How did you?? (Women)

fiacono425 · Aug 30, 2011

Just thought I'd put my 2 cents in.

While I don't have CF, my boyfriend of almost 2 years does. I knew about his CF from the very beginning and I think that's really important because we've certainly faced a lot of obstacles, and difficult times that would have been made worse if they were all surprised on me.

The toughest thing (for me) when we started dating was the lack of knowledge. I had never heard of CF before I met and started dating Dan. So things that were second nature to him and his family were totally foreign to me. I think you need to be sensitive to that and answer questions. Dan lets me ask him, and his doctors anything about his treatment, health, meds, and progress. I also do a lot of reading online about whatever med his on or looking for new at-home treatments I think he should try.

What I think works well in our relationship is the balance we have. While I certainly support him with CF and anything else he faces, he also supports me. I also have chronic medical issues and he cares just as much about how I'm feeling like I do about how he's feeling. I also think that this is important. While CF will be a part it is not the focus of a relationship. You need to be both flexible and considerate to his issues.

Another big thing is flexibility, which is my hardest on going point. I have to constantly remind myself that it will all work out in the end. Right now Dan is on the transplant list and while this has certainly thrown a wrench into our original 5 year plan, its opened my eyes to a possible 10 year plan ;-) But even smaller then that you have to find someone who doesn't care and can adapt if you can't make a flight or don't feel up for the activity you had planned. But same thing for him, if he can't/ doesn't want to go to a planned event then you need to be sensitive to that.

Go with your gut. I mean Dan is my first serious relationship (we meet when I was 21) and I was the same type. Didn't need a guy to make me happy and that's great but when Dan came it really expanded my world into a whole new field I didn't know previously existed. The right guy will come along and want to be a part of your life. Also I don't believe in "too young" You're young which doesn't mean you won't/ can't find the love of your life right now. Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders, just keep doing what you're doing and at some point you'll find who you're meant too. Hope my words from "the other side" help!

fiacono425 · Aug 30, 2011

Just thought I'd put my 2 cents in.
 
 While I don't have CF, my boyfriend of almost 2 years does. I knew about his CF from the very beginning and I think that's really important because we've certainly faced a lot of obstacles, and difficult times that would have been made worse if they were all surprised on me.
 
 The toughest thing (for me) when we started dating was the lack of knowledge. I had never heard of CF before I met and started dating Dan. So things that were second nature to him and his family were totally foreign to me. I think you need to be sensitive to that and answer questions. Dan lets me ask him, and his doctors anything about his treatment, health, meds, and progress. I also do a lot of reading online about whatever med his on or looking for new at-home treatments I think he should try.
 
 What I think works well in our relationship is the balance we have. While I certainly support him with CF and anything else he faces, he also supports me. I also have chronic medical issues and he cares just as much about how I'm feeling like I do about how he's feeling. I also think that this is important. While CF will be a part it is not the focus of a relationship. You need to be both flexible and considerate to his issues.
 
 Another big thing is flexibility, which is my hardest on going point. I have to constantly remind myself that it will all work out in the end. Right now Dan is on the transplant list and while this has certainly thrown a wrench into our original 5 year plan, its opened my eyes to a possible 10 year plan ;-) But even smaller then that you have to find someone who doesn't care and can adapt if you can't make a flight or don't feel up for the activity you had planned. But same thing for him, if he can't/ doesn't want to go to a planned event then you need to be sensitive to that.
 
 Go with your gut. I mean Dan is my first serious relationship (we meet when I was 21) and I was the same type. Didn't need a guy to make me happy and that's great but when Dan came it really expanded my world into a whole new field I didn't know previously existed. The right guy will come along and want to be a part of your life. Also I don't believe in "too young" You're young which doesn't mean you won't/ can't find the love of your life right now. Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders, just keep doing what you're doing and at some point you'll find who you're meant too. Hope my words from "the other side" help!

