Friends and boundaries

W

welshwitch

Guest
Okay, so even though I am 28 and definitely not a kid anymore, I sometimes feel like I am acting immature.

I am very secretive about my CF. My family and good friends and boyfriend all know about it. I talk to my boyfriend about it when we need to, I fill him in on what happens at my doctor appointments and my fears and stresses with it. Same with my parents. But for some reason I have a hard time talking to my friends about it.

Background: my friends all know I have CF. We kind of have this tacit understanding that it's an open dialogue, but that they all know that I don't like to talk about it. Most of them understand that, that it's painful for me, and that I am handling this fine.

I have one friend who is a social worker by profession. She's really pretty "open" about most things in her life. She talks freely about all of her diseases and anxiety. The other day we were talking about doctors and she wanted to chat about my CF doctor and the ways that I take care of it. I completely clammed up and basically said, "I really don't like talking about this" and she said, "Then we won't talk about it." I felt a little bad for not being able to be as open about things as she is with her stuff.

Anyhoo, I wanted to get some insight on the best way to deal with curious friends. I know she is just concerned, but I also have boundaries and I'm comfortable talking about CF with some people and not others. I can't bring myself to be "open" about my condition like she and some people are.

Thoughts?
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Okay, so even though I am 28 and definitely not a kid anymore, I sometimes feel like I am acting immature.

I am very secretive about my CF. My family and good friends and boyfriend all know about it. I talk to my boyfriend about it when we need to, I fill him in on what happens at my doctor appointments and my fears and stresses with it. Same with my parents. But for some reason I have a hard time talking to my friends about it.

Background: my friends all know I have CF. We kind of have this tacit understanding that it's an open dialogue, but that they all know that I don't like to talk about it. Most of them understand that, that it's painful for me, and that I am handling this fine.

I have one friend who is a social worker by profession. She's really pretty "open" about most things in her life. She talks freely about all of her diseases and anxiety. The other day we were talking about doctors and she wanted to chat about my CF doctor and the ways that I take care of it. I completely clammed up and basically said, "I really don't like talking about this" and she said, "Then we won't talk about it." I felt a little bad for not being able to be as open about things as she is with her stuff.

Anyhoo, I wanted to get some insight on the best way to deal with curious friends. I know she is just concerned, but I also have boundaries and I'm comfortable talking about CF with some people and not others. I can't bring myself to be "open" about my condition like she and some people are.

Thoughts?
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Okay, so even though I am 28 and definitely not a kid anymore, I sometimes feel like I am acting immature.

I am very secretive about my CF. My family and good friends and boyfriend all know about it. I talk to my boyfriend about it when we need to, I fill him in on what happens at my doctor appointments and my fears and stresses with it. Same with my parents. But for some reason I have a hard time talking to my friends about it.

Background: my friends all know I have CF. We kind of have this tacit understanding that it's an open dialogue, but that they all know that I don't like to talk about it. Most of them understand that, that it's painful for me, and that I am handling this fine.

I have one friend who is a social worker by profession. She's really pretty "open" about most things in her life. She talks freely about all of her diseases and anxiety. The other day we were talking about doctors and she wanted to chat about my CF doctor and the ways that I take care of it. I completely clammed up and basically said, "I really don't like talking about this" and she said, "Then we won't talk about it." I felt a little bad for not being able to be as open about things as she is with her stuff.

Anyhoo, I wanted to get some insight on the best way to deal with curious friends. I know she is just concerned, but I also have boundaries and I'm comfortable talking about CF with some people and not others. I can't bring myself to be "open" about my condition like she and some people are.

Thoughts?
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Okay, so even though I am 28 and definitely not a kid anymore, I sometimes feel like I am acting immature.

I am very secretive about my CF. My family and good friends and boyfriend all know about it. I talk to my boyfriend about it when we need to, I fill him in on what happens at my doctor appointments and my fears and stresses with it. Same with my parents. But for some reason I have a hard time talking to my friends about it.

Background: my friends all know I have CF. We kind of have this tacit understanding that it's an open dialogue, but that they all know that I don't like to talk about it. Most of them understand that, that it's painful for me, and that I am handling this fine.

I have one friend who is a social worker by profession. She's really pretty "open" about most things in her life. She talks freely about all of her diseases and anxiety. The other day we were talking about doctors and she wanted to chat about my CF doctor and the ways that I take care of it. I completely clammed up and basically said, "I really don't like talking about this" and she said, "Then we won't talk about it." I felt a little bad for not being able to be as open about things as she is with her stuff.

