Discipline and the CF child

[Mommafirst]

Thanks for all the insight. I appreciate the other moms as well as all of the adult CFers that can pass on the wisdom from their own childhood.

I do discipline Alyssa a great deal -- it feels like its all I do most of my days. Its funny, the boys aren't angry with her getting easier rules -- they know that she's got her own battles: feeding tubes, hospitalizations, treatments,.... they've watched it all. I have a great thing going with my boys and work hard on making them feel special in their own ways. But UGH Alyssa is just a stinker, who refuses to learn a thing from the discipline I give. I'll keep trying and trying, I wouldn't want to raise her to think she can manipulate people because of CF.

Thanks again everyone, and if anyone else has things to add, I'm happy to read more insight.

 

[Mommafirst]

Thanks for all the insight. I appreciate the other moms as well as all of the adult CFers that can pass on the wisdom from their own childhood.

I do discipline Alyssa a great deal -- it feels like its all I do most of my days. Its funny, the boys aren't angry with her getting easier rules -- they know that she's got her own battles: feeding tubes, hospitalizations, treatments,.... they've watched it all. I have a great thing going with my boys and work hard on making them feel special in their own ways. But UGH Alyssa is just a stinker, who refuses to learn a thing from the discipline I give. I'll keep trying and trying, I wouldn't want to raise her to think she can manipulate people because of CF.

Thanks again everyone, and if anyone else has things to add, I'm happy to read more insight.

 

[Mommafirst]

Thanks for all the insight. I appreciate the other moms as well as all of the adult CFers that can pass on the wisdom from their own childhood.

I do discipline Alyssa a great deal -- it feels like its all I do most of my days. Its funny, the boys aren't angry with her getting easier rules -- they know that she's got her own battles: feeding tubes, hospitalizations, treatments,.... they've watched it all. I have a great thing going with my boys and work hard on making them feel special in their own ways. But UGH Alyssa is just a stinker, who refuses to learn a thing from the discipline I give. I'll keep trying and trying, I wouldn't want to raise her to think she can manipulate people because of CF.

Thanks again everyone, and if anyone else has things to add, I'm happy to read more insight.

 

[Mommafirst]

Thanks for all the insight. I appreciate the other moms as well as all of the adult CFers that can pass on the wisdom from their own childhood.

I do discipline Alyssa a great deal -- it feels like its all I do most of my days. Its funny, the boys aren't angry with her getting easier rules -- they know that she's got her own battles: feeding tubes, hospitalizations, treatments,.... they've watched it all. I have a great thing going with my boys and work hard on making them feel special in their own ways. But UGH Alyssa is just a stinker, who refuses to learn a thing from the discipline I give. I'll keep trying and trying, I wouldn't want to raise her to think she can manipulate people because of CF.

Thanks again everyone, and if anyone else has things to add, I'm happy to read more insight.

 

[Mommafirst]

Thanks for all the insight. I appreciate the other moms as well as all of the adult CFers that can pass on the wisdom from their own childhood.
<br />
<br />I do discipline Alyssa a great deal -- it feels like its all I do most of my days. Its funny, the boys aren't angry with her getting easier rules -- they know that she's got her own battles: feeding tubes, hospitalizations, treatments,.... they've watched it all. I have a great thing going with my boys and work hard on making them feel special in their own ways. But UGH Alyssa is just a stinker, who refuses to learn a thing from the discipline I give. I'll keep trying and trying, I wouldn't want to raise her to think she can manipulate people because of CF.
<br />
<br />Thanks again everyone, and if anyone else has things to add, I'm happy to read more insight.

 

[mamaScarlett]

I hate to be another one of the 'well I don't have kids with Cf post, but..."!!! BUT-I'm putting myself in your shoes and I would want to hear the opinion of adult successful and compliant Cfers.
Also, my 14 yr old cousin has Cf and her mom and I have had conversations about this very topic many times. So I have heard both sides of the coin.
I know you don't want to hear treat them like any other kid-and you're right in most ways.
I know its just not the same and never will be.
One thing that I love about how my mom raised me was that I wasn't given exclusions to behavior bc I had Cf.
So, if I was irresponsible with compliance, I was punished. Just like if me or my siblings were caught lying or hitting, we were punished.
Of course you have to be reasonable with this. And all kids are different.
And in all seriousness, there is something to be said for raising your child to not view themselves as being different or deserving an excuse for behavior bc they have Cf. Part of that is not raising them differently from other kids.
My mom raised me to do (most of, not 'all' of course) the same things as my siblings. Yes yes yes I went through my rebellious years of hiding enzymes, vits and lying about chest pt.....but, as I got into my late teens I realized....hey, I CAN be married, I CAN have a career, I CAN raise a family...just like anyone else. Wow, I better start taking care of myself.
And thats how it all clicked.
I realized that if I wanted certain things out of life, I was going to have to work hard.
So if you can get your kids to learn that lesson little by little, they'll be ok. It can start with small things-social activites, sports...'if your pfts aren't where they should be you won't be able to play soccer so lets get to work bc I know you can do it.'
Another thing I tell my cousin is, it is a phase. It will pass. Just like 3 month old night waking, terrible 2's and so on....it won't be like this forever.
You are all amazing moms (and dads)....you deserve all the praise in the world. I don't know how you do it!

