Labor Question-Opinions PLEASE!

[julie]

Mine was a C section so MUCH different, but I had my mom and mark in the room. His mom was not welcome because she's so uptight and bossy and such a martyr. We see her often, and it's manageable at "normal" times but that was not a time I needed or wanted her near me.

My mom is a L&D nurse (and use to work at this hospital) so that was actually a relief to me.

I would do what works for you. Have your Dh and your MIL.

I imagine your mom with be hurt, mad and maybe even give you the cold shoulder for a while. but you have to do what works for you so that you have NO regrets about what you should or shouldn't have done.

Good luck!

 

[julie]

Mine was a C section so MUCH different, but I had my mom and mark in the room. His mom was not welcome because she's so uptight and bossy and such a martyr. We see her often, and it's manageable at "normal" times but that was not a time I needed or wanted her near me.

My mom is a L&D nurse (and use to work at this hospital) so that was actually a relief to me.

I would do what works for you. Have your Dh and your MIL.

I imagine your mom with be hurt, mad and maybe even give you the cold shoulder for a while. but you have to do what works for you so that you have NO regrets about what you should or shouldn't have done.

Good luck!

 

[AnD]

Maybe you could send everyone out, and have them send for your MIL, because your <i>husband</i> needs her <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> !

Seriously, though, you may just send for her (or have your dh send for her) after everyone has been asked to leave. You may even decide that you and your dh are doing fine on your own, once things get going- and you can always send for her if you need her. (Just say that you both needed the reasurance, and since she has done it this way before...)

 

[AnD]

Maybe you could send everyone out, and have them send for your MIL, because your <i>husband</i> needs her <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> !

Seriously, though, you may just send for her (or have your dh send for her) after everyone has been asked to leave. You may even decide that you and your dh are doing fine on your own, once things get going- and you can always send for her if you need her. (Just say that you both needed the reasurance, and since she has done it this way before...)

 

[AnD]

Maybe you could send everyone out, and have them send for your MIL, because your <i>husband</i> needs her <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> !

Seriously, though, you may just send for her (or have your dh send for her) after everyone has been asked to leave. You may even decide that you and your dh are doing fine on your own, once things get going- and you can always send for her if you need her. (Just say that you both needed the reasurance, and since she has done it this way before...)

 

[AnD]

Maybe you could send everyone out, and have them send for your MIL, because your <i>husband</i> needs her <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> !

Seriously, though, you may just send for her (or have your dh send for her) after everyone has been asked to leave. You may even decide that you and your dh are doing fine on your own, once things get going- and you can always send for her if you need her. (Just say that you both needed the reasurance, and since she has done it this way before...)

 

[AnD]

Maybe you could send everyone out, and have them send for your MIL, because your <i>husband</i> needs her <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> !

Seriously, though, you may just send for her (or have your dh send for her) after everyone has been asked to leave. You may even decide that you and your dh are doing fine on your own, once things get going- and you can always send for her if you need her. (Just say that you both needed the reasurance, and since she has done it this way before...)

 

[AnD]

Maybe you could send everyone out, and have them send for your MIL, because your <i>husband</i> needs her <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> !

Seriously, though, you may just send for her (or have your dh send for her) after everyone has been asked to leave. You may even decide that you and your dh are doing fine on your own, once things get going- and you can always send for her if you need her. (Just say that you both needed the reasurance, and since she has done it this way before...)

 

[wanderlost]

I sort of agree with Khristina here.

You have a vision for your birth and you deserve to have that fulfilled as much as possible. I think your mil sounds like exactly the kind of person you want in the room with you, your mom doesn't.

I have to say in my experience that I have some resentment toward my mom after my son's birth (with dd it was only dh and I becuase of this exact thing) because she wasn't supportive of what I wanted at all (now, in her defense, she felt talking me into an epidural was being supportive - to get me out of pain, but she didn't understand that talking me out of my wishes that I explained over and over while i am in the middle of labor was not my idea of support). Anyway, I wouldn't say it has ruined our relationship, but it was the reason I said no way in hell was she coming to the second kid's birth!