dancingsparrow · Aug 30, 2011

I can give you my perspective from the other side. I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 24. In his first breath he told me his name and then told me he had CF. I had heard of it but didnt know any of the details. I come from a medical family. I had seen the inside of an ICU many times over before I was 10. I played in the hospital hallways, lobbies, and elevators since both my parents worked there. I was raised to be smart and understanding of sickness and death, never to fear it. As an adult, I am even more bombproof. I stand in a very different light than most people. I can see through a patient's eyes just as easily as a family member, attending physician or even the RN and LVN that so often disappear into the woodwork as an unsung hero. I have seen first hand what destroys a soul and it is never the disease, or the burn, or virus. They can only harm the body. It is always fear. The only thing that can overcome it is truth. People fear what they do not understand and can not understand what they dont know. Tell them everything. Everyone is different. Some people need to feel comfortable to be told something so deep. Those are the types that tend to be a little less open minded, especially in the beginning. Others welcome such brave and rash honesty as refreshing from the daily grind of lies and games. Those types will greet you with open ears and open minds. Either way, the truth should be told. My boyfriend lucked out and he knew it too, which is why he asked me out only days later. He told me, in that first breath, that he had a genetic disease and that it wasnt pretty. I told him I was woman and therefore was genetically crazy. We hit it off instantly. We played this game where we each had to tell the worst things about our selves right off the bat. He told me all 'the horrors' of CF and the mistakes he made as a young man (which we all have). I told him all things I hated most about myself and even what others have said about me. Once we ran out of things to say we asked if there where any deal breakers. There werent. From than night on we have spent every waking hour telling each other about all the wonderful things we see in the other. We have been together a year and there arent words to describe the love we have for one another. He was very brave to be so upfront about something that hurt him so deeply in the past when it came to relationships. His previous girlfriend even told him that "there was no point to dating someone who would be dead in 10 years." Its unbelievable how stupid and cruel people can be, but in the mess of it all he found a loving and understanding woman who made it all worth while. With great risk of failure there is also great a risk of fortune. Love only happens once so never settle for anything less than magical. Trust me. I hope this stoked the fire for you a little bit. Best of luck to you, its only a matter of time before you find the love of your life.

dancingsparrow · Aug 30, 2011

I can give you my perspective from the other side. I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 24. In his first breath he told me his name and then told me he had CF. I had heard of it but didnt know any of the details. I come from a medical family. I had seen the inside of an ICU many times over before I was 10. I played in the hospital hallways, lobbies, and elevators since both my parents worked there. I was raised to be smart and understanding of sickness and death, never to fear it. As an adult, I am even more bombproof. I stand in a very different light than most people. I can see through a patient's eyes just as easily as a family member, attending physician or even the RN and LVN that so often disappear into the woodwork as an unsung hero. I have seen first hand what destroys a soul and it is never the disease, or the burn, or virus. They can only harm the body. It is always fear. The only thing that can overcome it is truth. People fear what they do not understand and can not understand what they dont know. Tell them everything. Everyone is different. Some people need to feel comfortable to be told something so deep. Those are the types that tend to be a little less open minded, especially in the beginning. Others welcome such brave and rash honesty as refreshing from the daily grind of lies and games. Those types will greet you with open ears and open minds. Either way, the truth should be told. My boyfriend lucked out and he knew it too, which is why he asked me out only days later. He told me, in that first breath, that he had a genetic disease and that it wasnt pretty. I told him I was woman and therefore was genetically crazy. We hit it off instantly. We played this game where we each had to tell the worst things about our selves right off the bat. He told me all 'the horrors' of CF and the mistakes he made as a young man (which we all have). I told him all things I hated most about myself and even what others have said about me. Once we ran out of things to say we asked if there where any deal breakers. There werent. From than night on we have spent every waking hour telling each other about all the wonderful things we see in the other. We have been together a year and there arent words to describe the love we have for one another. He was very brave to be so upfront about something that hurt him so deeply in the past when it came to relationships. His previous girlfriend even told him that "there was no point to dating someone who would be dead in 10 years." Its unbelievable how stupid and cruel people can be, but in the mess of it all he found a loving and understanding woman who made it all worth while. With great risk of failure there is also great a risk of fortune. Love only happens once so never settle for anything less than magical. Trust me. I hope this stoked the fire for you a little bit. Best of luck to you, its only a matter of time before you find the love of your life.