 

[mamaScarlett]

I hate to be another one of the 'well I don't have kids with Cf post, but..."!!! BUT-I'm putting myself in your shoes and I would want to hear the opinion of adult successful and compliant Cfers.
Also, my 14 yr old cousin has Cf and her mom and I have had conversations about this very topic many times. So I have heard both sides of the coin.
I know you don't want to hear treat them like any other kid-and you're right in most ways.
I know its just not the same and never will be.
One thing that I love about how my mom raised me was that I wasn't given exclusions to behavior bc I had Cf.
So, if I was irresponsible with compliance, I was punished. Just like if me or my siblings were caught lying or hitting, we were punished.
Of course you have to be reasonable with this. And all kids are different.
And in all seriousness, there is something to be said for raising your child to not view themselves as being different or deserving an excuse for behavior bc they have Cf. Part of that is not raising them differently from other kids.
My mom raised me to do (most of, not 'all' of course) the same things as my siblings. Yes yes yes I went through my rebellious years of hiding enzymes, vits and lying about chest pt.....but, as I got into my late teens I realized....hey, I CAN be married, I CAN have a career, I CAN raise a family...just like anyone else. Wow, I better start taking care of myself.
And thats how it all clicked.
I realized that if I wanted certain things out of life, I was going to have to work hard.
So if you can get your kids to learn that lesson little by little, they'll be ok. It can start with small things-social activites, sports...'if your pfts aren't where they should be you won't be able to play soccer so lets get to work bc I know you can do it.'
Another thing I tell my cousin is, it is a phase. It will pass. Just like 3 month old night waking, terrible 2's and so on....it won't be like this forever.
You are all amazing moms (and dads)....you deserve all the praise in the world. I don't know how you do it!

 

[mamaScarlett]

I hate to be another one of the 'well I don't have kids with Cf post, but..."!!! BUT-I'm putting myself in your shoes and I would want to hear the opinion of adult successful and compliant Cfers.
Also, my 14 yr old cousin has Cf and her mom and I have had conversations about this very topic many times. So I have heard both sides of the coin.
I know you don't want to hear treat them like any other kid-and you're right in most ways.
I know its just not the same and never will be.
One thing that I love about how my mom raised me was that I wasn't given exclusions to behavior bc I had Cf.
So, if I was irresponsible with compliance, I was punished. Just like if me or my siblings were caught lying or hitting, we were punished.
Of course you have to be reasonable with this. And all kids are different.
And in all seriousness, there is something to be said for raising your child to not view themselves as being different or deserving an excuse for behavior bc they have Cf. Part of that is not raising them differently from other kids.
My mom raised me to do (most of, not 'all' of course) the same things as my siblings. Yes yes yes I went through my rebellious years of hiding enzymes, vits and lying about chest pt.....but, as I got into my late teens I realized....hey, I CAN be married, I CAN have a career, I CAN raise a family...just like anyone else. Wow, I better start taking care of myself.
And thats how it all clicked.
I realized that if I wanted certain things out of life, I was going to have to work hard.
So if you can get your kids to learn that lesson little by little, they'll be ok. It can start with small things-social activites, sports...'if your pfts aren't where they should be you won't be able to play soccer so lets get to work bc I know you can do it.'
Another thing I tell my cousin is, it is a phase. It will pass. Just like 3 month old night waking, terrible 2's and so on....it won't be like this forever.
You are all amazing moms (and dads)....you deserve all the praise in the world. I don't know how you do it!

