My husband and I are first-time parents to a beautiful 6-month-old boy with CF. We'd like to have more children, but coming off of our first hospital admission last week, we have a question for those of you with other children (either with CF or not).<br>If your cf child is in the hospital and needs your full-time care, what happens with your other children (especially if they're babies and you're nursing them)? I'm more curious about logistics than the ethics of having more children. We do have family help, but if he goes back in the hospital again (where he only wants his mommy) and we have a nursing infant at home, it's not something that another family member is going to be able to really take care of for us.<br>So, how do you do it?<br>
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Having more children
- Thread starter briarrose
- Start date
My husband and I are first-time parents to a beautiful 6-month-old boy with CF. We'd like to have more children, but coming off of our first hospital admission last week, we have a question for those of you with other children (either with CF or not).<br>If your cf child is in the hospital and needs your full-time care, what happens with your other children (especially if they're babies and you're nursing them)? I'm more curious about logistics than the ethics of having more children. We do have family help, but if he goes back in the hospital again (where he only wants his mommy) and we have a nursing infant at home, it's not something that another family member is going to be able to really take care of for us.<br>So, how do you do it?<br>
<br>My kids are 6 and 4 and both have CF. Neither have picked up bugs(like P<em>seudomonas) </em>nor have they ever had a hospital admission. So our visits to the hospital are just clinics and day surgeries (broncoscope). With the broncoscopes because they are early in the morningmy husband just takes the child to the hospital and I stay home with the other. We have a Children's Hospital and they have a wonderful babysitting service for the children of a patient and we use them if we need to. I imagine if my child was hospitalized we would put the other in the babysitting service for periods of time. They have a fantastic play room and I don't think the child would mindbeing there because there looks like there is lots to do. I have used the babysititng service for when one child haslab work and the other does not.Edit to add: I missed the nursing thing but I never had trouble nursing the 2nd one. It rarely happened that the kids were not together and if theyweren't my husband took the older one who wasn't nursing anymore.
<br>My kids are 6 and 4 and both have CF. Neither have picked up bugs(like P<em>seudomonas) </em>nor have they ever had a hospital admission. So our visits to the hospital are just clinics and day surgeries (broncoscope). With the broncoscopes because they are early in the morningmy husband just takes the child to the hospital and I stay home with the other. We have a Children's Hospital and they have a wonderful babysitting service for the children of a patient and we use them if we need to. I imagine if my child was hospitalized we would put the other in the babysitting service for periods of time. They have a fantastic play room and I don't think the child would mindbeing there because there looks like there is lots to do. I have used the babysititng service for when one child haslab work and the other does not.Edit to add: I missed the nursing thing but I never had trouble nursing the 2nd one. It rarely happened that the kids were not together and if theyweren't my husband took the older one who wasn't nursing anymore.
M
Mommafirst
Guest
My CF child is the youngest, so I never had to do the nursing thing while she was inpatient. But it is a lot of work to juggle it when Alyssa is in the hospital -- especially since hospital stays never really pop up at convenient times or give me a lot of time to prepare babysitting and school carpooling. But my job is flexible and so is my husbands, and while my mom is the only local family, we have others that with a few days notice they can come help out. It hasn't been easy or stress free, but we've made it work.
I supose in the long run, you will find ways to make it work. You might have to give up on being superwoman. You might have to allow your newborn to get an occasional bottle or have your son with CF be with his dad instead of you.
I supose in the long run, you will find ways to make it work. You might have to give up on being superwoman. You might have to allow your newborn to get an occasional bottle or have your son with CF be with his dad instead of you.
M
Mommafirst
Guest
My CF child is the youngest, so I never had to do the nursing thing while she was inpatient. But it is a lot of work to juggle it when Alyssa is in the hospital -- especially since hospital stays never really pop up at convenient times or give me a lot of time to prepare babysitting and school carpooling. But my job is flexible and so is my husbands, and while my mom is the only local family, we have others that with a few days notice they can come help out. It hasn't been easy or stress free, but we've made it work.
I supose in the long run, you will find ways to make it work. You might have to give up on being superwoman. You might have to allow your newborn to get an occasional bottle or have your son with CF be with his dad instead of you.
