Jokes!

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buggygurl321

New member
Everyone needs to laugh once in a while!

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

(PS: No offense to all smart blondes out there)
 
B

buggygurl321

New member
Everyone needs to laugh once in a while!

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

(PS: No offense to all smart blondes out there)
 
A

anonymous

New member
As long as your doing blond jokes...
How do you know when a blond has been using the computer?

...there's whiteout on the screen! (boooooo, I know it's old!)
 
A

anonymous

New member
As long as your doing blond jokes...
How do you know when a blond has been using the computer?

...there's whiteout on the screen! (boooooo, I know it's old!)
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
That's new to me (mild blond hair!)

No dirty jokes allowed, right?? So "the pig fell in the mud" is as dirty as it gets, I suppose <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

I wish I could remember the one i heard in Japan, it was with the English Teacher...suppose no one heard that one, right?

Maybe I should stick with some funny anecdotes!
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
That's new to me (mild blond hair!)

No dirty jokes allowed, right?? So "the pig fell in the mud" is as dirty as it gets, I suppose <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

I wish I could remember the one i heard in Japan, it was with the English Teacher...suppose no one heard that one, right?

Maybe I should stick with some funny anecdotes!
 
A

anonymous

New member
I don't know how well it will come across typed, but I'll give it a try. It is kinda long, but funny in the end.

A guy brings his monkey into a bar. They sit at the counter and start eating the peanuts and the man orders a drink. The bar tender questions why the man has brought his monkey and is contemplating asking them to leave. The man assures the bar tender that the monkey is well behaved so he is allowed to stay. They then go to the pool table where the monkey promptly swallows the Qball. The irrate bar tender throws them out of the bar.

A week later the man returns to the bar with his monkey. He appologizes for his monkey's behavior and asks if they can sit at the counter for a drink. The bar tender reluctanlty agrees, as long as he keeps the monkey away from the pool tables. So he sits down with his monkey and orders a drink. While they are waiting they start eating peanuts. The bar tender is disgusted as he watches the monkey pick up a peanut, hold it next to his @$$hole, and then eat it. The bar tender becomes very angry and asks the man to get his monkey out of the bar. The man replys, "Ever since he passed that Qball, my monkey measures everything before he eats it!"


Hope you enjoyed!
 
A

anonymous

New member
I don't know how well it will come across typed, but I'll give it a try. It is kinda long, but funny in the end.

A guy brings his monkey into a bar. They sit at the counter and start eating the peanuts and the man orders a drink. The bar tender questions why the man has brought his monkey and is contemplating asking them to leave. The man assures the bar tender that the monkey is well behaved so he is allowed to stay. They then go to the pool table where the monkey promptly swallows the Qball. The irrate bar tender throws them out of the bar.

A week later the man returns to the bar with his monkey. He appologizes for his monkey's behavior and asks if they can sit at the counter for a drink. The bar tender reluctanlty agrees, as long as he keeps the monkey away from the pool tables. So he sits down with his monkey and orders a drink. While they are waiting they start eating peanuts. The bar tender is disgusted as he watches the monkey pick up a peanut, hold it next to his @$$hole, and then eat it. The bar tender becomes very angry and asks the man to get his monkey out of the bar. The man replys, "Ever since he passed that Qball, my monkey measures everything before he eats it!"


Hope you enjoyed!
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
This might be more of a "well known" joke, but I heard it first, in 1991!
What do "pantyhose" and "Saddam Hussein" have in common???
 
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