 

[mamaScarlett]

I hate to be another one of the 'well I don't have kids with Cf post, but..."!!! BUT-I'm putting myself in your shoes and I would want to hear the opinion of adult successful and compliant Cfers.
Also, my 14 yr old cousin has Cf and her mom and I have had conversations about this very topic many times. So I have heard both sides of the coin.
I know you don't want to hear treat them like any other kid-and you're right in most ways.
I know its just not the same and never will be.
One thing that I love about how my mom raised me was that I wasn't given exclusions to behavior bc I had Cf.
So, if I was irresponsible with compliance, I was punished. Just like if me or my siblings were caught lying or hitting, we were punished.
Of course you have to be reasonable with this. And all kids are different.
And in all seriousness, there is something to be said for raising your child to not view themselves as being different or deserving an excuse for behavior bc they have Cf. Part of that is not raising them differently from other kids.
My mom raised me to do (most of, not 'all' of course) the same things as my siblings. Yes yes yes I went through my rebellious years of hiding enzymes, vits and lying about chest pt.....but, as I got into my late teens I realized....hey, I CAN be married, I CAN have a career, I CAN raise a family...just like anyone else. Wow, I better start taking care of myself.
And thats how it all clicked.
I realized that if I wanted certain things out of life, I was going to have to work hard.
So if you can get your kids to learn that lesson little by little, they'll be ok. It can start with small things-social activites, sports...'if your pfts aren't where they should be you won't be able to play soccer so lets get to work bc I know you can do it.'
Another thing I tell my cousin is, it is a phase. It will pass. Just like 3 month old night waking, terrible 2's and so on....it won't be like this forever.
You are all amazing moms (and dads)....you deserve all the praise in the world. I don't know how you do it!

 

[mamaScarlett]

I hate to be another one of the 'well I don't have kids with Cf post, but..."!!! BUT-I'm putting myself in your shoes and I would want to hear the opinion of adult successful and compliant Cfers.
<br />Also, my 14 yr old cousin has Cf and her mom and I have had conversations about this very topic many times. So I have heard both sides of the coin.
<br />I know you don't want to hear treat them like any other kid-and you're right in most ways.
<br />I know its just not the same and never will be.
<br />One thing that I love about how my mom raised me was that I wasn't given exclusions to behavior bc I had Cf.
<br />So, if I was irresponsible with compliance, I was punished. Just like if me or my siblings were caught lying or hitting, we were punished.
<br />Of course you have to be reasonable with this. And all kids are different.
<br />And in all seriousness, there is something to be said for raising your child to not view themselves as being different or deserving an excuse for behavior bc they have Cf. Part of that is not raising them differently from other kids.
<br />My mom raised me to do (most of, not 'all' of course) the same things as my siblings. Yes yes yes I went through my rebellious years of hiding enzymes, vits and lying about chest pt.....but, as I got into my late teens I realized....hey, I CAN be married, I CAN have a career, I CAN raise a family...just like anyone else. Wow, I better start taking care of myself.
<br />And thats how it all clicked.
<br />I realized that if I wanted certain things out of life, I was going to have to work hard.
<br />So if you can get your kids to learn that lesson little by little, they'll be ok. It can start with small things-social activites, sports...'if your pfts aren't where they should be you won't be able to play soccer so lets get to work bc I know you can do it.'
<br />Another thing I tell my cousin is, it is a phase. It will pass. Just like 3 month old night waking, terrible 2's and so on....it won't be like this forever.
<br />You are all amazing moms (and dads)....you deserve all the praise in the world. I don't know how you do it!

 

[jendonl]

Our preschool director told us that our 5 1/2 yo daughter with CF was the most stubborn child she's ever dealt with. And we absolutely agreed with her. It is her personality. The CF and milk allergies probably exacerbated her stubborness. It has been almost impossible to get her to eat enough, especially when we couldn't use milk and cream as a way to boost calories. But we did not give her special meals except to add olive oil, margerine, and syrup to everything she eats. Finally, after three years of fighting with her to eat every meal (she can hold food in her mouth for hours), we've finally started to turn the corner. She's much more willing to try new foods and she actually eats the food she doesn't really like because she knows she won't get anything else and she will lose her privileges (withholding dessert doesn't do any good since she never wants desert-we make her eat some anyway. People at restaurants look at us funny when we demand she eat at least some of her dessert.)

Bottom line: If you stick to your guns and don't allow her to get away with being a brat, eventually she'll come around. It took us three years of long, hard battles. It's not perfect now, but it's a whole lot better and hopefully, will continue to get better.

 

[jendonl]

Our preschool director told us that our 5 1/2 yo daughter with CF was the most stubborn child she's ever dealt with. And we absolutely agreed with her. It is her personality. The CF and milk allergies probably exacerbated her stubborness. It has been almost impossible to get her to eat enough, especially when we couldn't use milk and cream as a way to boost calories. But we did not give her special meals except to add olive oil, margerine, and syrup to everything she eats. Finally, after three years of fighting with her to eat every meal (she can hold food in her mouth for hours), we've finally started to turn the corner. She's much more willing to try new foods and she actually eats the food she doesn't really like because she knows she won't get anything else and she will lose her privileges (withholding dessert doesn't do any good since she never wants desert-we make her eat some anyway. People at restaurants look at us funny when we demand she eat at least some of her dessert.)

