How do you keep family updated?

[Ratatosk]

One of our issues is with people showing up to family gatherings and being really sick -- pneumonia, bronchitis -- and being told that "it's just a cold", another with COPD. And there's an elderly relative who visits every couple of years who has had infections requiring IV ABX, sores that won't heal whom we avoid.

DH had to have a couple serious conversations with his parents about it -- that we WILL leave. She was embarrassed that we might not show up if we knew someone was sick, but she would really be mortified if we left, so things have improved. We just want to be aware of things ahead of time in order to make a decision.

My current pet peeve has to do with towels at their lake home. My MIL forgets that she's got wet towels in the washing machine, throws them in the dryer and 9 times out of 10 they're mildewy. So I just bring our own to use. I tried mentioning it to her, but apparently I'm the only one who notices it or complained. So nasty to me to hop out of the shower, use a towel and smell mildew on it and my skin. Bleah!

 

[Ratatosk]

One of our issues is with people showing up to family gatherings and being really sick -- pneumonia, bronchitis -- and being told that "it's just a cold", another with COPD. And there's an elderly relative who visits every couple of years who has had infections requiring IV ABX, sores that won't heal whom we avoid.

DH had to have a couple serious conversations with his parents about it -- that we WILL leave. She was embarrassed that we might not show up if we knew someone was sick, but she would really be mortified if we left, so things have improved. We just want to be aware of things ahead of time in order to make a decision.

My current pet peeve has to do with towels at their lake home. My MIL forgets that she's got wet towels in the washing machine, throws them in the dryer and 9 times out of 10 they're mildewy. So I just bring our own to use. I tried mentioning it to her, but apparently I'm the only one who notices it or complained. So nasty to me to hop out of the shower, use a towel and smell mildew on it and my skin. Bleah!

 

[Ratatosk]

One of our issues is with people showing up to family gatherings and being really sick -- pneumonia, bronchitis -- and being told that "it's just a cold", another with COPD. And there's an elderly relative who visits every couple of years who has had infections requiring IV ABX, sores that won't heal whom we avoid.

DH had to have a couple serious conversations with his parents about it -- that we WILL leave. She was embarrassed that we might not show up if we knew someone was sick, but she would really be mortified if we left, so things have improved. We just want to be aware of things ahead of time in order to make a decision.

My current pet peeve has to do with towels at their lake home. My MIL forgets that she's got wet towels in the washing machine, throws them in the dryer and 9 times out of 10 they're mildewy. So I just bring our own to use. I tried mentioning it to her, but apparently I'm the only one who notices it or complained. So nasty to me to hop out of the shower, use a towel and smell mildew on it and my skin. Bleah!

 

[Ratatosk]

One of our issues is with people showing up to family gatherings and being really sick -- pneumonia, bronchitis -- and being told that "it's just a cold", another with COPD. And there's an elderly relative who visits every couple of years who has had infections requiring IV ABX, sores that won't heal whom we avoid.

DH had to have a couple serious conversations with his parents about it -- that we WILL leave. She was embarrassed that we might not show up if we knew someone was sick, but she would really be mortified if we left, so things have improved. We just want to be aware of things ahead of time in order to make a decision.

My current pet peeve has to do with towels at their lake home. My MIL forgets that she's got wet towels in the washing machine, throws them in the dryer and 9 times out of 10 they're mildewy. So I just bring our own to use. I tried mentioning it to her, but apparently I'm the only one who notices it or complained. So nasty to me to hop out of the shower, use a towel and smell mildew on it and my skin. Bleah!

 

[Ratatosk]

One of our issues is with people showing up to family gatherings and being really sick -- pneumonia, bronchitis -- and being told that "it's just a cold", another with COPD. And there's an elderly relative who visits every couple of years who has had infections requiring IV ABX, sores that won't heal whom we avoid.
<br />
<br />DH had to have a couple serious conversations with his parents about it -- that we WILL leave. She was embarrassed that we might not show up if we knew someone was sick, but she would really be mortified if we left, so things have improved. We just want to be aware of things ahead of time in order to make a decision.
<br />
<br />My current pet peeve has to do with towels at their lake home. My MIL forgets that she's got wet towels in the washing machine, throws them in the dryer and 9 times out of 10 they're mildewy. So I just bring our own to use. I tried mentioning it to her, but apparently I'm the only one who notices it or complained. So nasty to me to hop out of the shower, use a towel and smell mildew on it and my skin. Bleah!

