my family doesnt care if I am dying of c.f.

[clinging2faith]

Thank you Sue for your advice. Today is a negative day for me. i have lost the people that really meant so much in my struggle with C.F. (my dad died a year ago and 3 days ago his sister "my aunt was my 2nd mom like to me" died and it has crushed me).
I do feel sorry for myself today. Today I have to say here, I am lonely, I have so many things wrong in my body because of c.f. that is devastating me and my heart. I am in so much pain every day of my life that I have had it. Today i can say my daughter acts like a perfect stranger and is very awful to me no matter how many times i sit with her or sat, because today she does not want anything to do with me. I make her sick basically is what i realize is happening. ANd this kills my heart 10times. my own beautiful daughter hates me for circumstances outside my control. That's a bit too much to take today.

Not only is it life, but insurance dilemmas, you all know this one very well if you do not hold a job that gives you good insurance one is screwed too. Luckily I have a state funded plan and after doing manyrun arounds Im going to be taken care of and hospitalized with some true c.f. team.
Do I want this? no. i dont even want to go to the hospital one more time.

I cant recover time. YOu and I know that well. And sometimes I think that not only time is my enemy. I am Christian. I do believe in God fervently, have prayed to Jesus since I was 5yrs old. NO KIDDING. And at every milestone survived and lived and gotten past, some sort of mishap or bad luck if wish, strikes me over and over. Today knowing what i know about my illness, my no lif status, my next hospitalization, my daughter's repulsiveness towards me, and you add that someone i have known since my childhood out of the blue sent so much trouble for me, today is a bit too much.
Why do all the bad things happen over and over to me? I guess that is why I feel sorry for me. I know its to a degree an exageration because I have seen poverty at its worst during relief work i did, i have seen desperately epileptics on the floor with no help at all not even food. So that makes me feel better in cmparison.

BUT LOOSING ONE'S FAMILY and have one's mom in another country and only nasty in laws and no one around me in all the time of need, is wearing me out.
Im sorry everybody. I just wandered into so many things in one msg here.

I will try to get a life when my body starts working so at least I can walk outside my apartment. I cant even do that right now.

I am pretty sad today.
I believe in God but I do not understand why some of us get struck with so much bad and continue to do good, and bad comes our way again.

ANYWAY ... I AM GLAD I FOUND THIS SITE... reading here makes me cry but also opened my eyes to see that there are others suffering in many ways , like I.

Good luck to everybody may God protect and heal all.

 

[lightNlife]

Sometimes we don't get the encouragement or support we want/need/desire when things get rough. That's a very difficult thing to handle, especially when the hurt comes from those closest to us.

I read the book "Bad Childhood, Good Life" by Laura Schlessinger, and was comforted to know that even if people in my life do and say stupid things (either intentionally or out of ignorance) I can still hold my head high and cope with life with a graceful attitude.

If you have a chance to get your hands on that book, I highly recommend it. It was very different from what I expected.

Best wishes to you.

 

[lightNlife]

Sometimes we don't get the encouragement or support we want/need/desire when things get rough. That's a very difficult thing to handle, especially when the hurt comes from those closest to us.

I read the book "Bad Childhood, Good Life" by Laura Schlessinger, and was comforted to know that even if people in my life do and say stupid things (either intentionally or out of ignorance) I can still hold my head high and cope with life with a graceful attitude.

If you have a chance to get your hands on that book, I highly recommend it. It was very different from what I expected.

Best wishes to you.

 

[lightNlife]

Sometimes we don't get the encouragement or support we want/need/desire when things get rough. That's a very difficult thing to handle, especially when the hurt comes from those closest to us.

I read the book "Bad Childhood, Good Life" by Laura Schlessinger, and was comforted to know that even if people in my life do and say stupid things (either intentionally or out of ignorance) I can still hold my head high and cope with life with a graceful attitude.

If you have a chance to get your hands on that book, I highly recommend it. It was very different from what I expected.

Best wishes to you.

 

[Diane]

I really feel bad that you are in such a bad situation. I wish there was something i could say to make you feel better, but im not sure exactly what to say to accomplish that. I am glad you found the site and can find some comfort in venting your feelings and getting it all out. Maybe your family wont listen and care, but on this site we WILL listen and we DO care. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Diane]

I really feel bad that you are in such a bad situation. I wish there was something i could say to make you feel better, but im not sure exactly what to say to accomplish that. I am glad you found the site and can find some comfort in venting your feelings and getting it all out. Maybe your family wont listen and care, but on this site we WILL listen and we DO care. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Diane]

I really feel bad that you are in such a bad situation. I wish there was something i could say to make you feel better, but im not sure exactly what to say to accomplish that. I am glad you found the site and can find some comfort in venting your feelings and getting it all out. Maybe your family wont listen and care, but on this site we WILL listen and we DO care. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[sue35]

EVERYONE has sorry for themselves days. God knows I do, and I am sorry if I sounded mean or anything. Sometimes when I am feeling sorry for myself it helps to see the other side which is why I wrote it. But I don't have half the troubles you are experiencing and I still have those days so don't feel bad at all. I hope that things get better for you although I know it is a long way from that right now<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[sue35]

