RememberingAngela
New member
I lost my sister in '99 from CF. I was born 6 years after her so she was already diagnosed when I was born. It wasn't about going through the diagnosis process or seeing her "normal" and then "sick", she just always had CF and there was this battle we were fighting to get her to survive thing all around me. It's all I knew.
We were very close and sometimes we weren't usually not when we were younger because I had a tendency to get jealous or bratty. But when we were older we were so tightly knit together. Even when I started having my babies she would say they were hers and I shared them with her since she couldn't have her own.
I really can't talk everyone's ear off about it so I'll try to keep it brief. She died suddenly on Memorial Day in '99 in a horrifically painful death. I didn't know until after that she'd been taken to the hospital holding Mom's hand the way there gasping. I don't want to go into it much further. She was there and then she wasn't.
I spent 2 years in a very deep depression. I actually went from a Mom that anyone would be proud to have to someone who almost lost her children during that time in my grief. I had small babies and I'd find myself staring at a wall for 45 minutes and didn't realise it at the time. It was a real struggle to get to the point of healing so I could be some type of good enough to be there full time for my girls. I considered suicide so so so many times but I refused to do that to my children. I was on no less than 15 different types of anti depressants during that time, gained 100 pounds, my house went from clean all the time to just nasty...it was horrible. My family fell apart. My Mom was cruel and didn't understand the struggle I was going through and pushed me out of her life. My brother did the same. We all stopped meeting for Christmas, holidays, birthdays, and I lost everyone when I lost her.
It's been 8 1/2 years and I'm really happy, I truly am. I still have her Christmas tree that I put up every year and though it's falling apart I refuse to replace it. It brings her there for me and that's important. I'm in a good marriage and my children who are now 9 and 11 are AB honor roll students. I'm pretty much the soccerS Mom type now.
We were very close and sometimes we weren't usually not when we were younger because I had a tendency to get jealous or bratty. But when we were older we were so tightly knit together. Even when I started having my babies she would say they were hers and I shared them with her since she couldn't have her own.
I really can't talk everyone's ear off about it so I'll try to keep it brief. She died suddenly on Memorial Day in '99 in a horrifically painful death. I didn't know until after that she'd been taken to the hospital holding Mom's hand the way there gasping. I don't want to go into it much further. She was there and then she wasn't.
I spent 2 years in a very deep depression. I actually went from a Mom that anyone would be proud to have to someone who almost lost her children during that time in my grief. I had small babies and I'd find myself staring at a wall for 45 minutes and didn't realise it at the time. It was a real struggle to get to the point of healing so I could be some type of good enough to be there full time for my girls. I considered suicide so so so many times but I refused to do that to my children. I was on no less than 15 different types of anti depressants during that time, gained 100 pounds, my house went from clean all the time to just nasty...it was horrible. My family fell apart. My Mom was cruel and didn't understand the struggle I was going through and pushed me out of her life. My brother did the same. We all stopped meeting for Christmas, holidays, birthdays, and I lost everyone when I lost her.
It's been 8 1/2 years and I'm really happy, I truly am. I still have her Christmas tree that I put up every year and though it's falling apart I refuse to replace it. It brings her there for me and that's important. I'm in a good marriage and my children who are now 9 and 11 are AB honor roll students. I'm pretty much the soccerS Mom type now.