Feeling lonely even with a partner

BethanyAnne · Oct 20, 2010

Hello everyone! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now. He and I have really matured throgh those years - He is 24 and I am 23. We have been through a lot with each other and all in all he's a wonderful guy. However, he has histimes where his selfishness comes out (and I'm not reallysure if it his him being selfih or me not being able to cope with CF myself and feeling lonely)...
So here's an example:
We decided that we need to start going to bed earlier because sleep is aways better for anyone's health but especially mine (with CF). We were gonna start last night, but his brother called and told him to get on the xbox live so they could play each other. Well, then Steven wouldn't go to sleep with me. He decided that was more important I guess. Am I looking at this the wrong way? Should people wth CF that have a partner just get used to the fact that CF is lonely no matter how you slice it? What do you think?

Oh and it's also har to deal with sometimes, because his life allows for it to not have s much structure whereas mine needs structure. ???? ahhh, help...

BethanyAnne · Oct 20, 2010

Hello everyone! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now. He and I have really matured throgh those years - He is 24 and I am 23. We have been through a lot with each other and all in all he's a wonderful guy. However, he has histimes where his selfishness comes out (and I'm not reallysure if it his him being selfih or me not being able to cope with CF myself and feeling lonely)...
So here's an example:
We decided that we need to start going to bed earlier because sleep is aways better for anyone's health but especially mine (with CF). We were gonna start last night, but his brother called and told him to get on the xbox live so they could play each other. Well, then Steven wouldn't go to sleep with me. He decided that was more important I guess. Am I looking at this the wrong way? Should people wth CF that have a partner just get used to the fact that CF is lonely no matter how you slice it? What do you think?

Oh and it's also har to deal with sometimes, because his life allows for it to not have s much structure whereas mine needs structure. ???? ahhh, help...

BethanyAnne · Oct 20, 2010

Hello everyone! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now. He and I have really matured throgh those years - He is 24 and I am 23. We have been through a lot with each other and all in all he's a wonderful guy. However, he has histimes where his selfishness comes out (and I'm not reallysure if it his him being selfih or me not being able to cope with CF myself and feeling lonely)...
 So here's an example:
 We decided that we need to start going to bed earlier because sleep is aways better for anyone's health but especially mine (with CF). We were gonna start last night, but his brother called and told him to get on the xbox live so they could play each other. Well, then Steven wouldn't go to sleep with me. He decided that was more important I guess. Am I looking at this the wrong way? Should people wth CF that have a partner just get used to the fact that CF is lonely no matter how you slice it? What do you think?
 
 Oh and it's also har to deal with sometimes, because his life allows for it to not have s much structure whereas mine needs structure. ???? ahhh, help...

theLostMiler · Oct 20, 2010

You sound just like me... well I have 6.5 years dating but Im 23 and he is 24.

He has his moments and I feel like its pure selfishness... I have though the past couple years started being really vocal about instead of thinking he can read my mind. I mean I just straight out tell him I feel like he isnt being there for me or that I need him at that moment etc.

Its gotten sooooooooooooo much better. Its hard because he is my lover but sometimes I really need him in the caretaker role, aka mommy lol and obviously he isnt a mom so he sucks compared to her.

The bedtime thing is opposite with us... Im usually the one keeping him up b/c Im doing a treatment though we've also been going to be early (until this past week ugh!) and I was having my treatment done so we could lay in bed and watch tv before sleeping... it was nice.

THe xbox thing I get... once the bf starts going, who knows when he'll stop. I cant get him to focus on anything else. One weekend he played after we went out (we got home at like 3 am) he played from then to lik 6 am... got up at like noon started playing till like 1 am, got up at 8 am on sunday and played most of that day if not all again!

boys and their games... le sigh.

Anyways after all that, have you sat down and had the talk with him. Tell him how you feel and ask him if he feels okay with all this cf stuff? I always ask the boy if Im putting too much on him and he always says no.

theLostMiler · Oct 20, 2010

You sound just like me... well I have 6.5 years dating but Im 23 and he is 24.

He has his moments and I feel like its pure selfishness... I have though the past couple years started being really vocal about instead of thinking he can read my mind. I mean I just straight out tell him I feel like he isnt being there for me or that I need him at that moment etc.

Its gotten sooooooooooooo much better. Its hard because he is my lover but sometimes I really need him in the caretaker role, aka mommy lol and obviously he isnt a mom so he sucks compared to her.