 

[hmw]

First, I'm so glad to hear how well Lexi is doing! That's wonderful! I hope things continue to go well for her. It's always so encouraging when we see positive results showing us that stuff we are doing is making a difference. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">


<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Everytime I make them a new list, things change for a while, but months go by and slowly things go back to being DANGEROUS for Lexi.</end quote></div>
I think that keeping things safe for Lexi really depends on a combination of factors. As already posted a few times- action on your part (if there is smoking, no Lexi sleeping over, for example. If there is smelly stuff in the air at a gathering, someone takes Lexi home. If someone is sick, ditto. If they won't do it, you'll have to and hopefully it will start to sink in.) Then probably for the most important when it comes to gaining cooperation- <i>pick your battles.</i> Some things are simply bigger issues than others, and if every list is longer than the one before, they are simply going to start ignoring the whole thing, it's human nature. If little things are given the same amount of priority as the big-ticket stuff, it minimizes the importance of following guidelines on crucial things that can really make her sick, like perfume and smoke and sickness.

As parents, we are free to control every aspect of our children's environment in our homes, but we do have to tread more cautiously when it comes to others and respect their feelings in their own homes. Lexi is going to thrive the most due to changes made in the environment she's in the MOST... and you are doing great things for her at home.

It sounds like your mom & mil might not be the best housekeepers but I'd tread really, really carefully there before giving their homes the 'white glove test' every time you go. That will likely only make them defensive (it would me, to be honest.) The smoking- that's a well known public health hazard and SHOULD be addressed. Smoke= no Lexi. You don't even have to justify it with an argument at this point- they've heard it all countless times! But their older homes, carpeting, floors that aren't spotless, sponges? That kind of stuff is a minefield... and the fallout might not be worth it, especially since they are not watching her daily, etc.

But if something is just awful, i.e. the sink grosses you out too much... I'd consider instead of saying anything, bringing a bottle of your favorite spray cleaner and attacking it before you leave, then leave a pile of disposable sos pads for the dishes & a roll of paper towels; in other words, give <i>solutions</i> for the kitchen while Lexi is there instead of just a 'no sponges' law. ymikhale posts that she brings stuff she wants used while her child is there- that makes compliance a whole lot easier, too, since what she wants is right there and available.

I hope I didn't step on any toes with my post; it's jmo and worth exactly .02... feel free to completely disregard. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

 

[hmw]

First, I'm so glad to hear how well Lexi is doing! That's wonderful! I hope things continue to go well for her. It's always so encouraging when we see positive results showing us that stuff we are doing is making a difference. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">


<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Everytime I make them a new list, things change for a while, but months go by and slowly things go back to being DANGEROUS for Lexi.</end quote></div>
I think that keeping things safe for Lexi really depends on a combination of factors. As already posted a few times- action on your part (if there is smoking, no Lexi sleeping over, for example. If there is smelly stuff in the air at a gathering, someone takes Lexi home. If someone is sick, ditto. If they won't do it, you'll have to and hopefully it will start to sink in.) Then probably for the most important when it comes to gaining cooperation- <i>pick your battles.</i> Some things are simply bigger issues than others, and if every list is longer than the one before, they are simply going to start ignoring the whole thing, it's human nature. If little things are given the same amount of priority as the big-ticket stuff, it minimizes the importance of following guidelines on crucial things that can really make her sick, like perfume and smoke and sickness.

As parents, we are free to control every aspect of our children's environment in our homes, but we do have to tread more cautiously when it comes to others and respect their feelings in their own homes. Lexi is going to thrive the most due to changes made in the environment she's in the MOST... and you are doing great things for her at home.

