mamaScarlett
Active member
so? anyone?
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Know of anyone with more than 2 kids?
- Thread starter mamaScarlett
- Start date
serendipity730
New member
Hi there,
I know of at least one person who has more than two child (1 bio, 2 adopted, I think). I don't know if she is on this site. I know of her from the facebook group "CF Mummies" that was started by a CF mom in England (Emma). If you friend me of fb (Mary Delany-Hudzik), I can add you to the group. It's a very active group and a great resource for CF mom info (and for those like me who are trying to be moms).
I know of at least one person who has more than two child (1 bio, 2 adopted, I think). I don't know if she is on this site. I know of her from the facebook group "CF Mummies" that was started by a CF mom in England (Emma). If you friend me of fb (Mary Delany-Hudzik), I can add you to the group. It's a very active group and a great resource for CF mom info (and for those like me who are trying to be moms).
There was a woman at my previous clinic that had 4 kids. She is now a grandmother and in her 60's. She is thriving, swimming most days. Anything is possible! How did pregnancy go for you? It was very rough on me. I was sick with 3 infections and on antibiotics almost the whole time. I had to have my daughter 6 1/2 weeks early due to infection and low amniotic fluid levels. My husband really wants more children, but I am a little fearful of what another pregnancy might entail. Plus kids are alot of joy, but also a lot of work. I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world, but sometimes I am exhausted between her and working full time and keeping up with treatments.
Samantha 32 w/CF
Samantha 32 w/CF
W
welshwitch
Guest
I always think of this story--a woman with CF and 4 kids and her relationship with her doctor.
http://www.umdnj.edu/umcweb/marketing_and_communications/publications/umdnj_magazine/fall2005/8.htm
I wonder what she's up to now?
http://www.umdnj.edu/umcweb/marketing_and_communications/publications/umdnj_magazine/fall2005/8.htm
I wonder what she's up to now?
While I don't have CF, nor think my care regimen for bronchiectasis is currently nearly as complicated as most people's regimens here, I can speak to having three kids And I also recognize that feeling of wanting more kids. I always wanted more and more children and was in denial that I even had a health problem after my second. I had a surprise pregnancy then, that ended in miscarriage, and afterward I was extra determined to have a third. My third was born healthy after nine months of threatened miscarriage--detached sac--and a fourth kid was not a temptation. (I got a dog a few years later. Apparently, petting animals releases oxytocin.)
I have no regrets at all and am not recommending against more kids, but I thought I might share some stuff I personally didn't think about or realize when I was aiming for more. When kids are little, there is so much physical work. I call it "mouths, butts and don't kill yourself." You feed, wash, clean and prevent them from jumping off high objects. (Of course, you also work on teaching them to be kind and that you're the boss but that their voice and opinions are valued by mom and dad...etc.)
Now, I have three 5-10 yrs olds (6,8,9), and though I sleep through the night, there is simply A LOT going on and I am always wondering if I'm doing right by each one. You may have friends or relatives with older kids, so this may all be obvious stuff. For me, I had no idea. I'll break down what I'm talking about:
Homework--This is not the same as when I was a kid and my parents had no role in this stuff. I have to go through three folders every day. Their work requires my attention: checking, sign off, read aloud...etc. Not just looking for field trip forms. AND each kid has a different M.O. and needs me to approach homework differently. Add to that: three parent-teacher conferences, classroom holiday parties, concerts, and the possibility that your child gets in trouble or is bullied or has a problem learning or you have a problem with a teacher--you gotta deal with that, and two other kids, who may have one or more of those problems too. Ahhhhhh, I am freaking myself out here...
Sports & Activities--I believe parents can choose to make or not make this a big deal, and relative to my peers, I am middle of the road. I want my kids to try new things, pursue their passions, but I am not a martyr and I see the value in down time. The result: I am all over the place all the time. Combined, this fall outside school, my kids did (no overlap, they've different interests): Japanese, piano, social skills group, football, basketball, cub scouts and girl scouts. Football alone was a 8-10 hr commitment for my son (drop off nighttime practices, one parent at most games).
Friends--Someone always wants to be at someone else's house or to have someone over, and quite often there are six or seven kids in my basement or kitchen. I'm blessed to live next to a family with three boys, and my boys play with their boys fairly often. But my daughter averages 1-2 playdates a week--pause, turn off stove, grab other two, and drive somewhere.
Food/Laundry/Cleaning/Health--If all five of us are together, we go through a whole loaf of bread in one lunch. I run an average of 7-8 loads of laundry a week (we do not change our towels more than once a week either). Toys, beds, changing closets with the season, cutting finger and toenails, monitoring tooth brushing, teaching about personal hygiene. Three annual check-ups, dentist appts, eye appts. Three rounds of kid barf when the flu passes through.
