Moving out

[momtoCory]

I have very mixed feeling on this subject. I have a 21 year old that lives at home. He does not work and he does not go to school.
To be honest, I look at it from a medical insurance view. I spent a great deal of money in attorney fees to keep his father from dropping his insurance when he turned 18 (He does not pay for it, it is company provided). Right now, he is still covered under his fathers insurance as long as he still lives at home. He has very good insurance that covers 100% of almost everything.
It does not cost me any more money to have him live at home.
He takes complete care of his one medical health. I am only there for the emotional support.
So if he is living at home and can spent the time he needs on his medical health and enjoying life then I have no problem with it.
I encourage him to to spend time working out and he does not have to run himself down trying to work fulltime or go to school fulltime. If he choses to work a few hours a week, I support this. If he choses to take a class, I support this. I have always encouraged him to do what he is able to do.
As Cory has gotten older a hospital stay ends up being 3 or more week and it is still several more weeks before he feels up to anything.
If this is babying my CFer. Then it is what I chose to do and I am very happy doing it. I will always do what I feel is the best choice for his LIFE before I chose a moral issue.
I watch what he goes through everyday. I see the pain he lives in. And if he can spent that little time he has without pain, doing something he enjoys, then I will support that too.
Each and every person with CF is different. I do beleive that there are some people that can do so much more and therefore should. I think personally it is an individual decision.

 

[EnergyGal]

Mom to Cory, you have a great Attitude. If one can work full time or part time and be responsible for their health in every aspect, all the power to them. Many Cfer's over the years who worked full time fail in taking care of themselves. They often needed a transplant probably many years sooner because of this. Do they have regrets? I do not think so. It was their choice to live their life in the manner they chose. I have heard so many success stories and not one story is better than the next. We all have our own to be proud of.

 

[EnergyGal]

Mom to Cory, you have a great Attitude. If one can work full time or part time and be responsible for their health in every aspect, all the power to them. Many Cfer's over the years who worked full time fail in taking care of themselves. They often needed a transplant probably many years sooner because of this. Do they have regrets? I do not think so. It was their choice to live their life in the manner they chose. I have heard so many success stories and not one story is better than the next. We all have our own to be proud of.

 

[EnergyGal]

Mom to Cory, you have a great Attitude. If one can work full time or part time and be responsible for their health in every aspect, all the power to them. Many Cfer's over the years who worked full time fail in taking care of themselves. They often needed a transplant probably many years sooner because of this. Do they have regrets? I do not think so. It was their choice to live their life in the manner they chose. I have heard so many success stories and not one story is better than the next. We all have our own to be proud of.

 

[jeterbug]

I have mixed emotions as well. Part of my difficultly is he is not motivated to take care of himself and chooses to watch tv or play video games unless he is sleeping. He is working about twenty hours a week and is wanting to quit. Before he makes that decision, I have to think through my stance.

 

[jeterbug]

I have mixed emotions as well. Part of my difficultly is he is not motivated to take care of himself and chooses to watch tv or play video games unless he is sleeping. He is working about twenty hours a week and is wanting to quit. Before he makes that decision, I have to think through my stance.

 

[jeterbug]

I have mixed emotions as well. Part of my difficultly is he is not motivated to take care of himself and chooses to watch tv or play video games unless he is sleeping. He is working about twenty hours a week and is wanting to quit. Before he makes that decision, I have to think through my stance.

 

[Alyssa]

I think this is a very individual choice, dependent upon many different circumstances for everyone.

I wonder about this for myself now too -- on the one side I agree lines need to be drawn to help foster independence, but I can't help but wonder if pushing someone with CF to do too much physically (work full time and take care of a household & themselves and possibly others) isn't setting the stage for them to get run down, and starting the cycle of infection & weight loss, which gets harder and harder to recover from each time. Would a person with CF remain healthier if they had more time to take care of themselves and didn't have to burn the candle at both ends?