Is it possible someone just call your mom to come when you are very near pushing and then you could have the nurses sort of be the bad guys and make your mom stay quiet and just watch? Nurses can be good for that stuff - and your mom doesn't really have to know how much before your mil got there - I do know how these things can cause a lot fo drama.

It does sound to me lik your mil would be a great added support, and if you feel you need her energy,e then harness it anyway you can. But in my opinion, keeping any negative energy out is even more important, so if that means no mil and no mom, well, you still have dh and your doula for support.

I check on here everyday for your announcement!!!

 

[wanderlost]

I sort of agree with Khristina here.

You have a vision for your birth and you deserve to have that fulfilled as much as possible. I think your mil sounds like exactly the kind of person you want in the room with you, your mom doesn't.

I have to say in my experience that I have some resentment toward my mom after my son's birth (with dd it was only dh and I becuase of this exact thing) because she wasn't supportive of what I wanted at all (now, in her defense, she felt talking me into an epidural was being supportive - to get me out of pain, but she didn't understand that talking me out of my wishes that I explained over and over while i am in the middle of labor was not my idea of support). Anyway, I wouldn't say it has ruined our relationship, but it was the reason I said no way in hell was she coming to the second kid's birth!

Is it possible someone just call your mom to come when you are very near pushing and then you could have the nurses sort of be the bad guys and make your mom stay quiet and just watch? Nurses can be good for that stuff - and your mom doesn't really have to know how much before your mil got there - I do know how these things can cause a lot fo drama.

It does sound to me lik your mil would be a great added support, and if you feel you need her energy,e then harness it anyway you can. But in my opinion, keeping any negative energy out is even more important, so if that means no mil and no mom, well, you still have dh and your doula for support.

I check on here everyday for your announcement!!!

 

[wanderlost]

I sort of agree with Khristina here.

You have a vision for your birth and you deserve to have that fulfilled as much as possible. I think your mil sounds like exactly the kind of person you want in the room with you, your mom doesn't.

I have to say in my experience that I have some resentment toward my mom after my son's birth (with dd it was only dh and I becuase of this exact thing) because she wasn't supportive of what I wanted at all (now, in her defense, she felt talking me into an epidural was being supportive - to get me out of pain, but she didn't understand that talking me out of my wishes that I explained over and over while i am in the middle of labor was not my idea of support). Anyway, I wouldn't say it has ruined our relationship, but it was the reason I said no way in hell was she coming to the second kid's birth!

Is it possible someone just call your mom to come when you are very near pushing and then you could have the nurses sort of be the bad guys and make your mom stay quiet and just watch? Nurses can be good for that stuff - and your mom doesn't really have to know how much before your mil got there - I do know how these things can cause a lot fo drama.

It does sound to me lik your mil would be a great added support, and if you feel you need her energy,e then harness it anyway you can. But in my opinion, keeping any negative energy out is even more important, so if that means no mil and no mom, well, you still have dh and your doula for support.

I check on here everyday for your announcement!!!

 

[wanderlost]

I sort of agree with Khristina here.

You have a vision for your birth and you deserve to have that fulfilled as much as possible. I think your mil sounds like exactly the kind of person you want in the room with you, your mom doesn't.

I have to say in my experience that I have some resentment toward my mom after my son's birth (with dd it was only dh and I becuase of this exact thing) because she wasn't supportive of what I wanted at all (now, in her defense, she felt talking me into an epidural was being supportive - to get me out of pain, but she didn't understand that talking me out of my wishes that I explained over and over while i am in the middle of labor was not my idea of support). Anyway, I wouldn't say it has ruined our relationship, but it was the reason I said no way in hell was she coming to the second kid's birth!