dancingsparrow · Aug 30, 2011

I can give you my perspective from the other side. I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 24. In his first breath he told me his name and then told me he had CF. I had heard of it but didnt know any of the details. I come from a medical family. I had seen the inside of an ICU many times over before I was 10. I played in the hospital hallways, lobbies, and elevators since both my parents worked there. I was raised to be smart and understanding of sickness and death, never to fear it. As an adult, I am even more bombproof. I stand in a very different light than most people. I can see through a patient's eyes just as easily as a family member, attending physician or even the RN and LVN that so often disappear into the woodwork as an unsung hero. I have seen first hand what destroys a soul and it is never the disease, or the burn, or virus. They can only harm the body. It is always fear. The only thing that can overcome it is truth. People fear what they do not understand and can not understand what they dont know. Tell them everything. Everyone is different. Some people need to feel comfortable to be told something so deep. Those are the types that tend to be a little less open minded, especially in the beginning. Others welcome such brave and rash honesty as refreshing from the daily grind of lies and games. Those types will greet you with open ears and open minds. Either way, the truth should be told. My boyfriend lucked out and he knew it too, which is why he asked me out only days later. He told me, in that first breath, that he had a genetic disease and that it wasnt pretty. I told him I was woman and therefore was genetically crazy. We hit it off instantly. We played this game where we each had to tell the worst things about our selves right off the bat. He told me all 'the horrors' of CF and the mistakes he made as a young man (which we all have). I told him all things I hated most about myself and even what others have said about me. Once we ran out of things to say we asked if there where any deal breakers. There werent. From than night on we have spent every waking hour telling each other about all the wonderful things we see in the other. We have been together a year and there arent words to describe the love we have for one another. He was very brave to be so upfront about something that hurt him so deeply in the past when it came to relationships. His previous girlfriend even told him that "there was no point to dating someone who would be dead in 10 years." Its unbelievable how stupid and cruel people can be, but in the mess of it all he found a loving and understanding woman who made it all worth while. With great risk of failure there is also great a risk of fortune. Love only happens once so never settle for anything less than magical. Trust me. I hope this stoked the fire for you a little bit. Best of luck to you, its only a matter of time before you find the love of your life.

Iamqueenofeverything · Aug 31, 2011

I am 33 and have the same problem with guys tending to "disappear" after I tell them. I dont tell them right away. I try to let them see that I have a normal life and I am just like everyone else. After a handful of dates, I gradually tell them about CF. I start off small and then let them see the bigger picture if they are serious about me.
If Cf scares a guy, then he is not my soulmate and I deserve better then what the guy is offerring. It is better to tell someone when the relationship is at the begining stage. the guys dont deserve us when they flee. if they flee, then that should tell you a whole lot of their character. if they stay, then they show you that their love if real. this applies to friendship as well.

Iamqueenofeverything · Aug 31, 2011

I am 33 and have the same problem with guys tending to "disappear" after I tell them. I dont tell them right away. I try to let them see that I have a normal life and I am just like everyone else. After a handful of dates, I gradually tell them about CF. I start off small and then let them see the bigger picture if they are serious about me.
If Cf scares a guy, then he is not my soulmate and I deserve better then what the guy is offerring. It is better to tell someone when the relationship is at the begining stage. the guys dont deserve us when they flee. if they flee, then that should tell you a whole lot of their character. if they stay, then they show you that their love if real. this applies to friendship as well.

Iamqueenofeverything · Aug 31, 2011

I am 33 and have the same problem with guys tending to "disappear" after I tell them. I dont tell them right away. I try to let them see that I have a normal life and I am just like everyone else. After a handful of dates, I gradually tell them about CF. I start off small and then let them see the bigger picture if they are serious about me.
 If Cf scares a guy, then he is not my soulmate and I deserve better then what the guy is offerring. It is better to tell someone when the relationship is at the begining stage. the guys dont deserve us when they flee. if they flee, then that should tell you a whole lot of their character. if they stay, then they show you that their love if real. this applies to friendship as well.

cindylou · Aug 31, 2011

My advice would be to keep going with your gut and doing what YOU feel comfortable with - whether that is telling right away, waiting a little while, etc.

I met my husband when I was a few months away from 19 and he was 23. He found out about CF pretty quickly, as he started reading my blog, where I talk openly about CF and its challenges. He admitted later that at first he was pretty freaked out, but he was interested enough in me - and a good enough guy - that he stuck it out anyway. Although my lung function was high, I have a lot of issues with fatigue and pain (I also have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia), and so my health was part of the equation of our relationship almost from day one. In fact, I bailed on what would have been our second date because I wasn't feeling well. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I felt like if we were going to be in any kind of relationship - friends or more - he needed to have a real picture of my limitations.

