How did you?? (Women)

countrygal9210 · Aug 18, 2011

I was wondering how some of you (women) dealt with CF and realtionships??
I am (19) and one of those girls who doesn't 'need' a guy to make me happy, however I am noticing that every guy seems to run when I say CF or disease or something. I mean I don't wanna lead a guy on or 3 months down the road get hurt worse because I didn't let the guy no at the start...
So I guess I'm trying to keep time frm being wasted along with having a wall up that ain't broke until a guy IS truly ok with it.
I am more than happy being single, but I was just wondering how some of you dealt with your situations if anything like this...
I guess I'm looking for advice and someone to help me understand this. I also am the type to know that things happen for a reason and I know life will go the coarse it's meant too...But any thoughts??
Thanks Kristen

countrygal9210 · Aug 18, 2011

I was wondering how some of you (women) dealt with CF and realtionships??
I am(19) andone of those girls who doesn't 'need' a guy to make me happy, however I am noticing that every guy seems to run when I say CF or disease or something. I mean I don't wanna lead a guy on or 3 months down the road get hurt worse because I didn't let the guy no at the start...
So I guess I'm trying to keep time frm being wasted along with having a wall up that ain't broke until a guy IS truly ok with it.
I am more than happy being single, but I was just wondering how some of you dealt with your situations if anything like this...
I guess I'm looking for advice and someone to help me understand this. I also am the type to know that things happen for a reason and I know life will go the coarse it's meant too...But any thoughts??
Thanks Kristen

countrygal9210 · Aug 18, 2011

I was wondering how some of you (women) dealt with CF and realtionships??
I am(19) andone of those girls who doesn't 'need' a guy to make me happy, however I am noticing that every guy seems to run when I say CF or disease or something. I mean I don't wanna lead a guy on or 3 months down the road get hurt worse because I didn't let the guy no at the start...
So I guess I'm trying to keep time frm being wasted along with having a wall up that ain't broke until a guy IS truly ok with it.
I am more than happy being single, but I was just wondering how some of you dealt with your situations if anything like this...
I guess I'm looking for advice and someone to help me understand this. I also am the type to know that things happen for a reason and I know life will go the coarse it's meant too...But any thoughts??
Thanks Kristen

tesorotiffa · Aug 18, 2011

How and what exactly are you telling these guys? How active is CF in your life? My advice would be to keep things at a need-to-know level.

My now husband didn't know anything about my health until about a month into our relationship, and that was only because he was really curious why I had to drive 4.5 hours to see a doctor! I still didn't tell him exactly what was going on, but a few months later when I had to be hospitalized, it became pretty clear..lol. He didn't think I was keeping anything from him in a negative way. He respected and understood that I'm a private person, and I'm a person who doesn't wanna be defined by CF.

In the past I had told people that I had a lung problem whenever it either came up or felt right. And usually by the time they found out they were so used to seeing me for me that it didn't matter.

Plus, let's be honest--- It's probably a bit heavy for people your age. And if you're giving them every detail that is or could be maybe in the future sometime.... it's gonna be heavy, and they're probably going to realize they just want to have fun. So maybe look at your approach (not saying your approach is wrong--since I don't know!) and maybe just try to keep the CF thing light until you believe you're with someone worth investing in.

I'm sure others will disagree, but this is my 2 cents.

tesorotiffa · Aug 18, 2011

How and what exactly are you telling these guys? How active is CF in your life? My advice would be to keep things at a need-to-know level.

My now husband didn't know anything about my health until about a month into our relationship, and that was only because he was really curious why I had to drive 4.5 hours to see a doctor! I still didn't tell him exactly what was going on, but a few months later when I had to be hospitalized, it became pretty clear..lol. He didn't think I was keeping anything from him in a negative way. He respected and understood that I'm a private person, and I'm a person who doesn't wanna be defined by CF.

In the past I had told people that I had a lung problem whenever it either came up or felt right. And usually by the time they found out they were so used to seeing me for me that it didn't matter.

Plus, let's be honest--- It's probably a bit heavy for people your age. And if you're giving them every detail that is or could be maybe in the future sometime.... it's gonna be heavy, and they're probably going to realize they just want to have fun. So maybe look at your approach (not saying your approach is wrong--since I don't know!) and maybe just try to keep the CF thing light until you believe you're with someone worth investing in.

I'm sure others will disagree, but this is my 2 cents.

tesorotiffa · Aug 18, 2011

How and what exactly are you telling these guys? How active is CF in your life? My advice would be to keep things at a need-to-know level.
 
 My now husband didn't know anything about my health until about a month into our relationship, and that was only because he was really curious why I had to drive 4.5 hours to see a doctor! I still didn't tell him exactly what was going on, but a few months later when I had to be hospitalized, it became pretty clear..lol. He didn't think I was keeping anything from him in a negative way. He respected and understood that I'm a private person, and I'm a person who doesn't wanna be defined by CF.
 