Is it possible someone just call your mom to come when you are very near pushing and then you could have the nurses sort of be the bad guys and make your mom stay quiet and just watch? Nurses can be good for that stuff - and your mom doesn't really have to know how much before your mil got there - I do know how these things can cause a lot fo drama.

It does sound to me lik your mil would be a great added support, and if you feel you need her energy,e then harness it anyway you can. But in my opinion, keeping any negative energy out is even more important, so if that means no mil and no mom, well, you still have dh and your doula for support.

I check on here everyday for your announcement!!!

 

[wanderlost]

I sort of agree with Khristina here.

You have a vision for your birth and you deserve to have that fulfilled as much as possible. I think your mil sounds like exactly the kind of person you want in the room with you, your mom doesn't.

I have to say in my experience that I have some resentment toward my mom after my son's birth (with dd it was only dh and I becuase of this exact thing) because she wasn't supportive of what I wanted at all (now, in her defense, she felt talking me into an epidural was being supportive - to get me out of pain, but she didn't understand that talking me out of my wishes that I explained over and over while i am in the middle of labor was not my idea of support). Anyway, I wouldn't say it has ruined our relationship, but it was the reason I said no way in hell was she coming to the second kid's birth!

Is it possible someone just call your mom to come when you are very near pushing and then you could have the nurses sort of be the bad guys and make your mom stay quiet and just watch? Nurses can be good for that stuff - and your mom doesn't really have to know how much before your mil got there - I do know how these things can cause a lot fo drama.

It does sound to me lik your mil would be a great added support, and if you feel you need her energy,e then harness it anyway you can. But in my opinion, keeping any negative energy out is even more important, so if that means no mil and no mom, well, you still have dh and your doula for support.

I check on here everyday for your announcement!!!

 

[wanderlost]

I sort of agree with Khristina here.

You have a vision for your birth and you deserve to have that fulfilled as much as possible. I think your mil sounds like exactly the kind of person you want in the room with you, your mom doesn't.

I have to say in my experience that I have some resentment toward my mom after my son's birth (with dd it was only dh and I becuase of this exact thing) because she wasn't supportive of what I wanted at all (now, in her defense, she felt talking me into an epidural was being supportive - to get me out of pain, but she didn't understand that talking me out of my wishes that I explained over and over while i am in the middle of labor was not my idea of support). Anyway, I wouldn't say it has ruined our relationship, but it was the reason I said no way in hell was she coming to the second kid's birth!

Is it possible someone just call your mom to come when you are very near pushing and then you could have the nurses sort of be the bad guys and make your mom stay quiet and just watch? Nurses can be good for that stuff - and your mom doesn't really have to know how much before your mil got there - I do know how these things can cause a lot fo drama.

It does sound to me lik your mil would be a great added support, and if you feel you need her energy,e then harness it anyway you can. But in my opinion, keeping any negative energy out is even more important, so if that means no mil and no mom, well, you still have dh and your doula for support.

I check on here everyday for your announcement!!!

 

[LouLou]

Personally I feel a doula, husband and MIL is too many people but you know I'm not talking from experience here. I do feel birth is very personal and the mother should have it how she wants. What ever you do you should be happy with the plans.

Here's an idea. Why don't you tell your mother point blank that she invited to come when the baby arrives. Hasn't she been wondering? I suppose you've already told her this but did not tell her MIL will be in room for birth. I think it would be a good idea to tell her that your MIL will be in the room. She will be less hurt to hear it from you than to just find out. If need be, make up a reason that you think she'll like the sounds of such as... "Dh feels he'll be a better coach if his mother with 12 birth experiences (total witnessed not just her own) is in the room. Mom, don't you want Dh and I to feel empowered for this situation?" When she wonders why she can't be there too explain that the hospital allows only 3 in room.

Btw, my hospital only allows 2 extra people - - hubby and one other. So that's another approach you could take if you decide to cancel both MIL and mother. Just tell them hospital says only hubby and doula. You could say in hindsight, you think it's a good idea.

