Escape from "Care Bear Land"

6

65rosessamurai

Guest
I took a short sabbatical, only to return to observing the same ole same ole that sometimes causes my stress level to raise too much.
Getting to the point, I had been on this forum for nearly a year already, and had observed quite a big change in it since I had first become a member of this forum community.
It started as a very educational and helpful place for me to learn more about my disease while finding my health take a dip during my unusual circumstance of living in a foreign country with no CF care, whatsoever. I even felt that I was able to give a little of my knowledge to help other people, or at least that was the feeling of satisfaction I had gotten through my posts.
These past four years had been hard on me due to the many changes that had happened in my life, and finding this forum community when I did had helped me at certain points. Just for those reading to understand, Upon my marriage to a Japanese National (who had deceived me in the fact that there would be proper health care here), I have been living in Japan, with absolutely NO CF support, whatsoever in this country; I had gone through a divorce after 11 years of a bad marriage; I had quit a few months ago at a company I worked at for 13 years, after spending the last 3 years with a cruel and vindictive boss, only to go to a company which fired me after 3 months working there and I am now placed in a status of unemployment (and a month with NO salary) in a foreign country. I've got a good wife, but to null that theory of a happy marriage, we live with her mother who has a selfish streak about herself, and a memory retentive disorder, to cause more stress upon me.
When I first found this CF Forum, I had found some support from this forum community, but am now disgusted with how some members of this forum community treat other members. I believe every member has a lot of knowledge to help others, and no one deserves such treatment of being "bashed", being misquoted, etc., in any way, shape or form.
During my time here, I also had not challenged anyone since "WinAce", but he and I seemed to understand each other after the disagreement. It was sad, however, when I had seen the post that he had suddenly passed, after the clearing of our disagreement because I didn't have the chance to know him better after that. For that reason, I don't take anything light-hearted about anyone passing on this site as being a joke.
Anyway, since after my experience with "WinAce", I had chosen my words carefully, as to not offend ANYONE on this forum, in hopes to see peace and prosperity in the exchange of information, fun, etc. with this Cystic Fibrosis Forum Community. However, I have now decided to speak up, even if it causes another challenge with anyone who cares to debate, presuming whether I decide to invest the time to continue to debate with them.
I don't know how people on this forum view me, but I figure since I have not seemed to be a troublemaker, nor have been making any profound remarks, challenging anyone directly for their attacks on others (perhaps even causing the attacks to be reverted to me), I would figure I'm looked upon as being either harmless, or "insignificant". I'm even somewhat appalled at the fact everyone is so concerned about SD, and some even seem to worship the spools he "walks on", yet I'm sure if I was just as bold as he, and making "justifiable excuses" for any posts I made that were condoned by nearly 50% of the CF Forum community, or composing long-winded posts with nothing but jibberish, I could be just as popular. Unfortunately, looking at some of my posts in comparison to his, I'm not.
Because of the treatment I have seen from some members towards others, and how so many seemed to have "banned together" to "attack" other particular members of this forum, I have become fed up with seeing this treatment, and feel I may already have become the "attacked" as well, because I also disagree with the behavior of how members of this forum treat other members.
I'd even go as far as saying "typical Americans"; can't get along with other's opinions, and certainly have to shove their own opinion down other people's throats, and bicker about such trifle things, like children would.
Because of all this "non-productive" feuding, I'm sure a lot of people viewing this forum may get a sense of this negativity, and decide not to return again (I hope I'm wrong though). I can say for myself that because of this reason, I no longer want to be in the middle, or have to choose a side to this feuding, and would rather leave than to be put into that position. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the former members of this forum community had already made the same observation as me, and just decided to leave.
Like everyone else, our time is valuable. People who are members of this forum community, and even those who are not (Logging in as "anonymous"), are investing their time of posting to ask questions, and some of those same people are investing their time for replying. But I observed that some people of this forum community decide to put their time into giving others the feeling of being unwelcome. I had been feeling unwelcome lately, too, with some of my posts having crude comments, while other posts having a large number in viewers, but very, very short in replies, and almost always from about the same people that reply to other spools I start. It gets me to wonder, "Am I being subjected to the old saying 'birds of a feather', without being directly involved in what has been going on with the feuding on this forum", yet trying to stay unbiased by it? It is equally my right to be on here like everyone else, and express my opinion like everyone else, but like I said, when it is turning into a "civil war" in which you are being personnaly attacked, and either end up on one side or the other, and don't want to choose sides because that is NOT what this forum community is for, then I'd rather make the choice to leave.
So, after considerable thought, I decided that as long as this kind of behavior continues, my time is too valuable to put anything worthwhile on this forum. Maybe for those who think losing me as a member is no big deal..."huh..samurai left, so what"...well, what happens when more and more are leaving because they may see the same thing I do, or are reciprocates as well? Or, what happens if my leaving (Or the other members of this forum community who also decide to leave) could have helped others coming to this forum, but didn't because I (or they) was (were) no longer here? And, for those people of this forum community who feel they are the ones I'm referring to "attacking" other people of this forum community, I won't name anyone, because since we are adults, it's our own responsibility to be aware of our own actions, so if you think you are guilty of this, then perhaps you should police your own behavior while on this forum community as well.
I've thought of boycotting my postings on this forum, for many reasons. One is due to the unexplained reason for posts that should be left alone, or locked, or to disappear into thin air (including a few of my posts) without explanation. Also, even though I have confidence in Julie being able to defend herself in most cases, in the case of which Julie has been blamed for such things that she has not done (She does not have the power to delete or manipulate the Forum, people, that's a job for the moderators!), has me fed up to here with how she has been being treated. She's a grown up girl, and she has spoken for herself, and taken responsibility for her own actions, but some others on this board seem to say they represent how ALL others on this forum think, and that is NOT true. I have my own voice, I have a brain, and my chemical balance is within the normal specifications for a human being. I can think for myself, act upon myself, and am prepared take the consequences for my own actions. And, as a U.S. Citizen, I am also exercising my right to free speech, freedom of choice, and the right to be silent, if need be.
Because I choose not to tolerate the behavior I had already listed, I really would rather not return until I feel this forum can bring back to me the comfort of knowing there is support from everyone, and everyone respects everyone else for the knowledge and input they have, despite whether they like each other or not. True, respect is something earned, not something automatically given. I think the solution to it is to offer each other the respect in order for them to receive it and offer it back.
I once posted I had respect for SeanDavis, but that has gone downhill, after the observation of his behavior. However, after time passes I may still give him the benefit of doubt. If he now feels that of me after this post, Touché.
So, for now, I'm taking a longer "sabbatical" from this site.
If I'm the only one who ends up "boycotting" here, and for a long time, so it be written, so it be done.
Aba-yo!
 