Just thinking outloud here -- part of me feels like it would be wise to help facilitate the right balance necessary to maintain the healthiest circumstances possible. We are starting to take a look at my daughter working full time and moving out in four months or so. She has been very healthy for a lot of years now, but she has learned alot about her body & how to balance out her life and not over-do-it. I am planning on helping her out financially if necessary -- this may mean a few months, years or the rest of her life -- who knows for sure? I hope she can be completely financially stable but because her medical bills will always be high, she may need help from time to time or forever -- I don't really know!

 

[Alyssa]

I think this is a very individual choice, dependent upon many different circumstances for everyone.

I wonder about this for myself now too -- on the one side I agree lines need to be drawn to help foster independence, but I can't help but wonder if pushing someone with CF to do too much physically (work full time and take care of a household & themselves and possibly others) isn't setting the stage for them to get run down, and starting the cycle of infection & weight loss, which gets harder and harder to recover from each time. Would a person with CF remain healthier if they had more time to take care of themselves and didn't have to burn the candle at both ends?

Just thinking outloud here -- part of me feels like it would be wise to help facilitate the right balance necessary to maintain the healthiest circumstances possible. We are starting to take a look at my daughter working full time and moving out in four months or so. She has been very healthy for a lot of years now, but she has learned alot about her body & how to balance out her life and not over-do-it. I am planning on helping her out financially if necessary -- this may mean a few months, years or the rest of her life -- who knows for sure? I hope she can be completely financially stable but because her medical bills will always be high, she may need help from time to time or forever -- I don't really know!

 

[Alyssa]

I think this is a very individual choice, dependent upon many different circumstances for everyone.

I wonder about this for myself now too -- on the one side I agree lines need to be drawn to help foster independence, but I can't help but wonder if pushing someone with CF to do too much physically (work full time and take care of a household & themselves and possibly others) isn't setting the stage for them to get run down, and starting the cycle of infection & weight loss, which gets harder and harder to recover from each time. Would a person with CF remain healthier if they had more time to take care of themselves and didn't have to burn the candle at both ends?

Just thinking outloud here -- part of me feels like it would be wise to help facilitate the right balance necessary to maintain the healthiest circumstances possible. We are starting to take a look at my daughter working full time and moving out in four months or so. She has been very healthy for a lot of years now, but she has learned alot about her body & how to balance out her life and not over-do-it. I am planning on helping her out financially if necessary -- this may mean a few months, years or the rest of her life -- who knows for sure? I hope she can be completely financially stable but because her medical bills will always be high, she may need help from time to time or forever -- I don't really know!

 

[L]

I was looking for this topic when I came to the forums the past few days. I knew it had to be here somewhere!

Andrew turns 18 in March and I have been spending alot of time thinking about how to best give him the independence he is craving while at the same time, keeping myself in the loop as much as he will allow.

We have been allowing the transition to happen slowly for a number of years. I have allowed Andrew to "run" his own appointments since he was 11 or 12. By this I mean that I would go to his appointments with him as always, but would tell him that he was in charge and HE was the one doing all the talking, unless I was asked a question directly, if I felt that there was something that needed to be brought to the doctors attention that Andrew wasn't fessing up to, or if I felt it was in Andrew's best interest to step in.
In the past year, I have been to one CF clinic appointment. I was told, "hey mom, I have to go to Boise anyway, no sense in taking two cars..." I took the hint.

I have "wallflowered" at many appointments, and I have also had Andrew turn to me once or twice and say , " could you step outside for a few minutes mom? " I have always respected his privacy and on the few occasions I was asked, I have stepped out until I was invited back in and never asked a question about it. ( no matter how much it drove me nuts! ) I have always let Andrew know that it was o.k. to e-mail or call the doc without asking me first as well. He must have taken advantage of that as I know he has told me in the evening, more than once, " I went and saw the CF doc today..." ( I signed a consent and they have it on file )

A few years ago Andrew took over calling the pharmacy and ordering his refills most of the time. He does ask me once in a while to take care of it if he is busy with school etc.

