Need some marrital advice

J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Hi Jessi

I think everyone has given you great advice. It sounds to me like you are both just feeling very defeated.

You mentioned that the sex problems started even before marriage. He may feel that you knew he had a low sex drive before you married him, so he doesn't understand why it became such a big issue. You may have felt that it might change after marriage, I don't know. All I do know is that whatever problems a couple may have, they must work on them TOGETHER and not against one another.

You resenting him for making you feel unwanted, and him resenting you for making him feel less than adequate is keeping you in a viscious circle. It will keep building until there is no respect for one another left. Once that is gone, the marriage is gone. Ideally, counseling together would be the way to go, but if he isn't ready, you can't make him. Go by yourself if you must. It sounds like you need to do that for you anyway. I hope you can work it out.

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Hi Jessi

I think everyone has given you great advice. It sounds to me like you are both just feeling very defeated.

You mentioned that the sex problems started even before marriage. He may feel that you knew he had a low sex drive before you married him, so he doesn't understand why it became such a big issue. You may have felt that it might change after marriage, I don't know. All I do know is that whatever problems a couple may have, they must work on them TOGETHER and not against one another.

You resenting him for making you feel unwanted, and him resenting you for making him feel less than adequate is keeping you in a viscious circle. It will keep building until there is no respect for one another left. Once that is gone, the marriage is gone. Ideally, counseling together would be the way to go, but if he isn't ready, you can't make him. Go by yourself if you must. It sounds like you need to do that for you anyway. I hope you can work it out.

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Hi Jessi

I think everyone has given you great advice. It sounds to me like you are both just feeling very defeated.

You mentioned that the sex problems started even before marriage. He may feel that you knew he had a low sex drive before you married him, so he doesn't understand why it became such a big issue. You may have felt that it might change after marriage, I don't know. All I do know is that whatever problems a couple may have, they must work on them TOGETHER and not against one another.

You resenting him for making you feel unwanted, and him resenting you for making him feel less than adequate is keeping you in a viscious circle. It will keep building until there is no respect for one another left. Once that is gone, the marriage is gone. Ideally, counseling together would be the way to go, but if he isn't ready, you can't make him. Go by yourself if you must. It sounds like you need to do that for you anyway. I hope you can work it out.

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Hi Jessi

I think everyone has given you great advice. It sounds to me like you are both just feeling very defeated.

You mentioned that the sex problems started even before marriage. He may feel that you knew he had a low sex drive before you married him, so he doesn't understand why it became such a big issue. You may have felt that it might change after marriage, I don't know. All I do know is that whatever problems a couple may have, they must work on them TOGETHER and not against one another.

You resenting him for making you feel unwanted, and him resenting you for making him feel less than adequate is keeping you in a viscious circle. It will keep building until there is no respect for one another left. Once that is gone, the marriage is gone. Ideally, counseling together would be the way to go, but if he isn't ready, you can't make him. Go by yourself if you must. It sounds like you need to do that for you anyway. I hope you can work it out.

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Hi Jessi

I think everyone has given you great advice. It sounds to me like you are both just feeling very defeated.

You mentioned that the sex problems started even before marriage. He may feel that you knew he had a low sex drive before you married him, so he doesn't understand why it became such a big issue. You may have felt that it might change after marriage, I don't know. All I do know is that whatever problems a couple may have, they must work on them TOGETHER and not against one another.

You resenting him for making you feel unwanted, and him resenting you for making him feel less than adequate is keeping you in a viscious circle. It will keep building until there is no respect for one another left. Once that is gone, the marriage is gone. Ideally, counseling together would be the way to go, but if he isn't ready, you can't make him. Go by yourself if you must. It sounds like you need to do that for you anyway. I hope you can work it out.

