Marriage and Families

[b12bc]

This isn't so much a rant... I'm just interested in your thoughts on something that has been on my mind for awhile.

I have seen and talked to SO many CFers who are in their early/mid twenties and are already married or engaged or with children! The thought just baffles me. I am 20 and have NO interest in "hurrying things along". I've been in an exclusive relationship for just over 3 years now, but marriage is nowhere in our near future plans.

Don't get me wrong, this is NOT an attack on any of you by any means. I am just curious as to whether having CF was a major part of the path your lives have taken, whether the imminent toll CF will taken on our lives motivated you to start a family sooner rather than later. I know that you'll find young couples without CF everywhere, but it seems to me that it's much more common in this community?

Another question - to those of you who are in committed relationships or have or are planning to have children, was your partner screened for being a carrier? We take precautions against pregnancy, but should that enter the picture I would do everything possible to ensure that my baby was healthy.

 

[b12bc]

This isn't so much a rant... I'm just interested in your thoughts on something that has been on my mind for awhile.

I have seen and talked to SO many CFers who are in their early/mid twenties and are already married or engaged or with children! The thought just baffles me. I am 20 and have NO interest in "hurrying things along". I've been in an exclusive relationship for just over 3 years now, but marriage is nowhere in our near future plans.

Don't get me wrong, this is NOT an attack on any of you by any means. I am just curious as to whether having CF was a major part of the path your lives have taken, whether the imminent toll CF will taken on our lives motivated you to start a family sooner rather than later. I know that you'll find young couples without CF everywhere, but it seems to me that it's much more common in this community?

Another question - to those of you who are in committed relationships or have or are planning to have children, was your partner screened for being a carrier? We take precautions against pregnancy, but should that enter the picture I would do everything possible to ensure that my baby was healthy.

 

[b12bc]

This isn't so much a rant... I'm just interested in your thoughts on something that has been on my mind for awhile.
<br />
<br />I have seen and talked to SO many CFers who are in their early/mid twenties and are already married or engaged or with children! The thought just baffles me. I am 20 and have NO interest in "hurrying things along". I've been in an exclusive relationship for just over 3 years now, but marriage is nowhere in our near future plans.
<br />
<br />Don't get me wrong, this is NOT an attack on any of you by any means. I am just curious as to whether having CF was a major part of the path your lives have taken, whether the imminent toll CF will taken on our lives motivated you to start a family sooner rather than later. I know that you'll find young couples without CF everywhere, but it seems to me that it's much more common in this community?
<br />
<br />Another question - to those of you who are in committed relationships or have or are planning to have children, was your partner screened for being a carrier? We take precautions against pregnancy, but should that enter the picture I would do everything possible to ensure that my baby was healthy.

 

[rubyroselee]

Hi there,

I got married when I was 25 and had my first child the same year (second child came along when I was 27). I did not take CF into account at all when getting married or having a family and I simply followed my heart. The timing seemed right for everything. We were ready for marriage, ready for kids, etc. I definitely wasn't even thinking about it at age 20 though.

When I was younger, I thought a lot about CF and how it was going to affect my future relationships or ability to have my own children. But in the end, it really didn't matter and things worked out just fine. I guess my advice would be to just go with the flow and make the decisions as they come up and not to let CF get in the way of your life.

 

[rubyroselee]

Hi there,

I got married when I was 25 and had my first child the same year (second child came along when I was 27). I did not take CF into account at all when getting married or having a family and I simply followed my heart. The timing seemed right for everything. We were ready for marriage, ready for kids, etc. I definitely wasn't even thinking about it at age 20 though.

When I was younger, I thought a lot about CF and how it was going to affect my future relationships or ability to have my own children. But in the end, it really didn't matter and things worked out just fine. I guess my advice would be to just go with the flow and make the decisions as they come up and not to let CF get in the way of your life.

 

[rubyroselee]

Hi there,
<br />
<br />I got married when I was 25 and had my first child the same year (second child came along when I was 27). I did not take CF into account at all when getting married or having a family and I simply followed my heart. The timing seemed right for everything. We were ready for marriage, ready for kids, etc. I definitely wasn't even thinking about it at age 20 though.
<br />
<br />When I was younger, I thought a lot about CF and how it was going to affect my future relationships or ability to have my own children. But in the end, it really didn't matter and things worked out just fine. I guess my advice would be to just go with the flow and make the decisions as they come up and not to let CF get in the way of your life.

 

[b12bc]

Thanks for the reply. I'm glad to hear such a sweet story about a happy family. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I guess I was just a little bit shocked to see just how MANY "young families" there are on this board, more so than I've noticed elsewhere. I have NEVER been one to really even think about CF as something that will inhibit me or really as anything more than a pain in the ass when I'm doing treatments or feeling under the weather. Most people outside of a handful of close friends and my family don't even know that I have it. I'm interested in how other people think about it or make life decisions based on what CF can/will inevitably do.