Now with the 18th birthday looming, the HIPPA laws come into play. After March, it will not be legal for anyone to release any medical info about him to me unless he approves it. I won't be able to call the insurance company that I PAY PREMIUMS TO and ask about the claims and co-pays that I PAY FOR without his consent!

Andrew has discussed this with my husband and I and has agreed , at this point , that giving us Power of Attorney so that I can continue to deal with the insurance issues is the right thing to do right now. Let's face it, he has heard me on the phone more times than I can count arguing if something should be covered and he has no desire to jump into the fray!

He has been accepted at a nearby University to study computer science, but has chosen NOT to live in the dorms. ( He feels it will be too hard to take good care of himself in that environment ) He will instead move in with his God-Parents and take over the basement apartment in their house. He'll be kind of "out of the house" but with rules and his God-parents looking over his shoulder.

The added bonus, he is only 45 minutes away from us and he is actually only a few minutes from his CF doctor's office and the Hospital he would be admitted at if need be.
It seems like a good plan, but I am still very wary.

 

[L]

I was looking for this topic when I came to the forums the past few days. I knew it had to be here somewhere!

Andrew turns 18 in March and I have been spending alot of time thinking about how to best give him the independence he is craving while at the same time, keeping myself in the loop as much as he will allow.

We have been allowing the transition to happen slowly for a number of years. I have allowed Andrew to "run" his own appointments since he was 11 or 12. By this I mean that I would go to his appointments with him as always, but would tell him that he was in charge and HE was the one doing all the talking, unless I was asked a question directly, if I felt that there was something that needed to be brought to the doctors attention that Andrew wasn't fessing up to, or if I felt it was in Andrew's best interest to step in.
In the past year, I have been to one CF clinic appointment. I was told, "hey mom, I have to go to Boise anyway, no sense in taking two cars..." I took the hint.

I have "wallflowered" at many appointments, and I have also had Andrew turn to me once or twice and say , " could you step outside for a few minutes mom? " I have always respected his privacy and on the few occasions I was asked, I have stepped out until I was invited back in and never asked a question about it. ( no matter how much it drove me nuts! ) I have always let Andrew know that it was o.k. to e-mail or call the doc without asking me first as well. He must have taken advantage of that as I know he has told me in the evening, more than once, " I went and saw the CF doc today..." ( I signed a consent and they have it on file )

A few years ago Andrew took over calling the pharmacy and ordering his refills most of the time. He does ask me once in a while to take care of it if he is busy with school etc.

Now with the 18th birthday looming, the HIPPA laws come into play. After March, it will not be legal for anyone to release any medical info about him to me unless he approves it. I won't be able to call the insurance company that I PAY PREMIUMS TO and ask about the claims and co-pays that I PAY FOR without his consent!

Andrew has discussed this with my husband and I and has agreed , at this point , that giving us Power of Attorney so that I can continue to deal with the insurance issues is the right thing to do right now. Let's face it, he has heard me on the phone more times than I can count arguing if something should be covered and he has no desire to jump into the fray!

He has been accepted at a nearby University to study computer science, but has chosen NOT to live in the dorms. ( He feels it will be too hard to take good care of himself in that environment ) He will instead move in with his God-Parents and take over the basement apartment in their house. He'll be kind of "out of the house" but with rules and his God-parents looking over his shoulder.

The added bonus, he is only 45 minutes away from us and he is actually only a few minutes from his CF doctor's office and the Hospital he would be admitted at if need be.
It seems like a good plan, but I am still very wary.

 

[L]

I was looking for this topic when I came to the forums the past few days. I knew it had to be here somewhere!

Andrew turns 18 in March and I have been spending alot of time thinking about how to best give him the independence he is craving while at the same time, keeping myself in the loop as much as he will allow.