It sounds like your mom & mil might not be the best housekeepers but I'd tread really, really carefully there before giving their homes the 'white glove test' every time you go. That will likely only make them defensive (it would me, to be honest.) The smoking- that's a well known public health hazard and SHOULD be addressed. Smoke= no Lexi. You don't even have to justify it with an argument at this point- they've heard it all countless times! But their older homes, carpeting, floors that aren't spotless, sponges? That kind of stuff is a minefield... and the fallout might not be worth it, especially since they are not watching her daily, etc.

But if something is just awful, i.e. the sink grosses you out too much... I'd consider instead of saying anything, bringing a bottle of your favorite spray cleaner and attacking it before you leave, then leave a pile of disposable sos pads for the dishes & a roll of paper towels; in other words, give <i>solutions</i> for the kitchen while Lexi is there instead of just a 'no sponges' law. ymikhale posts that she brings stuff she wants used while her child is there- that makes compliance a whole lot easier, too, since what she wants is right there and available.

I hope I didn't step on any toes with my post; it's jmo and worth exactly .02... feel free to completely disregard. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

 

[hmw]

First, I'm so glad to hear how well Lexi is doing! That's wonderful! I hope things continue to go well for her. It's always so encouraging when we see positive results showing us that stuff we are doing is making a difference. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">


<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Everytime I make them a new list, things change for a while, but months go by and slowly things go back to being DANGEROUS for Lexi.</end quote></div>
I think that keeping things safe for Lexi really depends on a combination of factors. As already posted a few times- action on your part (if there is smoking, no Lexi sleeping over, for example. If there is smelly stuff in the air at a gathering, someone takes Lexi home. If someone is sick, ditto. If they won't do it, you'll have to and hopefully it will start to sink in.) Then probably for the most important when it comes to gaining cooperation- <i>pick your battles.</i> Some things are simply bigger issues than others, and if every list is longer than the one before, they are simply going to start ignoring the whole thing, it's human nature. If little things are given the same amount of priority as the big-ticket stuff, it minimizes the importance of following guidelines on crucial things that can really make her sick, like perfume and smoke and sickness.

As parents, we are free to control every aspect of our children's environment in our homes, but we do have to tread more cautiously when it comes to others and respect their feelings in their own homes. Lexi is going to thrive the most due to changes made in the environment she's in the MOST... and you are doing great things for her at home.

It sounds like your mom & mil might not be the best housekeepers but I'd tread really, really carefully there before giving their homes the 'white glove test' every time you go. That will likely only make them defensive (it would me, to be honest.) The smoking- that's a well known public health hazard and SHOULD be addressed. Smoke= no Lexi. You don't even have to justify it with an argument at this point- they've heard it all countless times! But their older homes, carpeting, floors that aren't spotless, sponges? That kind of stuff is a minefield... and the fallout might not be worth it, especially since they are not watching her daily, etc.

But if something is just awful, i.e. the sink grosses you out too much... I'd consider instead of saying anything, bringing a bottle of your favorite spray cleaner and attacking it before you leave, then leave a pile of disposable sos pads for the dishes & a roll of paper towels; in other words, give <i>solutions</i> for the kitchen while Lexi is there instead of just a 'no sponges' law. ymikhale posts that she brings stuff she wants used while her child is there- that makes compliance a whole lot easier, too, since what she wants is right there and available.

I hope I didn't step on any toes with my post; it's jmo and worth exactly .02... feel free to completely disregard. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

 

[hmw]

First, I'm so glad to hear how well Lexi is doing! That's wonderful! I hope things continue to go well for her. It's always so encouraging when we see positive results showing us that stuff we are doing is making a difference. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">


<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Everytime I make them a new list, things change for a while, but months go by and slowly things go back to being DANGEROUS for Lexi.</end quote>
I think that keeping things safe for Lexi really depends on a combination of factors. As already posted a few times- action on your part (if there is smoking, no Lexi sleeping over, for example. If there is smelly stuff in the air at a gathering, someone takes Lexi home. If someone is sick, ditto. If they won't do it, you'll have to and hopefully it will start to sink in.) Then probably for the most important when it comes to gaining cooperation- <i>pick your battles.</i> Some things are simply bigger issues than others, and if every list is longer than the one before, they are simply going to start ignoring the whole thing, it's human nature. If little things are given the same amount of priority as the big-ticket stuff, it minimizes the importance of following guidelines on crucial things that can really make her sick, like perfume and smoke and sickness.

