A friend of mine from my car club passed away on Thursday morning from Leukemia. I have been friends with he and his wife ( and kids) for about 5-6 years and his funeral is tomorrow morning. I cant explain what i am feeling since i heard about his death, except for saying i feel more fearful about my own health. I find myself feeling like i am surrounded by negativity and almost anxiety. I keep having bad thoughts and feelings . I nearly had a panic attack thursday night after a coughing fit. I felt like i couldnt catch my breath and that wave of instant fear swept over me and i just took a slow deep breath walked to my porch door and opened it and let the cold air hit me, and realized i was having the start of an anxiety attack and was able to thwart it ( Thank God). I know this is because of the bad news because it happened when someone else i knew and cared about, passed away last summer. Do you find this happening to you when you get bad news? I will be happy when it all passes. This stuff never happened to me before when i had mild cf and very minimal problems. Now that things have changed over the years with my health, i find when i lose someone close to me, it forces me to think of stuff i want to NOT think about and not have to face yet. Especially after hearing that the fungus ball in my lung has grown rather than shrink last month, this is putting horrible thoughts in my mind about what will happen if the fungus ball continues to grow. OK im going to shut up now. before i get myself all worked up again.