Need some advice

[JORDYSMOM]

All of these responses are why I love this site. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
<br />
<br />Jenny, I couldn't give any better advice than you've been given. I know it's hard to find your direction when you're so overwhelmed. The hurt of an unfaithful spouse is tremendous. It is very important, though, that you do the things necessary to protect your interests.
<br />
<br />I'll be praying for you.
<br />
<br />Stacey

 

[Skiftcky]

I'm no expert on love and I do have problems in my own relationships but I can say one thing. No matter what, and no matter for how long, if some one truly loves you as you do them they will see what ever time you spent together as a gift from God. I DO NOT believe in the saying "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". You don't loose the love you had for some one and if you hold on to that love then you will never loose that person.
I divorced my first wife and became a single father of two. She also cheated on me and began using drugs. I thought it would be the end of the world and that I would loose everything. I felt horrible that I had to work so much that I thought my children would not love me anymore. I joined the Army so I could provide for them better I met my current wife in Germany who stuck with me thru four deployments to Iraq. Two of which I thought would be the end for me. I guess what Im trying to say is that it gets much better from here. Don't let CF be the deciding factor on how you will love and be loved. If CF is the deciding factor in your life then choose to truly live and enjoy life.

 

[Skiftcky]

I'm no expert on love and I do have problems in my own relationships but I can say one thing. No matter what, and no matter for how long, if some one truly loves you as you do them they will see what ever time you spent together as a gift from God. I DO NOT believe in the saying "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". You don't loose the love you had for some one and if you hold on to that love then you will never loose that person.
I divorced my first wife and became a single father of two. She also cheated on me and began using drugs. I thought it would be the end of the world and that I would loose everything. I felt horrible that I had to work so much that I thought my children would not love me anymore. I joined the Army so I could provide for them better I met my current wife in Germany who stuck with me thru four deployments to Iraq. Two of which I thought would be the end for me. I guess what Im trying to say is that it gets much better from here. Don't let CF be the deciding factor on how you will love and be loved. If CF is the deciding factor in your life then choose to truly live and enjoy life.

 

[Skiftcky]

I'm no expert on love and I do have problems in my own relationships but I can say one thing. No matter what, and no matter for how long, if some one truly loves you as you do them they will see what ever time you spent together as a gift from God. I DO NOT believe in the saying "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". You don't loose the love you had for some one and if you hold on to that love then you will never loose that person.
<br /> I divorced my first wife and became a single father of two. She also cheated on me and began using drugs. I thought it would be the end of the world and that I would loose everything. I felt horrible that I had to work so much that I thought my children would not love me anymore. I joined the Army so I could provide for them better I met my current wife in Germany who stuck with me thru four deployments to Iraq. Two of which I thought would be the end for me. I guess what Im trying to say is that it gets much better from here. Don't let CF be the deciding factor on how you will love and be loved. If CF is the deciding factor in your life then choose to truly live and enjoy life.

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Hey There!
I have had an ex boyfriend who wanted to marry me but was soooooo afraid of taking care of me and getting insurance to cover things. He was afraid that I would makes us go bankrupt if i got sick after we got married.
I broke up with up because he just didnt love me enough and that he was a coward. he also didnt get the fact that he could die before me because he was overweight and didnt take care of himself.
I just focused on the people who did love me. I am choosing to believe in a God that does love me and God made me excatly who I am and has a perfect plan and a perfect person for me.
i have never been married so I dont know what i can say.
All I can say is do everything you can to make the marriage work. Seek Godly consel and pray.
There is a movie call Fireproof and it talks about a couple going through a rough time and talk about getting divorced. It is also based on a book called The Love Dare by Stephen and alex lendrick. This book is focused on how to improve a marriage. Please watch and read the book and do what the book says.