Vacations--I can't book one hotel room. There is a 4 person limit in most hotels. Amusement parks--one parent gets the little one, the two olders ride alone.
Parent R&R--Your husband goes on a business trip, you've got three kids all to yourself. He takes one to a b-day party, you've got two still. You get the idea.
SO, that's my "wow, I didn't realize all this when my kids were younger" list.
Could someone please write me a list to prepare me for when they are teens?!
I have no regrets at all and am not recommending against more kids, but I thought I might share some stuff I personally didn't think about or realize when I was aiming for more. When kids are little, there is so much physical work. I call it "mouths, butts and don't kill yourself." You feed, wash, clean and prevent them from jumping off high objects. (Of course, you also work on teaching them to be kind and that you're the boss but that their voice and opinions are valued by mom and dad...etc.)
Now, I have three 5-10 yrs olds (6,8,9), and though I sleep through the night, there is simply A LOT going on and I am always wondering if I'm doing right by each one. You may have friends or relatives with older kids, so this may all be obvious stuff. For me, I had no idea. I'll break down what I'm talking about:
Homework--This is not the same as when I was a kid and my parents had no role in this stuff. I have to go through three folders every day. Their work requires my attention: checking, sign off, read aloud...etc. Not just looking for field trip forms. AND each kid has a different M.O. and needs me to approach homework differently. Add to that: three parent-teacher conferences, classroom holiday parties, concerts, and the possibility that your child gets in trouble or is bullied or has a problem learning or you have a problem with a teacher--you gotta deal with that, and two other kids, who may have one or more of those problems too. Ahhhhhh, I am freaking myself out here...
Sports & Activities--I believe parents can choose to make or not make this a big deal, and relative to my peers, I am middle of the road. I want my kids to try new things, pursue their passions, but I am not a martyr and I see the value in down time. The result: I am all over the place all the time. Combined, this fall outside school, my kids did (no overlap, they've different interests): Japanese, piano, social skills group, football, basketball, cub scouts and girl scouts. Football alone was a 8-10 hr commitment for my son (drop off nighttime practices, one parent at most games).
Friends--Someone always wants to be at someone else's house or to have someone over, and quite often there are six or seven kids in my basement or kitchen. I'm blessed to live next to a family with three boys, and my boys play with their boys fairly often. But my daughter averages 1-2 playdates a week--pause, turn off stove, grab other two, and drive somewhere.
Food/Laundry/Cleaning/Health--If all five of us are together, we go through a whole loaf of bread in one lunch. I run an average of 7-8 loads of laundry a week (we do not change our towels more than once a week either). Toys, beds, changing closets with the season, cutting finger and toenails, monitoring tooth brushing, teaching about personal hygiene. Three annual check-ups, dentist appts, eye appts. Three rounds of kid barf when the flu passes through.
Vacations--I can't book one hotel room. There is a 4 person limit in most hotels. Amusement parks--one parent gets the little one, the two olders ride alone.
Parent R&R--Your husband goes on a business trip, you've got three kids all to yourself. He takes one to a b-day party, you've got two still. You get the idea.
SO, that's my "wow, I didn't realize all this when my kids were younger" list.
Could someone please write me a list to prepare me for when they are teens?!
mamaScarlett
Active member
Melissa,I think you SO perfectly summed "IT" all up
I'm glad you got and appreciated the intent of my response--I didn't want to discourage, like you said.
I think it's so great that you have ILs next door who can give you a preview of different stages and future issues of kids.
Your husband has a good point about being eligible for new meds and trials, but I also understand how you feel about children and pregnancy being almost magical, and about wanting to get it done before its too late.
I know people who've stopped ambivalently; age or fertility or money or their spouses' preferences prevent them from having more kids. And I know people who are overwhelmed with the number they do have or simply have no ambivalence about "being done." (In my case, I was "cured" of any desire for more pregnancies/babies because of bedrest and how hard it was to not be able to pick up or care for my other two who were only 3 and 2.)
If somewhere down the road you decide to pack it in--whether that be after two or three--I'd recommend your husband get a vasectomy. It's pretty easy relatively speaking, nothing works differently, and not having the pregnancy scares/hopes is key to your peace of mind.
I think it's so great that you have ILs next door who can give you a preview of different stages and future issues of kids.
Your husband has a good point about being eligible for new meds and trials, but I also understand how you feel about children and pregnancy being almost magical, and about wanting to get it done before its too late.
I know people who've stopped ambivalently; age or fertility or money or their spouses' preferences prevent them from having more kids. And I know people who are overwhelmed with the number they do have or simply have no ambivalence about "being done." (In my case, I was "cured" of any desire for more pregnancies/babies because of bedrest and how hard it was to not be able to pick up or care for my other two who were only 3 and 2.)