Bottom line: If you stick to your guns and don't allow her to get away with being a brat, eventually she'll come around. It took us three years of long, hard battles. It's not perfect now, but it's a whole lot better and hopefully, will continue to get better.

 

[jendonl]

Our preschool director told us that our 5 1/2 yo daughter with CF was the most stubborn child she's ever dealt with. And we absolutely agreed with her. It is her personality. The CF and milk allergies probably exacerbated her stubborness. It has been almost impossible to get her to eat enough, especially when we couldn't use milk and cream as a way to boost calories. But we did not give her special meals except to add olive oil, margerine, and syrup to everything she eats. Finally, after three years of fighting with her to eat every meal (she can hold food in her mouth for hours), we've finally started to turn the corner. She's much more willing to try new foods and she actually eats the food she doesn't really like because she knows she won't get anything else and she will lose her privileges (withholding dessert doesn't do any good since she never wants desert-we make her eat some anyway. People at restaurants look at us funny when we demand she eat at least some of her dessert.)

Bottom line: If you stick to your guns and don't allow her to get away with being a brat, eventually she'll come around. It took us three years of long, hard battles. It's not perfect now, but it's a whole lot better and hopefully, will continue to get better.

 

[jendonl]

Our preschool director told us that our 5 1/2 yo daughter with CF was the most stubborn child she's ever dealt with. And we absolutely agreed with her. It is her personality. The CF and milk allergies probably exacerbated her stubborness. It has been almost impossible to get her to eat enough, especially when we couldn't use milk and cream as a way to boost calories. But we did not give her special meals except to add olive oil, margerine, and syrup to everything she eats. Finally, after three years of fighting with her to eat every meal (she can hold food in her mouth for hours), we've finally started to turn the corner. She's much more willing to try new foods and she actually eats the food she doesn't really like because she knows she won't get anything else and she will lose her privileges (withholding dessert doesn't do any good since she never wants desert-we make her eat some anyway. People at restaurants look at us funny when we demand she eat at least some of her dessert.)

Bottom line: If you stick to your guns and don't allow her to get away with being a brat, eventually she'll come around. It took us three years of long, hard battles. It's not perfect now, but it's a whole lot better and hopefully, will continue to get better.

 

[jendonl]

Our preschool director told us that our 5 1/2 yo daughter with CF was the most stubborn child she's ever dealt with. And we absolutely agreed with her. It is her personality. The CF and milk allergies probably exacerbated her stubborness. It has been almost impossible to get her to eat enough, especially when we couldn't use milk and cream as a way to boost calories. But we did not give her special meals except to add olive oil, margerine, and syrup to everything she eats. Finally, after three years of fighting with her to eat every meal (she can hold food in her mouth for hours), we've finally started to turn the corner. She's much more willing to try new foods and she actually eats the food she doesn't really like because she knows she won't get anything else and she will lose her privileges (withholding dessert doesn't do any good since she never wants desert-we make her eat some anyway. People at restaurants look at us funny when we demand she eat at least some of her dessert.)
<br />
<br />Bottom line: If you stick to your guns and don't allow her to get away with being a brat, eventually she'll come around. It took us three years of long, hard battles. It's not perfect now, but it's a whole lot better and hopefully, will continue to get better.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

I haven't read most of the responses. I will share this thought: A 3 year old responds more to voice tone, facial expression and body language than to the actual words you use. If you let them get to you emotionally, it is a power trip for them and your reaction will egg them on. When my pain-in-the-butt/prankster son WCF was that age, discipline only worked if mom had a handle on her own reactions first. Laughing at his antics while trying to tell him "NO" completely backfired. (And he was really funny, so it was hard at times to not laugh.) Getting angry also gives the child too much power. It tells them they are in the driver's seat and that's a very bad message to give. Firm, consistent, unemotional responses were much more effective.

And just accept that you will have to repeat yourself a fair amount. I don't view that as "misbehaving" on the part of the child. I view that as part of the learning process. They are testing their boundaries. If you are consistent (and not emotional) about what behavior is acceptable, they will eventually get it. If you are inconsistent, they will keep testing those boundaries to try to figure out what the darn rules really are and/or just to see if they can get away with it this time because they do sometimes. And if you are reacting in an obviously emotional way (frustrated, mad, etc), the child will just keep doing it because that emotional reaction is a big part of their payoff.