The bedtime thing is opposite with us... Im usually the one keeping him up b/c Im doing a treatment though we've also been going to be early (until this past week ugh!) and I was having my treatment done so we could lay in bed and watch tv before sleeping... it was nice.

THe xbox thing I get... once the bf starts going, who knows when he'll stop. I cant get him to focus on anything else. One weekend he played after we went out (we got home at like 3 am) he played from then to lik 6 am... got up at like noon started playing till like 1 am, got up at 8 am on sunday and played most of that day if not all again!

boys and their games... le sigh.

Anyways after all that, have you sat down and had the talk with him. Tell him how you feel and ask him if he feels okay with all this cf stuff? I always ask the boy if Im putting too much on him and he always says no.

theLostMiler · Oct 20, 2010

You sound just like me... well I have 6.5 years dating but Im 23 and he is 24.
 
 He has his moments and I feel like its pure selfishness... I have though the past couple years started being really vocal about instead of thinking he can read my mind. I mean I just straight out tell him I feel like he isnt being there for me or that I need him at that moment etc.
 
 Its gotten sooooooooooooo much better. Its hard because he is my lover but sometimes I really need him in the caretaker role, aka mommy lol and obviously he isnt a mom so he sucks compared to her.
 
 The bedtime thing is opposite with us... Im usually the one keeping him up b/c Im doing a treatment though we've also been going to be early (until this past week ugh!) and I was having my treatment done so we could lay in bed and watch tv before sleeping... it was nice.
 
 THe xbox thing I get... once the bf starts going, who knows when he'll stop. I cant get him to focus on anything else. One weekend he played after we went out (we got home at like 3 am) he played from then to lik 6 am... got up at like noon started playing till like 1 am, got up at 8 am on sunday and played most of that day if not all again!
 
 boys and their games... le sigh.
 
 Anyways after all that, have you sat down and had the talk with him. Tell him how you feel and ask him if he feels okay with all this cf stuff? I always ask the boy if Im putting too much on him and he always says no.

theLostMiler · Oct 20, 2010

And as far as the structure stuff goes... I HATE that. It took forever for him to realize sometimes I need a little support or a push to get a treatment done when he is off doing whatever the hell he wants. I started telling him that too... like look... I want to be able to do whatever I want, whenever but I have a little problem... I have to do treatments or I need a weekend to relax and not do anything etc. That aspect has gotten better b/c I always hated how he would go to sleep while I did my treatment and it makes me resent my treatments b/c i wanted to be sleeping too. I was going to bed mad and sad everynight.

I do just hate how lots of other people in the world dont have to remember all these things... treatments vitamins, mainatence asthma meds etc... when we always have this stuff revolving around (like okay, what time is it? How long till my next treatment? I feel like thats always going around my head).

theLostMiler · Oct 20, 2010

And as far as the structure stuff goes... I HATE that. It took forever for him to realize sometimes I need a little support or a push to get a treatment done when he is off doing whatever the hell he wants. I started telling him that too... like look... I want to be able to do whatever I want, whenever but I have a little problem... I have to do treatments or I need a weekend to relax and not do anything etc. That aspect has gotten better b/c I always hated how he would go to sleep while I did my treatment and it makes me resent my treatments b/c i wanted to be sleeping too. I was going to bed mad and sad everynight.

I do just hate how lots of other people in the world dont have to remember all these things... treatments vitamins, mainatence asthma meds etc... when we always have this stuff revolving around (like okay, what time is it? How long till my next treatment? I feel like thats always going around my head).

theLostMiler · Oct 20, 2010

And as far as the structure stuff goes... I HATE that. It took forever for him to realize sometimes I need a little support or a push to get a treatment done when he is off doing whatever the hell he wants. I started telling him that too... like look... I want to be able to do whatever I want, whenever but I have a little problem... I have to do treatments or I need a weekend to relax and not do anything etc. That aspect has gotten better b/c I always hated how he would go to sleep while I did my treatment and it makes me resent my treatments b/c i wanted to be sleeping too. I was going to bed mad and sad everynight.
 
 I do just hate how lots of other people in the world dont have to remember all these things... treatments vitamins, mainatence asthma meds etc... when we always have this stuff revolving around (like okay, what time is it? How long till my next treatment? I feel like thats always going around my head).

