Making up for CF

J

JennifersHope

New member
Odd topic I know, but since I know no topic is off limit I thought I would ask.. I was wondering if you guys feel like you need to "make up for" or to "compensate" for not being healthy..

I am not saying that you should, or anything like that.. but I know for me.. I feel like I am trying to make up for what I perceive as a weakness in my life...

For me, I do feel like I need to make up for m health.. I do this by trying to never complain, to be a people pleaser and by never saying no when someone asks me to do something...


Bigger and more importantly, I feel like I don't let myself go to anyone....I will to a point, but only to the point I feel like or perceive that that person can handle it.. I feel like I have formed very strong unhealthy boundries in what I will and won't say to someone... I am afraid I will be to much for them, or to intense, or that people will perceive me as having to much baggage in my life and that they will leave me.

In my life it is all about ppl quiting on me... leaving me... or thinking I am a burden.

OVer the past couple of years, this is something that has become more and more dominate in my life, to the point now where it is interfering with some things that I want to do, but am to afraid to....I can't seem to let go of the control that I think I have in my life, even though I want to.

Does anyone else feel like they are to afraid to let go of something or that they are always trying to make up for their health or lack there of?

I hope a lot of ppl answer because I think it will help me process some things..

Thanks

Jennifer
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
Odd topic I know, but since I know no topic is off limit I thought I would ask.. I was wondering if you guys feel like you need to "make up for" or to "compensate" for not being healthy..

I am not saying that you should, or anything like that.. but I know for me.. I feel like I am trying to make up for what I perceive as a weakness in my life...

For me, I do feel like I need to make up for m health.. I do this by trying to never complain, to be a people pleaser and by never saying no when someone asks me to do something...


Bigger and more importantly, I feel like I don't let myself go to anyone....I will to a point, but only to the point I feel like or perceive that that person can handle it.. I feel like I have formed very strong unhealthy boundries in what I will and won't say to someone... I am afraid I will be to much for them, or to intense, or that people will perceive me as having to much baggage in my life and that they will leave me.

In my life it is all about ppl quiting on me... leaving me... or thinking I am a burden.

OVer the past couple of years, this is something that has become more and more dominate in my life, to the point now where it is interfering with some things that I want to do, but am to afraid to....I can't seem to let go of the control that I think I have in my life, even though I want to.

Does anyone else feel like they are to afraid to let go of something or that they are always trying to make up for their health or lack there of?

I hope a lot of ppl answer because I think it will help me process some things..

Thanks

Jennifer
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
Odd topic I know, but since I know no topic is off limit I thought I would ask.. I was wondering if you guys feel like you need to "make up for" or to "compensate" for not being healthy..

I am not saying that you should, or anything like that.. but I know for me.. I feel like I am trying to make up for what I perceive as a weakness in my life...

For me, I do feel like I need to make up for m health.. I do this by trying to never complain, to be a people pleaser and by never saying no when someone asks me to do something...


Bigger and more importantly, I feel like I don't let myself go to anyone....I will to a point, but only to the point I feel like or perceive that that person can handle it.. I feel like I have formed very strong unhealthy boundries in what I will and won't say to someone... I am afraid I will be to much for them, or to intense, or that people will perceive me as having to much baggage in my life and that they will leave me.

In my life it is all about ppl quiting on me... leaving me... or thinking I am a burden.

OVer the past couple of years, this is something that has become more and more dominate in my life, to the point now where it is interfering with some things that I want to do, but am to afraid to....I can't seem to let go of the control that I think I have in my life, even though I want to.

Does anyone else feel like they are to afraid to let go of something or that they are always trying to make up for their health or lack there of?

I hope a lot of ppl answer because I think it will help me process some things..

Thanks

Jennifer
 
A

Allie

New member
Ry tried to compensate by being 'larger than life". He was the funniest, most charming, etc. In the room, even when he didn't have to be. I think he felt that for being ill, and small, which is hard on guys, he had to make up for it with his personality. He was delightful, and bubbly, but he didn't always have to charm. It was something he put on himself.