 In the past I had told people that I had a lung problem whenever it either came up or felt right. And usually by the time they found out they were so used to seeing me for me that it didn't matter.
 
 Plus, let's be honest--- It's probably a bit heavy for people your age. And if you're giving them every detail that is or could be maybe in the future sometime.... it's gonna be heavy, and they're probably going to realize they just want to have fun. So maybe look at your approach (not saying your approach is wrong--since I don't know!) and maybe just try to keep the CF thing light until you believe you're with someone worth investing in.
 
 I'm sure others will disagree, but this is my 2 cents.

randmel89 · Aug 19, 2011

Hello,
I told my husband right away because I felt like I would start the relationship off with lies if I didnt. I went through a few guys because of my honesty but if they couldnt handle it then I needed to know right away and not months into it. My husband was shy about it and distant until I offered him information on it then he became supported of it totally. I know it is hard to deal with but I would rather have my friends, loves, and any one in my life know so if something happens to me they know what to tell 911 or anybody around why it may be happening. Dont just tell them the negatives about CF make sure you tell them the good things. Yes, if you really think about it CF has good things. My husband told me when we got together that Cf doesnt scare him and what comes we will deal with it together and he has never broke that promise to me. I wish you luck in love and May the Lord bring you a smart and intellegant Man to help you with life and your CF. This is just my 2 cents. By the way I have been with my husband for over 20 years now...<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">)

randmel89 · Aug 19, 2011

Hello,
I told my husband right away because I felt like I would start the relationship off with lies if I didnt. I went through a few guys because of my honesty but if they couldnt handle it then I needed to know right away and not months into it. My husband was shy about it and distant until I offered him information on it then he became supported of it totally. I know it is hard to deal with but I would rather have my friends, loves, and any one in my life know so if something happens to me they know what to tell 911 or anybody around why it may be happening. Dont just tell them the negatives about CF make sure you tell them the good things. Yes, if you really think about it CF has good things. My husband told me when we got together that Cf doesnt scare him and what comes we will deal with it together and he has never broke that promise to me. I wish you luck in love and May the Lord bring you a smart and intellegant Man to help you with life and your CF. This is just my 2 cents. By the way I have been with my husband for over 20 years now...<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">)

randmel89 · Aug 19, 2011

Hello,
 I told my husband right away because I felt like I would start the relationship off with lies if I didnt. I went through a few guys because of my honesty but if they couldnt handle it then I needed to know right away and not months into it. My husband was shy about it and distant until I offered him information on it then he became supported of it totally. I know it is hard to deal with but I would rather have my friends, loves, and any one in my life know so if something happens to me they know what to tell 911 or anybody around why it may be happening. Dont just tell them the negatives about CF make sure you tell them the good things. Yes, if you really think about it CF has good things. My husband told me when we got together that Cf doesnt scare him and what comes we will deal with it together and he has never broke that promise to me. I wish you luck in love and May the Lord bring you a smart and intellegant Man to help you with life and your CF. This is just my 2 cents. By the way I have been with my husband for over 20 years now...<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">)

mamaScarlett · Aug 19, 2011

I only had 2 other relationships before I met and married my husband. One was a joke-weeks into it, the guy ran as soon as I coughed. haha. I was extremely immature and so was he. To his credit I think he probably didn't want to hurt me by telling me he couldn't handle the health problems, but he handled it very childlike. (breaking up by post it note kinda thing! lol) The other relationship was more serious. He had no issues with my health, though in his family having children was extremely important and at that time I believed I'd never be able to have them. Bc of that, I actually was the one to break it off at one point. But he didn't care about that. We were together for several years though, so a relationship had already been formed. In the end though we wanted different things in life. With my husband, we were friend for a year before a relationship began. When we started talking on a regular basis I was pretty up front with him, especially about the children issue. On his own, he bought a book about Cf and read it through and through. We fell in love and he loved me-the family issue didn't exist to him. I brought him to doctors appts with me once the relationship was serious. He visited me at the hospital when I was sick. He knew all the facts, but he just had a different viewpoint. For him, it was hypocritical to run away from someone he loved bc of health issues, when he could marry someone and be diagnosed with serious health issues of his own. That was how he felt. I personally don't view the cf thing as an issue any different that someone saying as they're dating "I don't ever want children"-You don't meet someone and on the first date blurt out all your faults, or all your life demands. You take time and get to know the person first. I can't imagine falling in love with someone and their health issues being a dealbreaker.