As we got more serious, we had lots of conversations about all the ramifications and potential ramifications of CF. I had been worried about having those conversations with him ever since he started talking on our third date about how his biggest fear had always been that his wife would die before him! But even despite that and the fact that he wouldn't be bale to have the 6 kids he wanted with me (we're both from big families), he stuck with me. We got married two days after I turned 20. Now I am 23 and he is 28 and we just celebrated our 3rd anniversary last week.

I didn't have a lot of super serious relationships before my relationship with my husband, but I did have two budding relationships earlier that year that were ended for sudden and mysterious reasons. I don't know this for certain, but I suspect that one or both of them had something to do with the guy deciding that he couldn't handle dating someone with CF.

Relationships are always difficult, and adding CF into the mix makes things even tougher. But I can tell you from personal experience - it's possible to meet "the right person"! My husband has been with me through all sorts of things, most notably 7 or 8 hospitalizations when I had to get admitted 4 hours away from our house and we couldn't see each other except on the weekends. He is a total trooper. I think for us with CF it can take a little more patience and sometimes a little more waiting, but like you said - I really do think that things work out in the way that they're meant to. I look back on those other guys who didn't stick it out and honestly, the thought of being married to either of them makes me shudder! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

Good luck to you, and anyone else with these questions!

cindylou · Aug 31, 2011

My advice would be to keep going with your gut and doing what YOU feel comfortable with - whether that is telling right away, waiting a little while, etc.

I met my husband when I was a few months away from 19 and he was 23. He found out about CF pretty quickly, as he started reading my blog, where I talk openly about CF and its challenges. He admitted later that at first he was pretty freaked out, but he was interested enough in me - and a good enough guy - that he stuck it out anyway. Although my lung function was high, I have a lot of issues with fatigue and pain (I also have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia), and so my health was part of the equation of our relationship almost from day one. In fact, I bailed on what would have been our second date because I wasn't feeling well. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I felt like if we were going to be in any kind of relationship - friends or more - he needed to have a real picture of my limitations.

As we got more serious, we had lots of conversations about all the ramifications and potential ramifications of CF. I had been worried about having those conversations with him ever since he started talking on our third date about how his biggest fear had always been that his wife would die before him! But even despite that and the fact that he wouldn't be bale to have the 6 kids he wanted with me (we're both from big families), he stuck with me. We got married two days after I turned 20. Now I am 23 and he is 28 and we just celebrated our 3rd anniversary last week.

I didn't have a lot of super serious relationships before my relationship with my husband, but I did have two budding relationships earlier that year that were ended for sudden and mysterious reasons. I don't know this for certain, but I suspect that one or both of them had something to do with the guy deciding that he couldn't handle dating someone with CF.

Relationships are always difficult, and adding CF into the mix makes things even tougher. But I can tell you from personal experience - it's possible to meet "the right person"! My husband has been with me through all sorts of things, most notably 7 or 8 hospitalizations when I had to get admitted 4 hours away from our house and we couldn't see each other except on the weekends. He is a total trooper. I think for us with CF it can take a little more patience and sometimes a little more waiting, but like you said - I really do think that things work out in the way that they're meant to. I look back on those other guys who didn't stick it out and honestly, the thought of being married to either of them makes me shudder! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

Good luck to you, and anyone else with these questions!

cindylou · Aug 31, 2011

My advice would be to keep going with your gut and doing what YOU feel comfortable with - whether that is telling right away, waiting a little while, etc.
 
 I met my husband when I was a few months away from 19 and he was 23. He found out about CF pretty quickly, as he started reading my blog, where I talk openly about CF and its challenges. He admitted later that at first he was pretty freaked out, but he was interested enough in me - and a good enough guy - that he stuck it out anyway. Although my lung function was high, I have a lot of issues with fatigue and pain (I also have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia), and so my health was part of the equation of our relationship almost from day one. In fact, I bailed on what would have been our second date because I wasn't feeling well. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I felt like if we were going to be in any kind of relationship - friends or more - he needed to have a real picture of my limitations.
 
 As we got more serious, we had lots of conversations about all the ramifications and potential ramifications of CF. I had been worried about having those conversations with him ever since he started talking on our third date about how his biggest fear had always been that his wife would die before him! But even despite that and the fact that he wouldn't be bale to have the 6 kids he wanted with me (we're both from big families), he stuck with me. We got married two days after I turned 20. Now I am 23 and he is 28 and we just celebrated our 3rd anniversary last week.
 