Anyhoo, I wanted to get some insight on the best way to deal with curious friends. I know she is just concerned, but I also have boundaries and I'm comfortable talking about CF with some people and not others. I can't bring myself to be "open" about my condition like she and some people are.

Thoughts?
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Okay, so even though I am 28 and definitely not a kid anymore, I sometimes feel like I am acting immature.
<br />
<br />I am very secretive about my CF. My family and good friends and boyfriend all know about it. I talk to my boyfriend about it when we need to, I fill him in on what happens at my doctor appointments and my fears and stresses with it. Same with my parents. But for some reason I have a hard time talking to my friends about it.
<br />
<br />Background: my friends all know I have CF. We kind of have this tacit understanding that it's an open dialogue, but that they all know that I don't like to talk about it. Most of them understand that, that it's painful for me, and that I am handling this fine.
<br />
<br />I have one friend who is a social worker by profession. She's really pretty "open" about most things in her life. She talks freely about all of her diseases and anxiety. The other day we were talking about doctors and she wanted to chat about my CF doctor and the ways that I take care of it. I completely clammed up and basically said, "I really don't like talking about this" and she said, "Then we won't talk about it." I felt a little bad for not being able to be as open about things as she is with her stuff.
<br />
<br />Anyhoo, I wanted to get some insight on the best way to deal with curious friends. I know she is just concerned, but I also have boundaries and I'm comfortable talking about CF with some people and not others. I can't bring myself to be "open" about my condition like she and some people are.
<br />
<br />Thoughts?
 
C

cfsucks

Guest
i think only a couple of my friends know. i don't think that i need to share it with others.
 
C

cfsucks

Guest
i think only a couple of my friends know. i don't think that i need to share it with others.
 
C

cfsucks

Guest
i think only a couple of my friends know. i don't think that i need to share it with others.
 
C

cfsucks

Guest
i think only a couple of my friends know. i don't think that i need to share it with others.
 
C

cfsucks

Guest
i think only a couple of my friends know. i don't think that i need to share it with others.
 
S

Solo

New member
Well I am pretty much open about my having CF, but I don't broadcast it to everyone. Most of my acquaintances at work know that I have CF, but that's where our discussion usually ends; they just know of it, they do not hold intimate knowledge. If you asked them anything about it, I'm practically certain that none of them have any idea what I do everyday. I think 1 person might know that I do the therapy vest, but that person definitely beats the odds. I'm pretty sure they think the reason I don't go out and party with them is I'm a hermit and would rather sit at home motionless, when the truth is most of them have no clue how pro-active I've been on my health, and they have no idea of the things I do just to maintain a good quality of health.

Anyways I'm pretty pissed, because this guy at my job went home Thursday with a severe form of diarrhea, and most likely I caught whatever bug or virus he had, as I've had to call out 4 days in a row because of throwing up, stomach pains, etc. I was unable to have a bowel movement since Thursday, so I was obviously getting a little worried, but it must've been because of the pain pills I was doping myself with, when I finally was able to go, it's like I was giving birth. Needless to say I no longer feel bad, although my stomach still is a little upset. This bug really kicked my ass. I'm just glad that I was in such good health when I got it, for if not, I'd probably been hospitalized. O well, here's to one hurdle I successfully maneuvered over.
 
S

Solo

New member
Well I am pretty much open about my having CF, but I don't broadcast it to everyone. Most of my acquaintances at work know that I have CF, but that's where our discussion usually ends; they just know of it, they do not hold intimate knowledge. If you asked them anything about it, I'm practically certain that none of them have any idea what I do everyday. I think 1 person might know that I do the therapy vest, but that person definitely beats the odds. I'm pretty sure they think the reason I don't go out and party with them is I'm a hermit and would rather sit at home motionless, when the truth is most of them have no clue how pro-active I've been on my health, and they have no idea of the things I do just to maintain a good quality of health.

Anyways I'm pretty pissed, because this guy at my job went home Thursday with a severe form of diarrhea, and most likely I caught whatever bug or virus he had, as I've had to call out 4 days in a row because of throwing up, stomach pains, etc. I was unable to have a bowel movement since Thursday, so I was obviously getting a little worried, but it must've been because of the pain pills I was doping myself with, when I finally was able to go, it's like I was giving birth. Needless to say I no longer feel bad, although my stomach still is a little upset. This bug really kicked my ass. I'm just glad that I was in such good health when I got it, for if not, I'd probably been hospitalized. O well, here's to one hurdle I successfully maneuvered over.
 