mamaScarlett · Aug 19, 2011

I only had 2 other relationships before I met and married my husband. One was a joke-weeks into it, the guy ran as soon as I coughed. haha. I was extremely immature and so was he. To his credit I think he probably didn't want to hurt me by telling me he couldn't handle the health problems, but he handled it very childlike. (breaking up by post it note kinda thing! lol) The other relationship was more serious. He had no issues with my health, though in his family having children was extremely important and at that time I believed I'd never be able to have them. Bc of that, I actually was the one to break it off at one point. But he didn't care about that. We were together for several years though, so a relationship had already been formed. In the end though we wanted different things in life. With my husband, we were friend for a year before a relationship began. When we started talking on a regular basis I was pretty up front with him, especially about the children issue. On his own, he bought a book about Cf and read it through and through. We fell in love and he loved me-the family issue didn't exist to him. I brought him to doctors appts with me once the relationship was serious. He visited me at the hospital when I was sick. He knew all the facts, but he just had a different viewpoint. For him, it was hypocritical to run away from someone he loved bc of health issues, when he could marry someone and be diagnosed with serious health issues of his own. That was how he felt. I personally don't view the cf thing as an issue any different that someone saying as they're dating "I don't ever want children"-You don't meet someone and on the first date blurt out all your faults, or all your life demands. You take time and get to know the person first. I can't imagine falling in love with someone and their health issues being a dealbreaker.

mamaScarlett · Aug 19, 2011

I only had 2 other relationships before I met and married my husband. One was a joke-weeks into it, the guy ran as soon as I coughed. haha. I was extremely immature and so was he. To his credit I think he probably didn't want to hurt me by telling me he couldn't handle the health problems, but he handled it very childlike. (breaking up by post it note kinda thing! lol) The other relationship was more serious. He had no issues with my health, though in his family having children was extremely important and at that time I believed I'd never be able to have them. Bc of that, I actually was the one to break it off at one point. But he didn't care about that. We were together for several years though, so a relationship had already been formed. In the end though we wanted different things in life. With my husband, we were friend for a year before a relationship began. When we started talking on a regular basis I was pretty up front with him, especially about the children issue. On his own, he bought a book about Cf and read it through and through. We fell in love and he loved me-the family issue didn't exist to him. I brought him to doctors appts with me once the relationship was serious. He visited me at the hospital when I was sick. He knew all the facts, but he just had a different viewpoint. For him, it was hypocritical to run away from someone he loved bc of health issues, when he could marry someone and be diagnosed with serious health issues of his own. That was how he felt. I personally don't view the cf thing as an issue any different that someone saying as they're dating "I don't ever want children"-You don't meet someone and on the first date blurt out all your faults, or all your life demands. You take time and get to know the person first. I can't imagine falling in love with someone and their health issues being a dealbreaker.

mamaScarlett · Aug 19, 2011

Also wanted to add, only bc I was told this by my now husband and several others too-one of the reasons they weren't scared off by my cf was bc of my attitude more than the fact that I had it. Especially when I was younger, I had such a strong fighter mentality and was super positive about my health. Of course that helped my outlook and how others viewed me.

mamaScarlett · Aug 19, 2011

Also wanted to add, only bc I was told this by my now husband and several others too-one of the reasons they weren't scared off by my cf was bc of my attitude more than the fact that I had it. Especially when I was younger, I had such a strong fighter mentality and was super positive about my health. Of course that helped my outlook and how others viewed me.

mamaScarlett · Aug 19, 2011

Also wanted to add, only bc I was told this by my now husband and several others too-one of the reasons they weren't scared off by my cf was bc of my attitude more than the fact that I had it. Especially when I was younger, I had such a strong fighter mentality and was super positive about my health. Of course that helped my outlook and how others viewed me.

Tisha · Aug 19, 2011

When I was in college (Brigham Young University) only my roommates and some specific professor even knew I had CF - I could live a normal life, in spite of medication. I did get pretty bad halfways through the degree (the Utah valley "Inversion" didn't help) and had to take a semester off. When I graduated, one of my mentors insisted they do an article on me, "International student graduates with Honors and Cystic Fibrosis" and I jumped on the main page of the BYU website, as well as local newspaper and radio. Talk about "coming out of the closet". Lots of people got back to me in surprise, they never knew all that time...

Coming to guys, when it has been somebody important for me I have told them right away and CF wasn't an obstacle for them.
My current 11-month boyfriend started off with a dramatic anecdote. The first day we sat down to chat, he started telling me about his family, and said "and then I had a cousin, an adoptive one, who died five years ago because she had a chronic disease. Have you heard about Cystic Fibrosis?". Clunch in my stomach. Silence. "Why are you so silent?". (stuttering) "Er, well, you see, I have Cystic Fibrosis too... But I'm not going to die anytime soon, no worries!". Ouch! It was quite a shock for us both. But he's dealing with it just fine.