As parents, we are free to control every aspect of our children's environment in our homes, but we do have to tread more cautiously when it comes to others and respect their feelings in their own homes. Lexi is going to thrive the most due to changes made in the environment she's in the MOST... and you are doing great things for her at home.

It sounds like your mom & mil might not be the best housekeepers but I'd tread really, really carefully there before giving their homes the 'white glove test' every time you go. That will likely only make them defensive (it would me, to be honest.) The smoking- that's a well known public health hazard and SHOULD be addressed. Smoke= no Lexi. You don't even have to justify it with an argument at this point- they've heard it all countless times! But their older homes, carpeting, floors that aren't spotless, sponges? That kind of stuff is a minefield... and the fallout might not be worth it, especially since they are not watching her daily, etc.

But if something is just awful, i.e. the sink grosses you out too much... I'd consider instead of saying anything, bringing a bottle of your favorite spray cleaner and attacking it before you leave, then leave a pile of disposable sos pads for the dishes & a roll of paper towels; in other words, give <i>solutions</i> for the kitchen while Lexi is there instead of just a 'no sponges' law. ymikhale posts that she brings stuff she wants used while her child is there- that makes compliance a whole lot easier, too, since what she wants is right there and available.

I hope I didn't step on any toes with my post; it's jmo and worth exactly .02... feel free to completely disregard. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

 

[hmw]

First, I'm so glad to hear how well Lexi is doing! That's wonderful! I hope things continue to go well for her. It's always so encouraging when we see positive results showing us that stuff we are doing is making a difference. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Everytime I make them a new list, things change for a while, but months go by and slowly things go back to being DANGEROUS for Lexi.</end quote>
<br />I think that keeping things safe for Lexi really depends on a combination of factors. As already posted a few times- action on your part (if there is smoking, no Lexi sleeping over, for example. If there is smelly stuff in the air at a gathering, someone takes Lexi home. If someone is sick, ditto. If they won't do it, you'll have to and hopefully it will start to sink in.) Then probably for the most important when it comes to gaining cooperation- <i>pick your battles.</i> Some things are simply bigger issues than others, and if every list is longer than the one before, they are simply going to start ignoring the whole thing, it's human nature. If little things are given the same amount of priority as the big-ticket stuff, it minimizes the importance of following guidelines on crucial things that can really make her sick, like perfume and smoke and sickness.
<br />
<br />As parents, we are free to control every aspect of our children's environment in our homes, but we do have to tread more cautiously when it comes to others and respect their feelings in their own homes. Lexi is going to thrive the most due to changes made in the environment she's in the MOST... and you are doing great things for her at home.
<br />
<br />It sounds like your mom & mil might not be the best housekeepers but I'd tread really, really carefully there before giving their homes the 'white glove test' every time you go. That will likely only make them defensive (it would me, to be honest.) The smoking- that's a well known public health hazard and SHOULD be addressed. Smoke= no Lexi. You don't even have to justify it with an argument at this point- they've heard it all countless times! But their older homes, carpeting, floors that aren't spotless, sponges? That kind of stuff is a minefield... and the fallout might not be worth it, especially since they are not watching her daily, etc.
<br />
<br />But if something is just awful, i.e. the sink grosses you out too much... I'd consider instead of saying anything, bringing a bottle of your favorite spray cleaner and attacking it before you leave, then leave a pile of disposable sos pads for the dishes & a roll of paper towels; in other words, give <i>solutions</i> for the kitchen while Lexi is there instead of just a 'no sponges' law. ymikhale posts that she brings stuff she wants used while her child is there- that makes compliance a whole lot easier, too, since what she wants is right there and available.
<br />
<br />I hope I didn't step on any toes with my post; it's jmo and worth exactly .02... feel free to completely disregard. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

 

[shea14]

I agree with you completely on the pick your battles. Being in a less than spotless house is not going to hurt your child. My sons Grandma is not a very good housekeeper. He has never gotten sick from being over their and he has a very strong bond with her I would hate to ruin over a sticky counter and some dirty dishes.