The only time I minded, since being a big personality seemed to bring him joy, was when he was sick or tired and still tried to entertain and charm, to his own defecit.
You'll work through it Jenn, I have faith.
 
A

Allie

New member
Ry tried to compensate by being 'larger than life". He was the funniest, most charming, etc. In the room, even when he didn't have to be. I think he felt that for being ill, and small, which is hard on guys, he had to make up for it with his personality. He was delightful, and bubbly, but he didn't always have to charm. It was something he put on himself.

The only time I minded, since being a big personality seemed to bring him joy, was when he was sick or tired and still tried to entertain and charm, to his own defecit.
You'll work through it Jenn, I have faith.
 
A

Allie

New member
Ry tried to compensate by being 'larger than life". He was the funniest, most charming, etc. In the room, even when he didn't have to be. I think he felt that for being ill, and small, which is hard on guys, he had to make up for it with his personality. He was delightful, and bubbly, but he didn't always have to charm. It was something he put on himself.

The only time I minded, since being a big personality seemed to bring him joy, was when he was sick or tired and still tried to entertain and charm, to his own defecit.
You'll work through it Jenn, I have faith.
 
D

Debi

New member
I never think that I have to compensate for my health - cf is a physical weakness in my body, but has nothing to do with my character. CF is just something I have. It doesn't make me any better or worse than anyone else. But I definitely do more than I should sometimes in an effort to try to convince MYSELF that I'm not all that sick.

I highly recommend giving up on the people pleasing. Treat everyone kindly, be a nice person, use tact whenever possible, and be brutally frank when it's necessary. Lots of people will like you. Some people won't. So what? Where does it say everyone on the planet has to like you? Gather a solid circle of honest and true friends and you'll be rich beyond measure.

As for control, well, how much can we really control anyway? I haven't mastered this yet, but I'm getting better and better at just focusing on controlling whatever is right in front of me in the short term. I can control MY feelings and thoughts, but I can't control what other people are going to feel or think. I am also continually working at the art of letting go. It's hard sometimes, but it's so powerful. One day at a time. One person at a time. One treatment at a time. One problem at a time. I don't need to control the whole universe any more the way I thought I did in my 20's. I just need to control "my" universe, the things that I have an actual say in. And I do a pretty good job of having the "say-so" in my own little universe. I'm kind, but I'm not a pushover. I'm strong, but I need help. My little universe is really quite a wonderful place, but it still has lots of ups and downs. They just seem more manageable than when I thought I needed to control everyone else around me. A friend once told me "you can get awfully lonely being right."

Jennifer, I think it is insightful of you to be exploring the issue of trying not be in control of everything, of hanging on to everything and everyone. There is such freedom in letting go and of not worrying about what everyone else thinks of you or your decisions. Do it in a way that makes you feel proud of yourself, not in a bullying or f**k you way, and you'll feel strong and supported. You're on a wonderful journey - I'm still traveling the same path, and I like it!
 
D

Debi

New member
I never think that I have to compensate for my health - cf is a physical weakness in my body, but has nothing to do with my character. CF is just something I have. It doesn't make me any better or worse than anyone else. But I definitely do more than I should sometimes in an effort to try to convince MYSELF that I'm not all that sick.

I highly recommend giving up on the people pleasing. Treat everyone kindly, be a nice person, use tact whenever possible, and be brutally frank when it's necessary. Lots of people will like you. Some people won't. So what? Where does it say everyone on the planet has to like you? Gather a solid circle of honest and true friends and you'll be rich beyond measure.

