If anyone will talk to me, I'd appreciate it (2nd termination mentioned inside)

[Mockingbird]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br>Dear original poster,

I had an abortion 16 years ago and I want you to know that for the last 15 years, not one day, not one, has gone by that I did not regret it. I know others that feel the exact same way. I was completely pro choice until one day, a year afterward it just hit me, what I did. It might take a little while for you but there will come a day and it will be the worst day of your life. I feel for you, I really do, I know where you're coming from but I also know what's ahead for you. You have a child, look at her and imagine not having her, that baby inside of you will look so much like her, let your child live, you will never regret that, but choose to not let her live?...you will carry that choice with you the rest of your life. I can't think of a more horrible feeling. You will already regret the one, but choosing to not let yet another live, you will be haunted by that decision. You are no longer just one person, you are two, you are carrying another person and making that choice for them. The daughter you have now could easily be diagnosed with cancer tomorrow or hit by a car next week, there are no guarantees. Ending their lives because they have CF or any reason is ignorant. You have no control over what will become of your child's health/life. It is ignorant to think you do and you will regret these decisions to terminate.<hr></blockquote>

This post is mean and ignorant? Um, read again. i don't know who this poster is, but there isn't any meanness in here. This person is speaking from experience. Experto Credite. Not only that, but she is symathizing with you. Don't disregard a post simply 'cause it has something you don't want to hear.

 

[kybert]

oh god i really cant be bothered reading the whole thread. the one in the adults sections was enough. to the original poster, perhaps it *is* best if you go to a different board. too much judgement here. miesl put up some links for you in the other thread. the live journal community sounds good. im not sure if you have a livejournal but perhaps it would be good to sign up for one if you dont. if you have trouble figuring it out, a few people on this forum have livejournals and will be quite willing to help you set it up.

admin, the sooner these threads get deleted the better. this person shouldnt have to be subjected to such harsh judgement.

 

[helpusfindacure4cf]

Well there sure has been some different views here.
I have a daughter with CF who is now 5, we have had to deal with alot, i have said when i get pregnant again and was a CFer i would have a termination BECAUSE, i wouldnt want another child to go through what my daughter has already, and us as parents either.
Different people have different views and we are all entitled to our own opinion.
People can choose to judge me or other parents who would have a termination, but it's hard enough with one never mind 2, and i'm not saying it's easier with one i have a friend who has two girls with CF one 6 and one 8.
Emma.xx

 

[anonymous]

That's It!!! I'm leaving this site, I came here for support a while back and apparantly some of the posters here feel that it is necessary to bash people for personal choices. Although I don't agree with abortion (since my brother has been trying for years to have a baby no matter what condition it would be born with) I also don't feel that ANY of you have the right to bash someone for their personal choices.

It upsets me that a place people come to for support, has rediculous posts commented to others who come for support as well.

Amy
Kate and Kami's mommy

 

[anonymous]

Way to go Amy..This is exactly why I rarely post on any site. the one time someone post a concern, problem that is not of the "norm" then they get attacked.

 

[anonymous]

This is a site about CYSTIC FIBROSIS and support, just because some people feel different about an abortion, it doesnt give anyone the right to JUDGE anyone.

 

[ReneeP]

You're exactly right, this site is about CYSTIC FIBROSIS and SUPPORT. We support people with CF and people who have family or friends with CF. I think it is a bit much to ask us to support someone who thinks people with CF do not deserve to be born. What do you expect when a person comes here and says that we are needlessly torturing our own children and asks us to feel sorry for her and support her decision to terminate as many pregnancies as she sees fit, until she conceives the perfect child? That's hard for me to accept. There's no question she's having a hard time... and I feel for her. I had a hard time too when my daughters were diagnosed. And she made her decision...she will live with it and it's not for anyone to judge, I agree with that.... But it was inappropriate to come here and ask us to feel sorry for her. We are still dealing with CF. We didn't get rid of the problem.

 

[anonymous]

Yeah she came on here for support and people have given their views, some nice, some not so nice!!!
At the end of the day she is going to do what she feels appropriate for her family!!
If someone found out they were going to have a baby with downs syndrome and knew that that child was going to be dependant on them would they still go ahead with the pregnancy, to me this is just like having a child with CF.