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Hey There!
I have had an ex boyfriend who wanted to marry me but was soooooo afraid of taking care of me and getting insurance to cover things. He was afraid that I would makes us go bankrupt if i got sick after we got married.
I broke up with up because he just didnt love me enough and that he was a coward. he also didnt get the fact that he could die before me because he was overweight and didnt take care of himself.
I just focused on the people who did love me. I am choosing to believe in a God that does love me and God made me excatly who I am and has a perfect plan and a perfect person for me.
i have never been married so I dont know what i can say.
All I can say is do everything you can to make the marriage work. Seek Godly consel and pray.
There is a movie call Fireproof and it talks about a couple going through a rough time and talk about getting divorced. It is also based on a book called The Love Dare by Stephen and alex lendrick. This book is focused on how to improve a marriage. Please watch and read the book and do what the book says.

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Hey There!
<br />I have had an ex boyfriend who wanted to marry me but was soooooo afraid of taking care of me and getting insurance to cover things. He was afraid that I would makes us go bankrupt if i got sick after we got married.
<br />I broke up with up because he just didnt love me enough and that he was a coward. he also didnt get the fact that he could die before me because he was overweight and didnt take care of himself.
<br />I just focused on the people who did love me. I am choosing to believe in a God that does love me and God made me excatly who I am and has a perfect plan and a perfect person for me.
<br />i have never been married so I dont know what i can say.
<br />All I can say is do everything you can to make the marriage work. Seek Godly consel and pray.
<br />There is a movie call Fireproof and it talks about a couple going through a rough time and talk about getting divorced. It is also based on a book called The Love Dare by Stephen and alex lendrick. This book is focused on how to improve a marriage. Please watch and read the book and do what the book says.

 

[Skiftcky]

I saw Fire Proof. Despite it not being anything close to the type of movie I like it was actually excellent! Not like those other low budget made for TV movies. I will say this, that movie helped my marriage and strengthend my faith. Jen, even if your marriage does not work out, watch the movie and get the book. If anything you will come out of it with a much different outlook on life.

 

[Skiftcky]

I saw Fire Proof. Despite it not being anything close to the type of movie I like it was actually excellent! Not like those other low budget made for TV movies. I will say this, that movie helped my marriage and strengthend my faith. Jen, even if your marriage does not work out, watch the movie and get the book. If anything you will come out of it with a much different outlook on life.

 

[Skiftcky]

I saw Fire Proof. Despite it not being anything close to the type of movie I like it was actually excellent! Not like those other low budget made for TV movies. I will say this, that movie helped my marriage and strengthend my faith. Jen, even if your marriage does not work out, watch the movie and get the book. If anything you will come out of it with a much different outlook on life.

 

[jenhum]

Thank you so much to everyone for the support and advice. I am officially meeting with a lawyer on Friday to go about legal separation. It's such a complicated situation, my H has so many issues that he needs to work though, and I actually feel bad for him. But I know I can't stick around and let him beat up my heart while he works through his stuff. I am still holding out a tiny bit of hope that he may come around before it's time for the actual divorce (in NC you have to be separated for a year first), but I am planning on it not happening so I don't get my heart broken anymore.

I only worked part time for about 6 months. During that time, I ended up being on IV's twice and got sicker than I had ever gotten before, so H and I decided that I should stay home since we were able to live off of his salary alone. So I don't think I meet the minimum work requirements for SSDI. Even before all of this happened, I had been thinking about doing photography part time (and thank you for all of the compliments, that always boosts my spirits!), and have really just been holding back b/c I'm intimidated by starting my own business. But it might be a good time to push that fear aside and jump in.

The biggest stress to me right now is that H and I cannot afford to live separately unless I get a job. We *might* be able to afford two separate apartments, but I just don't know how long it will take to sell the house. I know I'm so blessed with parents that I could always live with, but honestly I don't want to live with my parents, I am too independent to be happy there.

I am feeling much more positive about my future though. And if I'm going to be a single mom, that just gives me that much more motivation to stay healthy and live longer.

