Katie-
I completely understand your pain. I still feel it sometimes too. I call it my reality check time. We were diaganosed at 18 mos, & he just turned 8 in June. The time has flown by & will continue to. He was just walking & getting into stuff when we found out. This past Thursday he went to his first day of 3rd grade. It's so amazing how we didn't know how we were going to do it. How he would make it & could we take care of him like he needed....we went thru a lot of guilt too. But, exactly as you say, it's in God's hands, not ours. We do our best to keep them healthy on a daily basis, & HE takes care of the rest. Please know that what you're feeling is very normal. And in time, it will lessen as you learn more. I won't lie & say that knowledge will take it all away, because it won't. But your knowledge will replace bits of that fear to help get you through the tuff times.
I also always thought that 30 was not enough. The longer we have CF, the more I learn about so many people that are over 30, 40, & up. It keeps me going! And also all of the clinical trials that are going on or finished will eventually lead to significant findings & lengthen the lifespan even more!
There's one thing you'll learn....it's not just your child w/ CF. You have it too....meaning, it's a lifestyle that you live, not just watch. And your whole family will have it. Hunter (my youngest) has a great advocate in his big brother Chase. He, personally, doesn't care if people ask him questions like "why do you have to eat so much?" or "why are you so skinny?", etc. His normal reply is, "cuz". But if someone ever tries to give him grief about it, Chase steps in & tells the whole story & stops them in their tracks! It's a beautiful thing! My guess is, once Owen is old enuf to understand the basics, he'll do the same for his little sister!
Just remember, aside from the CF, she's a normal little girl. She's still going to wear dresses, make mud pies for daddy's supper, fall down & scrape her knee, & most important, smile & light up your world! They're our angels & whether we get them for a couple of years or 40+ (I opt for the latter), they're still a GIFT & we need to treat them as such, love all over them, & give them back to the Maker when He calls for them. Until then, sad is ok. Scared is ok. Just don't stay there. Go thru it & come back to strong! Feel free to email or PM me any time you like.
2 Corinthians 12:10 -- That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.