BethanyAnne · Oct 20, 2010

Well, I am actually very vocal about it so you would think he gets it...
Heres the thing. I think he just still has a lot of immaturity in him. When I spoke about the specific issue with him I said, "It's reall had for me to have to have structure, and have to go back to school because I have to have health insurance (and a good one at that), and I have to go to sleep because I have to keep my health up, so on and so on..." He replied with, " Well, I don't." Then I just ran out of the room and broke down crying because that hurt. Feeling lonely is not a good feeling. He got mad that I ran out of the room, but I didn't want him to see me crying so hard so I don't know, I just don't know how to get through to him. I think he's being selfish, but if he's not then I'd rather not have a relationship because I don't want to feel like I have a teammate when I don't. I don't want to fool myself. That only hurts more...

BethanyAnne · Oct 20, 2010

Well, I am actually very vocal about it so you would think he gets it...
Heres the thing. I think he just still has a lot of immaturity in him. When I spoke about the specific issue with him I said, "It's reall had for me to have to have structure, and have to go back to school because I have to have health insurance (and a good one at that), and I have to go to sleep because I have to keep my health up, so on and so on..." He replied with, " Well, I don't." Then I just ran out of the room and broke down crying because that hurt. Feeling lonely is not a good feeling. He got mad that I ran out of the room, but I didn't want him to see me crying so hard so I don't know, I just don't know how to get through to him. I think he's being selfish, but if he's not then I'd rather not have a relationship because I don't want to feel like I have a teammate when I don't. I don't want to fool myself. That only hurts more...

BethanyAnne · Oct 20, 2010

Well, I am actually very vocal about it so you would think he gets it...
 Heres the thing. I think he just still has a lot of immaturity in him. When I spoke about the specific issue with him I said, "It's reall had for me to have to have structure, and have to go back to school because I have to have health insurance (and a good one at that), and I have to go to sleep because I have to keep my health up, so on and so on..." He replied with, " Well, I don't." Then I just ran out of the room and broke down crying because that hurt. Feeling lonely is not a good feeling. He got mad that I ran out of the room, but I didn't want him to see me crying so hard so I don't know, I just don't know how to get through to him. I think he's being selfish, but if he's not then I'd rather not have a relationship because I don't want to feel like I have a teammate when I don't. I don't want to fool myself. That only hurts more...

AimeeSue82 · Oct 20, 2010

I'm sorry to say this, but I think you're both being immature. Yes, he should realize you need a routine with your treatments and health. But you need to realize he isn't there to be your doctor or your mom. You're the only person who knows when you're feeling run down or congested or just blah. He can't predict that and if you don't tell him, he'll never know. Running out of the room during a confrontation, is a childish way to behave. Sit there, cry and talk to him. Also, you don't always have to go to bed at the same time. If it prevents you from getting sick and him from getting angry about not being able to play xbox, go to bed without him, or move the xbox into the bedroom and tell him to keep it quiet. A good relationship is not one where you have to be side by side every second. And it's not focused on one person (or one person's disease). CF shouldn't control your relationship or you. When you learn to work around it, he will too. These are things I've learned after several good and bad relationships.
~Aimee, 27 PA & MRSA

AimeeSue82 · Oct 20, 2010

I'm sorry to say this, but I think you're both being immature. Yes, he should realize you need a routine with your treatments and health. But you need to realize he isn't there to be your doctor or your mom. You're the only person who knows when you're feeling run down or congested or just blah. He can't predict that and if you don't tell him, he'll never know. Running out of the room during a confrontation, is a childish way to behave. Sit there, cry and talk to him. Also, you don't always have to go to bed at the same time. If it prevents you from getting sick and him from getting angry about not being able to play xbox, go to bed without him, or move the xbox into the bedroom and tell him to keep it quiet. A good relationship is not one where you have to be side by side every second. And it's not focused on one person (or one person's disease). CF shouldn't control your relationship or you. When you learn to work around it, he will too. These are things I've learned after several good and bad relationships.
~Aimee, 27 PA & MRSA

AimeeSue82 · Oct 20, 2010

I'm sorry to say this, but I think you're both being immature. Yes, he should realize you need a routine with your treatments and health. But you need to realize he isn't there to be your doctor or your mom. You're the only person who knows when you're feeling run down or congested or just blah. He can't predict that and if you don't tell him, he'll never know. Running out of the room during a confrontation, is a childish way to behave. Sit there, cry and talk to him. Also, you don't always have to go to bed at the same time. If it prevents you from getting sick and him from getting angry about not being able to play xbox, go to bed without him, or move the xbox into the bedroom and tell him to keep it quiet. A good relationship is not one where you have to be side by side every second. And it's not focused on one person (or one person's disease). CF shouldn't control your relationship or you. When you learn to work around it, he will too. These are things I've learned after several good and bad relationships.
 ~Aimee, 27 PA & MRSA

