Having a hard time...

Havoc

New member
Given that you are 20yo, I suspect that your parents did not know they were carriers. Another important question might be are you an only/first child and if not do you any of your siblings have CF? If you have brothers or sisters without CF that only reinforces that your parents were unaware of their carrier status.

Your situation seems to be loosely following the Kubler-Ross stages of grief. While you are not grieving over the loss of a loved one, you are grieving for yourself. Right now, you are in the anger stage. It's easier for you to blame your parents for what you have than accept it. Not everyone goes through the stages the same, but the point is that eventually you will be able to accept that you have CF and anything less than dealing with it is only going to hurt you.

Regarding your not having sat down and discussed this with your parents. How do you know how they will react until you actually sit down and chat with them? I think you know already that you are misplacing blame and that if you approach your parents, they will call you on it and tell you to "suck it up." So, instead you posted here looking for confirmation that you aren't the only one who blames their parents (or it's ok to blame your parents). However, I'm fairly confident that you won't find that confirmation here either.

To make an analogy, imagine that a loved one of yours died in a car crash as a passenger in a car with an intoxicated driver. You could react in several ways. You might be irate at the driver of the car for being irresponsible and driving under the influence, you might channel your anger and lobby for tougher DUI enforcement. However, the fact remains that your loved one is dead and none of these things is going to change that. Now, lets change perspective a bit. Put yourself in the driver's shoes. How would you feel? Would you want to sit down and have a chat with a relative of the person who died as a result of your carelessness? How do you think you would react if someone came to you with accusations that it was all your fault? Apply the answers to those questions to your parents. This scenario is "worst case" assuming your parents knew they were carriers.(i.e. the driver knew that he was intox. and took a risk, similarly, your parents knew they were carriers and took a risk). If they did not know, then you would have to substitute a scenario in which there is no apparent fault.

Hopefully, you will take from the posts here that the only real constructive thing to do is realize that it doesn't matter whether or not anyone was at fault. You have CF and until there is a cure you have no choice but to deal with it.

This probably won't be an easy or quick process for you. I wish you luck.
 

Havoc

New member
Given that you are 20yo, I suspect that your parents did not know they were carriers. Another important question might be are you an only/first child and if not do you any of your siblings have CF? If you have brothers or sisters without CF that only reinforces that your parents were unaware of their carrier status.

Your situation seems to be loosely following the Kubler-Ross stages of grief. While you are not grieving over the loss of a loved one, you are grieving for yourself. Right now, you are in the anger stage. It's easier for you to blame your parents for what you have than accept it. Not everyone goes through the stages the same, but the point is that eventually you will be able to accept that you have CF and anything less than dealing with it is only going to hurt you.

Regarding your not having sat down and discussed this with your parents. How do you know how they will react until you actually sit down and chat with them? I think you know already that you are misplacing blame and that if you approach your parents, they will call you on it and tell you to "suck it up." So, instead you posted here looking for confirmation that you aren't the only one who blames their parents (or it's ok to blame your parents). However, I'm fairly confident that you won't find that confirmation here either.

To make an analogy, imagine that a loved one of yours died in a car crash as a passenger in a car with an intoxicated driver. You could react in several ways. You might be irate at the driver of the car for being irresponsible and driving under the influence, you might channel your anger and lobby for tougher DUI enforcement. However, the fact remains that your loved one is dead and none of these things is going to change that. Now, lets change perspective a bit. Put yourself in the driver's shoes. How would you feel? Would you want to sit down and have a chat with a relative of the person who died as a result of your carelessness? How do you think you would react if someone came to you with accusations that it was all your fault? Apply the answers to those questions to your parents. This scenario is "worst case" assuming your parents knew they were carriers.(i.e. the driver knew that he was intox. and took a risk, similarly, your parents knew they were carriers and took a risk). If they did not know, then you would have to substitute a scenario in which there is no apparent fault.

Hopefully, you will take from the posts here that the only real constructive thing to do is realize that it doesn't matter whether or not anyone was at fault. You have CF and until there is a cure you have no choice but to deal with it.

This probably won't be an easy or quick process for you. I wish you luck.
 