Good luck with this.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

I haven't read most of the responses. I will share this thought: A 3 year old responds more to voice tone, facial expression and body language than to the actual words you use. If you let them get to you emotionally, it is a power trip for them and your reaction will egg them on. When my pain-in-the-butt/prankster son WCF was that age, discipline only worked if mom had a handle on her own reactions first. Laughing at his antics while trying to tell him "NO" completely backfired. (And he was really funny, so it was hard at times to not laugh.) Getting angry also gives the child too much power. It tells them they are in the driver's seat and that's a very bad message to give. Firm, consistent, unemotional responses were much more effective.

And just accept that you will have to repeat yourself a fair amount. I don't view that as "misbehaving" on the part of the child. I view that as part of the learning process. They are testing their boundaries. If you are consistent (and not emotional) about what behavior is acceptable, they will eventually get it. If you are inconsistent, they will keep testing those boundaries to try to figure out what the darn rules really are and/or just to see if they can get away with it this time because they do sometimes. And if you are reacting in an obviously emotional way (frustrated, mad, etc), the child will just keep doing it because that emotional reaction is a big part of their payoff.

Good luck with this.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

I haven't read most of the responses. I will share this thought: A 3 year old responds more to voice tone, facial expression and body language than to the actual words you use. If you let them get to you emotionally, it is a power trip for them and your reaction will egg them on. When my pain-in-the-butt/prankster son WCF was that age, discipline only worked if mom had a handle on her own reactions first. Laughing at his antics while trying to tell him "NO" completely backfired. (And he was really funny, so it was hard at times to not laugh.) Getting angry also gives the child too much power. It tells them they are in the driver's seat and that's a very bad message to give. Firm, consistent, unemotional responses were much more effective.

And just accept that you will have to repeat yourself a fair amount. I don't view that as "misbehaving" on the part of the child. I view that as part of the learning process. They are testing their boundaries. If you are consistent (and not emotional) about what behavior is acceptable, they will eventually get it. If you are inconsistent, they will keep testing those boundaries to try to figure out what the darn rules really are and/or just to see if they can get away with it this time because they do sometimes. And if you are reacting in an obviously emotional way (frustrated, mad, etc), the child will just keep doing it because that emotional reaction is a big part of their payoff.

Good luck with this.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

I haven't read most of the responses. I will share this thought: A 3 year old responds more to voice tone, facial expression and body language than to the actual words you use. If you let them get to you emotionally, it is a power trip for them and your reaction will egg them on. When my pain-in-the-butt/prankster son WCF was that age, discipline only worked if mom had a handle on her own reactions first. Laughing at his antics while trying to tell him "NO" completely backfired. (And he was really funny, so it was hard at times to not laugh.) Getting angry also gives the child too much power. It tells them they are in the driver's seat and that's a very bad message to give. Firm, consistent, unemotional responses were much more effective.

And just accept that you will have to repeat yourself a fair amount. I don't view that as "misbehaving" on the part of the child. I view that as part of the learning process. They are testing their boundaries. If you are consistent (and not emotional) about what behavior is acceptable, they will eventually get it. If you are inconsistent, they will keep testing those boundaries to try to figure out what the darn rules really are and/or just to see if they can get away with it this time because they do sometimes. And if you are reacting in an obviously emotional way (frustrated, mad, etc), the child will just keep doing it because that emotional reaction is a big part of their payoff.

Good luck with this.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

I haven't read most of the responses. I will share this thought: A 3 year old responds more to voice tone, facial expression and body language than to the actual words you use. If you let them get to you emotionally, it is a power trip for them and your reaction will egg them on. When my pain-in-the-butt/prankster son WCF was that age, discipline only worked if mom had a handle on her own reactions first. Laughing at his antics while trying to tell him "NO" completely backfired. (And he was really funny, so it was hard at times to not laugh.) Getting angry also gives the child too much power. It tells them they are in the driver's seat and that's a very bad message to give. Firm, consistent, unemotional responses were much more effective.
<br />
<br />And just accept that you will have to repeat yourself a fair amount. I don't view that as "misbehaving" on the part of the child. I view that as part of the learning process. They are testing their boundaries. If you are consistent (and not emotional) about what behavior is acceptable, they will eventually get it. If you are inconsistent, they will keep testing those boundaries to try to figure out what the darn rules really are and/or just to see if they can get away with it this time because they do sometimes. And if you are reacting in an obviously emotional way (frustrated, mad, etc), the child will just keep doing it because that emotional reaction is a big part of their payoff.
<br />
<br />Good luck with this.