scabaskiblio
New member
Hello, Jennifer.
I just wanted to chime in on this issue. I feel I definitely try to overcompensate for my CF. Like Lindsey, I felt that I had to prove myself capable and worthy in some way and I did this by excelling academically. It was a double-edged sword however; while I did quite well in school, I also had my entire self-esteem wrapped up in achieving academic success, so I put a lot of pressure on myself. Looking back, I see how irrelevant grades actually are. It is much more important to be passionate about something and to enjoy what you do.
As far as feeling like a burden to others, growing up I felt a lot of guilt about my CF. My parents would get so anxious and worried whenever I got sick, I always felt that it was somehow my fault that they were feeling this way. I coped with my guilt by hiding the way I felt, and by not telling them when I felt sick. This was very bad, as it taught me to start not only hiding things from them, but also denying it to myself. I ran away from CF for years before I finally was forced to start dealing with it when I got sick and developed CFRD, etc.
Even now, though, I can't really talk about my CF or how I feel to others. I keep a lot of protective barriers up, so much so that sometimes it feels like I can't ever be really honest with people even when it is not about CF. By hiding my disease, i feel like I am hiding my true self, and ultimately, I feel like I am just acting instead of really relating to others.
When I was younger I had huge abandonnment issues, too. I was always afraid that people would perceive my weaknesses and deem me unworthy of their attention and time. I coped with that in really unhealthy ways. Generally I rejected them before they had a chance to reject me. In that way I felt I was in control of the situation, but it left me without any support system, too.
I guess my advice is that you have to let yourself depend on other people, and risk the possibility of being hurt or abandonned by them. If someone really loves you, they won't think of you as a burden at all; in fact, they will be disappointed if you don't let them help you. Everyone wants to feel needed, and by asking them to help care for you, they will feel that you really need them.
I used to be a push-over, too, but as I have gotten older, I have gotten a lot more assertive and maybe even a little meaner.
Valerie
I just wanted to chime in on this issue. I feel I definitely try to overcompensate for my CF. Like Lindsey, I felt that I had to prove myself capable and worthy in some way and I did this by excelling academically. It was a double-edged sword however; while I did quite well in school, I also had my entire self-esteem wrapped up in achieving academic success, so I put a lot of pressure on myself. Looking back, I see how irrelevant grades actually are. It is much more important to be passionate about something and to enjoy what you do.
As far as feeling like a burden to others, growing up I felt a lot of guilt about my CF. My parents would get so anxious and worried whenever I got sick, I always felt that it was somehow my fault that they were feeling this way. I coped with my guilt by hiding the way I felt, and by not telling them when I felt sick. This was very bad, as it taught me to start not only hiding things from them, but also denying it to myself. I ran away from CF for years before I finally was forced to start dealing with it when I got sick and developed CFRD, etc.
Even now, though, I can't really talk about my CF or how I feel to others. I keep a lot of protective barriers up, so much so that sometimes it feels like I can't ever be really honest with people even when it is not about CF. By hiding my disease, i feel like I am hiding my true self, and ultimately, I feel like I am just acting instead of really relating to others.
When I was younger I had huge abandonnment issues, too. I was always afraid that people would perceive my weaknesses and deem me unworthy of their attention and time. I coped with that in really unhealthy ways. Generally I rejected them before they had a chance to reject me. In that way I felt I was in control of the situation, but it left me without any support system, too.
I guess my advice is that you have to let yourself depend on other people, and risk the possibility of being hurt or abandonned by them. If someone really loves you, they won't think of you as a burden at all; in fact, they will be disappointed if you don't let them help you. Everyone wants to feel needed, and by asking them to help care for you, they will feel that you really need them.
I used to be a push-over, too, but as I have gotten older, I have gotten a lot more assertive and maybe even a little meaner.
Valerie