We have been allowing the transition to happen slowly for a number of years. I have allowed Andrew to "run" his own appointments since he was 11 or 12. By this I mean that I would go to his appointments with him as always, but would tell him that he was in charge and HE was the one doing all the talking, unless I was asked a question directly, if I felt that there was something that needed to be brought to the doctors attention that Andrew wasn't fessing up to, or if I felt it was in Andrew's best interest to step in.
In the past year, I have been to one CF clinic appointment. I was told, "hey mom, I have to go to Boise anyway, no sense in taking two cars..." I took the hint.

I have "wallflowered" at many appointments, and I have also had Andrew turn to me once or twice and say , " could you step outside for a few minutes mom? " I have always respected his privacy and on the few occasions I was asked, I have stepped out until I was invited back in and never asked a question about it. ( no matter how much it drove me nuts! ) I have always let Andrew know that it was o.k. to e-mail or call the doc without asking me first as well. He must have taken advantage of that as I know he has told me in the evening, more than once, " I went and saw the CF doc today..." ( I signed a consent and they have it on file )

A few years ago Andrew took over calling the pharmacy and ordering his refills most of the time. He does ask me once in a while to take care of it if he is busy with school etc.

Now with the 18th birthday looming, the HIPPA laws come into play. After March, it will not be legal for anyone to release any medical info about him to me unless he approves it. I won't be able to call the insurance company that I PAY PREMIUMS TO and ask about the claims and co-pays that I PAY FOR without his consent!

Andrew has discussed this with my husband and I and has agreed , at this point , that giving us Power of Attorney so that I can continue to deal with the insurance issues is the right thing to do right now. Let's face it, he has heard me on the phone more times than I can count arguing if something should be covered and he has no desire to jump into the fray!

He has been accepted at a nearby University to study computer science, but has chosen NOT to live in the dorms. ( He feels it will be too hard to take good care of himself in that environment ) He will instead move in with his God-Parents and take over the basement apartment in their house. He'll be kind of "out of the house" but with rules and his God-parents looking over his shoulder.

The added bonus, he is only 45 minutes away from us and he is actually only a few minutes from his CF doctor's office and the Hospital he would be admitted at if need be.
It seems like a good plan, but I am still very wary.

 

[NoExcuses]

You sound like a great parent, L.

I think you are going to be thrilled with what a wonderful, competent man your son will grow in to. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> Kuddos!

 

[NoExcuses]

You sound like a great parent, L.

I think you are going to be thrilled with what a wonderful, competent man your son will grow in to. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> Kuddos!

 

[NoExcuses]

You sound like a great parent, L.

I think you are going to be thrilled with what a wonderful, competent man your son will grow in to. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> Kuddos!

 

[amysmom]

This sounds amazing! Not that I'm an expert, but I think you've done everything right! I don't think you have anything to worry about now that your son is 18 years old. You've prepared him brilliantly and now he's 'excited' to be an independent adult. I love it!

 

[amysmom]

This sounds amazing! Not that I'm an expert, but I think you've done everything right! I don't think you have anything to worry about now that your son is 18 years old. You've prepared him brilliantly and now he's 'excited' to be an independent adult. I love it!

 

[amysmom]

This sounds amazing! Not that I'm an expert, but I think you've done everything right! I don't think you have anything to worry about now that your son is 18 years old. You've prepared him brilliantly and now he's 'excited' to be an independent adult. I love it!

 

[PACmommy]

This is an interesting topic to me as a new CF mom. I was always encouraged to be independant by my parents. I had my first job at 15, married by 21 and first child at 23, now 28. My opinions may change as my children get older and possibly sicker, but I raise my children with the ideal that I am nurturing them into responsible adults. I plan to raise all my children the same, no exeptions for my little cfer and she will hopefully have the same goals and achievements as her peers.
I personally witnessed a brother become very ill with colitis (had a colonostomy and eventual reattachment) and watched my mother nurse him as well as encourage him to take care of himself. He is now married with his second child on the way, and doesn't let his disease prevent him from providing for his family.
Sakasuka, your parents sound very wise and L I hope to learn from the example you have provided.