 I didn't have a lot of super serious relationships before my relationship with my husband, but I did have two budding relationships earlier that year that were ended for sudden and mysterious reasons. I don't know this for certain, but I suspect that one or both of them had something to do with the guy deciding that he couldn't handle dating someone with CF.
 
 Relationships are always difficult, and adding CF into the mix makes things even tougher. But I can tell you from personal experience - it's possible to meet "the right person"! My husband has been with me through all sorts of things, most notably 7 or 8 hospitalizations when I had to get admitted 4 hours away from our house and we couldn't see each other except on the weekends. He is a total trooper. I think for us with CF it can take a little more patience and sometimes a little more waiting, but like you said - I really do think that things work out in the way that they're meant to. I look back on those other guys who didn't stick it out and honestly, the thought of being married to either of them makes me shudder! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
 
 Good luck to you, and anyone else with these questions!

flynnycat · Sep 1, 2011

I can only speak from the other side of this, as I do not have CF but my husband does. I knew he had CF long before we ever got together....he has a chronic cough that kind of gives him away. I didn't know much about it, but he explained it to me honestly. I didn't run, but he told me about a girl in high school who wanted to date him but when she found out he has CF, she refused. She said something stupid about not wanting to go through the pain of losing him--so rather than taking the time to get to know an amazing person and see where it all goes, she let his illness push her away. Relationships don't come with any guarantees, whether the person involved has CF, or another illness, or not. Every time, it's a gamble. But she just couldn't see that. I think that quality people will see what you have to offer, and will look beyond the CF--the CF is part of you, but it's not you. The ones that run at the first sign of even the slightest of imperfections are dummies and you are probably better off without them. I think that some part of them thinks, rather selfishly, that they don't want to deal with it, failing to recognize that YOU are the one dealing with it. But I always appreciated my husband's honesty--and I was immediately curious about CF because I had no experience with it. I've learned a lot about it and I do whatever I can to help him, even though it's not really much.

flynnycat · Sep 1, 2011

I can only speak from the other side of this, as I do not have CF but my husband does. I knew he had CF long before we ever got together....he has a chronic cough that kind of gives him away. I didn't know much about it, but he explained it to me honestly. I didn't run, but he told me about a girl in high school who wanted to date him but when she found out he has CF, she refused. She said something stupid about not wanting to go through the pain of losing him--so rather than taking the time to get to know an amazing person and see where it all goes, she let his illness push her away. Relationships don't come with any guarantees, whether the person involved has CF, or another illness, or not. Every time, it's a gamble. But she just couldn't see that. I think that quality people will see what you have to offer, and will look beyond the CF--the CF is part of you, but it's not you. The ones that run at the first sign of even the slightest of imperfections are dummies and you are probably better off without them. I think that some part of them thinks, rather selfishly, that they don't want to deal with it, failing to recognize that YOU are the one dealing with it. But I always appreciated my husband's honesty--and I was immediately curious about CF because I had no experience with it. I've learned a lot about it and I do whatever I can to help him, even though it's not really much.

flynnycat · Sep 1, 2011

I can only speak from the other side of this, as I do not have CF but my husband does. I knew he had CF long before we ever got together....he has a chronic cough that kind of gives him away. I didn't know much about it, but he explained it to me honestly. I didn't run, but he told me about a girl in high school who wanted to date him but when she found out he has CF, she refused. She said something stupid about not wanting to go through the pain of losing him--so rather than taking the time to get to know an amazing person and see where it all goes, she let his illness push her away. Relationships don't come with any guarantees, whether the person involved has CF, or another illness, or not. Every time, it's a gamble. But she just couldn't see that. I think that quality people will see what you have to offer, and will look beyond the CF--the CF is part of you, but it's not you. The ones that run at the first sign of even the slightest of imperfections are dummies and you are probably better off without them. I think that some part of them thinks, rather selfishly, that they don't want to deal with it, failing to recognize that YOU are the one dealing with it. But I always appreciated my husband's honesty--and I was immediately curious about CF because I had no experience with it. I've learned a lot about it and I do whatever I can to help him, even though it's not really much.

How did you?? (Women)

fiacono425

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fiacono425

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dancingsparrow

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dancingsparrow

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dancingsparrow

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Iamqueenofeverything

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Iamqueenofeverything

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Iamqueenofeverything

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cindylou

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cindylou

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cindylou

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flynnycat

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flynnycat

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flynnycat

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