EVERYONE has sorry for themselves days. God knows I do, and I am sorry if I sounded mean or anything. Sometimes when I am feeling sorry for myself it helps to see the other side which is why I wrote it. But I don't have half the troubles you are experiencing and I still have those days so don't feel bad at all. I hope that things get better for you although I know it is a long way from that right now<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[sue35]

EVERYONE has sorry for themselves days. God knows I do, and I am sorry if I sounded mean or anything. Sometimes when I am feeling sorry for myself it helps to see the other side which is why I wrote it. But I don't have half the troubles you are experiencing and I still have those days so don't feel bad at all. I hope that things get better for you although I know it is a long way from that right now<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[KrazyKat]

well i'm gonna echo sue here, i think the phrase that stuck out for me was 'dying of CF' I think maybe you need to make a shift towards 'LIVING with CF', in other words try a little fine tuning with your attitude. I am truly sorry you are feeling as you are and my heart goes out to you, but i also got an overwhelming tone of negativity within your post, as though everybody and everything in your life is just bad.
As difficult as it will be, you very much need to start finding some small things in your life to be greatful for and put a much needed smile on your face - try to recall some of the small things you get enjoyment from be it listening to music, playing with your pets, pottering in the garden, wathcing a good comedy, walking in the park - whatever will make your soul feel lighter, then go do it as much as you can Take the best care of your physical being as you can also, this will also give you a lift
I'm not defending your daughter at all as I don't know enough about the situation to do so, however i know whenever I am with loved ones, i make a conscious effort to be as bright, bubbly and positive as I can, even if inside i'm sad. I don't talk about my health much and make a concentrated effort to ask them about THEIR lives and really listen to and converse with them, make them laugh, be goofy, whatever....again it's just about feeling as positive as i can and not being a drain on them, or being too negative. i don't want them to see time with me as a chore, but rather a pleasure. As to be honest, i find it difficult to be around people who are sad, or very serious all the time, or depressed. Not because i don't love and care about them, but just because afterwards I feel drained...and i struggle to then stay bright and positive myself.
Just a few thoughts anyway and I truly hope i haven't offended you, i could be way off base here and you may already be all of these things and more. I'm just responding to the 'feeling' i got from your post.
Best of luck and i really hope things start to look up for you very soon.

 

[KrazyKat]

well i'm gonna echo sue here, i think the phrase that stuck out for me was 'dying of CF' I think maybe you need to make a shift towards 'LIVING with CF', in other words try a little fine tuning with your attitude. I am truly sorry you are feeling as you are and my heart goes out to you, but i also got an overwhelming tone of negativity within your post, as though everybody and everything in your life is just bad.
As difficult as it will be, you very much need to start finding some small things in your life to be greatful for and put a much needed smile on your face - try to recall some of the small things you get enjoyment from be it listening to music, playing with your pets, pottering in the garden, wathcing a good comedy, walking in the park - whatever will make your soul feel lighter, then go do it as much as you can Take the best care of your physical being as you can also, this will also give you a lift
I'm not defending your daughter at all as I don't know enough about the situation to do so, however i know whenever I am with loved ones, i make a conscious effort to be as bright, bubbly and positive as I can, even if inside i'm sad. I don't talk about my health much and make a concentrated effort to ask them about THEIR lives and really listen to and converse with them, make them laugh, be goofy, whatever....again it's just about feeling as positive as i can and not being a drain on them, or being too negative. i don't want them to see time with me as a chore, but rather a pleasure. As to be honest, i find it difficult to be around people who are sad, or very serious all the time, or depressed. Not because i don't love and care about them, but just because afterwards I feel drained...and i struggle to then stay bright and positive myself.
Just a few thoughts anyway and I truly hope i haven't offended you, i could be way off base here and you may already be all of these things and more. I'm just responding to the 'feeling' i got from your post.
Best of luck and i really hope things start to look up for you very soon.

 

[KrazyKat]

well i'm gonna echo sue here, i think the phrase that stuck out for me was 'dying of CF' I think maybe you need to make a shift towards 'LIVING with CF', in other words try a little fine tuning with your attitude. I am truly sorry you are feeling as you are and my heart goes out to you, but i also got an overwhelming tone of negativity within your post, as though everybody and everything in your life is just bad.
As difficult as it will be, you very much need to start finding some small things in your life to be greatful for and put a much needed smile on your face - try to recall some of the small things you get enjoyment from be it listening to music, playing with your pets, pottering in the garden, wathcing a good comedy, walking in the park - whatever will make your soul feel lighter, then go do it as much as you can Take the best care of your physical being as you can also, this will also give you a lift
I'm not defending your daughter at all as I don't know enough about the situation to do so, however i know whenever I am with loved ones, i make a conscious effort to be as bright, bubbly and positive as I can, even if inside i'm sad. I don't talk about my health much and make a concentrated effort to ask them about THEIR lives and really listen to and converse with them, make them laugh, be goofy, whatever....again it's just about feeling as positive as i can and not being a drain on them, or being too negative. i don't want them to see time with me as a chore, but rather a pleasure. As to be honest, i find it difficult to be around people who are sad, or very serious all the time, or depressed. Not because i don't love and care about them, but just because afterwards I feel drained...and i struggle to then stay bright and positive myself.
Just a few thoughts anyway and I truly hope i haven't offended you, i could be way off base here and you may already be all of these things and more. I'm just responding to the 'feeling' i got from your post.
Best of luck and i really hope things start to look up for you very soon.