S

Solo

New member
Well I am pretty much open about my having CF, but I don't broadcast it to everyone. Most of my acquaintances at work know that I have CF, but that's where our discussion usually ends; they just know of it, they do not hold intimate knowledge. If you asked them anything about it, I'm practically certain that none of them have any idea what I do everyday. I think 1 person might know that I do the therapy vest, but that person definitely beats the odds. I'm pretty sure they think the reason I don't go out and party with them is I'm a hermit and would rather sit at home motionless, when the truth is most of them have no clue how pro-active I've been on my health, and they have no idea of the things I do just to maintain a good quality of health.

Anyways I'm pretty pissed, because this guy at my job went home Thursday with a severe form of diarrhea, and most likely I caught whatever bug or virus he had, as I've had to call out 4 days in a row because of throwing up, stomach pains, etc. I was unable to have a bowel movement since Thursday, so I was obviously getting a little worried, but it must've been because of the pain pills I was doping myself with, when I finally was able to go, it's like I was giving birth. Needless to say I no longer feel bad, although my stomach still is a little upset. This bug really kicked my ass. I'm just glad that I was in such good health when I got it, for if not, I'd probably been hospitalized. O well, here's to one hurdle I successfully maneuvered over.
 
S

Solo

New member
Well I am pretty much open about my having CF, but I don't broadcast it to everyone. Most of my acquaintances at work know that I have CF, but that's where our discussion usually ends; they just know of it, they do not hold intimate knowledge. If you asked them anything about it, I'm practically certain that none of them have any idea what I do everyday. I think 1 person might know that I do the therapy vest, but that person definitely beats the odds. I'm pretty sure they think the reason I don't go out and party with them is I'm a hermit and would rather sit at home motionless, when the truth is most of them have no clue how pro-active I've been on my health, and they have no idea of the things I do just to maintain a good quality of health.

Anyways I'm pretty pissed, because this guy at my job went home Thursday with a severe form of diarrhea, and most likely I caught whatever bug or virus he had, as I've had to call out 4 days in a row because of throwing up, stomach pains, etc. I was unable to have a bowel movement since Thursday, so I was obviously getting a little worried, but it must've been because of the pain pills I was doping myself with, when I finally was able to go, it's like I was giving birth. Needless to say I no longer feel bad, although my stomach still is a little upset. This bug really kicked my ass. I'm just glad that I was in such good health when I got it, for if not, I'd probably been hospitalized. O well, here's to one hurdle I successfully maneuvered over.
 
S

Solo

New member
Well I am pretty much open about my having CF, but I don't broadcast it to everyone. Most of my acquaintances at work know that I have CF, but that's where our discussion usually ends; they just know of it, they do not hold intimate knowledge. If you asked them anything about it, I'm practically certain that none of them have any idea what I do everyday. I think 1 person might know that I do the therapy vest, but that person definitely beats the odds. I'm pretty sure they think the reason I don't go out and party with them is I'm a hermit and would rather sit at home motionless, when the truth is most of them have no clue how pro-active I've been on my health, and they have no idea of the things I do just to maintain a good quality of health.
<br />
<br />Anyways I'm pretty pissed, because this guy at my job went home Thursday with a severe form of diarrhea, and most likely I caught whatever bug or virus he had, as I've had to call out 4 days in a row because of throwing up, stomach pains, etc. I was unable to have a bowel movement since Thursday, so I was obviously getting a little worried, but it must've been because of the pain pills I was doping myself with, when I finally was able to go, it's like I was giving birth. Needless to say I no longer feel bad, although my stomach still is a little upset. This bug really kicked my ass. I'm just glad that I was in such good health when I got it, for if not, I'd probably been hospitalized. O well, here's to one hurdle I successfully maneuvered over.
<br />
 
M

Mockingbird

New member
As I grow older, I find more and more that I need to be open with my CF to the people around me. I think when I have a friend and I do not talk about my CF with them, I am basically denying them the ability to be a friend to me.

I'm not even sure why I felt the need to be secretive about CF in the first place. Am I trying to appear strong? Am i trying to protect other people from reality? Or am I just trying to protect myself? Or is it that I just have a problem trusting people? I think it is a combination of the last two. Opening up to people leaves me vulnerable, and I have a hard time trusting people not to hurt me.

I realize that different personality types comes into play here; some people are comfortable with lots and lots of come-and-go type friendships, while others prefer only a few close friends. Even so, I think that it is important for me to learn to open up to people so that I can develop those close friendships.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I do think it is important to have boundaries, but we should also take care those boundaries don't get so high they cut us off from developing some true frindships.

It is like that poem by Elinor Wylie, Sanctuary
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>THIS is the bricklayer; hear the thud
Of his heavy load dumped down on stone.
His lustrous bricks are brighter than blood,
His smoking mortar whiter than bone.

