first off please accept that the way you are feeling is the way all first (and 2nd, and 3rd...) time moms feel! it is totally normal to be crying in the shower and smelling for 4 days bc you haven't showered enough! if you have any guilt (like i did) or feelings that you are somehow 'less of a mom-'other moms seem to have it all together!' (like i did)-let it fly, honey.
I completely ditto Lauren's suggestion of getting them on a sleep schedule if they aren't already into one. I know she loved the above mentioned book. I like Dr. Ferber's book and Elizabeth Pantley's book. I was/am very much a natural, bonding, organic mom. And it doesn't mean that you aren't one if you do sleep training at an appropriate age and the right way for your family.
Moms know when a cry is saying something is actually wrong. I got a video monitor and found a comfortable way for me to get my lo to sleep. Within 1 week, she went from waking 2-3x a night (at 9 months of age) to sleeping 10 solid hours. This made a huge change in my health.
So, find a way that works for your life. Your boys are capable at almost 6 mos of age of sleeping through the night, and napping together simultaneously. A good sleep book should be able to help you figure out a way to do it.
Also, a little fussing is ok. They aren't newborns. They need to learn that mom isn't going to be able run over and pick them up at any given notice. It doesn't make you an unloving mom-actually it is loving, bc its training them.
This was really hard for me to accept. I come from a family of 9 kids, and my hubby is one of 8. When both my mom and my mil saw how burnt I was they helped me to see that giving lo some independance is ok and good for everyone. There is a huge difference between letting a newborn alone to cry and a 6 month old.
Something I did the last time I was sick was bite the bullet and hire cleaning service. Oh my goodness it was wonderful. It made me feel so much better. It was worth cutting back on other things for a few months. If you can find a way to do it, please do.
Or like someone else said, hire a high schooler or college break-er a day or 2 per week. I grew up in this family where moms are expected to do it all alone, and you just don't get help. Thats dumb. Everyone needs help. And thankfully in our generation, we are seeing more and more that getting help makes a happier family.
In those first few months one day a week I made 2-3 meals and froze them. That really helped. And 1-2 days, have hubby get pizza or cold cuts.
Your health has got to come first. I know thats hard to say when you're a mom, but that is the best way for you to be a good mom. You have to be here for them. At that age, I put lo in a bouncy or swing with her tv show and did my therapy, and if i had time, showered. I established early on that pt is mommy's time not be interrupted, and its lo's special time to watch tv.
Our morning typically went as follows-if she got up at 8, i'd get up at 7:30 for some quiet time for coffee and reading. then, she's up, we nurse and i gave her rice cereal at that age to help keep her full. into her swing or bouncy with tv and i started therapy. I kept the monitor right by me in case there was a problem. you can't go in to them for fussing-only if its a real cry. therapy has to be priority.
when its done, i'd check her and have a quick shower. if i could do all this by 11, it was great.
you can let the house go, you can let phone calls and visitors go. say no to non essentials for a while until they are older and you are feeling better.
Something else that caused alot of stress on me was worrying 'what if i get sick, what if i need ivs, what if i go in the hospital?' Listen, at some point, you will. Its not if, its when. And you'll get through it. What if hubby went in the hospital, what if one of the boys went in the hospital? You'd do what you have to do, and you'd get through it ok.
Just let it go, and don't worry.
But it is another good reason to start building a relationship with a helper. So when the times comes, you'll have someone to give a hand.
My lo will be 2 soon and I'm just starting to feel like I'm getting into my groove with getting things done and being sane. It takes time. I'm a very scheduled person, and very compliant. Even so there are bad days and tears, and why me's. You just keep going. Look at your boys and remember that you are in such a small % to have them and how lucky you are. You'll get through it!
I know I said quite a mouthful here!! I just feel for you so much and I've been there. Hang in! xo