If somewhere down the road you decide to pack it in--whether that be after two or three--I'd recommend your husband get a vasectomy. It's pretty easy relatively speaking, nothing works differently, and not having the pregnancy scares/hopes is key to your peace of mind.
K
Keepercjr
Guest
I have gone back and forth on the issue of #3. But since my husband is adamant that he DOES NOT want a 3rd, there will be no #3. I can't say that I'm completely done but I can't dishonor his desire for no more kids - respect in our house means the veto wins. Thank you Melissa for your post - it actually turned me off to #3 and that IS A GOOD THING! Those are issues I think about too and for you to express them as a mother of 3 it was very clarifying. I think if I didn't have CF and we were wealthy then #3 would be easier to come to. But I am happy with my 2.
I do want to say that even though my DH wants a vasectomy I am not ready for him to make my fertility choices so FINAL like that. I told him to give me 5 years and talk to me about it then.
I do want to say that even though my DH wants a vasectomy I am not ready for him to make my fertility choices so FINAL like that. I told him to give me 5 years and talk to me about it then.
mamaScarlett
Active member
I don't think we'll have more kids, but its just the mental aspect. This is the first time I've done IVs and my daughter is old enough to understand what's happening, and we can talk about it. When I see her little face trying to figure all this out, and answer her questions openly...it pulls at my heart.
I just found this site, and am so glad to have! I am 32 with a very mild case of CF. When I say mild I mean it. I have had Polyps removed from my nosetwice in my younger years and that is about all I have had to do. I havealways coughed but just dealt with it. I was diagnosed as an infant. I am expecting baby #4 (all biological) The last two years I have gotten worse as far as lung issues. I have recently started Pulmozyme and it really seems to help. I have concieved naturally with the exception of baby #2 did take 2 rounds of Clomid. It is not the pregnancy that is the hard part its getting out of bed to take care of the kids even though you feel terrible. I do however feel that my kids help me more than not. They give me a reason to get out of bed, and live
Hi Rosie, Welcome to the site! I'm so glad you found us. I was also diagnosed as a child at age 30 month and am now 33. How old are you and where do you live? I live in CT and have a son with cf. Actually its probably better described as CRMS but I want him to get approved for Kalydeco so I'm happy to keep the CF diagnosis. The only reason we know of his cf is because of extensive genetic testing that found a rarer 2nd mutation. He passes the sweat test and doesn't have symptoms. Anyway welcome! Please search the forums for any topics you want to find more info on. This site has been around forever and is a treasure chest of information. Wishing you the best in health!
mamaScarlett
Active member
Bump bump
mamaScarlett
Active member
still considering options
L
littlemisssilly
Guest
I'm contemplating #2. It's hard. Our little man is 14 months now and well into toddlerhood. He always has been and still is a 'handful', I say that w inverted commas becasue he is a 'handful' when people compare him to their or their friends' babies (you know the ones, the ones that supposedly 'sleep through the night' blah blag). To me, he is a normal (albeit a little highly strung), confident, engaging little boy but he is a lot of work in terms of his sleep (lack there of). People keep urging us to do control crying with him, that we shouldn't co-sleep with him, we hold him too much, we should let him just cry....all things that my husband and I just don't believe in. My point is, I just don't know how to manage 2 kids if the second turns out the same temperament as our little man.
I know my body will handle a second pregnancy. I am worried that there is no guarantee your second preg will be the same as the first but my fev1 is still excellent, my CFRD is under control and I still exercise several times per week. The things that concern me is my age (I'm 36 so, CF or no CF, that has it's increased risks of complications) and my levels of fatigue. I get little / if no sleep bc by the time my treatments are done, our little one is awake and crying and it's time for me to take over so hubby can sleep a few hours before going to work. At the moment, the saving grace is that our little one loves his daytime naps and sleeps for a couple of hours each nap. More importantly, when he naps, so do I and it is great, we have our own little groove and I cathc up on rest with him. The thing that really plays on my mind now is that if I have a second child, no more naps for me. I imagine it would be impossible to get both children down for a nap at the one time.
Also, now I compensate for my fatigue by not running around doing many errands etc. My husband is extremely helpful and we seem to be managing ok but it is hard and my husband rightly is terrified that number 2 will just push us over the edge. I know when as our little man gets older things will get easier but, I have to balance that out with my biological clock ticking.... I would give birth with #2 at the age of 37 and the way I see Cf is that, things may be as well as they can be now with all the effort I put in w treatments paying off but, CF is a ticking time bomb in my eyes and things can change in an instance esp at my age and beyond.