Now smoke and illness is different. But everyone in my family warns me if they are sick so I can change my plans accordingly. If we are at a larger familt gathering and someone is ill I politely let them (and my DS) know to keep their distance from one another, and I usually send him to play in another area and make the visit short. I can't imagine anyone not respecting you when they are sick and they know what it can do to your child.

 

[shea14]

I agree with you completely on the pick your battles. Being in a less than spotless house is not going to hurt your child. My sons Grandma is not a very good housekeeper. He has never gotten sick from being over their and he has a very strong bond with her I would hate to ruin over a sticky counter and some dirty dishes.

Now smoke and illness is different. But everyone in my family warns me if they are sick so I can change my plans accordingly. If we are at a larger familt gathering and someone is ill I politely let them (and my DS) know to keep their distance from one another, and I usually send him to play in another area and make the visit short. I can't imagine anyone not respecting you when they are sick and they know what it can do to your child.

 

[shea14]

I agree with you completely on the pick your battles. Being in a less than spotless house is not going to hurt your child. My sons Grandma is not a very good housekeeper. He has never gotten sick from being over their and he has a very strong bond with her I would hate to ruin over a sticky counter and some dirty dishes.

Now smoke and illness is different. But everyone in my family warns me if they are sick so I can change my plans accordingly. If we are at a larger familt gathering and someone is ill I politely let them (and my DS) know to keep their distance from one another, and I usually send him to play in another area and make the visit short. I can't imagine anyone not respecting you when they are sick and they know what it can do to your child.

 

[shea14]

I agree with you completely on the pick your battles. Being in a less than spotless house is not going to hurt your child. My sons Grandma is not a very good housekeeper. He has never gotten sick from being over their and he has a very strong bond with her I would hate to ruin over a sticky counter and some dirty dishes.

Now smoke and illness is different. But everyone in my family warns me if they are sick so I can change my plans accordingly. If we are at a larger familt gathering and someone is ill I politely let them (and my DS) know to keep their distance from one another, and I usually send him to play in another area and make the visit short. I can't imagine anyone not respecting you when they are sick and they know what it can do to your child.

 

[shea14]

I agree with you completely on the pick your battles. Being in a less than spotless house is not going to hurt your child. My sons Grandma is not a very good housekeeper. He has never gotten sick from being over their and he has a very strong bond with her I would hate to ruin over a sticky counter and some dirty dishes.
<br />
<br />Now smoke and illness is different. But everyone in my family warns me if they are sick so I can change my plans accordingly. If we are at a larger familt gathering and someone is ill I politely let them (and my DS) know to keep their distance from one another, and I usually send him to play in another area and make the visit short. I can't imagine anyone not respecting you when they are sick and they know what it can do to your child.

 

[NanaOf8GirlsAndCounting]

I guess, I am having a hard time understanding why there should be any problems with family members. Set up the rules, no smoking, no perfume, no air fresheners. We already used All Free because of allergys so no problem there. Even before Graycie was born, we had a separate Christmas because the twins were premies and another Granddaughter had RSV. I keep a very clean home, OCD! However, the other Grandparents not so much, nasty dog hair on everything, so the rule is that all get togethers happen at Graycie's home or Nana's house. If anyone is sick, they stay home. No mats in the bath, they are just gross. However, sponges are used in my home and are washed daily or thrown out. Also at Nana's, Graycie has a stuffed kitty that is just hers, no one else plays with this kitty and it is washed often in the washer. I hate stuffed animals and have limited it to just this one because she is so attached to it. We also have a large bottle or hand sanitizer for everyone to use. We also got rid of our sandbox for the kids, instead we have a huge jungle gym for all of them to play on. I wouldn't pick so much on the small stuff, just set firm rules and if they don't follow them, they don't see her.