 

[Allie]

That's an illogical arguement, for a couple reasons.

1) Some people would abort a baby with down's

2) The reasons for aborting a down's baby would be different. More along the lines of they don't want to take care of the child for their whole lives, not along the lines of they were worreid about their child suffering. Which, I still say, some people are genuinely concerned about. Had my husband and I gotten pregnant on accident. (which, as he had CF, wouldn't have happened) If the baby had CF, I could have seen us deciding both ways.

Not trying to be mean, just saying down's and cf are different spectrums.

 

[anonymous]

i would rather see different points of view, no matter how harsh or how supportive they turn out to be. we are not goddamn robots, we all have experiences that shape our views, and if someone asks for an opinion or posts about something controversial they better be ready to accept the responses. why get all butthurt over a bunch of anonymous poster's you will never meet in real life??? do their opinions really matter that much? if you walked up to random people on the street you would probably get the same comments in the same proportion as they have been here.

S

 

[Lilith]

ARUGH!!! This is getting on my nerves now... Look, people, she wasn't saying that eveyone with CF shouldn't have been born!! Damn, read the post before you say stuff like that!!! Second, what are you, denying that this disease is torturous? I think both the parents of CFers and the CFers themselves would agree that this is, in some degree, torture!! But the OP didn't say that you are TORTURING your children!! I HAVE CF! I choose not to have kids BECAUSE I don't want my child to suffer in ANY way! I know what's going to happen, I know that my child will have CF, so I am making that choice based on fact! I agree that the OP should have stopped trying to have kids after the first abortion, but you can't fault her for getting pregant without knowing the first time!! If she can't handle a sickly child, then she can't handle it! BACK OFF!!! Would you rather have her go ahead and have the baby and not be able to care for it for some reason?! That wouldn't be fair to the baby! I'm not saying she should continue to try and have kids, but dammit, you don't need to tear out her throat!! More and more I'm finding rude, conceited people on this site who think they know better than everyone else! IT REALLY IRKS ME!!! This is a support group, not a place where you can feel free to bash people! You wanna do that, find somewhere else to do it!! Get a hobby, something!! Just don't do it here! It's immature and sickening that these people come here for advice and are chased away by people with opposing views who want to tear into them because they have nothing better to do!

To everyone who ISN'T like that...sorry for the rant but I can't take this anymore...

 

[ReneeP]

<i>I will agree with WinAce that this disease is BAD...but then again, if it wasn't CF for us, it would be something else. In life, SOMETHING always has to get f***ed up...that's just the way it goes. If we weren't facing CF, we'd be facing something else and thinking that IT was the most horrible thing. After all, everyone likes to bi*** about their situation at some point. It's just human nature. Everyone (or at least the majority of people) think they have it worse than everyone else. Personally, I'd rather have CF than have to deal with anything else. I've learned to handle it to the best of my ability, and if the time ever comes (and it inevitably will) that I'm choking on my own phlem and on a ventilator, then I'll pump up the morophine and be satisfied that I had a good life while it lasted. </i>

Lilith,

These are your words from a different post just yesterday. They sound very different from what you are saying today. I certainly don't mean to attack you, that's not my point..but I do think you are attacking people here (including myself) who don't deserve it. Can CF be torture??? Hell yes it can... so can cancer, accidents, etc... just like you said. It's always something. I did not attack the original poster in any way... I simply gave my opinion. She can do whatever she wants with it and I will think no more or less of her for it...but if she asks for opinions, she should be ready to accept them. It's like asking people if they like your new dress and getting pissed when they say no. If she didn't want an opinion, she shouldn't ask for one.

 

[Allie]

I think the point Lilith was trying to make is there is a vast difference between saying " I don't like your dress" and saying " Oh my god! that dress is horrible! How could you wear that? You are a horrible person and I hope you never pick out a dress again! You're going to answer to God!"


You can state your opinion kindly and gently, and that seems to have been a loss here.

 

[Lilith]

That is exactly what I was trying to say, Allie, thank you. I wasn't attacking YOU, Renee. I'm attacking the people who like to attack others for no reason. Giving them a taste of their own medicine, if you will. If they can't take it, they shouldn't dish it out.

