more kids later in life, and forcing the responsibility onto a sibling? im ashamed of you person who said that. id never wish any such thing on my brother. id preffer to die than inconvenience his life. its my parents responsibility to take care of me in the end and NO ONE ELSE! i did not ask for this disease but it is part of my life and i can deal with it. it is NOT a part of my brothers life and he did NOT ask to have it forced on him and he played no part in creating me. my mum was like the some of the parents here. she learnt her lesson and encourages others not to do the same. although everyone including myself are grateful that i was born, it makes people think was it really necessary all in the name of trying to have a healthy kid when the odds are against you? mums first child had cf. he died at age 14. her second doesnt have cf. when she was pregnant with me she knew id have about a 50% chance of having it. because the second came out fine she lost sight of the fact that i might not be so fine. she went ahead with the pregnancy. p.s dave you are not bitter. im 100% behind you. its always a different story when youre the one who has to suffer. its our lives that get affected the most.pps. why wont anyone consider adoption? there seems to be a huge stigma attatched to adoption. blood means nothing! love is love.ppps. i STILL cant get over that sibling comment. i could slap you senseless. please think about what youve said <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-disgusted.gif" border="0"> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-frown.gif" border="0"> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0">
Debating to have a 2nd child??
- Thread starter anonymous
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If you had read the entire posting you would have read that we chose not to have another child, so if you are disgusted that is something you have to deal with. I was simply trying to explain the reasoning behind other peoples decisions. Yes this thought did cross my mind, simply because I want to make sure that if something happens to us, as parents, that she would have someone that would take care of her (not while we were still caring for her). This is what it means to be a family; looking out for and loving each other. My choice was not to have anymore but I often wonder what will happen to her later in life when we are not there and the disease has progressed. Don't judge people for their opinions or thoughts. You are entitled to your thoughts and opinions and I to mine. We think differently because I am the parent of a cf child and you are a cf patient. We will never walk in each others shoes and I think you need to consider that before posting such a message. Your mom chose to have another and that does not make her a bad person. Maybe you should have considered that before wanting to "slap me senseless". If your mom had chosen this route you would not be here today. In addition we did consider adoption, but that was not the question.Heather....mom to Ashley
id like you to point out the sentence where i said my mum was bad for having me. you will have trouble finding it dear, because it isnt there.<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>everyone including myself are grateful that i was born<hr></blockquote> i feel sorry for you for even having the sibling responsibility thing to even cross your mind. troubling. shame on you. i will judge all i like based on that comment from you. its the rudest thing i have seen as of yet when it comes to pregnancy. i dont need to walk in a parents shoes. everyone has a 'parent' inside of them and we all have the capability to think about future lives. oh, and my mum would slap anyone sensless if she knew they were considering popping out kids to be babysitting services to disabled siblings. shes a good mum <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> once again, SHAME ON YOU!this is the last i will comment on this. i can never get my head around this one.
(from page 1) Yes I do take enzymes now and I have ever since I was diagnosed. I was diagnosed because I had enough of the coughing and made an appointment with my family doctor and demanded to see a lung specialist. When I went to the specialist I told him everything that was going on, you know the usual, always coughing up mucus and using the bathroom about 4-5 times a day for a number 2. He asked me if I was always under weight which I had been all my Life. But the reason it took so long for me to get diagnosed (I was 22) was because as a kid I was very active I played hockey for 14 years, baseball for 10 years. When I started college, I had a full course load and was working there was no time for hockey and I really didn't want to play in the beer leagues as we call it here in Canada. That is when I started to develop the cough and it just got worse from there. Dave 29 w/cf
Hi Dave, Thanks for your reply. Before my daughter was diagnosed at 2, she had an enourmous appetite, and was in the 25%. She would eat more than me when she was 1 and a half. Of course once she was diagnosed, her appetite became more normal with the enzymes. Were you suprised that the drs took to long to come up with a diagnosis?