Havoc

New member
Given that you are 20yo, I suspect that your parents did not know they were carriers. Another important question might be are you an only/first child and if not do you any of your siblings have CF? If you have brothers or sisters without CF that only reinforces that your parents were unaware of their carrier status.

Your situation seems to be loosely following the Kubler-Ross stages of grief. While you are not grieving over the loss of a loved one, you are grieving for yourself. Right now, you are in the anger stage. It's easier for you to blame your parents for what you have than accept it. Not everyone goes through the stages the same, but the point is that eventually you will be able to accept that you have CF and anything less than dealing with it is only going to hurt you.

Regarding your not having sat down and discussed this with your parents. How do you know how they will react until you actually sit down and chat with them? I think you know already that you are misplacing blame and that if you approach your parents, they will call you on it and tell you to "suck it up." So, instead you posted here looking for confirmation that you aren't the only one who blames their parents (or it's ok to blame your parents). However, I'm fairly confident that you won't find that confirmation here either.

To make an analogy, imagine that a loved one of yours died in a car crash as a passenger in a car with an intoxicated driver. You could react in several ways. You might be irate at the driver of the car for being irresponsible and driving under the influence, you might channel your anger and lobby for tougher DUI enforcement. However, the fact remains that your loved one is dead and none of these things is going to change that. Now, lets change perspective a bit. Put yourself in the driver's shoes. How would you feel? Would you want to sit down and have a chat with a relative of the person who died as a result of your carelessness? How do you think you would react if someone came to you with accusations that it was all your fault? Apply the answers to those questions to your parents. This scenario is "worst case" assuming your parents knew they were carriers.(i.e. the driver knew that he was intox. and took a risk, similarly, your parents knew they were carriers and took a risk). If they did not know, then you would have to substitute a scenario in which there is no apparent fault.

Hopefully, you will take from the posts here that the only real constructive thing to do is realize that it doesn't matter whether or not anyone was at fault. You have CF and until there is a cure you have no choice but to deal with it.

This probably won't be an easy or quick process for you. I wish you luck.
 

Havoc

New member
Given that you are 20yo, I suspect that your parents did not know they were carriers. Another important question might be are you an only/first child and if not do you any of your siblings have CF? If you have brothers or sisters without CF that only reinforces that your parents were unaware of their carrier status.

Your situation seems to be loosely following the Kubler-Ross stages of grief. While you are not grieving over the loss of a loved one, you are grieving for yourself. Right now, you are in the anger stage. It's easier for you to blame your parents for what you have than accept it. Not everyone goes through the stages the same, but the point is that eventually you will be able to accept that you have CF and anything less than dealing with it is only going to hurt you.

Regarding your not having sat down and discussed this with your parents. How do you know how they will react until you actually sit down and chat with them? I think you know already that you are misplacing blame and that if you approach your parents, they will call you on it and tell you to "suck it up." So, instead you posted here looking for confirmation that you aren't the only one who blames their parents (or it's ok to blame your parents). However, I'm fairly confident that you won't find that confirmation here either.

To make an analogy, imagine that a loved one of yours died in a car crash as a passenger in a car with an intoxicated driver. You could react in several ways. You might be irate at the driver of the car for being irresponsible and driving under the influence, you might channel your anger and lobby for tougher DUI enforcement. However, the fact remains that your loved one is dead and none of these things is going to change that. Now, lets change perspective a bit. Put yourself in the driver's shoes. How would you feel? Would you want to sit down and have a chat with a relative of the person who died as a result of your carelessness? How do you think you would react if someone came to you with accusations that it was all your fault? Apply the answers to those questions to your parents. This scenario is "worst case" assuming your parents knew they were carriers.(i.e. the driver knew that he was intox. and took a risk, similarly, your parents knew they were carriers and took a risk). If they did not know, then you would have to substitute a scenario in which there is no apparent fault.

Hopefully, you will take from the posts here that the only real constructive thing to do is realize that it doesn't matter whether or not anyone was at fault. You have CF and until there is a cure you have no choice but to deal with it.

This probably won't be an easy or quick process for you. I wish you luck.
 

