Scarlett81
New member
HI!!!
I hope everyone is doing great-enjoying summer, feeling healthy and active. In other words-not sitting inside in a dark room on this computer but outside having fun!
So I have a dilemma-a true dilemma. I want to have my mother in law with me during labor and delivery. I have my hubby, and a doula too. I am very close with my mil, she is basically my mother. She is so calming when it comes to birth and stressful situations. (she had 8 kids, all naturally with the same birth method I've selected so she's a pro) I was in the room with my sil's labors/births and so was my mil-so I've seen her in action. She is quiet, calming and very helpful. Not interfering at all, never steps on our toes. We are still waiting to hear from the hospital staff as to wether they will allow her or not, but here's the situation-
My mother.
I have a very strained relationship with my mom. She isn't a happy person, she has a serious emotional disorder (borderline personality disorder) that makes her very manipulative and gives her an aggressive personality. She means well-she loves me, but she just can't handle stressful situations. I've been in enough medical/cf situations with her to know this. She just takes charge and starts ordering everyone around and speaking rudely to people. She wants to be in control. She just can't handle not being in control, thats her disorder.
(for example, when I had my 20 week ultrasound, the technician couldn't see something with the babys' heart on the screen bc of the way the baby was lying. It was upsetting to us bc they weren't giving us any info and all the sudden 3 doctors rushed in and started wispering to eachother...of course we were worried. We invited my mom along, and she started saying 'omg, what if it has some type of rare heart disorder, remember cousin so and so...she lost 2 babies around 20 weeks from a rare heart deformity....omg...on and on," Yeah. Thats who i'm dealing with here.)
She could stress me to the point where my goal of natural unmedicated birth is shot, or even give me a panic attack.
We do have a decent relationship though, as long as I keep the appropriate boundaries up. She does care, in her way. And I want to maintain that good relationship between us. I dont' want an issue, so its not 'screw her, I'm getting what I want'-I want there to be peace.
The problem is if she were to find out that I had my mil and not her-that would be it. It would be terrible. She wouldn't understand, she can't. And I can't discuss this with her up front and explain my feelings-no it doesn't work like that with her. It would cause a massive family fight and I'd go into labor with the stress of that hanging over my head, and then not know once the baby is here what family would come and see it, who wouldn't....ug, bad situation. Originally we had planned to have my mil drive us into the hosp and then have her stay with us for the rest of the time if possible. And we would tell my mil, father in law and anyone else aware to keep it under wraps that my mil was with us. But I hate being sneaky about this, esp bc its related to my baby! I hate going into it like this.
So my hubby and are beginning to wonder if we should just skip having my mil there so there are no issues and so my mom doesn't find anything out. That breaks my heart, but I know I can "do" it without her there. I just hope I don't regret it. Of course I'd really regret my mom finding out and having to deal with a massive family war during what should be the best time of my life.
Anyway this is the only thing related to my preg and birth that is causing me anxiety-I don't want it hanging over my head when I go into labor. Anyone have any thoughts? Even if you haven't been through this before I'd appreciate some insight. Sorry this was so long-I really wanted to convey the entirety of the situation.
Thanks!
I hope everyone is doing great-enjoying summer, feeling healthy and active. In other words-not sitting inside in a dark room on this computer but outside having fun!
So I have a dilemma-a true dilemma. I want to have my mother in law with me during labor and delivery. I have my hubby, and a doula too. I am very close with my mil, she is basically my mother. She is so calming when it comes to birth and stressful situations. (she had 8 kids, all naturally with the same birth method I've selected so she's a pro) I was in the room with my sil's labors/births and so was my mil-so I've seen her in action. She is quiet, calming and very helpful. Not interfering at all, never steps on our toes. We are still waiting to hear from the hospital staff as to wether they will allow her or not, but here's the situation-
My mother.
I have a very strained relationship with my mom. She isn't a happy person, she has a serious emotional disorder (borderline personality disorder) that makes her very manipulative and gives her an aggressive personality. She means well-she loves me, but she just can't handle stressful situations. I've been in enough medical/cf situations with her to know this. She just takes charge and starts ordering everyone around and speaking rudely to people. She wants to be in control. She just can't handle not being in control, thats her disorder.
(for example, when I had my 20 week ultrasound, the technician couldn't see something with the babys' heart on the screen bc of the way the baby was lying. It was upsetting to us bc they weren't giving us any info and all the sudden 3 doctors rushed in and started wispering to eachother...of course we were worried. We invited my mom along, and she started saying 'omg, what if it has some type of rare heart disorder, remember cousin so and so...she lost 2 babies around 20 weeks from a rare heart deformity....omg...on and on," Yeah. Thats who i'm dealing with here.)
She could stress me to the point where my goal of natural unmedicated birth is shot, or even give me a panic attack.
We do have a decent relationship though, as long as I keep the appropriate boundaries up. She does care, in her way. And I want to maintain that good relationship between us. I dont' want an issue, so its not 'screw her, I'm getting what I want'-I want there to be peace.
The problem is if she were to find out that I had my mil and not her-that would be it. It would be terrible. She wouldn't understand, she can't. And I can't discuss this with her up front and explain my feelings-no it doesn't work like that with her. It would cause a massive family fight and I'd go into labor with the stress of that hanging over my head, and then not know once the baby is here what family would come and see it, who wouldn't....ug, bad situation. Originally we had planned to have my mil drive us into the hosp and then have her stay with us for the rest of the time if possible. And we would tell my mil, father in law and anyone else aware to keep it under wraps that my mil was with us. But I hate being sneaky about this, esp bc its related to my baby! I hate going into it like this.
So my hubby and are beginning to wonder if we should just skip having my mil there so there are no issues and so my mom doesn't find anything out. That breaks my heart, but I know I can "do" it without her there. I just hope I don't regret it. Of course I'd really regret my mom finding out and having to deal with a massive family war during what should be the best time of my life.
Anyway this is the only thing related to my preg and birth that is causing me anxiety-I don't want it hanging over my head when I go into labor. Anyone have any thoughts? Even if you haven't been through this before I'd appreciate some insight. Sorry this was so long-I really wanted to convey the entirety of the situation.
Thanks!