I supose in the long run, you will find ways to make it work. You might have to give up on being superwoman. You might have to allow your newborn to get an occasional bottle or have your son with CF be with his dad instead of you.
SARAHSARAH253
New member
My son had his 1st hospital stay last Spring due to a bowel obstruction. My daughter was 19 months no/cf. My family decided early on that we always had to have a back up plan for just this issue. Plan A: My mother-in-law would keep daughter while we focused ALL our attention on our son. This took serious commitment on my mother-in-law & father-in-law. They did a beautiful job with her this Spring. We spoke to our pedtrician and were advised not to vist her and disturb her routine. This broke my heart, but I knew it be sooo upsetting on her. She stayed with them for 8 days. I got reassurance from friends that patents leave their small children all the time to vacation to Hawaii. This helped me cope with the guilt.<br>Plan B: My husband and I will switch off on shifts at the hospital. But may my husband will work from home. We also keep in contact with a local daycare for "drop inn care" if we ever need it for our daughter. I also stay home, so that helps.<br>Sarah<br>Mommy to Johnny 4 w/cf & Bailey 2 no/cf
SARAHSARAH253
New member
My son had his 1st hospital stay last Spring due to a bowel obstruction. My daughter was 19 months no/cf. My family decided early on that we always had to have a back up plan for just this issue. Plan A: My mother-in-law would keep daughter while we focused ALL our attention on our son. This took serious commitment on my mother-in-law & father-in-law. They did a beautiful job with her this Spring. We spoke to our pedtrician and were advised not to vist her and disturb her routine. This broke my heart, but I knew it be sooo upsetting on her. She stayed with them for 8 days. I got reassurance from friends that patents leave their small children all the time to vacation to Hawaii. This helped me cope with the guilt.<br>Plan B: My husband and I will switch off on shifts at the hospital. But may my husband will work from home. We also keep in contact with a local daycare for "drop inn care" if we ever need it for our daughter. I also stay home, so that helps.<br>Sarah<br>Mommy to Johnny 4 w/cf & Bailey 2 no/cf
imported_Momto2
New member
Ok, I'm sorry, but I have to chime in here and say plan A isnt a great idea. I dont think there is anything normal about parents leaving their young kids for a week or more to go on vacation, even if its with close family. I also think leaving your soon-to-be two year old for a week without any visitation is a poor idea. Personally, I think you need to balance things a little bit better, or there is going to be a lot of resentment between your kids as they get older. I am not really sure why your son would need 24/7 attention from both parents while in the hospital, especially at the expense of your second child. My parents used to rotate care when I was in the hospital, it worked really well and there is something special about alone time with just one parent. It also allows for the sibs to not feel left out and ignored.
imported_Momto2
New member
Ok, I'm sorry, but I have to chime in here and say plan A isnt a great idea. I dont think there is anything normal about parents leaving their young kids for a week or more to go on vacation, even if its with close family. I also think leaving your soon-to-be two year old for a week without any visitation is a poor idea. Personally, I think you need to balance things a little bit better, or there is going to be a lot of resentment between your kids as they get older. I am not really sure why your son would need 24/7 attention from both parents while in the hospital, especially at the expense of your second child. My parents used to rotate care when I was in the hospital, it worked really well and there is something special about alone time with just one parent. It also allows for the sibs to not feel left out and ignored.
K
Keepercjr
Guest
I was diagnosed at 6 months old but wasn't hospitalized again till I was 17 so my experience comes from being the "other" child. My brother was a lot sicker than me and required a lot of in patient time as he got older. My mom always stayed with him and my dad stayed home with me. My dad and i would visit in the afternoons/evenings. I will admit being a bit resentful of him for getting all the attention - after all I needed my mom too even though I did see her everyday and she did make an effort to not leave me out. I was older than my brother so I can't comment on the logistics of having the older child be the "sick" one. Maybe having the kids spaced far apart would help since your older child might be more accepting of someone who is not mom who could stay at times so you could tend to the baby. (ie dad, grandparent, etc).