BethanyAnne · Oct 21, 2010

I am very vocal about it...and as soon as I came back in the room and crie in front of him he got irritated and said why r u crying in a nasty tone...I knew he would do that and that is why I ran out of the room in the first place...I'm not one to ask for sympathy and so I did't want to seem like it by crying. Trust me I know we don't have to be side by side all the time because he travels a lot so most of the time I am without him. I know all about long distance...out of the 4 1/2 yrs we've been together we have been long distance for 2 straight and even still living together he goes out on tour a lot.
When this happened, I had been out of town for 2 days and we had a friend coming to live with us for a month the next night so I thought it would be nice (on top of the fact that we made a pact to go to bed earlier for both of our health) to sleep together because of that as well...

BethanyAnne · Oct 21, 2010

I am very vocal about it...and as soon as I came back in the room and crie in front of him he got irritated and said why r u crying in a nasty tone...I knew he would do that and that is why I ran out of the room in the first place...I'm not one to ask for sympathy and so I did't want to seem like it by crying. Trust me I know we don't have to be side by side all the time because he travels a lot so most of the time I am without him. I know all about long distance...out of the 4 1/2 yrs we've been together we have been long distance for 2 straight and even still living together he goes out on tour a lot.
When this happened, I had been out of town for 2 days and we had a friend coming to live with us for a month the next night so I thought it would be nice (on top of the fact that we made a pact to go to bed earlier for both of our health) to sleep together because of that as well...

BethanyAnne · Oct 21, 2010

I am very vocal about it...and as soon as I came back in the room and crie in front of him he got irritated and said why r u crying in a nasty tone...I knew he would do that and that is why I ran out of the room in the first place...I'm not one to ask for sympathy and so I did't want to seem like it by crying. Trust me I know we don't have to be side by side all the time because he travels a lot so most of the time I am without him. I know all about long distance...out of the 4 1/2 yrs we've been together we have been long distance for 2 straight and even still living together he goes out on tour a lot.
 When this happened, I had been out of town for 2 days and we had a friend coming to live with us for a month the next night so I thought it would be nice (on top of the fact that we made a pact to go to bed earlier for both of our health) to sleep together because of that as well...

CountryGirl · Oct 21, 2010

Hey, ok. I'm not in a relationship right at this moment because my boyfriend broke up with me because he can't deal with the wait for a lung transplant and all the realities that come a long with it. But my dad and I and my sister all read this and have come to the same conclusion...

This guy needs to be given the boot! A relationship is about give and take and it seems to me like he is doing a lot of taking and no giving. Even when I was dating my boyfriend, he would have to go to bed early some nights bc he would need to wake up early for field excercises (he was in the army) so I would go to bed early too, I maybe didn't go to sleep at the same time but I went to bed and read after he fell asleep. He compromised with me having to sleep with a loud Oxygen concentrator and he took extra care in where he parked and other thoughtful things so that I didn't get as short of breath or have to work as hard to do things. Your boyfriend needs to do the same thing for you! He should not be talking to you in snide remarks about your crying, he should be comforting your sad emotions. At the very least a break to figure out where you guys are at and what you are looking for in eachother.

CountryGirl · Oct 21, 2010

Hey, ok. I'm not in a relationship right at this moment because my boyfriend broke up with me because he can't deal with the wait for a lung transplant and all the realities that come a long with it. But my dad and I and my sister all read this and have come to the same conclusion...

This guy needs to be given the boot! A relationship is about give and take and it seems to me like he is doing a lot of taking and no giving. Even when I was dating my boyfriend, he would have to go to bed early some nights bc he would need to wake up early for field excercises (he was in the army) so I would go to bed early too, I maybe didn't go to sleep at the same time but I went to bed and read after he fell asleep. He compromised with me having to sleep with a loud Oxygen concentrator and he took extra care in where he parked and other thoughtful things so that I didn't get as short of breath or have to work as hard to do things. Your boyfriend needs to do the same thing for you! He should not be talking to you in snide remarks about your crying, he should be comforting your sad emotions. At the very least a break to figure out where you guys are at and what you are looking for in eachother.

Feeling lonely even with a partner

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