 

[b12bc]

Thanks for the reply. I'm glad to hear such a sweet story about a happy family. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I guess I was just a little bit shocked to see just how MANY "young families" there are on this board, more so than I've noticed elsewhere. I have NEVER been one to really even think about CF as something that will inhibit me or really as anything more than a pain in the ass when I'm doing treatments or feeling under the weather. Most people outside of a handful of close friends and my family don't even know that I have it. I'm interested in how other people think about it or make life decisions based on what CF can/will inevitably do.

 

[b12bc]

Thanks for the reply. I'm glad to hear such a sweet story about a happy family. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I guess I was just a little bit shocked to see just how MANY "young families" there are on this board, more so than I've noticed elsewhere. I have NEVER been one to really even think about CF as something that will inhibit me or really as anything more than a pain in the ass when I'm doing treatments or feeling under the weather. Most people outside of a handful of close friends and my family don't even know that I have it. I'm interested in how other people think about it or make life decisions based on what CF can/will inevitably do.

 

[Keepercjr]

Well my hubby and I have been together since I was 17 (he was 20). We actually decided to have kids first since getting legally married would complicate things too much (insurance, SSI, etc). And I would say that CF *did* help us decide to have kids when we did but we were more than ready. I started to notice a downward trend in my PFTs and it got me thinking that now might be better than waiting and then not being able to. We had both graduated college and he had an OK job - not great but we were fine. I was in grad school at the time. I was able to get my PFTs back up before getting pregnant when I was 23. My PFTs have been stable since then so I was in no rush to have #2 - we had her when our son was 3.5 and I was 27. We got "married" when I was 25 but not legally since I am much better off getting social security (my parents are retired) and private health insurance through my parents even though he has a much better job now. The social security also allows me to stay home with the kids.

We weren't ready for kids any earlier than we had them. If I didn't have CF I would have finished grad school first (maybe another year or 2) since it was just too much after having kids. But honestly who knows how our lives would have turned out differently.

 

[Keepercjr]

Well my hubby and I have been together since I was 17 (he was 20). We actually decided to have kids first since getting legally married would complicate things too much (insurance, SSI, etc). And I would say that CF *did* help us decide to have kids when we did but we were more than ready. I started to notice a downward trend in my PFTs and it got me thinking that now might be better than waiting and then not being able to. We had both graduated college and he had an OK job - not great but we were fine. I was in grad school at the time. I was able to get my PFTs back up before getting pregnant when I was 23. My PFTs have been stable since then so I was in no rush to have #2 - we had her when our son was 3.5 and I was 27. We got "married" when I was 25 but not legally since I am much better off getting social security (my parents are retired) and private health insurance through my parents even though he has a much better job now. The social security also allows me to stay home with the kids.

We weren't ready for kids any earlier than we had them. If I didn't have CF I would have finished grad school first (maybe another year or 2) since it was just too much after having kids. But honestly who knows how our lives would have turned out differently.

 

[Keepercjr]

Well my hubby and I have been together since I was 17 (he was 20). We actually decided to have kids first since getting legally married would complicate things too much (insurance, SSI, etc). And I would say that CF *did* help us decide to have kids when we did but we were more than ready. I started to notice a downward trend in my PFTs and it got me thinking that now might be better than waiting and then not being able to. We had both graduated college and he had an OK job - not great but we were fine. I was in grad school at the time. I was able to get my PFTs back up before getting pregnant when I was 23. My PFTs have been stable since then so I was in no rush to have #2 - we had her when our son was 3.5 and I was 27. We got "married" when I was 25 but not legally since I am much better off getting social security (my parents are retired) and private health insurance through my parents even though he has a much better job now. The social security also allows me to stay home with the kids.
<br />
<br />We weren't ready for kids any earlier than we had them. If I didn't have CF I would have finished grad school first (maybe another year or 2) since it was just too much after having kids. But honestly who knows how our lives would have turned out differently.

 

[theLostMiler]

I met my fiancee when I was 16 and he was 17, we went to the same high school though, and actually only started hanging out the summer after he graduated (the summber before my senior year). At that time CF didnt take up hardly any time in my life at all. We both liked each other and both though it would be a summer fling thing before he left for college. I guess we just clicked, we decided to do the year long distance and we worked.

We have had discussions and fights and even a break up, and I have asked myself and him if we were only together b/c of the CF, but we both said "No" after giving it thought. On the our break up, before we got back together he needed to find deep inside of him, if he could handle the CF and its progressive nature... he decided he could. Even with CF, I think our relationship is totally founded for the right reasons. He makes me happy, he makes me laugh, he introduces me to new things (even after 6 years!). We have talked about kids, but I am completely not ready to have kids, both maturity wise and health wise. We probably wont have any actually unless we adopt or something.