I think mine was difficult to diagnose. Like I mentioned earlier I never had problems coughing when I was a kid or anyhting like that because of all the sports that I played, plus there is over 1000 mutations to the gene and depending on which mutations you have can determine the severity. The puzzling thing about me is that when I was in grade 8 I was told that I had allergie related asthma, and my twin brother had a bad case of pneumonia when we were 6. He was tested for CF and it came back negative (he was not tested at a CF centre). We also used to get Brhoncitis pretty much every year.Dave 29 w/cf
Hi,as usual the topic has opened a can of worms. So why not open another can 
)Yes, we have been in the situation that's discussed here. Our daughter was born with CF and since my wife grew up as an only child and hated it she had always wanted to have at least two children. I am very realistic and a matter-of-fact guy. So I thought that with CF a second child was no option anymore. Although we both were 34 when Fiona was born we waited for five years until we decided to go for a second child. Another child with CF was no option for both of us, because with the risk of cross infection the second child with CF would put Fiona's health at risk.We live in Germany where PID is illegal. It's stupid but those 8 cells in the petri dish are protected by law while the 3-month-old fetus in the uterus is not. So we were forced to play russian roulette. We were fortunate that we didn't have to go through an abortion and our son isn't even a carrier.Another argument for russian roulette and against PID is, that you never know whether you need the money later on for your child with CF. It would be hard if you couldn't afford a live saving treatment because you have spent that money already for a (unsuccessful) PID.PeaceTorsten, dad of Fiona 7wcf and Sebastian 1wocf <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/cfparents/">CFParents Mailing List</a>
)Yes, we have been in the situation that's discussed here. Our daughter was born with CF and since my wife grew up as an only child and hated it she had always wanted to have at least two children. I am very realistic and a matter-of-fact guy. So I thought that with CF a second child was no option anymore. Although we both were 34 when Fiona was born we waited for five years until we decided to go for a second child. Another child with CF was no option for both of us, because with the risk of cross infection the second child with CF would put Fiona's health at risk.We live in Germany where PID is illegal. It's stupid but those 8 cells in the petri dish are protected by law while the 3-month-old fetus in the uterus is not. So we were forced to play russian roulette. We were fortunate that we didn't have to go through an abortion and our son isn't even a carrier.Another argument for russian roulette and against PID is, that you never know whether you need the money later on for your child with CF. It would be hard if you couldn't afford a live saving treatment because you have spent that money already for a (unsuccessful) PID.PeaceTorsten, dad of Fiona 7wcf and Sebastian 1wocf <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/cfparents/">CFParents Mailing List</a>Sounds like that was what he was implying. While I don't agree with him, it sounds as if he as his wife thought very carefully about their options unlike some people. I feel like the whole Russian Roulette thing is a bad idea and a selfish choice to risk your unborn childs health. I know that word "selfish" sounds pretty strong, but I don't mean it in a judgemental way. Making that selfish choice alone doesn't make you a selfish person. Parents of CF children have to make difficult choices and have a very special love with their CF child. In the end, I think about what a friend once told me: Sometimes the right thing to do is the hard thing to do.I have been wondering about the original poster. What are you feeling about all these responses?I wish you all the best!A Proud CF parent
Just wanted to share my thoughts on the whole "sibling thing". Personally, I don't think it's out of line at all to consider having another child as a companion (comforter, care giver, best friend, etc, etc, etc) for a cf child. Personally, I think any rational parent who PLANS their children considers that, cf or not. We have 3 children. I always knew I'd want at least two children so they'd have each other as companions. As far as loving the child, any decent person has the capacity to love many children, not just one. I have 5 siblings and personally think a sibling is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give another child. I would do anything for any of my sisters or brothers and pray that my children will feel the same way about each other when they are older. My guess is the poster did not mean that they considered another child JUST SO HE/SHE COULD take care of their cf sibling but rather that was ONE of MANY reasons WHY they considered another child. In the end, they chose not to have another child. I don't find that selfish in the least. Actually, just the opposite. JMO.