Havoc

New member
Given that you are 20yo, I suspect that your parents did not know they were carriers. Another important question might be are you an only/first child and if not do you any of your siblings have CF? If you have brothers or sisters without CF that only reinforces that your parents were unaware of their carrier status.
<br />
<br />Your situation seems to be loosely following the Kubler-Ross stages of grief. While you are not grieving over the loss of a loved one, you are grieving for yourself. Right now, you are in the anger stage. It's easier for you to blame your parents for what you have than accept it. Not everyone goes through the stages the same, but the point is that eventually you will be able to accept that you have CF and anything less than dealing with it is only going to hurt you.
<br />
<br />Regarding your not having sat down and discussed this with your parents. How do you know how they will react until you actually sit down and chat with them? I think you know already that you are misplacing blame and that if you approach your parents, they will call you on it and tell you to "suck it up." So, instead you posted here looking for confirmation that you aren't the only one who blames their parents (or it's ok to blame your parents). However, I'm fairly confident that you won't find that confirmation here either.
<br />
<br />To make an analogy, imagine that a loved one of yours died in a car crash as a passenger in a car with an intoxicated driver. You could react in several ways. You might be irate at the driver of the car for being irresponsible and driving under the influence, you might channel your anger and lobby for tougher DUI enforcement. However, the fact remains that your loved one is dead and none of these things is going to change that. Now, lets change perspective a bit. Put yourself in the driver's shoes. How would you feel? Would you want to sit down and have a chat with a relative of the person who died as a result of your carelessness? How do you think you would react if someone came to you with accusations that it was all your fault? Apply the answers to those questions to your parents. This scenario is "worst case" assuming your parents knew they were carriers.(i.e. the driver knew that he was intox. and took a risk, similarly, your parents knew they were carriers and took a risk). If they did not know, then you would have to substitute a scenario in which there is no apparent fault.
<br />
<br />Hopefully, you will take from the posts here that the only real constructive thing to do is realize that it doesn't matter whether or not anyone was at fault. You have CF and until there is a cure you have no choice but to deal with it.
<br />
<br />This probably won't be an easy or quick process for you. I wish you luck.
 

rcq925

New member
Wow! You post really saddened me! As the parent of a child with CF, the guilt I feel for her having CF is ENORMOUS!! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think to myself that it is half my fault she has CF (even though we did not know we were carriers and actually as many others, had no idea what CF was!).

I truly hope you can find some way to talk to your parents about your feelings and at least give them a chance to respond and let you know how much they truly love you and wouldn't trade you for anything!

I know that every day I am grateful for my daughter, I cannot imagine my world without her! I hate CF and what it has already done to her in her short life, but I would not trade her for anything in the world and I bet your parents feel the same way about you!

I hope you find a way to be able to talk with them and about these feelings you are having!
 

rcq925

New member
Wow! You post really saddened me! As the parent of a child with CF, the guilt I feel for her having CF is ENORMOUS!! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think to myself that it is half my fault she has CF (even though we did not know we were carriers and actually as many others, had no idea what CF was!).

I truly hope you can find some way to talk to your parents about your feelings and at least give them a chance to respond and let you know how much they truly love you and wouldn't trade you for anything!

I know that every day I am grateful for my daughter, I cannot imagine my world without her! I hate CF and what it has already done to her in her short life, but I would not trade her for anything in the world and I bet your parents feel the same way about you!

I hope you find a way to be able to talk with them and about these feelings you are having!
 

rcq925

New member
Wow! You post really saddened me! As the parent of a child with CF, the guilt I feel for her having CF is ENORMOUS!! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think to myself that it is half my fault she has CF (even though we did not know we were carriers and actually as many others, had no idea what CF was!).

I truly hope you can find some way to talk to your parents about your feelings and at least give them a chance to respond and let you know how much they truly love you and wouldn't trade you for anything!

I know that every day I am grateful for my daughter, I cannot imagine my world without her! I hate CF and what it has already done to her in her short life, but I would not trade her for anything in the world and I bet your parents feel the same way about you!

I hope you find a way to be able to talk with them and about these feelings you are having!
 

rcq925

New member
Wow! You post really saddened me! As the parent of a child with CF, the guilt I feel for her having CF is ENORMOUS!! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think to myself that it is half my fault she has CF (even though we did not know we were carriers and actually as many others, had no idea what CF was!).