 

[ReneeP]

I agree 100% with you, Allie... No doubt about it. There were some very mean things said by some people who choose to be anonymous. However, I personally don't think I said a single inappropriate thing to the poster yet Lilith picked things directly out of MY post to remark about... That's why I felt the need to respond. She was deliberately picking MY words and I was not one of those people who was judging her or saying she was evil or anything like that.

 

[Lilith]

A lot of other people were saying the same things that you were, Renee. I didn't pick you singly, and I know that you weren't bashing on the OP (though I don't agree with your view). I'm talking about the others that needlessly went after this woman. It isn't fair, and it isn't right. As for the original post that you quoted me for, this topic has little to do with it. I live with CF because I have to, and it is torture but I deal with it because I have no other choice. I wouldn't want to put my child through the same pain. That's my point.

 

[ReneeP]

I apologize if I took your words to personally, Lilith. I can't say I have read every word on this subject and it's highly possible other people have said exactly the same things. As far as you not agreeing with my beliefs on the subject, that's totally fine. Oposing views are good as they help us see things from different prospectives. The OP has only seen the very negative things regarding CF (I am drawing that conclusion because of her decision to abort) and I think she may need to be informed that CF isn't necessarily the worst thing that can happen to a person. Maybe she hasn't ever been exposed to anyone with CF who is healthy and happy. Maybe if she were it would help her. Maybe she would see things differently. Maybe not. I can't say. But I think before just deciding to abort, it would be helpful to ask some questions and do some research about living with CF... if she still feels the need to abort, that's still an option but it would be a more informed decision.... (and obviously I don't know whether she has done that or not.., it just doesn't sound like she has by the way she was talking). If I had known my first daughter was going to have CF before she was born it would probably have freaked me out much worse. But for her it was too late..she wasn't diagnosed until she was 2 1/2. And by the time I was pregnant with my second daughter I had seen my other daughter improve so dramatically that I felt things were okay. I'm lucky in that both my daughters are extremely healthy so maybe that sways my view as well. I can't say how I would feel if they were more severely ill. I guess to sum up I just think maybe she should have came on here with more of an open mind asking about life with CF... debating the decision of aborting but not having already made that decision. We could easily help her know what life is like with a child with CF but we can't relate to where she is now. None of us have taken the road she did or we probably wouldn't be on this site in the first place.

 

[Lilith]

I agree with what you stated, Renee. I apologize as well if I offended you. I don't think the OP worded her question to the best ability, but if she's depressed, I can't really expect her to. I'm guilty of the same crime sometimes. I wish the best for you and your daughters.

 

[lovingBenandCambree]

I just have a quick question for Lilith. Not that I am saying you should have chidren I am just wondering why you stated that you know if you have a child that they will have CF? Just because you have CF does not guarantee that your child will. I am just saying this in case you were misinformed for some reason.
I have a beautiful daughter that does not have CF and is so very healthy. Granted she is definitely a carrier but very healthy. Just thought I would add that in. As for the O.P. Not to put gas on the flame but have you had your daughter tested since you found out that both your unborn babies had CF? It is a possibility. I pray she doesnt but was just curious. I hope we can all just agree to disagree if it so be and get on with supporting each other and not ripping each other down. I think we all have better things to worry about<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Emilee

 

[Lilith]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>lovingBenandCambree</b></i><br>I just have a quick question for Lilith. Not that I am saying you should have chidren I am just wondering why you stated that you know if you have a child that they will have CF? Just because you have CF does not guarantee that your child will. I am just saying this in case you were misinformed for some reason.<hr></blockquote>

Hi, Emilee. I don't know for *sure* that my child would have CF, but I can take a pretty good stab at the chances. I probably should have worded that part better ^_^;; At any rate, though, I wouldn't want to take the risk, because 1) I wouldn't want my child to have it in ANY degree and 2), because even if my child didn't have it, I wouldn't want to put him/her through the agony of watching what I have to go through at the end and finally losing a mother. It's bad enough that I would have to put my future husband (hopefully ^_^) through it, let alone our child. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a son someday, but the risk is far too great in my opinion. Besides, I probably wouldn't make the best mother anyway even WITHOUT the CF. *lol*