Marriage and Families

[Transplantmommy]

I was 17 when I met my husband and he was 20. I actually already knew his whole family and had just met him the summer of '98 and we just clicked! We hung out the night we met, at a bonfire, and then he asked my Aunt for my number a few days later, and we've been together since. We were 90 mins apart for the first year of our relationship and once I graduated high school, I got my own apartment and he moved in a month later.
<br />
<br />We then bought our own place together 5 months after that. Because of school and me getting financial aid, we didn't get married until after I finished college. I was 21 and he was 24 when we got married. CF played no part in us getting married young. We had just been together for a while, loved each other, and thought it was the next step in our lives.
<br />
<br />We didn't even really think about children...we actually thought that we would have to adopt someday. Then, probably at the wrong, but also most perfect time, we found out that I was pregnant in August 2005. I had just started my bilateral lung and liver transplant evaluations that June and the docs didn't want me to move forward with the pregnancy. Knowing that the chances of me getting pregnant again were not likely, I went ahead with the pregnancy and Brady is healthy and now 4 years old! And yes, when we found out that we were having a baby, Nate was tested to see if he was a carrier...although, if he was a carrier, we would not have aborted the baby, we would just know that there was a chance the baby could have CF. Nate is not a carrier, and so, Brady is just a carrier.
<br />
<br />I just feel that life has a tendency to fall into place the way it should. Everything was perfect for us and I feel that we made the right decision to get married when we did. This coming Tuesday (the 27th) is our 8 year anniversary!

 

[mamaScarlett]

I can't say that "CF" played a role in my decision to marry. But-I do think that life with Cf helped me mature and realize what really mattered in life. (for me)
Not that unmarried people are immature, obviously. Most of my friends waited much longer than myself to get married. I knew I wanted to be married, and I wanted a family. I happened to meet my man at the right time. If I hadn't met him when I did, I would have waited.
I was 17 when we met, and we were married when I was 20. We were financially independant and emotionally ready so there was no need to wait.
I've always been a driven person and a hard worker-the person that does the 'responsible' thing, that can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I know that life with Cf-the good, bad and ugly-has had a role in that.
As far as having children-we have more of a time constraint on us than non-cfers, so starting earlier makes sense. I don't think I had my first child too soon (I was 25), the time was right for both of us. My husband probably would have waited an extra year to do things like travel-but it worked out perfectly. And we still travel, do exciting things together (we've been all over europe, seen the Pyramids, rode camels across the Arabian peninsula and climbed Mt. Sinai!!-after having our baby!) So we can't say we've lost anything by marrying and having our family younger. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
We celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer also.

I'm not advocating marrying young-it happened to work that way for me. Marrying who YOU want to adventure through life with is what matters. Whether that is now or 5, 10 yrs from now doesn't matter.
oh and btw, yes my husband was screened before we made the decision to become pregnant. We were always open to having a family through pregnancy or adoption, or both.

 

[mamaScarlett]

I can't say that "CF" played a role in my decision to marry. But-I do think that life with Cf helped me mature and realize what really mattered in life. (for me)
Not that unmarried people are immature, obviously. Most of my friends waited much longer than myself to get married. I knew I wanted to be married, and I wanted a family. I happened to meet my man at the right time. If I hadn't met him when I did, I would have waited.
I was 17 when we met, and we were married when I was 20. We were financially independant and emotionally ready so there was no need to wait.
I've always been a driven person and a hard worker-the person that does the 'responsible' thing, that can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I know that life with Cf-the good, bad and ugly-has had a role in that.
As far as having children-we have more of a time constraint on us than non-cfers, so starting earlier makes sense. I don't think I had my first child too soon (I was 25), the time was right for both of us. My husband probably would have waited an extra year to do things like travel-but it worked out perfectly. And we still travel, do exciting things together (we've been all over europe, seen the Pyramids, rode camels across the Arabian peninsula and climbed Mt. Sinai!!-after having our baby!) So we can't say we've lost anything by marrying and having our family younger. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
We celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer also.

I'm not advocating marrying young-it happened to work that way for me. Marrying who YOU want to adventure through life with is what matters. Whether that is now or 5, 10 yrs from now doesn't matter.
oh and btw, yes my husband was screened before we made the decision to become pregnant. We were always open to having a family through pregnancy or adoption, or both.