I truly hope you can find some way to talk to your parents about your feelings and at least give them a chance to respond and let you know how much they truly love you and wouldn't trade you for anything!

I know that every day I am grateful for my daughter, I cannot imagine my world without her! I hate CF and what it has already done to her in her short life, but I would not trade her for anything in the world and I bet your parents feel the same way about you!

I hope you find a way to be able to talk with them and about these feelings you are having!
 

rcq925

New member
Wow! You post really saddened me! As the parent of a child with CF, the guilt I feel for her having CF is ENORMOUS!! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think to myself that it is half my fault she has CF (even though we did not know we were carriers and actually as many others, had no idea what CF was!).
<br />
<br />I truly hope you can find some way to talk to your parents about your feelings and at least give them a chance to respond and let you know how much they truly love you and wouldn't trade you for anything!
<br />
<br />I know that every day I am grateful for my daughter, I cannot imagine my world without her! I hate CF and what it has already done to her in her short life, but I would not trade her for anything in the world and I bet your parents feel the same way about you!
<br />
<br />I hope you find a way to be able to talk with them and about these feelings you are having!
<br />
<br />
 

GriffinsMama

New member
The cf gene is 56,000 years old!!! You'll have to go back pretty far to find someone to blame for having cystic fibrosis. My chiropractor of all people said to me one day that anomalies in the human body was "Mother Nature" experimenting and trying to make the most perfect body out there.....This is in no way anyone's fault! <br><br> There are also carrier benefits contained in having a certain gene. I know it's debatable what exactly the cf gene benefit is but some say it's a defense against cholera. It's proven that having the sickle cell gene is defense against malaria. You could easily look at your parents as part of a long line of survivors....<br><br>I'm not trying to make light of your anger towards your parents at all... No one is perfect.. so obviously they aren't either. I hope you can move beyond your anger and I hope you can move out and on with your life... Maybe getting out from under their roof would be helpful and give you a fresh perspective.
 

GriffinsMama

New member
The cf gene is 56,000 years old!!! You'll have to go back pretty far to find someone to blame for having cystic fibrosis. My chiropractor of all people said to me one day that anomalies in the human body was "Mother Nature" experimenting and trying to make the most perfect body out there.....This is in no way anyone's fault! <br><br> There are also carrier benefits contained in having a certain gene. I know it's debatable what exactly the cf gene benefit is but some say it's a defense against cholera. It's proven that having the sickle cell gene is defense against malaria. You could easily look at your parents as part of a long line of survivors....<br><br>I'm not trying to make light of your anger towards your parents at all... No one is perfect.. so obviously they aren't either. I hope you can move beyond your anger and I hope you can move out and on with your life... Maybe getting out from under their roof would be helpful and give you a fresh perspective.
 

GriffinsMama

New member
The cf gene is 56,000 years old!!! You'll have to go back pretty far to find someone to blame for having cystic fibrosis. My chiropractor of all people said to me one day that anomalies in the human body was "Mother Nature" experimenting and trying to make the most perfect body out there.....This is in no way anyone's fault! <br><br> There are also carrier benefits contained in having a certain gene. I know it's debatable what exactly the cf gene benefit is but some say it's a defense against cholera. It's proven that having the sickle cell gene is defense against malaria. You could easily look at your parents as part of a long line of survivors....<br><br>I'm not trying to make light of your anger towards your parents at all... No one is perfect.. so obviously they aren't either. I hope you can move beyond your anger and I hope you can move out and on with your life... Maybe getting out from under their roof would be helpful and give you a fresh perspective.
 

GriffinsMama

New member
The cf gene is 56,000 years old!!! You'll have to go back pretty far to find someone to blame for having cystic fibrosis. My chiropractor of all people said to me one day that anomalies in the human body was "Mother Nature" experimenting and trying to make the most perfect body out there.....This is in no way anyone's fault! <br><br> There are also carrier benefits contained in having a certain gene. I know it's debatable what exactly the cf gene benefit is but some say it's a defense against cholera. It's proven that having the sickle cell gene is defense against malaria. You could easily look at your parents as part of a long line of survivors....<br><br>I'm not trying to make light of your anger towards your parents at all... No one is perfect.. so obviously they aren't either. I hope you can move beyond your anger and I hope you can move out and on with your life... Maybe getting out from under their roof would be helpful and give you a fresh perspective.
 

