Husband is not sure he can handle the stresses of CF life...

[Swallowtail66]

I am just feeling lonely and sad. I have been married about a year and he is really struggling with the stresses of having a sick wife and step-children. I have moved in with my parents who are always there for me. I love him, but he needs to accept me like I am. Even though I tried to explain it to him and prepare him, I was afraid no one could really handle this except for those of us who have no choice. I am getting more rest and having less stress from having to pretend that I can do all the things he thought I could. (I was doing really well while we dated, but had a major setback about a month after we got married.) But, I miss him. It is hard to be angry because this is a difficult life, but I am very sad. How do you move on from here?

 

[Swallowtail66]

I am just feeling lonely and sad. I have been married about a year and he is really struggling with the stresses of having a sick wife and step-children. I have moved in with my parents who are always there for me. I love him, but he needs to accept me like I am. Even though I tried to explain it to him and prepare him, I was afraid no one could really handle this except for those of us who have no choice. I am getting more rest and having less stress from having to pretend that I can do all the things he thought I could. (I was doing really well while we dated, but had a major setback about a month after we got married.) But, I miss him. It is hard to be angry because this is a difficult life, but I am very sad. How do you move on from here?

 

[TleighsHusband]

Know that there are those of us who do choose to go through CF even though we don't "have to" -- yes it is hard at times and it takes a lot of sacrifice on everyone's part, but having a thriving relationship while having CF is possible. Because CF is not static but progressive, it is living with that reality that life will always change and that can be hard for us men. We don't like for things to change -- especially things we can't control or don't fully understand. It is that whole conquering thing. If some time doesn't help give him some perspective then it may mean some big choices. Tiffany and I came to the place where it was so hard to see down the road so we planned the best that we could but then concentrated on just doing the next right thing. So how do we move on in the midst of life's hardships, by simply doing the next right thing. In some ways this is an over simplistic answer, but in many other ways, it is an answer of great depth -- doing the next right thing.

 

[TleighsHusband]

Know that there are those of us who do choose to go through CF even though we don't "have to" -- yes it is hard at times and it takes a lot of sacrifice on everyone's part, but having a thriving relationship while having CF is possible. Because CF is not static but progressive, it is living with that reality that life will always change and that can be hard for us men. We don't like for things to change -- especially things we can't control or don't fully understand. It is that whole conquering thing. If some time doesn't help give him some perspective then it may mean some big choices. Tiffany and I came to the place where it was so hard to see down the road so we planned the best that we could but then concentrated on just doing the next right thing. So how do we move on in the midst of life's hardships, by simply doing the next right thing. In some ways this is an over simplistic answer, but in many other ways, it is an answer of great depth -- doing the next right thing.

 

[TreasureGoddess]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry everyone has to deal with the crap of CF. It's bad enough fighting the administration of hospitals, trying to be a full time nurse, doctor and everything to everyone and especially when you're sick as well. The relationships and emotional side of this disease blows away all the medical junk. It stinks.<br><br>I'm glad you've moved in with your family. Let yourself relax as much as possible and accept the help of those that truly love you. Dark times do pass eventually and after a while you begin to see more and more little bits of sunshine. I agree that the best practice is to not worry about the big picture as it's so overwhelming. I'd focus on just what's immediately ahead each day and slow down to enjoy the little happy times with your kiddos and family.<br><br>Best of luck and I just wish I could come give you a hug!! A virtual hug will have to do for now. ((((HUGS))))<br>

 

[TreasureGoddess]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry everyone has to deal with the crap of CF. It's bad enough fighting the administration of hospitals, trying to be a full time nurse, doctor and everything to everyone and especially when you're sick as well. The relationships and emotional side of this disease blows away all the medical junk. It stinks.<br><br>I'm glad you've moved in with your family. Let yourself relax as much as possible and accept the help of those that truly love you. Dark times do pass eventually and after a while you begin to see more and more little bits of sunshine. I agree that the best practice is to not worry about the big picture as it's so overwhelming. I'd focus on just what's immediately ahead each day and slow down to enjoy the little happy times with your kiddos and family.<br><br>Best of luck and I just wish I could come give you a hug!! A virtual hug will have to do for now. ((((HUGS))))<br>

 

[Jet]

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I've been married for almost 25 years. We have two teenage daughters w/o CF as well. We've had our ups and downs too. Not all of them are CF related. Sometimes you get so caught up in the day to day stuff that you forget that other families have problems as well. In a way its been a blessing for my girls. They get to see first hand that you can over come hardships in life and still have a happy productive life. Even if its not perfect. He may just be over whelmed and he may come around yet.

 

[Jet]

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I've been married for almost 25 years. We have two teenage daughters w/o CF as well. We've had our ups and downs too. Not all of them are CF related. Sometimes you get so caught up in the day to day stuff that you forget that other families have problems as well. In a way its been a blessing for my girls. They get to see first hand that you can over come hardships in life and still have a happy productive life. Even if its not perfect. He may just be over whelmed and he may come around yet.