I notice a lot of young married/assumed to be married couples... I kind of view it as, maybe CF makes them realize that their time might be short together so they want to squeeze in as much experience as they can... as long as there is true love, I dont really see the problem in that.

I notice on here in the young adults section and blogs and stuff there is always talk of the boyfriend who they are going to marry etc... there have been a couple break ups. But I look at my facebook and I dont know if it is the same with every generation, but I feel like over half of my classmates (even those younger than me) are married and have 1-3 kids... I comment and think about it a lot, b/c I just feel like everyone is having babies haha So I am not sure if it is just a CF thing.

 

[theLostMiler]

I met my fiancee when I was 16 and he was 17, we went to the same high school though, and actually only started hanging out the summer after he graduated (the summber before my senior year). At that time CF didnt take up hardly any time in my life at all. We both liked each other and both though it would be a summer fling thing before he left for college. I guess we just clicked, we decided to do the year long distance and we worked.

We have had discussions and fights and even a break up, and I have asked myself and him if we were only together b/c of the CF, but we both said "No" after giving it thought. On the our break up, before we got back together he needed to find deep inside of him, if he could handle the CF and its progressive nature... he decided he could. Even with CF, I think our relationship is totally founded for the right reasons. He makes me happy, he makes me laugh, he introduces me to new things (even after 6 years!). We have talked about kids, but I am completely not ready to have kids, both maturity wise and health wise. We probably wont have any actually unless we adopt or something.

I notice a lot of young married/assumed to be married couples... I kind of view it as, maybe CF makes them realize that their time might be short together so they want to squeeze in as much experience as they can... as long as there is true love, I dont really see the problem in that.

I notice on here in the young adults section and blogs and stuff there is always talk of the boyfriend who they are going to marry etc... there have been a couple break ups. But I look at my facebook and I dont know if it is the same with every generation, but I feel like over half of my classmates (even those younger than me) are married and have 1-3 kids... I comment and think about it a lot, b/c I just feel like everyone is having babies haha So I am not sure if it is just a CF thing.

 

[theLostMiler]

I met my fiancee when I was 16 and he was 17, we went to the same high school though, and actually only started hanging out the summer after he graduated (the summber before my senior year). At that time CF didnt take up hardly any time in my life at all. We both liked each other and both though it would be a summer fling thing before he left for college. I guess we just clicked, we decided to do the year long distance and we worked.
<br />
<br />We have had discussions and fights and even a break up, and I have asked myself and him if we were only together b/c of the CF, but we both said "No" after giving it thought. On the our break up, before we got back together he needed to find deep inside of him, if he could handle the CF and its progressive nature... he decided he could. Even with CF, I think our relationship is totally founded for the right reasons. He makes me happy, he makes me laugh, he introduces me to new things (even after 6 years!). We have talked about kids, but I am completely not ready to have kids, both maturity wise and health wise. We probably wont have any actually unless we adopt or something.
<br />
<br />I notice a lot of young married/assumed to be married couples... I kind of view it as, maybe CF makes them realize that their time might be short together so they want to squeeze in as much experience as they can... as long as there is true love, I dont really see the problem in that.
<br />
<br />I notice on here in the young adults section and blogs and stuff there is always talk of the boyfriend who they are going to marry etc... there have been a couple break ups. But I look at my facebook and I dont know if it is the same with every generation, but I feel like over half of my classmates (even those younger than me) are married and have 1-3 kids... I comment and think about it a lot, b/c I just feel like everyone is having babies haha So I am not sure if it is just a CF thing.

 

[marisalynn]

Hi,
Well, when my husband and I got married, I was 20 and he was 21, and just celebrated our 2nd anniversary, so I suppose we are one of those young couples. In addition, recently we have started to try to conceive. I would like to say that CF didn't play a role in my decision making at all, but I know that would be a lie. Obviously I love my husband very much and love the idea of having children with him, but, honestly, if I didn't have CF, I might have waited longer, especially on the children front. However, I think that for many people, CF makes us more mature in general, and maybe getting married and having children younger is just another manifestation of being more mature.
For example, I am a nurse, and most of the people I work with are in their 30s-40s. Oddly, I identify more with them than with the few people I work with that are in their 20's, even the 20-somethings that already have kids. I have heard often, also, that I act very mature for my age.
I am not saying that my "rush", if you want to call it that, to get married and have children has nothing to do with the possibly shortened life span. That is always going through my mind, and I am sure at least subconsciously influences my decisions.