GriffinsMama

New member
The cf gene is 56,000 years old!!! You'll have to go back pretty far to find someone to blame for having cystic fibrosis. My chiropractor of all people said to me one day that anomalies in the human body was "Mother Nature" experimenting and trying to make the most perfect body out there.....This is in no way anyone's fault! <br><br> There are also carrier benefits contained in having a certain gene. I know it's debatable what exactly the cf gene benefit is but some say it's a defense against cholera. It's proven that having the sickle cell gene is defense against malaria. You could easily look at your parents as part of a long line of survivors....<br><br>I'm not trying to make light of your anger towards your parents at all... No one is perfect.. so obviously they aren't either. I hope you can move beyond your anger and I hope you can move out and on with your life... Maybe getting out from under their roof would be helpful and give you a fresh perspective.
 

Havoc

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>GriffinsMama</b></i>

The cf gene is 56,000 years old!!! You'll have to go back pretty far to find someone to blame for having cystic fibrosis. My chiropractor of all people said to me one day that anomalies in the human body was "Mother Nature" experimenting and trying to make the most perfect body out there</end quote></div>

I disagree with your chiropractor (either that or you've taken what your chiropractor said out of context). Gene mutations are different from "evolutionary changes" for lack of a better term (I don't want to open the evolution v. creationism can of worms). Gene mutations are more like mother nature's population control. Ever notice how people with genetic disease either don't live very long or are infertile? In the end the weak mutations die out because those who have them don't live very long or are unable to procreate and pass along the defect. Thanks to modern medicine we are able to live longer and procreate. Unfortunately, at the same time we are also passing along more bad genetic material. The same is true of disease, without modern intervention the weak would die and only the people who have strong immune systems survive. Left to take it's own course, nature will weed out the bad traits and over a long period of time you are left with superior genetic material. That's what I think your chiropractor was trying to say.

I'm also interested in where you got the information that the CF mutation is 56,000 years old. I'm not necessarily saying that you are wrong, but I've not read anything that attempted to estimate the age of the mutation. Given that written historical accounts only go back about 5,000 or 6,000 years and our knowledge of DNA only about 150 years, I think that would be a difficult thing to estimate. If someone has made an estimate I would be interested in reading about it.
 

Havoc

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>GriffinsMama</b></i>

The cf gene is 56,000 years old!!! You'll have to go back pretty far to find someone to blame for having cystic fibrosis. My chiropractor of all people said to me one day that anomalies in the human body was "Mother Nature" experimenting and trying to make the most perfect body out there</end quote></div>

I disagree with your chiropractor (either that or you've taken what your chiropractor said out of context). Gene mutations are different from "evolutionary changes" for lack of a better term (I don't want to open the evolution v. creationism can of worms). Gene mutations are more like mother nature's population control. Ever notice how people with genetic disease either don't live very long or are infertile? In the end the weak mutations die out because those who have them don't live very long or are unable to procreate and pass along the defect. Thanks to modern medicine we are able to live longer and procreate. Unfortunately, at the same time we are also passing along more bad genetic material. The same is true of disease, without modern intervention the weak would die and only the people who have strong immune systems survive. Left to take it's own course, nature will weed out the bad traits and over a long period of time you are left with superior genetic material. That's what I think your chiropractor was trying to say.

I'm also interested in where you got the information that the CF mutation is 56,000 years old. I'm not necessarily saying that you are wrong, but I've not read anything that attempted to estimate the age of the mutation. Given that written historical accounts only go back about 5,000 or 6,000 years and our knowledge of DNA only about 150 years, I think that would be a difficult thing to estimate. If someone has made an estimate I would be interested in reading about it.
 