Set each sharp-edged, fire-bitten brick
Straight by the plumb-line's shivering length;
Make my marvelous wall so thick
Dead nor living may shake its strength.

Full as a crystal cup with drink
Is my cell with dreams, and quiet, and cool. . . .
Stop, old man! You must leave a chink;
How can I breathe? You can't, you fool! </end quote></div>
I like this poem because I'm the type of person who gets hurt very easily, and I do tend to seal myself off from everyone in order to protect myself, and I think cutting myself off from everyone is a lot like cutting off my air supply. I need friends because I can't do it on my own.

Even if I do have one or two people who I can be open with, it really isn't enough. No matter how close I am to someone, they are not going to be reliable all the time, and I have to think about where I'm going to be able to turn when they let me down.

Also, I have to consider how much pressure I am putting on those one or two people because it hurts me so much when they let me down. Having other friends takes the pressure off of them, and it protects me from getting hurt so much.
 
M

Mockingbird

New member
As I grow older, I find more and more that I need to be open with my CF to the people around me. I think when I have a friend and I do not talk about my CF with them, I am basically denying them the ability to be a friend to me.

I'm not even sure why I felt the need to be secretive about CF in the first place. Am I trying to appear strong? Am i trying to protect other people from reality? Or am I just trying to protect myself? Or is it that I just have a problem trusting people? I think it is a combination of the last two. Opening up to people leaves me vulnerable, and I have a hard time trusting people not to hurt me.

I realize that different personality types comes into play here; some people are comfortable with lots and lots of come-and-go type friendships, while others prefer only a few close friends. Even so, I think that it is important for me to learn to open up to people so that I can develop those close friendships.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I do think it is important to have boundaries, but we should also take care those boundaries don't get so high they cut us off from developing some true frindships.

It is like that poem by Elinor Wylie, Sanctuary
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>THIS is the bricklayer; hear the thud
Of his heavy load dumped down on stone.
His lustrous bricks are brighter than blood,
His smoking mortar whiter than bone.

Set each sharp-edged, fire-bitten brick
Straight by the plumb-line's shivering length;
Make my marvelous wall so thick
Dead nor living may shake its strength.

Full as a crystal cup with drink
Is my cell with dreams, and quiet, and cool. . . .
Stop, old man! You must leave a chink;
How can I breathe? You can't, you fool! </end quote></div>
I like this poem because I'm the type of person who gets hurt very easily, and I do tend to seal myself off from everyone in order to protect myself, and I think cutting myself off from everyone is a lot like cutting off my air supply. I need friends because I can't do it on my own.

Even if I do have one or two people who I can be open with, it really isn't enough. No matter how close I am to someone, they are not going to be reliable all the time, and I have to think about where I'm going to be able to turn when they let me down.

Also, I have to consider how much pressure I am putting on those one or two people because it hurts me so much when they let me down. Having other friends takes the pressure off of them, and it protects me from getting hurt so much.
 
M

Mockingbird

New member
As I grow older, I find more and more that I need to be open with my CF to the people around me. I think when I have a friend and I do not talk about my CF with them, I am basically denying them the ability to be a friend to me.

I'm not even sure why I felt the need to be secretive about CF in the first place. Am I trying to appear strong? Am i trying to protect other people from reality? Or am I just trying to protect myself? Or is it that I just have a problem trusting people? I think it is a combination of the last two. Opening up to people leaves me vulnerable, and I have a hard time trusting people not to hurt me.

I realize that different personality types comes into play here; some people are comfortable with lots and lots of come-and-go type friendships, while others prefer only a few close friends. Even so, I think that it is important for me to learn to open up to people so that I can develop those close friendships.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I do think it is important to have boundaries, but we should also take care those boundaries don't get so high they cut us off from developing some true frindships.

It is like that poem by Elinor Wylie, Sanctuary
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>THIS is the bricklayer; hear the thud
Of his heavy load dumped down on stone.
His lustrous bricks are brighter than blood,
His smoking mortar whiter than bone.

Set each sharp-edged, fire-bitten brick
Straight by the plumb-line's shivering length;
Make my marvelous wall so thick
Dead nor living may shake its strength.

Full as a crystal cup with drink
Is my cell with dreams, and quiet, and cool. . . .
Stop, old man! You must leave a chink;
How can I breathe? You can't, you fool! </end quote></div>
I like this poem because I'm the type of person who gets hurt very easily, and I do tend to seal myself off from everyone in order to protect myself, and I think cutting myself off from everyone is a lot like cutting off my air supply. I need friends because I can't do it on my own.