Marisa RN, 22w/CF

 

[marisalynn]

Hi,
Well, when my husband and I got married, I was 20 and he was 21, and just celebrated our 2nd anniversary, so I suppose we are one of those young couples. In addition, recently we have started to try to conceive. I would like to say that CF didn't play a role in my decision making at all, but I know that would be a lie. Obviously I love my husband very much and love the idea of having children with him, but, honestly, if I didn't have CF, I might have waited longer, especially on the children front. However, I think that for many people, CF makes us more mature in general, and maybe getting married and having children younger is just another manifestation of being more mature.
For example, I am a nurse, and most of the people I work with are in their 30s-40s. Oddly, I identify more with them than with the few people I work with that are in their 20's, even the 20-somethings that already have kids. I have heard often, also, that I act very mature for my age.
I am not saying that my "rush", if you want to call it that, to get married and have children has nothing to do with the possibly shortened life span. That is always going through my mind, and I am sure at least subconsciously influences my decisions.

Marisa RN, 22w/CF

 

[marisalynn]

Hi,
<br />Well, when my husband and I got married, I was 20 and he was 21, and just celebrated our 2nd anniversary, so I suppose we are one of those young couples. In addition, recently we have started to try to conceive. I would like to say that CF didn't play a role in my decision making at all, but I know that would be a lie. Obviously I love my husband very much and love the idea of having children with him, but, honestly, if I didn't have CF, I might have waited longer, especially on the children front. However, I think that for many people, CF makes us more mature in general, and maybe getting married and having children younger is just another manifestation of being more mature.
<br />For example, I am a nurse, and most of the people I work with are in their 30s-40s. Oddly, I identify more with them than with the few people I work with that are in their 20's, even the 20-somethings that already have kids. I have heard often, also, that I act very mature for my age.
<br />I am not saying that my "rush", if you want to call it that, to get married and have children has nothing to do with the possibly shortened life span. That is always going through my mind, and I am sure at least subconsciously influences my decisions.
<br />
<br />Marisa RN, 22w/CF

 

[Transplantmommy]

I was 17 when I met my husband and he was 20. I actually already knew his whole family and had just met him the summer of '98 and we just clicked! We hung out the night we met, at a bonfire, and then he asked my Aunt for my number a few days later, and we've been together since. We were 90 mins apart for the first year of our relationship and once I graduated high school, I got my own apartment and he moved in a month later.

We then bought our own place together 5 months after that. Because of school and me getting financial aid, we didn't get married until after I finished college. I was 21 and he was 24 when we got married. CF played no part in us getting married young. We had just been together for a while, loved each other, and thought it was the next step in our lives.

We didn't even really think about children...we actually thought that we would have to adopt someday. Then, probably at the wrong, but also most perfect time, we found out that I was pregnant in August 2005. I had just started my bilateral lung and liver transplant evaluations that June and the docs didn't want me to move forward with the pregnancy. Knowing that the chances of me getting pregnant again were not likely, I went ahead with the pregnancy and Brady is healthy and now 4 years old! And yes, when we found out that we were having a baby, Nate was tested to see if he was a carrier...although, if he was a carrier, we would not have aborted the baby, we would just know that there was a chance the baby could have CF. Nate is not a carrier, and so, Brady is just a carrier.

I just feel that life has a tendency to fall into place the way it should. Everything was perfect for us and I feel that we made the right decision to get married when we did. This coming Tuesday (the 27th) is our 8 year anniversary!

 

[Transplantmommy]

I was 17 when I met my husband and he was 20. I actually already knew his whole family and had just met him the summer of '98 and we just clicked! We hung out the night we met, at a bonfire, and then he asked my Aunt for my number a few days later, and we've been together since. We were 90 mins apart for the first year of our relationship and once I graduated high school, I got my own apartment and he moved in a month later.

We then bought our own place together 5 months after that. Because of school and me getting financial aid, we didn't get married until after I finished college. I was 21 and he was 24 when we got married. CF played no part in us getting married young. We had just been together for a while, loved each other, and thought it was the next step in our lives.

We didn't even really think about children...we actually thought that we would have to adopt someday. Then, probably at the wrong, but also most perfect time, we found out that I was pregnant in August 2005. I had just started my bilateral lung and liver transplant evaluations that June and the docs didn't want me to move forward with the pregnancy. Knowing that the chances of me getting pregnant again were not likely, I went ahead with the pregnancy and Brady is healthy and now 4 years old! And yes, when we found out that we were having a baby, Nate was tested to see if he was a carrier...although, if he was a carrier, we would not have aborted the baby, we would just know that there was a chance the baby could have CF. Nate is not a carrier, and so, Brady is just a carrier.

I just feel that life has a tendency to fall into place the way it should. Everything was perfect for us and I feel that we made the right decision to get married when we did. This coming Tuesday (the 27th) is our 8 year anniversary!