Another approach - continue with plan of MIL to take you and Dh to hospital. Don't notify your mother of the birth until the baby has arrived. By birth time MIL will have seen the baby and offered so much support she'lll be ready for some time off from you LOL. Now your mother will be able to come in and be the queen bee of taking care of you. When asked why you didn't call sooner....just tell her "Ma everything happened so fast."

Consider clueing your MIL in on "the plan" so she doesn't blow your cover.

 

[LouLou]

Personally I feel a doula, husband and MIL is too many people but you know I'm not talking from experience here. I do feel birth is very personal and the mother should have it how she wants. What ever you do you should be happy with the plans.

Here's an idea. Why don't you tell your mother point blank that she invited to come when the baby arrives. Hasn't she been wondering? I suppose you've already told her this but did not tell her MIL will be in room for birth. I think it would be a good idea to tell her that your MIL will be in the room. She will be less hurt to hear it from you than to just find out. If need be, make up a reason that you think she'll like the sounds of such as... "Dh feels he'll be a better coach if his mother with 12 birth experiences (total witnessed not just her own) is in the room. Mom, don't you want Dh and I to feel empowered for this situation?" When she wonders why she can't be there too explain that the hospital allows only 3 in room.

Btw, my hospital only allows 2 extra people - - hubby and one other. So that's another approach you could take if you decide to cancel both MIL and mother. Just tell them hospital says only hubby and doula. You could say in hindsight, you think it's a good idea.

Another approach - continue with plan of MIL to take you and Dh to hospital. Don't notify your mother of the birth until the baby has arrived. By birth time MIL will have seen the baby and offered so much support she'lll be ready for some time off from you LOL. Now your mother will be able to come in and be the queen bee of taking care of you. When asked why you didn't call sooner....just tell her "Ma everything happened so fast."

Consider clueing your MIL in on "the plan" so she doesn't blow your cover.

 

[LouLou]

Personally I feel a doula, husband and MIL is too many people but you know I'm not talking from experience here. I do feel birth is very personal and the mother should have it how she wants. What ever you do you should be happy with the plans.

Here's an idea. Why don't you tell your mother point blank that she invited to come when the baby arrives. Hasn't she been wondering? I suppose you've already told her this but did not tell her MIL will be in room for birth. I think it would be a good idea to tell her that your MIL will be in the room. She will be less hurt to hear it from you than to just find out. If need be, make up a reason that you think she'll like the sounds of such as... "Dh feels he'll be a better coach if his mother with 12 birth experiences (total witnessed not just her own) is in the room. Mom, don't you want Dh and I to feel empowered for this situation?" When she wonders why she can't be there too explain that the hospital allows only 3 in room.

Btw, my hospital only allows 2 extra people - - hubby and one other. So that's another approach you could take if you decide to cancel both MIL and mother. Just tell them hospital says only hubby and doula. You could say in hindsight, you think it's a good idea.

Another approach - continue with plan of MIL to take you and Dh to hospital. Don't notify your mother of the birth until the baby has arrived. By birth time MIL will have seen the baby and offered so much support she'lll be ready for some time off from you LOL. Now your mother will be able to come in and be the queen bee of taking care of you. When asked why you didn't call sooner....just tell her "Ma everything happened so fast."

Consider clueing your MIL in on "the plan" so she doesn't blow your cover.

 

[LouLou]

Personally I feel a doula, husband and MIL is too many people but you know I'm not talking from experience here. I do feel birth is very personal and the mother should have it how she wants. What ever you do you should be happy with the plans.