Even if I do have one or two people who I can be open with, it really isn't enough. No matter how close I am to someone, they are not going to be reliable all the time, and I have to think about where I'm going to be able to turn when they let me down.

Also, I have to consider how much pressure I am putting on those one or two people because it hurts me so much when they let me down. Having other friends takes the pressure off of them, and it protects me from getting hurt so much.
 
M

Mockingbird

New member
As I grow older, I find more and more that I need to be open with my CF to the people around me. I think when I have a friend and I do not talk about my CF with them, I am basically denying them the ability to be a friend to me.

I'm not even sure why I felt the need to be secretive about CF in the first place. Am I trying to appear strong? Am i trying to protect other people from reality? Or am I just trying to protect myself? Or is it that I just have a problem trusting people? I think it is a combination of the last two. Opening up to people leaves me vulnerable, and I have a hard time trusting people not to hurt me.

I realize that different personality types comes into play here; some people are comfortable with lots and lots of come-and-go type friendships, while others prefer only a few close friends. Even so, I think that it is important for me to learn to open up to people so that I can develop those close friendships.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I do think it is important to have boundaries, but we should also take care those boundaries don't get so high they cut us off from developing some true frindships.

It is like that poem by Elinor Wylie, Sanctuary
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>THIS is the bricklayer; hear the thud
Of his heavy load dumped down on stone.
His lustrous bricks are brighter than blood,
His smoking mortar whiter than bone.

Set each sharp-edged, fire-bitten brick
Straight by the plumb-line's shivering length;
Make my marvelous wall so thick
Dead nor living may shake its strength.

Full as a crystal cup with drink
Is my cell with dreams, and quiet, and cool. . . .
Stop, old man! You must leave a chink;
How can I breathe? You can't, you fool! </end quote>
I like this poem because I'm the type of person who gets hurt very easily, and I do tend to seal myself off from everyone in order to protect myself, and I think cutting myself off from everyone is a lot like cutting off my air supply. I need friends because I can't do it on my own.

Even if I do have one or two people who I can be open with, it really isn't enough. No matter how close I am to someone, they are not going to be reliable all the time, and I have to think about where I'm going to be able to turn when they let me down.

Also, I have to consider how much pressure I am putting on those one or two people because it hurts me so much when they let me down. Having other friends takes the pressure off of them, and it protects me from getting hurt so much.
 
M

Mockingbird

New member
As I grow older, I find more and more that I need to be open with my CF to the people around me. I think when I have a friend and I do not talk about my CF with them, I am basically denying them the ability to be a friend to me.
<br />
<br />I'm not even sure why I felt the need to be secretive about CF in the first place. Am I trying to appear strong? Am i trying to protect other people from reality? Or am I just trying to protect myself? Or is it that I just have a problem trusting people? I think it is a combination of the last two. Opening up to people leaves me vulnerable, and I have a hard time trusting people not to hurt me.
<br />
<br />I realize that different personality types comes into play here; some people are comfortable with lots and lots of come-and-go type friendships, while others prefer only a few close friends. Even so, I think that it is important for me to learn to open up to people so that I can develop those close friendships.
<br />
<br />Anyway, those are my thoughts. I do think it is important to have boundaries, but we should also take care those boundaries don't get so high they cut us off from developing some true frindships.
<br />
<br />It is like that poem by Elinor Wylie, Sanctuary
<br /><div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>THIS is the bricklayer; hear the thud
<br />Of his heavy load dumped down on stone.
<br />His lustrous bricks are brighter than blood,
<br />His smoking mortar whiter than bone.
<br />
<br />Set each sharp-edged, fire-bitten brick
<br />Straight by the plumb-line's shivering length;
<br />Make my marvelous wall so thick
<br />Dead nor living may shake its strength.
<br />
<br />Full as a crystal cup with drink
<br />Is my cell with dreams, and quiet, and cool. . . .
<br />Stop, old man! You must leave a chink;
<br />How can I breathe? You can't, you fool! </end quote>
<br />I like this poem because I'm the type of person who gets hurt very easily, and I do tend to seal myself off from everyone in order to protect myself, and I think cutting myself off from everyone is a lot like cutting off my air supply. I need friends because I can't do it on my own.
<br />
<br />Even if I do have one or two people who I can be open with, it really isn't enough. No matter how close I am to someone, they are not going to be reliable all the time, and I have to think about where I'm going to be able to turn when they let me down.
<br />
<br />Also, I have to consider how much pressure I am putting on those one or two people because it hurts me so much when they let me down. Having other friends takes the pressure off of them, and it protects me from getting hurt so much.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top