So, it is hard..... I am keen but very scared. I also hear the sound of that stupid clock ticking and a CF clock ticks louder than the others. I almost wish that by magic we would conceive naturally and the decision whether to go round 2 would be already decided and we would then just focus on preparing ourselves. ...... these are my thoughts, thanks for 'listening'
I know my body will handle a second pregnancy. I am worried that there is no guarantee your second preg will be the same as the first but my fev1 is still excellent, my CFRD is under control and I still exercise several times per week. The things that concern me is my age (I'm 36 so, CF or no CF, that has it's increased risks of complications) and my levels of fatigue. I get little / if no sleep bc by the time my treatments are done, our little one is awake and crying and it's time for me to take over so hubby can sleep a few hours before going to work. At the moment, the saving grace is that our little one loves his daytime naps and sleeps for a couple of hours each nap. More importantly, when he naps, so do I and it is great, we have our own little groove and I cathc up on rest with him. The thing that really plays on my mind now is that if I have a second child, no more naps for me. I imagine it would be impossible to get both children down for a nap at the one time.
Also, now I compensate for my fatigue by not running around doing many errands etc. My husband is extremely helpful and we seem to be managing ok but it is hard and my husband rightly is terrified that number 2 will just push us over the edge. I know when as our little man gets older things will get easier but, I have to balance that out with my biological clock ticking.... I would give birth with #2 at the age of 37 and the way I see Cf is that, things may be as well as they can be now with all the effort I put in w treatments paying off but, CF is a ticking time bomb in my eyes and things can change in an instance esp at my age and beyond.
So, it is hard..... I am keen but very scared. I also hear the sound of that stupid clock ticking and a CF clock ticks louder than the others. I almost wish that by magic we would conceive naturally and the decision whether to go round 2 would be already decided and we would then just focus on preparing ourselves. ...... these are my thoughts, thanks for 'listening'
Clock. still. ticking. here.
With one we feel we 'have no excuse' not to send him to the best school possible. While we live in one of the best school districts in the nation, it is still a public school doing very traditional efforts so independent school it is for us. My hope is that I love it so much that I couldn't possibly see myself sending him or his sib to public and financially this won't be possible unless we forego saving for college to pay for private K-12. I'm hoping this gives me peace to stop at one. Many people stop having children for financial reasons. I nver thought I'd be one of them as I feel children need very little to have a good upbringing and that in general we give them too much. I never could have imagined that I would want to send my child to independent school but now I can see it no other way.
With one we feel we 'have no excuse' not to send him to the best school possible. While we live in one of the best school districts in the nation, it is still a public school doing very traditional efforts so independent school it is for us. My hope is that I love it so much that I couldn't possibly see myself sending him or his sib to public and financially this won't be possible unless we forego saving for college to pay for private K-12. I'm hoping this gives me peace to stop at one. Many people stop having children for financial reasons. I nver thought I'd be one of them as I feel children need very little to have a good upbringing and that in general we give them too much. I never could have imagined that I would want to send my child to independent school but now I can see it no other way.
mamaScarlett
Active member
Originally posted by: LouLou Clock. still. ticking. here. With one we feel we 'have no excuse' not to send him to the best school possible. While we live in one of the best school districts in the nation, it is still a public school doing very traditional efforts so independent school it is for us. My hope is that I love it so much that I couldn't possibly see myself sending him or his sib to public and financially this won't be possible unless we forego saving for college to pay for private K-12. I'm hoping this gives me peace to stop at one. Many people stop having children for financial reasons. I nver thought I'd be one of them as I feel children need very little to have a good upbringing and that in general we give them too much. I never could have imagined that I would want to send my child to independent school but now I can see it no other way.
I don't think your reasons are that unusual at all. Families are so different, with different priorities and views. People do stop having kids for so many reasons.
I don't think your reasons are that unusual at all. Families are so different, with different priorities and views. People do stop having kids for so many reasons.
This is a question for Lou Lou: Hello, my name is Nikole and I am a mom of soon-to-be four kids. We have a 5 year old daughter with CF (delta F508 and 711+1G>T), a 3 year old daughter with negative sweat test and negative newborn screening, a 1 year old daughter with negative sweat test but Df508 carrier, and we are unexpectedly pregnant with a boy. None of us have ever had genetic counseling and I noticed that you said you have a child that passes sweat tests but has a rare 2nd mutation. I was wondering how important it is that we seek genetic counseling? My 3rd little girl, like I said, is a carrier with negative sweat test, but in the back of my mind, I always worry what if she has a rare mutation that we don't know about. If she were to have CF wouldn't she have both mutations that my daughter has or is there a chance of having a different 2nd mutation? I just always second guess if we should have seeked genetic counseling three years ago when we found out our 5 year old has it. Thanks to you and to anyone else who may have advice.
Nikole
Nikole
Nikole, my understanding is that you and your husband each carries one CF mutation. One of you carries dF508 and the other carries 711+1G>T. In order for your 3rd daughter to have another, unknown mutation, either you or your husband would ALSO have to carry that mutation, which you mean one of you would have CF, which may be possible, but I think the chances are very small.