Maybe six or seven years ago, at around 11 at night I was driving on a really isolated, windy highway that has no street lamps, the kind that you have to turn your brights on when there are no other vehicles. I was about thirty five minutes from my house, and at least twenty from anything else. I had been taking miralax for the previous few days because of a blockage. I suddenly got the worst lower bowel cramps, and a fierce brow sweat, both indicators that I needed to go immediately. Instead of pulling over to the side of the road and going #2 in the plains, I decided I would drive home as fast as possible. I am freaking out, sweating bullets, clenching my butt cheeks together as tightly as possible and praying to Shiva I don't go in my pants. There was a car in front of me that was going really slow, so I passed it illegally and started driving as fast as I could through these crazy turns. Finally I see the first stop light in a few miles, indicating at the very least a gas station I could stop at, when the guy I had passed pulls up next to me and waves to get my attention. IT WAS A STATE TROOPER IN A MARKED CAR. I nervously roll down my window, I know I am grey in the face and sweating like a pig. He says, "Ma'am, you were driving really crazy, you know that right?" and I just nod, and say, "Yes, sir, I'm sorry." So, just as he is asking me if I want a speeding ticket... I start to crap my pants. <i>I'm being talked to my a state trooper and I'm crapping in my pants!</i> He realizes there's something very wrong with me, asks me if I'm feeling okay, and I tell him I am just very ill and lets me go right as I'm done unloading my colon.
That was a mess in so many different ways. And I didn't tell anyone about it for YEARS.