I do have to say that as a mom I would never leave my young kid(s) in someone else's care for long stretches at a time - and I know that not everyone will agree with me. A night or 2 - ok I guess. Children need both parents. I really missed my mom a lot when she was with my brother in the hospital and I can guarantee I would have missed her a lot more if she never saw me till he was discharged. I vividly remember her leaving for a few nights for a work thing and I cried and cried cause I missed her. We traveled a lot as a family when I was growing up. My parents always took us along. In fact I am writing this post from Hawaii (!) and we have both kids here with us (along with my parents). The only nights I have spent away from my kids were 1 night this past summer (appendicitis) and 1 night last summer (gall bladder surgery).
I do have to say that as a mom I would never leave my young kid(s) in someone else's care for long stretches at a time - and I know that not everyone will agree with me. A night or 2 - ok I guess. Children need both parents. I really missed my mom a lot when she was with my brother in the hospital and I can guarantee I would have missed her a lot more if she never saw me till he was discharged. I vividly remember her leaving for a few nights for a work thing and I cried and cried cause I missed her. We traveled a lot as a family when I was growing up. My parents always took us along. In fact I am writing this post from Hawaii (!) and we have both kids here with us (along with my parents). The only nights I have spent away from my kids were 1 night this past summer (appendicitis) and 1 night last summer (gall bladder surgery).
K
Keepercjr
Guest
I was diagnosed at 6 months old but wasn't hospitalized again till I was 17 so my experience comes from being the "other" child. My brother was a lot sicker than me and required a lot of in patient time as he got older. My mom always stayed with him and my dad stayed home with me. My dad and i would visit in the afternoons/evenings. I will admit being a bit resentful of him for getting all the attention - after all I needed my mom too even though I did see her everyday and she did make an effort to not leave me out. I was older than my brother so I can't comment on the logistics of having the older child be the "sick" one. Maybe having the kids spaced far apart would help since your older child might be more accepting of someone who is not mom who could stay at times so you could tend to the baby. (ie dad, grandparent, etc).
I do have to say that as a mom I would never leave my young kid(s) in someone else's care for long stretches at a time - and I know that not everyone will agree with me. A night or 2 - ok I guess. Children need both parents. I really missed my mom a lot when she was with my brother in the hospital and I can guarantee I would have missed her a lot more if she never saw me till he was discharged. I vividly remember her leaving for a few nights for a work thing and I cried and cried cause I missed her. We traveled a lot as a family when I was growing up. My parents always took us along. In fact I am writing this post from Hawaii (!) and we have both kids here with us (along with my parents). The only nights I have spent away from my kids were 1 night this past summer (appendicitis) and 1 night last summer (gall bladder surgery).
I do have to say that as a mom I would never leave my young kid(s) in someone else's care for long stretches at a time - and I know that not everyone will agree with me. A night or 2 - ok I guess. Children need both parents. I really missed my mom a lot when she was with my brother in the hospital and I can guarantee I would have missed her a lot more if she never saw me till he was discharged. I vividly remember her leaving for a few nights for a work thing and I cried and cried cause I missed her. We traveled a lot as a family when I was growing up. My parents always took us along. In fact I am writing this post from Hawaii (!) and we have both kids here with us (along with my parents). The only nights I have spent away from my kids were 1 night this past summer (appendicitis) and 1 night last summer (gall bladder surgery).
I know I have not posted in a very long time. So here it goes...