As for control, well, how much can we really control anyway? I haven't mastered this yet, but I'm getting better and better at just focusing on controlling whatever is right in front of me in the short term. I can control MY feelings and thoughts, but I can't control what other people are going to feel or think. I am also continually working at the art of letting go. It's hard sometimes, but it's so powerful. One day at a time. One person at a time. One treatment at a time. One problem at a time. I don't need to control the whole universe any more the way I thought I did in my 20's. I just need to control "my" universe, the things that I have an actual say in. And I do a pretty good job of having the "say-so" in my own little universe. I'm kind, but I'm not a pushover. I'm strong, but I need help. My little universe is really quite a wonderful place, but it still has lots of ups and downs. They just seem more manageable than when I thought I needed to control everyone else around me. A friend once told me "you can get awfully lonely being right."

Jennifer, I think it is insightful of you to be exploring the issue of trying not be in control of everything, of hanging on to everything and everyone. There is such freedom in letting go and of not worrying about what everyone else thinks of you or your decisions. Do it in a way that makes you feel proud of yourself, not in a bullying or f**k you way, and you'll feel strong and supported. You're on a wonderful journey - I'm still traveling the same path, and I like it!
 
D

Debi

New member
I never think that I have to compensate for my health - cf is a physical weakness in my body, but has nothing to do with my character. CF is just something I have. It doesn't make me any better or worse than anyone else. But I definitely do more than I should sometimes in an effort to try to convince MYSELF that I'm not all that sick.

I highly recommend giving up on the people pleasing. Treat everyone kindly, be a nice person, use tact whenever possible, and be brutally frank when it's necessary. Lots of people will like you. Some people won't. So what? Where does it say everyone on the planet has to like you? Gather a solid circle of honest and true friends and you'll be rich beyond measure.

As for control, well, how much can we really control anyway? I haven't mastered this yet, but I'm getting better and better at just focusing on controlling whatever is right in front of me in the short term. I can control MY feelings and thoughts, but I can't control what other people are going to feel or think. I am also continually working at the art of letting go. It's hard sometimes, but it's so powerful. One day at a time. One person at a time. One treatment at a time. One problem at a time. I don't need to control the whole universe any more the way I thought I did in my 20's. I just need to control "my" universe, the things that I have an actual say in. And I do a pretty good job of having the "say-so" in my own little universe. I'm kind, but I'm not a pushover. I'm strong, but I need help. My little universe is really quite a wonderful place, but it still has lots of ups and downs. They just seem more manageable than when I thought I needed to control everyone else around me. A friend once told me "you can get awfully lonely being right."

Jennifer, I think it is insightful of you to be exploring the issue of trying not be in control of everything, of hanging on to everything and everyone. There is such freedom in letting go and of not worrying about what everyone else thinks of you or your decisions. Do it in a way that makes you feel proud of yourself, not in a bullying or f**k you way, and you'll feel strong and supported. You're on a wonderful journey - I'm still traveling the same path, and I like it!
 
L

luke

Guest
Jennifer,

As many of us, I am a slave to CF; early/late nebs and CPT, going to the gym, taking hand fulls of meds multiple times a day, IV's, constant blood splitting episodes, etc... This disease runs my life. However, I don't think I owe the world anything because of it. The truth be known, maybe the world should show us a little extra love because of what we go through every day. Example, my niece was recenlty sick and had to be on nebs, my sister-in-law was complaining she couldn't go anywhere because of all of the treatments the baby was on(she was on albuterol twice a day). Huh, that's funny I take these treatments 3-4 times a day and take 3 times as many meds and manage to still work a full time job?? I guess my point is that the world can't handle the minimum we go through so what makes you owe the world. I will give you my unsoliciticed opinion, self worth is the issue. Be confident, take pride in what you go through daily just to live. This is one of the things that makes us beautiful, when you find that one person to open up to I promise that the strength you gained because of CF will be one of the reasons they respect you so much.