 

[jenhum]

Thank you so much to everyone for the support and advice. I am officially meeting with a lawyer on Friday to go about legal separation. It's such a complicated situation, my H has so many issues that he needs to work though, and I actually feel bad for him. But I know I can't stick around and let him beat up my heart while he works through his stuff. I am still holding out a tiny bit of hope that he may come around before it's time for the actual divorce (in NC you have to be separated for a year first), but I am planning on it not happening so I don't get my heart broken anymore.

I only worked part time for about 6 months. During that time, I ended up being on IV's twice and got sicker than I had ever gotten before, so H and I decided that I should stay home since we were able to live off of his salary alone. So I don't think I meet the minimum work requirements for SSDI. Even before all of this happened, I had been thinking about doing photography part time (and thank you for all of the compliments, that always boosts my spirits!), and have really just been holding back b/c I'm intimidated by starting my own business. But it might be a good time to push that fear aside and jump in.

The biggest stress to me right now is that H and I cannot afford to live separately unless I get a job. We *might* be able to afford two separate apartments, but I just don't know how long it will take to sell the house. I know I'm so blessed with parents that I could always live with, but honestly I don't want to live with my parents, I am too independent to be happy there.

I am feeling much more positive about my future though. And if I'm going to be a single mom, that just gives me that much more motivation to stay healthy and live longer.

 

[jenhum]

Thank you so much to everyone for the support and advice. I am officially meeting with a lawyer on Friday to go about legal separation. It's such a complicated situation, my H has so many issues that he needs to work though, and I actually feel bad for him. But I know I can't stick around and let him beat up my heart while he works through his stuff. I am still holding out a tiny bit of hope that he may come around before it's time for the actual divorce (in NC you have to be separated for a year first), but I am planning on it not happening so I don't get my heart broken anymore.
<br />
<br />I only worked part time for about 6 months. During that time, I ended up being on IV's twice and got sicker than I had ever gotten before, so H and I decided that I should stay home since we were able to live off of his salary alone. So I don't think I meet the minimum work requirements for SSDI. Even before all of this happened, I had been thinking about doing photography part time (and thank you for all of the compliments, that always boosts my spirits!), and have really just been holding back b/c I'm intimidated by starting my own business. But it might be a good time to push that fear aside and jump in.
<br />
<br />The biggest stress to me right now is that H and I cannot afford to live separately unless I get a job. We *might* be able to afford two separate apartments, but I just don't know how long it will take to sell the house. I know I'm so blessed with parents that I could always live with, but honestly I don't want to live with my parents, I am too independent to be happy there.
<br />
<br />I am feeling much more positive about my future though. And if I'm going to be a single mom, that just gives me that much more motivation to stay healthy and live longer.

 

[lilywing]

Hi Jen,
I just want to say that I understand the stress and heartache you are going through to some extent. I do not have children, but my ex and I recently broke up after a 12 year relationship. I understand wondering what you have to offer to someone new, at this phase of your life, at this point in your disease. Wondering what is to come, and if it is reasonable to hope to find someone new, and fair to have them along for the ride. These are all things I think about in regards to my future.
But when I read your post, I KNOW you are worthy of love, that CF shouldn't get in the way when someone wants to love you. It's just hard to believe that for myself.
But if I believe you deserve love, then maybe I do to.
What I'm trying to say in a very-not-so-eloquent way is this:
Think of what you want for your friends and loved ones, with or without CF, and try to believe that you deserve the same. CF is just a part of us, a very big part at times. Please don't give up, and I will try to do the same.
Kelly

 

[lilywing]

Hi Jen,
I just want to say that I understand the stress and heartache you are going through to some extent. I do not have children, but my ex and I recently broke up after a 12 year relationship. I understand wondering what you have to offer to someone new, at this phase of your life, at this point in your disease. Wondering what is to come, and if it is reasonable to hope to find someone new, and fair to have them along for the ride. These are all things I think about in regards to my future.
But when I read your post, I KNOW you are worthy of love, that CF shouldn't get in the way when someone wants to love you. It's just hard to believe that for myself.
But if I believe you deserve love, then maybe I do to.
What I'm trying to say in a very-not-so-eloquent way is this:
Think of what you want for your friends and loved ones, with or without CF, and try to believe that you deserve the same. CF is just a part of us, a very big part at times. Please don't give up, and I will try to do the same.
Kelly