 

[Jeana]

About 5 years ago, my husband (we've been married since 99) almost left. The biggest reason he gave is that I was not taking as good care of my CF as I should have been. Although he was partly right, I think it was more that I was going through changes in my CF. I was being hospitalized more frequently, when in the beginning of our relationship I had never been hospitalized. We did make it through that time, but each new stage in CF is challenging and scary for both of us. I don't have any real advice, except that if you are a Christian, lean on God. He was the only way I got through it. Here is a verse that has spoken to me lately: Psalm 142:2-3 "tell Him all my troubles. When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn." I will be praying for you.

 

[Jeana]

About 5 years ago, my husband (we've been married since 99) almost left. The biggest reason he gave is that I was not taking as good care of my CF as I should have been. Although he was partly right, I think it was more that I was going through changes in my CF. I was being hospitalized more frequently, when in the beginning of our relationship I had never been hospitalized. We did make it through that time, but each new stage in CF is challenging and scary for both of us. I don't have any real advice, except that if you are a Christian, lean on God. He was the only way I got through it. Here is a verse that has spoken to me lately: Psalm 142:2-3 "tell Him all my troubles. When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn." I will be praying for you.

 

[Andrea2XCFers]

I'm so sorry you are sad and lonely. I really hope things get better, or at least don't seem as sad and hopeless as they sound right now. It sounds to me like you've been getting sicker while trying to pretend there's nothing wrong. My teen CFers do that, too. Unfortunately, we can't just "will" the CF away. I'm glad you are with your family. Take care of yourself and when you're feeling better, I hope you will see that even if you are alone, you don't have to be lonely... Alone and strong has to be better than what you've been doing. As for your husband...well, sometimes people just can't handle this sort of thing. They will go through life running from everything tough and painful...it's not personal on you, it's just the way they're built and you can't change it. Certainly, you should not let it affect your health, or that of your children! Be strong and bask in your family's love - feel better.

 

[Andrea2XCFers]

I'm so sorry you are sad and lonely. I really hope things get better, or at least don't seem as sad and hopeless as they sound right now. It sounds to me like you've been getting sicker while trying to pretend there's nothing wrong. My teen CFers do that, too. Unfortunately, we can't just "will" the CF away. I'm glad you are with your family. Take care of yourself and when you're feeling better, I hope you will see that even if you are alone, you don't have to be lonely... Alone and strong has to be better than what you've been doing. As for your husband...well, sometimes people just can't handle this sort of thing. They will go through life running from everything tough and painful...it's not personal on you, it's just the way they're built and you can't change it. Certainly, you should not let it affect your health, or that of your children! Be strong and bask in your family's love - feel better.

 

[MattNAdriannasMommy]

<br>Ok I haven't read all the replies...but here it goes. My husband and I got married in 08. I had a son and we have a daughter (5 and 2). I don't always take care of myself like I should. He pushes me to do housework and care for the kids in efforts to get me up and moving and help me, but as he says its backfiring on him because I just can't physically always do that much. Right now he is ready to leave. He wants it to be over. He says I am lazy, but in reality, I am sick. Ill do everything he expects for a few days, and over do it so then I will spend a few days down and we fight about things not getting done. Then I will be ok for work again so he assumes that Im getting stuff done because he yelled about it, but he doesn't recognize the cycle. My hospitalizations reflect major stressors...right before we moved, almost the end of every semester. I have always tried to think that maybe it will get better and he will figure it out, but now I am thinking it won't happen. Either we are going to have to learn HOW to live together, or it won't work and I think you have the same issue. And honestly, I don't know what to tell you. Has he talked with your doctor or your parents?

 

[MattNAdriannasMommy]

<br>Ok I haven't read all the replies...but here it goes. My husband and I got married in 08. I had a son and we have a daughter (5 and 2). I don't always take care of myself like I should. He pushes me to do housework and care for the kids in efforts to get me up and moving and help me, but as he says its backfiring on him because I just can't physically always do that much. Right now he is ready to leave. He wants it to be over. He says I am lazy, but in reality, I am sick. Ill do everything he expects for a few days, and over do it so then I will spend a few days down and we fight about things not getting done. Then I will be ok for work again so he assumes that Im getting stuff done because he yelled about it, but he doesn't recognize the cycle. My hospitalizations reflect major stressors...right before we moved, almost the end of every semester. I have always tried to think that maybe it will get better and he will figure it out, but now I am thinking it won't happen. Either we are going to have to learn HOW to live together, or it won't work and I think you have the same issue. And honestly, I don't know what to tell you. Has he talked with your doctor or your parents?