I just feel that if you want more children you should. I was a single mother my daughter was dx 2 weeks before her 9th birthday. A few months after we returned home I met a wonderful man whom Iam married too. We had a beautiful little boy who is now 7. Soon after we moved in together my daughter landed back in for yet another tune up. We stayed together in her room. A few months later i was expecting, back down we went the 2 us of on a little couch big belly n all. I guess our son was a little over a year n we were back in again. My hubby took a few days off we stayed together all of us, then he went back to work n the baby stayed w me. This went on for years. As the years have gone by we adjust . You just do . She has been in since dec 13 just came home on ivs we were back and forth before the little guy got off the bus. Then we would take him down to see her. It is easier now because of course she is older. Back down again today to pull her pic. home before the bus came. things just seem to fall in place don't think to hard just let life flow. I have been pulling it off for 7 years with him n he is a healthy loving well educated little man. He helps her, understands and loves his sissy more then life. She will be 18 in may. Cf can and will make you stronger then you ever thought possible. You guys will be fine with more little ones running around. Just remember cf kids need to be normal too. I see more now then ever before cf children being secluded from other children, parents making class mates wash their hands all the time, not aloud to sleep over friends house ect. You will get threw what comes your way!!!! Good luck
I just feel that if you want more children you should. I was a single mother my daughter was dx 2 weeks before her 9th birthday. A few months after we returned home I met a wonderful man whom Iam married too. We had a beautiful little boy who is now 7. Soon after we moved in together my daughter landed back in for yet another tune up. We stayed together in her room. A few months later i was expecting, back down we went the 2 us of on a little couch big belly n all. I guess our son was a little over a year n we were back in again. My hubby took a few days off we stayed together all of us, then he went back to work n the baby stayed w me. This went on for years. As the years have gone by we adjust . You just do . She has been in since dec 13 just came home on ivs we were back and forth before the little guy got off the bus. Then we would take him down to see her. It is easier now because of course she is older. Back down again today to pull her pic. home before the bus came. things just seem to fall in place don't think to hard just let life flow. I have been pulling it off for 7 years with him n he is a healthy loving well educated little man. He helps her, understands and loves his sissy more then life. She will be 18 in may. Cf can and will make you stronger then you ever thought possible. You guys will be fine with more little ones running around. Just remember cf kids need to be normal too. I see more now then ever before cf children being secluded from other children, parents making class mates wash their hands all the time, not aloud to sleep over friends house ect. You will get threw what comes your way!!!! Good luck
I know I have not posted in a very long time. So here it goes...
I just feel that if you want more children you should. I was a single mother my daughter was dx 2 weeks before her 9th birthday. A few months after we returned home I met a wonderful man whom Iam married too. We had a beautiful little boy who is now 7. Soon after we moved in together my daughter landed back in for yet another tune up. We stayed together in her room. A few months later i was expecting, back down we went the 2 us of on a little couch big belly n all. I guess our son was a little over a year n we were back in again. My hubby took a few days off we stayed together all of us, then he went back to work n the baby stayed w me. This went on for years. As the years have gone by we adjust . You just do . She has been in since dec 13 just came home on ivs we were back and forth before the little guy got off the bus. Then we would take him down to see her. It is easier now because of course she is older. Back down again today to pull her pic. home before the bus came. things just seem to fall in place don't think to hard just let life flow. I have been pulling it off for 7 years with him n he is a healthy loving well educated little man. He helps her, understands and loves his sissy more then life. She will be 18 in may. Cf can and will make you stronger then you ever thought possible. You guys will be fine with more little ones running around. Just remember cf kids need to be normal too. I see more now then ever before cf children being secluded from other children, parents making class mates wash their hands all the time, not aloud to sleep over friends house ect. You will get threw what comes your way!!!! Good luck
I just feel that if you want more children you should. I was a single mother my daughter was dx 2 weeks before her 9th birthday. A few months after we returned home I met a wonderful man whom Iam married too. We had a beautiful little boy who is now 7. Soon after we moved in together my daughter landed back in for yet another tune up. We stayed together in her room. A few months later i was expecting, back down we went the 2 us of on a little couch big belly n all. I guess our son was a little over a year n we were back in again. My hubby took a few days off we stayed together all of us, then he went back to work n the baby stayed w me. This went on for years. As the years have gone by we adjust . You just do . She has been in since dec 13 just came home on ivs we were back and forth before the little guy got off the bus. Then we would take him down to see her. It is easier now because of course she is older. Back down again today to pull her pic. home before the bus came. things just seem to fall in place don't think to hard just let life flow. I have been pulling it off for 7 years with him n he is a healthy loving well educated little man. He helps her, understands and loves his sissy more then life. She will be 18 in may. Cf can and will make you stronger then you ever thought possible. You guys will be fine with more little ones running around. Just remember cf kids need to be normal too. I see more now then ever before cf children being secluded from other children, parents making class mates wash their hands all the time, not aloud to sleep over friends house ect. You will get threw what comes your way!!!! Good luck
AleksandraKaczynska
New member
Hi, Asia is 4 and Zuzia - no cf - 1 year old.