luke
 
L

luke

Guest
Jennifer,

As many of us, I am a slave to CF; early/late nebs and CPT, going to the gym, taking hand fulls of meds multiple times a day, IV's, constant blood splitting episodes, etc... This disease runs my life. However, I don't think I owe the world anything because of it. The truth be known, maybe the world should show us a little extra love because of what we go through every day. Example, my niece was recenlty sick and had to be on nebs, my sister-in-law was complaining she couldn't go anywhere because of all of the treatments the baby was on(she was on albuterol twice a day). Huh, that's funny I take these treatments 3-4 times a day and take 3 times as many meds and manage to still work a full time job?? I guess my point is that the world can't handle the minimum we go through so what makes you owe the world. I will give you my unsoliciticed opinion, self worth is the issue. Be confident, take pride in what you go through daily just to live. This is one of the things that makes us beautiful, when you find that one person to open up to I promise that the strength you gained because of CF will be one of the reasons they respect you so much.


luke
 
L

luke

Guest
Jennifer,

As many of us, I am a slave to CF; early/late nebs and CPT, going to the gym, taking hand fulls of meds multiple times a day, IV's, constant blood splitting episodes, etc... This disease runs my life. However, I don't think I owe the world anything because of it. The truth be known, maybe the world should show us a little extra love because of what we go through every day. Example, my niece was recenlty sick and had to be on nebs, my sister-in-law was complaining she couldn't go anywhere because of all of the treatments the baby was on(she was on albuterol twice a day). Huh, that's funny I take these treatments 3-4 times a day and take 3 times as many meds and manage to still work a full time job?? I guess my point is that the world can't handle the minimum we go through so what makes you owe the world. I will give you my unsoliciticed opinion, self worth is the issue. Be confident, take pride in what you go through daily just to live. This is one of the things that makes us beautiful, when you find that one person to open up to I promise that the strength you gained because of CF will be one of the reasons they respect you so much.


luke
 
R

Rebjane

Super Moderator
Jennifer,

What you are describing(in my opinion) is not an uncommon thing for alot of women. Being a people pleaser, fear of upsetting someone or just being alone. People act this way for all different reasons. It is hard to lean on someone for help. I do not have CF but I understand what you are saying. Perhaps it is a coping mechanism to keep you getting hurt from others or vice versa. The problem is when it keeps you from enjoying your life and truly letting go and having a deep relationship with others, male or female.

I too have issues with letting my guard down, letting people close, and i'm sure it has to do with circumstances beyond my control as a child.

My daughter with CF(though she is only still a small child only 4) seems to have her own coping mechanism for CF, she's more like the funny silly one, always has to be the center of attention, sort of the one who can break the tension of all the CF madness.

I think realizing that the way you are coping is interfering with your happiness, is a good step to change how you are coping.

HTH, remember we are all in this together.
 
R

Rebjane

Super Moderator
Jennifer,

What you are describing(in my opinion) is not an uncommon thing for alot of women. Being a people pleaser, fear of upsetting someone or just being alone. People act this way for all different reasons. It is hard to lean on someone for help. I do not have CF but I understand what you are saying. Perhaps it is a coping mechanism to keep you getting hurt from others or vice versa. The problem is when it keeps you from enjoying your life and truly letting go and having a deep relationship with others, male or female.

I too have issues with letting my guard down, letting people close, and i'm sure it has to do with circumstances beyond my control as a child.

My daughter with CF(though she is only still a small child only 4) seems to have her own coping mechanism for CF, she's more like the funny silly one, always has to be the center of attention, sort of the one who can break the tension of all the CF madness.

I think realizing that the way you are coping is interfering with your happiness, is a good step to change how you are coping.

HTH, remember we are all in this together.
 
R

Rebjane

Super Moderator
Jennifer,

What you are describing(in my opinion) is not an uncommon thing for alot of women. Being a people pleaser, fear of upsetting someone or just being alone. People act this way for all different reasons. It is hard to lean on someone for help. I do not have CF but I understand what you are saying. Perhaps it is a coping mechanism to keep you getting hurt from others or vice versa. The problem is when it keeps you from enjoying your life and truly letting go and having a deep relationship with others, male or female.