 

[beleache]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>MattNAdriannasMommy</b></i>

Ok I haven't read all the replies...but here it goes. My husband and I got married in 08. I had a son and we have a daughter (5 and 2). I don't always take care of myself like I should. He pushes me to do housework and care for the kids in efforts to get me up and moving and help me, but as he says its backfiring on him because I just can't physically always do that much. Right now he is ready to leave. He wants it to be over. He says I am lazy, but in reality, I am sick. Ill do everything he expects for a few days, and over do it so then I will spend a few days down and we fight about things not getting done. Then I will be ok for work again so he assumes that Im getting stuff done because he yelled about it, but he doesn't recognize the cycle. My hospitalizations reflect major stressors...right before we moved, almost the end of every semester. I have always tried to think that maybe it will get better and he will figure it out, but now I am thinking it won't happen. Either we are going to have to learn HOW to live together, or it won't work and I think you have the same issue. And honestly, I don't know what to tell you. Has he talked with your doctor or your parents?</end quote><br>Hi,<br>I am sorry that you are going through this .. Do you go to a cf clinic ?? I would sit down w/ your social worker & you husband & have him/her explain what it means to have cf. I hope someone can give your husband a wake up call to the harsh realities of cf..<br>Take care <3 joni

 

[beleache]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>MattNAdriannasMommy</b></i>

Ok I haven't read all the replies...but here it goes. My husband and I got married in 08. I had a son and we have a daughter (5 and 2). I don't always take care of myself like I should. He pushes me to do housework and care for the kids in efforts to get me up and moving and help me, but as he says its backfiring on him because I just can't physically always do that much. Right now he is ready to leave. He wants it to be over. He says I am lazy, but in reality, I am sick. Ill do everything he expects for a few days, and over do it so then I will spend a few days down and we fight about things not getting done. Then I will be ok for work again so he assumes that Im getting stuff done because he yelled about it, but he doesn't recognize the cycle. My hospitalizations reflect major stressors...right before we moved, almost the end of every semester. I have always tried to think that maybe it will get better and he will figure it out, but now I am thinking it won't happen. Either we are going to have to learn HOW to live together, or it won't work and I think you have the same issue. And honestly, I don't know what to tell you. Has he talked with your doctor or your parents?</end quote><br>Hi,<br>I am sorry that you are going through this .. Do you go to a cf clinic ?? I would sit down w/ your social worker & you husband & have him/her explain what it means to have cf. I hope someone can give your husband a wake up call to the harsh realities of cf..<br>Take care <3 joni

 

[beleache]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Swallowtail66</b></i>

I am just feeling lonely and sad. I have been married about a year and he is really struggling with the stresses of having a sick wife and step-children. I have moved in with my parents who are always there for me. I love him, but he needs to accept me like I am. Even though I tried to explain it to him and prepare him, I was afraid no one could really handle this except for those of us who have no choice. I am getting more rest and having less stress from having to pretend that I can do all the things he thought I could. (I was doing really well while we dated, but had a major setback about a month after we got married.) But, I miss him. It is hard to be angry because this is a difficult life, but I am very sad. How do you move on from here?</end quote><br>Hi Swallowtail,<br>It seems so unfair for you not only for you to have cf but for your children to have it as well & to be going through this <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> ..<br>Have you discussed this w/ your team (social worker) & your husband ? .. Sometimes they can help out with a family problem pertaining to cf. Thank God for loving family members ..<br>Thoughts, Prayers & {{{hugs}}} <3 joni

 

[beleache]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Swallowtail66</b></i>

I am just feeling lonely and sad. I have been married about a year and he is really struggling with the stresses of having a sick wife and step-children. I have moved in with my parents who are always there for me. I love him, but he needs to accept me like I am. Even though I tried to explain it to him and prepare him, I was afraid no one could really handle this except for those of us who have no choice. I am getting more rest and having less stress from having to pretend that I can do all the things he thought I could. (I was doing really well while we dated, but had a major setback about a month after we got married.) But, I miss him. It is hard to be angry because this is a difficult life, but I am very sad. How do you move on from here?</end quote><br>Hi Swallowtail,<br>It seems so unfair for you not only for you to have cf but for your children to have it as well & to be going through this <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> ..<br>Have you discussed this w/ your team (social worker) & your husband ? .. Sometimes they can help out with a family problem pertaining to cf. Thank God for loving family members ..<br>Thoughts, Prayers & {{{hugs}}} <3 joni

 

[jpburkeiii]

<P>Sorryyou have to go through this. My sister and her three kids went through the same thing. Men are weak when it comes to emotions. </P>
<P></P>
<P>My ex-wife held up until after my transplant and then fell apart and we divorced. I guess it comes with the territory. </P>
<P></P>
<P>hang in there..........</P>

 

[jpburkeiii]

<P>Sorryyou have to go through this. My sister and her three kids went through the same thing. Men are weak when it comes to emotions. </P>
<P></P>
<P>My ex-wife held up until after my transplant and then fell apart and we divorced. I guess it comes with the territory. </P>
<P></P>
<P>hang in there..........</P>