Jane

Digital opinion leader
Escape from "Care Bear Land

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>65rosessamurai</b></i>

It started as a very educational and helpful place for me to learn more about my disease while finding my health take a dip during my unusual circumstance of living in a foreign country with no CF care, whatsoever. I even felt that I was able to give a little of my knowledge to help other people, or at least that was the feeling of satisfaction I had gotten through my posts.

!</end quote></div>




Fred,
Yes, there are a lot of things that go on here that are for unnecessary drama, but overall this is a still a wonderful site. Most people here provide great support and offer helpful advice- which is why I'm still here. By leaving you will only be hurting the ones of us who appreciate your presence.
I'm sorry you feel you have to leave.
 

anonymous

New member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

Fred,

I haven't been on this site too long, maybe since the beginning of the year. I have seen the things you talk about on both ends of the spectrum. I have seen how helpful this site can be and also how intimidating it can be to some that stand against the majority.
I hate that you feel you have to leave, but respect that decision. I did however feel a bit of sadness by reading your post as I have not had the chance to get to know you. From your posts (the one's I have read) I have gathered that you are a respectable, fair, honorable person and overall a good guy - this post just seems to confirm those thoughts in my head. I have not had the chance to reply to many or any of your posts because I have not had knowledge to share in reference to topics you are concerned about.
I do hope that your sabbatical is not long, but understand you must do what you feel necessary. Do enjoy your time away and I hope you and your health continue to do well.

Take Care,
Lindsey
 

katyf13

New member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

Fred,
I for one will miss you. You are always respectful, yet funny. I have been a member since December or so and I've had to take my breaks too, so I understand.
 

JazzysMom

New member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

Oh Fred......it deeply saddens me that you have been pushed to this point. You are a great guy & tho I understand your reasons for wanting a break from it all, it truly breaks my heart. I will, however, look for you on aim or email etc just to touch base! I hope that is alright! Stay Well My Friend!
 

Landy

New member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

Fred
You will be missed & I can see where you're coming from but I encourage you to reconsider your decision!
 

Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

Will miss you, Fred. But you gotta do what you gotta do. Good luck with your employment issues, etc. Liza
 

EnergyGal

New member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

Hi Fred

I understand how you feel but that is the internet for you. There are always people who want to stand out in the crowd. Just ignore the people who you do not like to talk to. Very simple. Give your time on here for ten minutes per day and you can weed through the posts that seem appropriate to you.

By leaving us you will be hurting us because you are a valuable soul to our community. I say definitely take a break and come back and post when you feel comfortable.
 

EnergyGal

New member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

Had a good idea- I hope you like it. Perhaps you should just get a Blog and you can share with those who appreciate your support. You can teach us a lot from your writings. You can add pictures.
 

anonymous

New member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

i have been coming here for a year now, having stumbled upon the site by accident. i have found your posts thoughtful and intelligent. like the other reply i would say to stay and try to ignore the malevolent posts . you need this forum more than most (because of your lack of medical assistance). i'm ashamed to say i , myself, am drawn to the drama of the controversial posts<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0"> don't know what that says about me. however i was disgusted by the name calling "in that sd post" too much too far. vicious!!!!!!! take care fred . janet uk<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 

Lilith

New member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

Fred,

I'm sorry to see you say these things, and I'm sorry that you feel you have to leave. I hope you don't stay away for too long!
 

CFHockeyMom

New member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

Fred,

I like you have been disappointed with the name calling/flaming/bashing/poor taste of many threads/discussions on this forum. I'm ashamed to say that I've even joined in a few of these threads. Instead of leaving, which I have considered, I've decided to ignore those threads. Once a topic goes off onto a name calling/flaming/bashing/poor taste tangent, I leave it.

I've gotten some great advice/insight/information here and I don't want to give that up. I respect your decision but hope you won't be gone for long.
 

miesl

New member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

The best way to avoid drama is to ignore it and continue posting things that are relevant.

It will be a shame to see you leave. Hopefully you will return!

-Michelle
 

NoExcuses

New member
Escape from

No one else will, so I'll call out the 800 lb gorilla in the room. Is this a "I'm leaving! Everyone feel sorry for me and try to talk me into staying!" Didn't we have one of these a few months ago?

No board is ever going to be perfect. Human nature is that everyone doesn't always agree with everyone else. Some people can handle conflict, move on, and take the info that they need. Others can't handle it.

I think this board is spectacular and I have learned so much here; I've been inspired by incredible stories; and I've met many friends.

Just like if you're choosing a doctor; choosing a country to live in; choosing a job; or choosing a spouse. Nothing is 100% flaweless. There will be some things you don't like. You must take the good with the bad and evaluate if the good outweighs the bad.
 

Diane

New member
Escape from

Fred, If you do leave we will miss you, you are very important to us, I am hoping you will reconsider. It does get silly in here sometimes i agree , and i tend to stay out of all of that crap. I said this before and i'll say it again, when all is said and done, we all need each other here. I enjoy your posts and humor as well as ideas, and that is what is important to this site .
 

julie

New member
Escape from

Amy, I don't think fred is the kind that can be talked into staying. He'll take his time and come back when he feels he's ready. No amount of please don't leave is going to make him stay if he's made up his mind.

Also, I thought his post was more about what has been going on here lately and less about "I'm leaving". I guess everyone just reads it a bit different.

I'll miss you Fred, and I know you'll be back when you are ready or if/when things ever change. You have a lot to offer this site and it will be sad not to have analytical fred <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> around, but you have to make the decisions which make you happy, not others.
 

anonymous

New member
Escape from

The difference being that this is the first time Fred has posted that he's leaving. And he indicated that he's just taking a breather for awhile. The post was probably a vent to explain why he felt he had to leave.

Not the usual drama we get when people on this site, who also participate on other cf chat sites, make a comment every other month that they're quitting, never returning because of some slight, and then they return a few days later. liza
 

thelizardqueen

New member
Escape from

Don't tell me you're leaving Fred? I know this site can have a lot of drama, but I also find that its still a wonderful place. You've got to realize that a lot of the stuff said on here you have to take with a grain of salt. Its the internet after all. Don't let some person hiding behind a computer miles away bring you down. I for one would miss you. Don't leave us!
 

kayleesgrandma

New member
Escape from "Care Bear Land

Ah Fred, I was just getting to know you!!! I was just wondering about you a few days ago but haven't been online much. Take a breather and come back when your ready. We will miss you. I share your sentments completely, but I find I'm helped more than hindered here. I just skim thru the bad parts of the site. I wish you could too, and come back soon. Bye--you may be gone but knot fiorgotten.
 
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