I think honesty is key, how could you have a proper relationship otherwise?

Tisha · Aug 19, 2011

When I was in college (Brigham Young University) only my roommates and some specific professor even knew I had CF - I could live a normal life, in spite of medication. I did get pretty bad halfways through the degree (the Utah valley "Inversion" didn't help) and had to take a semester off. When I graduated, one of my mentors insisted they do an article on me, "International student graduates with Honors and Cystic Fibrosis" and I jumped on the main page of the BYU website, as well as local newspaper and radio. Talk about "coming out of the closet". Lots of people got back to me in surprise, they never knew all that time...

Coming to guys, when it has been somebody important for me I have told them right away and CF wasn't an obstacle for them.
My current 11-month boyfriend started off with a dramatic anecdote. The first day we sat down to chat, he started telling me about his family, and said "and then I had a cousin, an adoptive one, who died five years ago because she had a chronic disease. Have you heard about Cystic Fibrosis?". Clunch in my stomach. Silence. "Why are you so silent?". (stuttering) "Er, well, you see, I have Cystic Fibrosis too... But I'm not going to die anytime soon, no worries!". Ouch! It was quite a shock for us both. But he's dealing with it just fine.

I think honesty is key, how could you have a proper relationship otherwise?

Tisha · Aug 19, 2011

When I was in college (Brigham Young University) only my roommates and some specific professor even knew I had CF - I could live a normal life, in spite of medication. I did get pretty bad halfways through the degree (the Utah valley "Inversion" didn't help) and had to take a semester off. When I graduated, one of my mentors insisted they do an article on me, "International student graduates with Honors and Cystic Fibrosis" and I jumped on the main page of the BYU website, as well as local newspaper and radio. Talk about "coming out of the closet". Lots of people got back to me in surprise, they never knew all that time...
 
 Coming to guys, when it has been somebody important for me I have told them right away and CF wasn't an obstacle for them.
 My current 11-month boyfriend started off with a dramatic anecdote. The first day we sat down to chat, he started telling me about his family, and said "and then I had a cousin, an adoptive one, who died five years ago because she had a chronic disease. Have you heard about Cystic Fibrosis?". Clunch in my stomach. Silence. "Why are you so silent?". (stuttering) "Er, well, you see, I have Cystic Fibrosis too... But I'm not going to die anytime soon, no worries!". Ouch! It was quite a shock for us both. But he's dealing with it just fine.
 
 I think honesty is key, how could you have a proper relationship otherwise?

jamoncita · Aug 19, 2011

Hi there! I think that maybe you shouldn't focus on getting into a relationship too young (though I guess that's subjective; I'm only 23), and you should really think about how you tell people about your cf. Also, I'd say the reaction depends on the type of guy you're talking about; if he's a truly good guy there's no reason why he wouldn't be okay with you having cf. I'm currently in a serious relationship (first ever, and we're approaching 2 years), and I told him a few weeks after we began dating. I always anticipated being met with fear or rejection getting into a relationship (as far as revealing my deep, dark secret of the curse of cf) so I decided to tell him early on to see how he felt. He went home and did his research and was perfectly comfortable with the notion. He is a very sweet and caring type of guy with his priorities straight, which I think contributes to his being understanding. It has helped that I went through my phase of being depressed and hopeless about the disease, and when I met the guy I was feeling increasingly more positive about things; so, as others have suggested, it helps to have a positive outlook so you don't scare they guys off. Good luck with your romantic ventures <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> -Deirdre- "We only become what we are by the radical and deep-seated refusal of that which others have made of us." -Jean Paul Sartre

jamoncita · Aug 19, 2011

Hi there! I think that maybe you shouldn't focus on getting into a relationship too young (though I guess that's subjective; I'm only 23), and you should really think about how you tell people about your cf. Also, I'd say the reaction depends on the type of guy you're talking about; if he's a truly good guy there's no reason why he wouldn't be okay with you having cf. I'm currently in a serious relationship (first ever, and we're approaching 2 years), and I told him a few weeks after we began dating. I always anticipated being met with fear or rejection getting into a relationship (as far as revealing my deep, dark secret of the curse of cf) so I decided to tell him early on to see how he felt. He went home and did his research and was perfectly comfortable with the notion. He is a very sweet and caring type of guy with his priorities straight, which I think contributes to his being understanding. It has helped that I went through my phase of being depressed and hopeless about the disease, and when I met the guy I was feeling increasingly more positive about things; so, as others have suggested, it helps to have a positive outlook so you don't scare they guys off. Good luck with your romantic ventures <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> -Deirdre- "We only become what we are by the radical and deep-seated refusal of that which others have made of us." -Jean Paul Sartre

How did you?? (Women)

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