The hardest time was the end of pregnancy and first few month - whiile breastfeeding. my mom was a great help and ... well for that time... my husband went for cheque up with Asia to the clinic and my mom. I stayed with Zuzia - so Asia had to go for grandma and dady this time - and she managed great.
The hardest was just recently when we had a week in hospital with Zuzia (not Asia the one with cf). But agauin my mom came and stayed with Asia so I didn't have to go back home from hopsital - I stayed with Zuzia - and my mom with Asia - and my husband was going in between.
It's all possible to handle - the hardest is the beging. And health issues are... as seems ... abig surprise... I always though my first hospital stay would be with Asia - but... it was with Zuzia.
Two kids are always a bigger chalange then one child I guess.
Just remeber to get about the three years difference - I had it hard to do CPT to Asia - when she said - only momy! - when i was 9 months pregnant. But also she learned fast that not this time <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
The hardest time was the end of pregnancy and first few month - whiile breastfeeding. my mom was a great help and ... well for that time... my husband went for cheque up with Asia to the clinic and my mom. I stayed with Zuzia - so Asia had to go for grandma and dady this time - and she managed great.
The hardest was just recently when we had a week in hospital with Zuzia (not Asia the one with cf). But agauin my mom came and stayed with Asia so I didn't have to go back home from hopsital - I stayed with Zuzia - and my mom with Asia - and my husband was going in between.
It's all possible to handle - the hardest is the beging. And health issues are... as seems ... abig surprise... I always though my first hospital stay would be with Asia - but... it was with Zuzia.
Two kids are always a bigger chalange then one child I guess.
Just remeber to get about the three years difference - I had it hard to do CPT to Asia - when she said - only momy! - when i was 9 months pregnant. But also she learned fast that not this time <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
AleksandraKaczynska
New member
Hi, Asia is 4 and Zuzia - no cf - 1 year old.
The hardest time was the end of pregnancy and first few month - whiile breastfeeding. my mom was a great help and ... well for that time... my husband went for cheque up with Asia to the clinic and my mom. I stayed with Zuzia - so Asia had to go for grandma and dady this time - and she managed great.
The hardest was just recently when we had a week in hospital with Zuzia (not Asia the one with cf). But agauin my mom came and stayed with Asia so I didn't have to go back home from hopsital - I stayed with Zuzia - and my mom with Asia - and my husband was going in between.
It's all possible to handle - the hardest is the beging. And health issues are... as seems ... abig surprise... I always though my first hospital stay would be with Asia - but... it was with Zuzia.
Two kids are always a bigger chalange then one child I guess.
Just remeber to get about the three years difference - I had it hard to do CPT to Asia - when she said - only momy! - when i was 9 months pregnant. But also she learned fast that not this time <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
The hardest time was the end of pregnancy and first few month - whiile breastfeeding. my mom was a great help and ... well for that time... my husband went for cheque up with Asia to the clinic and my mom. I stayed with Zuzia - so Asia had to go for grandma and dady this time - and she managed great.
The hardest was just recently when we had a week in hospital with Zuzia (not Asia the one with cf). But agauin my mom came and stayed with Asia so I didn't have to go back home from hopsital - I stayed with Zuzia - and my mom with Asia - and my husband was going in between.
It's all possible to handle - the hardest is the beging. And health issues are... as seems ... abig surprise... I always though my first hospital stay would be with Asia - but... it was with Zuzia.
Two kids are always a bigger chalange then one child I guess.