 

[mamaScarlett]

I can't say that "CF" played a role in my decision to marry. But-I do think that life with Cf helped me mature and realize what really mattered in life. (for me)
<br />Not that unmarried people are immature, obviously. Most of my friends waited much longer than myself to get married. I knew I wanted to be married, and I wanted a family. I happened to meet my man at the right time. If I hadn't met him when I did, I would have waited.
<br />I was 17 when we met, and we were married when I was 20. We were financially independant and emotionally ready so there was no need to wait.
<br />I've always been a driven person and a hard worker-the person that does the 'responsible' thing, that can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I know that life with Cf-the good, bad and ugly-has had a role in that.
<br />As far as having children-we have more of a time constraint on us than non-cfers, so starting earlier makes sense. I don't think I had my first child too soon (I was 25), the time was right for both of us. My husband probably would have waited an extra year to do things like travel-but it worked out perfectly. And we still travel, do exciting things together (we've been all over europe, seen the Pyramids, rode camels across the Arabian peninsula and climbed Mt. Sinai!!-after having our baby!) So we can't say we've lost anything by marrying and having our family younger. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
<br />We celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer also.
<br />
<br />I'm not advocating marrying young-it happened to work that way for me. Marrying who YOU want to adventure through life with is what matters. Whether that is now or 5, 10 yrs from now doesn't matter.
<br />oh and btw, yes my husband was screened before we made the decision to become pregnant. We were always open to having a family through pregnancy or adoption, or both.

 

[Lex]

CF is hard enough, but nothing compares with going through the transplant process with a spouse. Very tough time. Add a 2 year old son to the mix and it was very stressful. The divorce rate for TX couples is dramatically higher than the average...and the average is already high.

We sort of "went with the flow" if you will. Had we known exactly what we were doing, I'm not so sure we would have our son....and that would've been a tragedy.

PS. genetic screening for my wife was a no-brainer. Thankfully she was cleared.

 

[Lex]

CF is hard enough, but nothing compares with going through the transplant process with a spouse. Very tough time. Add a 2 year old son to the mix and it was very stressful. The divorce rate for TX couples is dramatically higher than the average...and the average is already high.

We sort of "went with the flow" if you will. Had we known exactly what we were doing, I'm not so sure we would have our son....and that would've been a tragedy.

PS. genetic screening for my wife was a no-brainer. Thankfully she was cleared.

 

[Lex]

CF is hard enough, but nothing compares with going through the transplant process with a spouse. Very tough time. Add a 2 year old son to the mix and it was very stressful. The divorce rate for TX couples is dramatically higher than the average...and the average is already high.
<br />
<br />We sort of "went with the flow" if you will. Had we known exactly what we were doing, I'm not so sure we would have our son....and that would've been a tragedy.
<br />
<br />PS. genetic screening for my wife was a no-brainer. Thankfully she was cleared.

 

[moxie1]

Hi,

I'm 34 now, but I was married at 21. I hadn't planned on getting married so young...I was still in college at the time and not the independent type. I had told my mother as a teenager that I was never getting married because I wanted to stay at home with her and my dad.

Anyway, I met my husband at church volleyball and found my soul mate. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> The rest is history. We did get genetic testing done and he was found not to be a carrier. However, we have never tried to have children, because I have not wanted to risk my health or not having certain IV drugs available if I needed them because of a pregnancy.

We became foster parents instead and in May we adopted our foster son. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> God is good!

 

[moxie1]

Hi,

I'm 34 now, but I was married at 21. I hadn't planned on getting married so young...I was still in college at the time and not the independent type. I had told my mother as a teenager that I was never getting married because I wanted to stay at home with her and my dad.

Anyway, I met my husband at church volleyball and found my soul mate. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> The rest is history. We did get genetic testing done and he was found not to be a carrier. However, we have never tried to have children, because I have not wanted to risk my health or not having certain IV drugs available if I needed them because of a pregnancy.

We became foster parents instead and in May we adopted our foster son. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> God is good!

 

[moxie1]

Hi,
<br />
<br />I'm 34 now, but I was married at 21. I hadn't planned on getting married so young...I was still in college at the time and not the independent type. I had told my mother as a teenager that I was never getting married because I wanted to stay at home with her and my dad.
<br />
<br />Anyway, I met my husband at church volleyball and found my soul mate. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> The rest is history. We did get genetic testing done and he was found not to be a carrier. However, we have never tried to have children, because I have not wanted to risk my health or not having certain IV drugs available if I needed them because of a pregnancy.
<br />
<br />We became foster parents instead and in May we adopted our foster son. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> God is good!

 

[chrissyd]

I was dx'd at 21; I got the call on my honeymoon that confirmed dx. So CF didn't play a role, even when we just thought I had asthma and chronic bronchitis. I have a daughter (Kate) although she is not my biological child. CF did play a role in deciding not to have any other children. There was no way I wanted to jeopardize my time with her.