Havoc

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>GriffinsMama</b></i>

The cf gene is 56,000 years old!!! You'll have to go back pretty far to find someone to blame for having cystic fibrosis. My chiropractor of all people said to me one day that anomalies in the human body was "Mother Nature" experimenting and trying to make the most perfect body out there</end quote></div>

I disagree with your chiropractor (either that or you've taken what your chiropractor said out of context). Gene mutations are different from "evolutionary changes" for lack of a better term (I don't want to open the evolution v. creationism can of worms). Gene mutations are more like mother nature's population control. Ever notice how people with genetic disease either don't live very long or are infertile? In the end the weak mutations die out because those who have them don't live very long or are unable to procreate and pass along the defect. Thanks to modern medicine we are able to live longer and procreate. Unfortunately, at the same time we are also passing along more bad genetic material. The same is true of disease, without modern intervention the weak would die and only the people who have strong immune systems survive. Left to take it's own course, nature will weed out the bad traits and over a long period of time you are left with superior genetic material. That's what I think your chiropractor was trying to say.

I'm also interested in where you got the information that the CF mutation is 56,000 years old. I'm not necessarily saying that you are wrong, but I've not read anything that attempted to estimate the age of the mutation. Given that written historical accounts only go back about 5,000 or 6,000 years and our knowledge of DNA only about 150 years, I think that would be a difficult thing to estimate. If someone has made an estimate I would be interested in reading about it.
 

Havoc

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>GriffinsMama</b></i>

The cf gene is 56,000 years old!!! You'll have to go back pretty far to find someone to blame for having cystic fibrosis. My chiropractor of all people said to me one day that anomalies in the human body was "Mother Nature" experimenting and trying to make the most perfect body out there</end quote>

I disagree with your chiropractor (either that or you've taken what your chiropractor said out of context). Gene mutations are different from "evolutionary changes" for lack of a better term (I don't want to open the evolution v. creationism can of worms). Gene mutations are more like mother nature's population control. Ever notice how people with genetic disease either don't live very long or are infertile? In the end the weak mutations die out because those who have them don't live very long or are unable to procreate and pass along the defect. Thanks to modern medicine we are able to live longer and procreate. Unfortunately, at the same time we are also passing along more bad genetic material. The same is true of disease, without modern intervention the weak would die and only the people who have strong immune systems survive. Left to take it's own course, nature will weed out the bad traits and over a long period of time you are left with superior genetic material. That's what I think your chiropractor was trying to say.

I'm also interested in where you got the information that the CF mutation is 56,000 years old. I'm not necessarily saying that you are wrong, but I've not read anything that attempted to estimate the age of the mutation. Given that written historical accounts only go back about 5,000 or 6,000 years and our knowledge of DNA only about 150 years, I think that would be a difficult thing to estimate. If someone has made an estimate I would be interested in reading about it.
 

Havoc

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>GriffinsMama</b></i>
<br />
<br />The cf gene is 56,000 years old!!! You'll have to go back pretty far to find someone to blame for having cystic fibrosis. My chiropractor of all people said to me one day that anomalies in the human body was "Mother Nature" experimenting and trying to make the most perfect body out there</end quote>
<br />
<br />I disagree with your chiropractor (either that or you've taken what your chiropractor said out of context). Gene mutations are different from "evolutionary changes" for lack of a better term (I don't want to open the evolution v. creationism can of worms). Gene mutations are more like mother nature's population control. Ever notice how people with genetic disease either don't live very long or are infertile? In the end the weak mutations die out because those who have them don't live very long or are unable to procreate and pass along the defect. Thanks to modern medicine we are able to live longer and procreate. Unfortunately, at the same time we are also passing along more bad genetic material. The same is true of disease, without modern intervention the weak would die and only the people who have strong immune systems survive. Left to take it's own course, nature will weed out the bad traits and over a long period of time you are left with superior genetic material. That's what I think your chiropractor was trying to say.
<br />
<br />I'm also interested in where you got the information that the CF mutation is 56,000 years old. I'm not necessarily saying that you are wrong, but I've not read anything that attempted to estimate the age of the mutation. Given that written historical accounts only go back about 5,000 or 6,000 years and our knowledge of DNA only about 150 years, I think that would be a difficult thing to estimate. If someone has made an estimate I would be interested in reading about it.
 
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