Stacey
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I have been trying to get him to do something about his low sex drive for over a year. It took him about a year to even go to the doctor and when he did he didn't get the right help and never went back. Honestly I am almost to the point of giving up on this marriage. Councilling is our last hope, and if he isn't ready for it then I know it WILL be the end for us.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I have been trying to get him to do something about his low sex drive for over a year. It took him about a year to even go to the doctor and when he did he didn't get the right help and never went back. Honestly I am almost to the point of giving up on this marriage. Councilling is our last hope, and if he isn't ready for it then I know it WILL be the end for us.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I have been trying to get him to do something about his low sex drive for over a year. It took him about a year to even go to the doctor and when he did he didn't get the right help and never went back. Honestly I am almost to the point of giving up on this marriage. Councilling is our last hope, and if he isn't ready for it then I know it WILL be the end for us.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I have been trying to get him to do something about his low sex drive for over a year. It took him about a year to even go to the doctor and when he did he didn't get the right help and never went back. Honestly I am almost to the point of giving up on this marriage. Councilling is our last hope, and if he isn't ready for it then I know it WILL be the end for us.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I have been trying to get him to do something about his low sex drive for over a year. It took him about a year to even go to the doctor and when he did he didn't get the right help and never went back. Honestly I am almost to the point of giving up on this marriage. Councilling is our last hope, and if he isn't ready for it then I know it WILL be the end for us.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
Be sure to tell him that, Jessi, if you haven't already. He needs to know (in case he isn't currently aware) that he needs to put in as much effort as you for this to work. And right now, from what you've told us, he's not putting it in. He needs to be willing to go to counseling, etc., if he wants to stay your husband.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
Be sure to tell him that, Jessi, if you haven't already. He needs to know (in case he isn't currently aware) that he needs to put in as much effort as you for this to work. And right now, from what you've told us, he's not putting it in. He needs to be willing to go to counseling, etc., if he wants to stay your husband.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
Be sure to tell him that, Jessi, if you haven't already. He needs to know (in case he isn't currently aware) that he needs to put in as much effort as you for this to work. And right now, from what you've told us, he's not putting it in. He needs to be willing to go to counseling, etc., if he wants to stay your husband.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
Be sure to tell him that, Jessi, if you haven't already. He needs to know (in case he isn't currently aware) that he needs to put in as much effort as you for this to work. And right now, from what you've told us, he's not putting it in. He needs to be willing to go to counseling, etc., if he wants to stay your husband.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
Be sure to tell him that, Jessi, if you haven't already. He needs to know (in case he isn't currently aware) that he needs to put in as much effort as you for this to work. And right now, from what you've told us, he's not putting it in. He needs to be willing to go to counseling, etc., if he wants to stay your husband.
 
C

CaliSally

New member
Just a word from my own experience...
I was married to an awful man. I took the blame for everything that went wrong, whether or not it was my fault. I thought counseling was going to help. The truth was, he didn't want help. He wanted to continue being the person he was being. It took me 6 yrs, but I finally realized that I'm not responsible for him and it takes two to make a marriage. If he didn't want to go to counseling, if he thought it was all my problems, then I couldn't change that. I'm absolutely sure that if he had dealt with the issues himself, we could have worked through stuff, but I had to face facts that he didn't want to, and it had nothing to do with me. It was HIS problem.

I learned that my ex wanted the "banner" of being married, but not the responsibility - just like in the rest of his life...he didn't take responsibility for anything, it was everyone else's fault.

I'm NOT saying this is what you should do...I'm just saying it's something to think about - you know him best and can decide for yourself if he fits this scenario. We can show the range of emotions to try to get someone help, but if they don't want it, we can't help them.

For his sake, and yours, I hope he can open his eyes and heart to what's going on around him and try to reach out and seek help.
 
C

CaliSally

New member
Just a word from my own experience...
I was married to an awful man. I took the blame for everything that went wrong, whether or not it was my fault. I thought counseling was going to help. The truth was, he didn't want help. He wanted to continue being the person he was being. It took me 6 yrs, but I finally realized that I'm not responsible for him and it takes two to make a marriage. If he didn't want to go to counseling, if he thought it was all my problems, then I couldn't change that. I'm absolutely sure that if he had dealt with the issues himself, we could have worked through stuff, but I had to face facts that he didn't want to, and it had nothing to do with me. It was HIS problem.