When I was first dx I did want children, my CF doc was against it...but I tried anyway. After 5 miscarriages they discovered I had a blood clotting disorder. My hubby had been tested for the CF gene and was clear; but by this time I was older and a wiser about my health.
(No offense meant to any who decided to have kids...just wasn't a good idea for me and my family)

<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

 

[chrissyd]

I was dx'd at 21; I got the call on my honeymoon that confirmed dx. So CF didn't play a role, even when we just thought I had asthma and chronic bronchitis. I have a daughter (Kate) although she is not my biological child. CF did play a role in deciding not to have any other children. There was no way I wanted to jeopardize my time with her.

When I was first dx I did want children, my CF doc was against it...but I tried anyway. After 5 miscarriages they discovered I had a blood clotting disorder. My hubby had been tested for the CF gene and was clear; but by this time I was older and a wiser about my health.
(No offense meant to any who decided to have kids...just wasn't a good idea for me and my family)

<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

 

[chrissyd]

I was dx'd at 21; I got the call on my honeymoon that confirmed dx. So CF didn't play a role, even when we just thought I had asthma and chronic bronchitis. I have a daughter (Kate) although she is not my biological child. CF did play a role in deciding not to have any other children. There was no way I wanted to jeopardize my time with her.
<br />
<br />When I was first dx I did want children, my CF doc was against it...but I tried anyway. After 5 miscarriages they discovered I had a blood clotting disorder. My hubby had been tested for the CF gene and was clear; but by this time I was older and a wiser about my health.
<br />(No offense meant to any who decided to have kids...just wasn't a good idea for me and my family)
<br />
<br /><img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

 

[LouLou]

I met my husband at The University of IL at Urbana-Champaign when I was 19. We dated until age 23 when we got engaged. We married (in Austin, TX) when I was 25 and then had a kid when I was 28 (in Phila, PA).

I think the ages that I got married and had kids was not early or late as compared to the trend. Cf did not impact the age in which I married. It did effect when I had children though. Had I not had cf I may have started having babies while my husband was doing his post doc (ie. earlier say mid 20s). We were so heavily dependent on my income level that I couldn't do anything that might jeopardize it.

If in a stable relationship I think the mid 20s is the best time to start due to all the energy a person has. Pregnancy and rearing children takes energy. For healthy people too, the younger we are the more we rebound. I also feel I was "all grown up" and ready to be a mom by the time I was 23. So with that said I certainly do not judge someone for having children earlier than I did.

Now that I waited as long as I did to have a child cf has effected our ability to have any further children. My cf is too unstable to consider it at this point and with getting older more children does not seem to be in the picture :-(

For me the difficult time was NOT the pregnancy it is caring for the child the first 12 months.

I will never have any regrets about the successful career I developed in product design management and later sales and marketing though. Also my support of my spouse's career has turned out to be well worth it. So in summary everything happens for a reason and I'm very content with my life...if I can just get my cf to stop progressing

Oh and we did get my husband tested for 89 mutations back in 2004. This was 95% (incidencee rate not quantity of mutations) of the known mutations. When son was born I insisted on sequencing since I as too naive to know to ask for this with dh's testing. Son was found to have two mutations. It still hasn't resulted in a chloride channel disfuction (normal sweat test) and he has no symptoms at age 3. Yet we practice preventative care.

I am almost 32 and dh will be 33 next month.

 

[LouLou]

I met my husband at The University of IL at Urbana-Champaign when I was 19. We dated until age 23 when we got engaged. We married (in Austin, TX) when I was 25 and then had a kid when I was 28 (in Phila, PA).

I think the ages that I got married and had kids was not early or late as compared to the trend. Cf did not impact the age in which I married. It did effect when I had children though. Had I not had cf I may have started having babies while my husband was doing his post doc (ie. earlier say mid 20s). We were so heavily dependent on my income level that I couldn't do anything that might jeopardize it.

If in a stable relationship I think the mid 20s is the best time to start due to all the energy a person has. Pregnancy and rearing children takes energy. For healthy people too, the younger we are the more we rebound. I also feel I was "all grown up" and ready to be a mom by the time I was 23. So with that said I certainly do not judge someone for having children earlier than I did.

Now that I waited as long as I did to have a child cf has effected our ability to have any further children. My cf is too unstable to consider it at this point and with getting older more children does not seem to be in the picture :-(

For me the difficult time was NOT the pregnancy it is caring for the child the first 12 months.

I will never have any regrets about the successful career I developed in product design management and later sales and marketing though. Also my support of my spouse's career has turned out to be well worth it. So in summary everything happens for a reason and I'm very content with my life...if I can just get my cf to stop progressing

Oh and we did get my husband tested for 89 mutations back in 2004. This was 95% (incidencee rate not quantity of mutations) of the known mutations. When son was born I insisted on sequencing since I as too naive to know to ask for this with dh's testing. Son was found to have two mutations. It still hasn't resulted in a chloride channel disfuction (normal sweat test) and he has no symptoms at age 3. Yet we practice preventative care.