Just remeber to get about the three years difference - I had it hard to do CPT to Asia - when she said - only momy! - when i was 9 months pregnant. But also she learned fast that not this time <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
mamaScarlett
Active member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Momto2</b></i>
Ok, I'm sorry, but I have to chime in here and say plan A isnt a great idea. I dont think there is anything normal about parents leaving their young kids for a week or more to go on vacation, even if its with close family. </end quote><br><br>Wow I respectfully disagree...strongly. There are tons of parents that leave their kids for vacations. For many reasons, deaths in the family, to strengthen their marriage and thus strengthen their family. What could possibly be wrong with a child spending a week with grandma and grandpa? Its healthy!<br>
Ok, I'm sorry, but I have to chime in here and say plan A isnt a great idea. I dont think there is anything normal about parents leaving their young kids for a week or more to go on vacation, even if its with close family. </end quote><br><br>Wow I respectfully disagree...strongly. There are tons of parents that leave their kids for vacations. For many reasons, deaths in the family, to strengthen their marriage and thus strengthen their family. What could possibly be wrong with a child spending a week with grandma and grandpa? Its healthy!<br>
mamaScarlett
Active member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Momto2</b></i>
Ok, I'm sorry, but I have to chime in here and say plan A isnt a great idea. I dont think there is anything normal about parents leaving their young kids for a week or more to go on vacation, even if its with close family. </end quote><br><br>Wow I respectfully disagree...strongly. There are tons of parents that leave their kids for vacations. For many reasons, deaths in the family, to strengthen their marriage and thus strengthen their family. What could possibly be wrong with a child spending a week with grandma and grandpa? Its healthy!<br>
Ok, I'm sorry, but I have to chime in here and say plan A isnt a great idea. I dont think there is anything normal about parents leaving their young kids for a week or more to go on vacation, even if its with close family. </end quote><br><br>Wow I respectfully disagree...strongly. There are tons of parents that leave their kids for vacations. For many reasons, deaths in the family, to strengthen their marriage and thus strengthen their family. What could possibly be wrong with a child spending a week with grandma and grandpa? Its healthy!<br>
imported_Momto2
New member
mamascarlett. I guess I'm coming from the perspective of having a lot of friends whose parents left them behind when they went on vacation, and the kids always felt unwanted and in the way. None of these childhood friends grew up to have a loving relationship with their parents.
For me, its the time scale that matters a lot. A night or two at the grandparents seems fine. Often that is not what I see around here. Kids get dumped (and they KNOW they are being dumped) for 7-10 days because their "parents" dont want the responsibility.
I also think the age of the child really matters. If you'd let them go alone to a week-long sleepover camp, then I think they are old enough to hand with relatives for a while. But if they still need the physical and visual reassurance on a daily basis, its my opinion that one parent needs to be there, even if the juggling is hard.
For me, its the time scale that matters a lot. A night or two at the grandparents seems fine. Often that is not what I see around here. Kids get dumped (and they KNOW they are being dumped) for 7-10 days because their "parents" dont want the responsibility.
I also think the age of the child really matters. If you'd let them go alone to a week-long sleepover camp, then I think they are old enough to hand with relatives for a while. But if they still need the physical and visual reassurance on a daily basis, its my opinion that one parent needs to be there, even if the juggling is hard.
imported_Momto2
New member
mamascarlett. I guess I'm coming from the perspective of having a lot of friends whose parents left them behind when they went on vacation, and the kids always felt unwanted and in the way. None of these childhood friends grew up to have a loving relationship with their parents.
For me, its the time scale that matters a lot. A night or two at the grandparents seems fine. Often that is not what I see around here. Kids get dumped (and they KNOW they are being dumped) for 7-10 days because their "parents" dont want the responsibility.
I also think the age of the child really matters. If you'd let them go alone to a week-long sleepover camp, then I think they are old enough to hand with relatives for a while. But if they still need the physical and visual reassurance on a daily basis, its my opinion that one parent needs to be there, even if the juggling is hard.
For me, its the time scale that matters a lot. A night or two at the grandparents seems fine. Often that is not what I see around here. Kids get dumped (and they KNOW they are being dumped) for 7-10 days because their "parents" dont want the responsibility.
I also think the age of the child really matters. If you'd let them go alone to a week-long sleepover camp, then I think they are old enough to hand with relatives for a while. But if they still need the physical and visual reassurance on a daily basis, its my opinion that one parent needs to be there, even if the juggling is hard.