I learned that my ex wanted the "banner" of being married, but not the responsibility - just like in the rest of his life...he didn't take responsibility for anything, it was everyone else's fault.

I'm NOT saying this is what you should do...I'm just saying it's something to think about - you know him best and can decide for yourself if he fits this scenario. We can show the range of emotions to try to get someone help, but if they don't want it, we can't help them.

For his sake, and yours, I hope he can open his eyes and heart to what's going on around him and try to reach out and seek help.
 
C

CaliSally

New member
Just a word from my own experience...
I was married to an awful man. I took the blame for everything that went wrong, whether or not it was my fault. I thought counseling was going to help. The truth was, he didn't want help. He wanted to continue being the person he was being. It took me 6 yrs, but I finally realized that I'm not responsible for him and it takes two to make a marriage. If he didn't want to go to counseling, if he thought it was all my problems, then I couldn't change that. I'm absolutely sure that if he had dealt with the issues himself, we could have worked through stuff, but I had to face facts that he didn't want to, and it had nothing to do with me. It was HIS problem.

I learned that my ex wanted the "banner" of being married, but not the responsibility - just like in the rest of his life...he didn't take responsibility for anything, it was everyone else's fault.

I'm NOT saying this is what you should do...I'm just saying it's something to think about - you know him best and can decide for yourself if he fits this scenario. We can show the range of emotions to try to get someone help, but if they don't want it, we can't help them.

For his sake, and yours, I hope he can open his eyes and heart to what's going on around him and try to reach out and seek help.
 
C

CaliSally

New member
Just a word from my own experience...
I was married to an awful man. I took the blame for everything that went wrong, whether or not it was my fault. I thought counseling was going to help. The truth was, he didn't want help. He wanted to continue being the person he was being. It took me 6 yrs, but I finally realized that I'm not responsible for him and it takes two to make a marriage. If he didn't want to go to counseling, if he thought it was all my problems, then I couldn't change that. I'm absolutely sure that if he had dealt with the issues himself, we could have worked through stuff, but I had to face facts that he didn't want to, and it had nothing to do with me. It was HIS problem.

I learned that my ex wanted the "banner" of being married, but not the responsibility - just like in the rest of his life...he didn't take responsibility for anything, it was everyone else's fault.

I'm NOT saying this is what you should do...I'm just saying it's something to think about - you know him best and can decide for yourself if he fits this scenario. We can show the range of emotions to try to get someone help, but if they don't want it, we can't help them.

For his sake, and yours, I hope he can open his eyes and heart to what's going on around him and try to reach out and seek help.
 
C

CaliSally

New member
Just a word from my own experience...
I was married to an awful man. I took the blame for everything that went wrong, whether or not it was my fault. I thought counseling was going to help. The truth was, he didn't want help. He wanted to continue being the person he was being. It took me 6 yrs, but I finally realized that I'm not responsible for him and it takes two to make a marriage. If he didn't want to go to counseling, if he thought it was all my problems, then I couldn't change that. I'm absolutely sure that if he had dealt with the issues himself, we could have worked through stuff, but I had to face facts that he didn't want to, and it had nothing to do with me. It was HIS problem.

I learned that my ex wanted the "banner" of being married, but not the responsibility - just like in the rest of his life...he didn't take responsibility for anything, it was everyone else's fault.

I'm NOT saying this is what you should do...I'm just saying it's something to think about - you know him best and can decide for yourself if he fits this scenario. We can show the range of emotions to try to get someone help, but if they don't want it, we can't help them.

For his sake, and yours, I hope he can open his eyes and heart to what's going on around him and try to reach out and seek help.
 
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