 

[lilywing]

Hi Jen,
<br />I just want to say that I understand the stress and heartache you are going through to some extent. I do not have children, but my ex and I recently broke up after a 12 year relationship. I understand wondering what you have to offer to someone new, at this phase of your life, at this point in your disease. Wondering what is to come, and if it is reasonable to hope to find someone new, and fair to have them along for the ride. These are all things I think about in regards to my future.
<br />But when I read your post, I KNOW you are worthy of love, that CF shouldn't get in the way when someone wants to love you. It's just hard to believe that for myself.
<br />But if I believe you deserve love, then maybe I do to.
<br />What I'm trying to say in a very-not-so-eloquent way is this:
<br />Think of what you want for your friends and loved ones, with or without CF, and try to believe that you deserve the same. CF is just a part of us, a very big part at times. Please don't give up, and I will try to do the same.
<br />Kelly

 

[julie]

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> Of course you deserve to be loved Jen! We all have imperfections, and anybody who really cares about you and loves you isn't going to be burdened by the CF factor.

My relationship ended with my ex because of his infidelity, so if you want to talk to someone about it, feel free to message me. We went back and fourth for a while but ultimately I decided I didn't trust him and that I never would find that trust I once had, and therefore we would never be able to have a happy and successful relationship.

Because of your CF there are a lot of things you can ask for if you do go the divorce route, regarding support and such.

I'm sorry your going through this.

 

[julie]

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> Of course you deserve to be loved Jen! We all have imperfections, and anybody who really cares about you and loves you isn't going to be burdened by the CF factor.

My relationship ended with my ex because of his infidelity, so if you want to talk to someone about it, feel free to message me. We went back and fourth for a while but ultimately I decided I didn't trust him and that I never would find that trust I once had, and therefore we would never be able to have a happy and successful relationship.

Because of your CF there are a lot of things you can ask for if you do go the divorce route, regarding support and such.

I'm sorry your going through this.

 

[julie]

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> Of course you deserve to be loved Jen! We all have imperfections, and anybody who really cares about you and loves you isn't going to be burdened by the CF factor.
<br />
<br />My relationship ended with my ex because of his infidelity, so if you want to talk to someone about it, feel free to message me. We went back and fourth for a while but ultimately I decided I didn't trust him and that I never would find that trust I once had, and therefore we would never be able to have a happy and successful relationship.
<br />
<br />Because of your CF there are a lot of things you can ask for if you do go the divorce route, regarding support and such.
<br />
<br />I'm sorry your going through this.

 

[Aftershock68]

Hi Jen,
Holy cow! You sound just like me! I too was cheated on by my husband. I too felt like I din't deserve love and why should I expect anyone to want to deal with my CF when I don't even want to deal with it most of the time. That's when I came across this website and posted on it. Wouldn't you know it, I found tons of people who feel the same way I do. That's what so great about a support group website for us!! We realize we aren't alone! Girl, you absolutely deserve love!! We all do!! We are all incredibly strong individuals with a lot on our plates who still manage to get up every morning and go throughout the day with our heads held high! We deal with this disease with strength and perseverance where others would fall and wither away!! Your husband doesn't deserve you, and if I were you, I would cut him loose!! Don't wait for him to change, he isn't going to! Do not give up hope!! One day, you will find a guy who will treat you how you deserve to be treated and cherish you!! Your CF doesn't define you! I'm learning that too! If you need to talk or vent, get on here and do it! That's what we are here for!! You are strong, you will get through this!! God bless and I'm sorry you hurt right now. I promise it gets easier! ~CJ w/CF 42yrs. young