JMOThank you for your reply. I am that parent who considered having another but in the end chose not to. I chose not to because I wanted to focus my attention on caring for our daughter with CF, and I could not go through the diagnosis again. I think this does make me selfish in some ways. I could not do it again and therefore my daughter does not get a sibling to go through life with. I think a person with cf would see this much different than a parent with a cf child, and that is why some people did not see my reasoning when trying to make this decision. If everyone thought the same then the world would be a terribly boring place to live. I chose not to reply to the last message sent to me because I knew I could not make that person understand my views.I have made a huge amount of sacrifices in my life for my daughter, including selling my home to move to an area where the air is cleaner, giving up my job/salary, spending less time with certain people that cannot understand not smoking in her presence, and not going to homes (including family) that I feel are not clean enough for her to enter. If this makes me selfish then so be it. I do what I believe is right for our family and others can think what they want.Heather...Mom to Ashley
Wow. I am just amazed that a cf parent could even consider an abortion of a second child with cf. God created my beautiful daughter (despite a cf diagnosis) and I am honored that she calls me "mom." The only one who I am accountable to is God, so I won't be asking anyone's opinion here about whether they think it is appropriate for my husband and I to have more children.
I agree with the last posting. This site is for support, not judgement! We did choose to have a second child and thankfully that child is CF free. I never thought of having a second (or even third child in the future) as being a care giver to our child with CF.....only as a sibling to offer love that any other sibling would and will offer. No, I do not have CF, but my child does. I will always do anything that is in her best interest, and I truly believe that having siblings is in her best interest....loved ones to love her, be there for her and even (if it comes down to it) take care of her. Family is the best for everyone in my opinion, no matter the situation <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
I am the original poster and am overwhelmed at this response. I've been sitting here just reading all of these responses and my head is spining. I was just wandering if anyone out there had ever considered having another child and what they went through. My friends with "healthy" children don't understand this major decision. I am not tempting fate and don't want another child to take care of my CF daughter. I don't think that I am a rotten selfish person for wanting a second child. Please don't think that this is an easy decision. Yes, I know adoption is an option too. I just want my daughter to have the love and support that a sibling can offer, like I do.
My husband and I are also having the same conversations, "do we have a second child?". Our son is currently two years old and was dx at 10 months with CF. It has been a very difficult year since his dx, lots of emotional ups and downs. He has been hospitalized twice during this past year and has severe digestive issues. However, we continue to want for another child. Is is a difficult choice, one that only people that have CF or parent children with CF can truly understand. And the opinions of those two differ quite a bit as well. I love my son so very much and he is a happy, active, and very smart two year old. He has brought me such joy and gives me a reason to get up every morning and look forward to each day. Despite the difficult times I wouldn't trade a minute of it. But to have another child....I do not know what we will decide either at this point, however, I do know that it will be a choice that is made from experience and knowledge of this disease and the reality of it as well. I feel we have alot to offer a child with or without CF. However, not sure what we will do.....Keep me updated.Mother of a 2 yr. old w/cf
I have a son with CF and I will love to have another child ( natural, adopted, anyway). When I married my husband I told him I would like to have 5 kids...just to imagine a table fool of kids make me smile. Well, after the CF dx of our first baby, I know it is not a possibility, you know not enough time or money. Now my husband has his mind done about no more kids...and it breaks my heart. I will wait and see what happens...if it is supposed to be it will be...we will be four...w/ one more child natural or adopted.By the way I want to say one more thing...No one should never, never call a cf parent a selfish person...we give everything for our kids...we stop our carreers, we move closer to a clinic, we change our dreams, we change our priorities. we don't have CF, but we "live CF" everyday of our lifes, we dream for a cure, we cry when it fails, we get deppressed and stressed waiting for a culture result. We cry on the phone like a child when the nurse tell us the result of the culture was not so good, and we love, love with all our heart and soul our kid. Love and life has a new meaning to us after the cf dx. I never met any person so wonderful and special like the ones that have CF in their lifes, people w/ cf and their parents. we deserve to be happy and if happiness mean one more child...go for it! If something bring love to you it is worth...always!!!!!
ok i think a few people are confused about my post here. i was reffering purely to the motive of having kids to support the sick one. NOT having more kids [cf or not] because you want to extend the family. extending a family because its whats you have planned or you feel like you can handle it is not selfish. repeat, i am reffering PURELY to the babysitting motive! as a person with cf and knowing how hard it is for people to care for me, it upset me to think that there are people out there who are willing to put the 'burden' onto a sibling. i just could never do that to my brother, i feel very strongly about it.i hope thats cleared some confusion up because by the sounds of things people think i am blasting them for having kids full stop. im also not questioning any parents ability to care for their existing children either! you all work hard, i know my mum does! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">