 

[NanaOf8GirlsAndCounting]

I guess, I am having a hard time understanding why there should be any problems with family members. Set up the rules, no smoking, no perfume, no air fresheners. We already used All Free because of allergys so no problem there. Even before Graycie was born, we had a separate Christmas because the twins were premies and another Granddaughter had RSV. I keep a very clean home, OCD! However, the other Grandparents not so much, nasty dog hair on everything, so the rule is that all get togethers happen at Graycie's home or Nana's house. If anyone is sick, they stay home. No mats in the bath, they are just gross. However, sponges are used in my home and are washed daily or thrown out. Also at Nana's, Graycie has a stuffed kitty that is just hers, no one else plays with this kitty and it is washed often in the washer. I hate stuffed animals and have limited it to just this one because she is so attached to it. We also have a large bottle or hand sanitizer for everyone to use. We also got rid of our sandbox for the kids, instead we have a huge jungle gym for all of them to play on. I wouldn't pick so much on the small stuff, just set firm rules and if they don't follow them, they don't see her.

 

[NanaOf8GirlsAndCounting]

I guess, I am having a hard time understanding why there should be any problems with family members. Set up the rules, no smoking, no perfume, no air fresheners. We already used All Free because of allergys so no problem there. Even before Graycie was born, we had a separate Christmas because the twins were premies and another Granddaughter had RSV. I keep a very clean home, OCD! However, the other Grandparents not so much, nasty dog hair on everything, so the rule is that all get togethers happen at Graycie's home or Nana's house. If anyone is sick, they stay home. No mats in the bath, they are just gross. However, sponges are used in my home and are washed daily or thrown out. Also at Nana's, Graycie has a stuffed kitty that is just hers, no one else plays with this kitty and it is washed often in the washer. I hate stuffed animals and have limited it to just this one because she is so attached to it. We also have a large bottle or hand sanitizer for everyone to use. We also got rid of our sandbox for the kids, instead we have a huge jungle gym for all of them to play on. I wouldn't pick so much on the small stuff, just set firm rules and if they don't follow them, they don't see her.

 

[NanaOf8GirlsAndCounting]

I guess, I am having a hard time understanding why there should be any problems with family members. Set up the rules, no smoking, no perfume, no air fresheners. We already used All Free because of allergys so no problem there. Even before Graycie was born, we had a separate Christmas because the twins were premies and another Granddaughter had RSV. I keep a very clean home, OCD! However, the other Grandparents not so much, nasty dog hair on everything, so the rule is that all get togethers happen at Graycie's home or Nana's house. If anyone is sick, they stay home. No mats in the bath, they are just gross. However, sponges are used in my home and are washed daily or thrown out. Also at Nana's, Graycie has a stuffed kitty that is just hers, no one else plays with this kitty and it is washed often in the washer. I hate stuffed animals and have limited it to just this one because she is so attached to it. We also have a large bottle or hand sanitizer for everyone to use. We also got rid of our sandbox for the kids, instead we have a huge jungle gym for all of them to play on. I wouldn't pick so much on the small stuff, just set firm rules and if they don't follow them, they don't see her.

 

[NanaOf8GirlsAndCounting]

I guess, I am having a hard time understanding why there should be any problems with family members. Set up the rules, no smoking, no perfume, no air fresheners. We already used All Free because of allergys so no problem there. Even before Graycie was born, we had a separate Christmas because the twins were premies and another Granddaughter had RSV. I keep a very clean home, OCD! However, the other Grandparents not so much, nasty dog hair on everything, so the rule is that all get togethers happen at Graycie's home or Nana's house. If anyone is sick, they stay home. No mats in the bath, they are just gross. However, sponges are used in my home and are washed daily or thrown out. Also at Nana's, Graycie has a stuffed kitty that is just hers, no one else plays with this kitty and it is washed often in the washer. I hate stuffed animals and have limited it to just this one because she is so attached to it. We also have a large bottle or hand sanitizer for everyone to use. We also got rid of our sandbox for the kids, instead we have a huge jungle gym for all of them to play on. I wouldn't pick so much on the small stuff, just set firm rules and if they don't follow them, they don't see her.