I am almost 32 and dh will be 33 next month.

 

[LouLou]

I met my husband at The University of IL at Urbana-Champaign when I was 19. We dated until age 23 when we got engaged. We married (in Austin, TX) when I was 25 and then had a kid when I was 28 (in Phila, PA).
<br />
<br />I think the ages that I got married and had kids was not early or late as compared to the trend. Cf did not impact the age in which I married. It did effect when I had children though. Had I not had cf I may have started having babies while my husband was doing his post doc (ie. earlier say mid 20s). We were so heavily dependent on my income level that I couldn't do anything that might jeopardize it.
<br />
<br />If in a stable relationship I think the mid 20s is the best time to start due to all the energy a person has. Pregnancy and rearing children takes energy. For healthy people too, the younger we are the more we rebound. I also feel I was "all grown up" and ready to be a mom by the time I was 23. So with that said I certainly do not judge someone for having children earlier than I did.
<br />
<br />Now that I waited as long as I did to have a child cf has effected our ability to have any further children. My cf is too unstable to consider it at this point and with getting older more children does not seem to be in the picture :-(
<br />
<br />For me the difficult time was NOT the pregnancy it is caring for the child the first 12 months.
<br />
<br />I will never have any regrets about the successful career I developed in product design management and later sales and marketing though. Also my support of my spouse's career has turned out to be well worth it. So in summary everything happens for a reason and I'm very content with my life...if I can just get my cf to stop progressing
<br />
<br />Oh and we did get my husband tested for 89 mutations back in 2004. This was 95% (incidencee rate not quantity of mutations) of the known mutations. When son was born I insisted on sequencing since I as too naive to know to ask for this with dh's testing. Son was found to have two mutations. It still hasn't resulted in a chloride channel disfuction (normal sweat test) and he has no symptoms at age 3. Yet we practice preventative care.
<br />
<br />I am almost 32 and dh will be 33 next month.

 

[Beowulf]

I am a male with CF, and I say marriage is tremendously difficult. This disease puts so much burden on the spouse, it is unhealthy. Once the spouse begins to feel this things are never the same. Over time complaining seems to become a mantra for the spouse: "you're always sick or tired", "I do everything."

I am 38, and my FEV1 ranges from 35-43 percentile. I have a full time job, and currently am the soul financial supporter of my family (wife and step-daughter). I love my wife, and my daughter. And if I am ever presented with the choice to re-marry I will never do it again.

I didn't get married till I was 30. And the idea of having children was an impossible question to consider. I am fortunate that my daughter has a father and I am just icing on the cake as a step-father. If something happens to me, she has a dad to still consider.

Best,
Beowulf

 

[Beowulf]

I am a male with CF, and I say marriage is tremendously difficult. This disease puts so much burden on the spouse, it is unhealthy. Once the spouse begins to feel this things are never the same. Over time complaining seems to become a mantra for the spouse: "you're always sick or tired", "I do everything."

I am 38, and my FEV1 ranges from 35-43 percentile. I have a full time job, and currently am the soul financial supporter of my family (wife and step-daughter). I love my wife, and my daughter. And if I am ever presented with the choice to re-marry I will never do it again.

I didn't get married till I was 30. And the idea of having children was an impossible question to consider. I am fortunate that my daughter has a father and I am just icing on the cake as a step-father. If something happens to me, she has a dad to still consider.

Best,
Beowulf

 

[Beowulf]

I am a male with CF, and I say marriage is tremendously difficult. This disease puts so much burden on the spouse, it is unhealthy. Once the spouse begins to feel this things are never the same. Over time complaining seems to become a mantra for the spouse: "you're always sick or tired", "I do everything."
<br />
<br />I am 38, and my FEV1 ranges from 35-43 percentile. I have a full time job, and currently am the soul financial supporter of my family (wife and step-daughter). I love my wife, and my daughter. And if I am ever presented with the choice to re-marry I will never do it again.
<br />
<br />I didn't get married till I was 30. And the idea of having children was an impossible question to consider. I am fortunate that my daughter has a father and I am just icing on the cake as a step-father. If something happens to me, she has a dad to still consider.
<br />
<br />Best,
<br />Beowulf

 

[mamerth]

I agree with Beowulf-- CF is hard on a marriage.

I married a touch early (22) because I found the guy I loved and didn't want wait to marry him. Yes, I would say my CF did play a part in getting married young.

We did the genetic counseling when we were ready to have kids. We were married a while before deciding to have kids.I feel like we waited too long and felt old having a baby when we did. Kiddo is a carrier.