Here's an idea. Why don't you tell your mother point blank that she invited to come when the baby arrives. Hasn't she been wondering? I suppose you've already told her this but did not tell her MIL will be in room for birth. I think it would be a good idea to tell her that your MIL will be in the room. She will be less hurt to hear it from you than to just find out. If need be, make up a reason that you think she'll like the sounds of such as... "Dh feels he'll be a better coach if his mother with 12 birth experiences (total witnessed not just her own) is in the room. Mom, don't you want Dh and I to feel empowered for this situation?" When she wonders why she can't be there too explain that the hospital allows only 3 in room.

Btw, my hospital only allows 2 extra people - - hubby and one other. So that's another approach you could take if you decide to cancel both MIL and mother. Just tell them hospital says only hubby and doula. You could say in hindsight, you think it's a good idea.

Another approach - continue with plan of MIL to take you and Dh to hospital. Don't notify your mother of the birth until the baby has arrived. By birth time MIL will have seen the baby and offered so much support she'lll be ready for some time off from you LOL. Now your mother will be able to come in and be the queen bee of taking care of you. When asked why you didn't call sooner....just tell her "Ma everything happened so fast."

Consider clueing your MIL in on "the plan" so she doesn't blow your cover.

 

[LouLou]

Personally I feel a doula, husband and MIL is too many people but you know I'm not talking from experience here. I do feel birth is very personal and the mother should have it how she wants. What ever you do you should be happy with the plans.

Here's an idea. Why don't you tell your mother point blank that she invited to come when the baby arrives. Hasn't she been wondering? I suppose you've already told her this but did not tell her MIL will be in room for birth. I think it would be a good idea to tell her that your MIL will be in the room. She will be less hurt to hear it from you than to just find out. If need be, make up a reason that you think she'll like the sounds of such as... "Dh feels he'll be a better coach if his mother with 12 birth experiences (total witnessed not just her own) is in the room. Mom, don't you want Dh and I to feel empowered for this situation?" When she wonders why she can't be there too explain that the hospital allows only 3 in room.

Btw, my hospital only allows 2 extra people - - hubby and one other. So that's another approach you could take if you decide to cancel both MIL and mother. Just tell them hospital says only hubby and doula. You could say in hindsight, you think it's a good idea.

Another approach - continue with plan of MIL to take you and Dh to hospital. Don't notify your mother of the birth until the baby has arrived. By birth time MIL will have seen the baby and offered so much support she'lll be ready for some time off from you LOL. Now your mother will be able to come in and be the queen bee of taking care of you. When asked why you didn't call sooner....just tell her "Ma everything happened so fast."

Consider clueing your MIL in on "the plan" so she doesn't blow your cover.

 

[LouLou]

Personally I feel a doula, husband and MIL is too many people but you know I'm not talking from experience here. I do feel birth is very personal and the mother should have it how she wants. What ever you do you should be happy with the plans.

Here's an idea. Why don't you tell your mother point blank that she invited to come when the baby arrives. Hasn't she been wondering? I suppose you've already told her this but did not tell her MIL will be in room for birth. I think it would be a good idea to tell her that your MIL will be in the room. She will be less hurt to hear it from you than to just find out. If need be, make up a reason that you think she'll like the sounds of such as... "Dh feels he'll be a better coach if his mother with 12 birth experiences (total witnessed not just her own) is in the room. Mom, don't you want Dh and I to feel empowered for this situation?" When she wonders why she can't be there too explain that the hospital allows only 3 in room.

Btw, my hospital only allows 2 extra people - - hubby and one other. So that's another approach you could take if you decide to cancel both MIL and mother. Just tell them hospital says only hubby and doula. You could say in hindsight, you think it's a good idea.

Another approach - continue with plan of MIL to take you and Dh to hospital. Don't notify your mother of the birth until the baby has arrived. By birth time MIL will have seen the baby and offered so much support she'lll be ready for some time off from you LOL. Now your mother will be able to come in and be the queen bee of taking care of you. When asked why you didn't call sooner....just tell her "Ma everything happened so fast."

Consider clueing your MIL in on "the plan" so she doesn't blow your cover.