I too have issues with letting my guard down, letting people close, and i'm sure it has to do with circumstances beyond my control as a child.

My daughter with CF(though she is only still a small child only 4) seems to have her own coping mechanism for CF, she's more like the funny silly one, always has to be the center of attention, sort of the one who can break the tension of all the CF madness.

I think realizing that the way you are coping is interfering with your happiness, is a good step to change how you are coping.

HTH, remember we are all in this together.
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
I use to make up for CF. And that is when my CF hadnt progressed as much. I use to be a people pleaser, help out even when I truly didnt want to, let me people take advantage of me just because I was afraid or ashamed to say no. I use to push myself physically to prove things to myself more than others I think. NOW I know the true friends I have because whether I do favors or not, they are there. The people that I was afraid or ashamed to so no to who usually were the same peope that took advantage of me have since moved onto the next sucker because I did start to say no. They didnt really care if I said no, they just saved time finding someone else if I said yes. I learned that its not the physical things I do that prove my worth in life. Its whats in my heart! Those that want to take the time to look past the pile of clothes I havent washed will see the big heart that I a security code to now! I also learned to believe in me truly. I didnt just pretend to believe & in order to do this I had to accept help when I needed it & admit that contrary to my belief....I am not perfect! HUGS to you girl.....you have nothing to prove or make up for! JUST BE YOU......THE TRUE YOU~~~~~~~~~~
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
I use to make up for CF. And that is when my CF hadnt progressed as much. I use to be a people pleaser, help out even when I truly didnt want to, let me people take advantage of me just because I was afraid or ashamed to say no. I use to push myself physically to prove things to myself more than others I think. NOW I know the true friends I have because whether I do favors or not, they are there. The people that I was afraid or ashamed to so no to who usually were the same peope that took advantage of me have since moved onto the next sucker because I did start to say no. They didnt really care if I said no, they just saved time finding someone else if I said yes. I learned that its not the physical things I do that prove my worth in life. Its whats in my heart! Those that want to take the time to look past the pile of clothes I havent washed will see the big heart that I a security code to now! I also learned to believe in me truly. I didnt just pretend to believe & in order to do this I had to accept help when I needed it & admit that contrary to my belief....I am not perfect! HUGS to you girl.....you have nothing to prove or make up for! JUST BE YOU......THE TRUE YOU~~~~~~~~~~
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
I use to make up for CF. And that is when my CF hadnt progressed as much. I use to be a people pleaser, help out even when I truly didnt want to, let me people take advantage of me just because I was afraid or ashamed to say no. I use to push myself physically to prove things to myself more than others I think. NOW I know the true friends I have because whether I do favors or not, they are there. The people that I was afraid or ashamed to so no to who usually were the same peope that took advantage of me have since moved onto the next sucker because I did start to say no. They didnt really care if I said no, they just saved time finding someone else if I said yes. I learned that its not the physical things I do that prove my worth in life. Its whats in my heart! Those that want to take the time to look past the pile of clothes I havent washed will see the big heart that I a security code to now! I also learned to believe in me truly. I didnt just pretend to believe & in order to do this I had to accept help when I needed it & admit that contrary to my belief....I am not perfect! HUGS to you girl.....you have nothing to prove or make up for! JUST BE YOU......THE TRUE YOU~~~~~~~~~~
 
A

anonymous

New member
Hey Jenn,

I have felt this way alot. Like I am overcompensating in other areas that I am able to overcompensate in. For instance I always did well in school and worked extremely hard because it was one thing that I KNEW I could excel at despite not being able to do certain physical things.

I try to be fun and up lifting to people even when I don't want to be because I don't want to bring them down too. For me it is more of a "you can't do anything about it so why make a big deal over it" thing than anything though. I have always - up until recently - kept my feelings and fears about CF and my health to myself. NO ONE - not my parents, not Kurt, not my best friends ... NO ONE knew how terrified I was and no one really knew how sick I really was until this year when I finally said okay I have to stop hiding this. You will reach a point - GOD how I hope it doesn't happen anytime soon - but you will reach a point where even if you don't want to be open about things you will have no choice because of your health. It is very hard for me to tell people things even now because I have never been the type to just openly talk about CF and myself. Now I am at a point that it is obvious by my activities and abilities though and it is just easier to explain than have people stare at me lol.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote> Where does it say everyone on the planet has to like you?
~Debi</end quote></div>

Obviously you don't read Clauses ... it says that right below .... "life is fair" lol. Seriously though not everyone will like you and that is a good thing ... do you really want obnoxious people that you don't like to like you anyway lol.

I completely understand fearing that people will leave you I am afraid of the same thing. I am afraid everyday that something else happens that one day it will just be too much and the people in my life will say "umm ... okay well I could handle this before but now that you are .. blah blah blah .. I'm outta here!" I think that is a realistic fear for people because many people can not handle all the stuff that comes with something like CF ... or the other health issues you have going on. My thoughts on this though ... trust in your heart. If it feels right it feels right and be open to it. Share with people because then you will find out if the person is right or not. If you tell them about your issues and they leave it sucks, but at least you found out now before you REALLY needed someone to be there all the time. How much would that suck if you were with someone and you never told them the truth and were never open - who cares if THEY are happy with that - in that situation they are happy with not knowing all of you and that isn't right.

I hope you are able to sort through these feelings Jenn. I will say though that - being that I have had the same feelings even if you do sort through them they can still linger in the back of your mind. At least that is how it is for me at times.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
Lindsey
 
A

anonymous

New member
Hey Jenn,

I have felt this way alot. Like I am overcompensating in other areas that I am able to overcompensate in. For instance I always did well in school and worked extremely hard because it was one thing that I KNEW I could excel at despite not being able to do certain physical things.

I try to be fun and up lifting to people even when I don't want to be because I don't want to bring them down too. For me it is more of a "you can't do anything about it so why make a big deal over it" thing than anything though. I have always - up until recently - kept my feelings and fears about CF and my health to myself. NO ONE - not my parents, not Kurt, not my best friends ... NO ONE knew how terrified I was and no one really knew how sick I really was until this year when I finally said okay I have to stop hiding this. You will reach a point - GOD how I hope it doesn't happen anytime soon - but you will reach a point where even if you don't want to be open about things you will have no choice because of your health. It is very hard for me to tell people things even now because I have never been the type to just openly talk about CF and myself. Now I am at a point that it is obvious by my activities and abilities though and it is just easier to explain than have people stare at me lol.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote> Where does it say everyone on the planet has to like you?
~Debi</end quote></div>

Obviously you don't read Clauses ... it says that right below .... "life is fair" lol. Seriously though not everyone will like you and that is a good thing ... do you really want obnoxious people that you don't like to like you anyway lol.

I completely understand fearing that people will leave you I am afraid of the same thing. I am afraid everyday that something else happens that one day it will just be too much and the people in my life will say "umm ... okay well I could handle this before but now that you are .. blah blah blah .. I'm outta here!" I think that is a realistic fear for people because many people can not handle all the stuff that comes with something like CF ... or the other health issues you have going on. My thoughts on this though ... trust in your heart. If it feels right it feels right and be open to it. Share with people because then you will find out if the person is right or not. If you tell them about your issues and they leave it sucks, but at least you found out now before you REALLY needed someone to be there all the time. How much would that suck if you were with someone and you never told them the truth and were never open - who cares if THEY are happy with that - in that situation they are happy with not knowing all of you and that isn't right.

I hope you are able to sort through these feelings Jenn. I will say though that - being that I have had the same feelings even if you do sort through them they can still linger in the back of your mind. At least that is how it is for me at times.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
Lindsey
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top