Off Topic (?) Stay at home parent issues ~ coping strategies needed

[lemonstolemonade]

I'm struggling coping with staying home to care for my two children
(one is an infant, the other a toddler). My identity was so wrapped
up in my job as a teacher that I am really having problems
adjusting to changing diapers all day long. I adore my children and
want to do what is best for our CF infant (who is currently
asymptomatic and per our doctors our primary responsibility is just
keeping her well this first year to build up her immune system),
but I am feeling rather overwhelmed with the change and somewhat
depressed.<br>
<br>
Does anyone out there have some good coping strategies? I'm working
on my masters but that is the only real intellectual stimulation I
get beyond the conversations with my husband and the play group
moms (but most of them have always been a stay at home mom and
haven't made the transition from working outside the home to
staying home so they don't identify with where I am coming
from).<br>
<br>
Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

 

[lemonstolemonade]

I'm struggling coping with staying home to care for my two children
(one is an infant, the other a toddler). My identity was so wrapped
up in my job as a teacher that I am really having problems
adjusting to changing diapers all day long. I adore my children and
want to do what is best for our CF infant (who is currently
asymptomatic and per our doctors our primary responsibility is just
keeping her well this first year to build up her immune system),
but I am feeling rather overwhelmed with the change and somewhat
depressed.<br>
<br>
Does anyone out there have some good coping strategies? I'm working
on my masters but that is the only real intellectual stimulation I
get beyond the conversations with my husband and the play group
moms (but most of them have always been a stay at home mom and
haven't made the transition from working outside the home to
staying home so they don't identify with where I am coming
from).<br>
<br>
Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

 

[lemonstolemonade]

I'm struggling coping with staying home to care for my two children
(one is an infant, the other a toddler). My identity was so wrapped
up in my job as a teacher that I am really having problems
adjusting to changing diapers all day long. I adore my children and
want to do what is best for our CF infant (who is currently
asymptomatic and per our doctors our primary responsibility is just
keeping her well this first year to build up her immune system),
but I am feeling rather overwhelmed with the change and somewhat
depressed.<br>
<br>
Does anyone out there have some good coping strategies? I'm working
on my masters but that is the only real intellectual stimulation I
get beyond the conversations with my husband and the play group
moms (but most of them have always been a stay at home mom and
haven't made the transition from working outside the home to
staying home so they don't identify with where I am coming
from).<br>
<br>
Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

 

[anonymous]

Are you planning to go back to work when you get your masters? I don't have any real advice because I am not a mom but I am a teacher and kind of know how you feel. Teaching takes up so much of someone's life that it is hard to stop it. Have you thought about doing some volunteering? Or joining a book club even? It isn't realistic to stay home with your children all day everyday. You need some you time as well.

Sue 24w/CF

 

[anonymous]

Are you planning to go back to work when you get your masters? I don't have any real advice because I am not a mom but I am a teacher and kind of know how you feel. Teaching takes up so much of someone's life that it is hard to stop it. Have you thought about doing some volunteering? Or joining a book club even? It isn't realistic to stay home with your children all day everyday. You need some you time as well.

Sue 24w/CF

 

[anonymous]

Are you planning to go back to work when you get your masters? I don't have any real advice because I am not a mom but I am a teacher and kind of know how you feel. Teaching takes up so much of someone's life that it is hard to stop it. Have you thought about doing some volunteering? Or joining a book club even? It isn't realistic to stay home with your children all day everyday. You need some you time as well.

Sue 24w/CF

 

[lemonstolemonade]

Our plan is for me to go back to work next fall if our infant is
still not showing any symptoms and there is no urgent need for me
to stay home. I'll be finished with my masters early fall of next
year...YEA!!<br>
<br>
I just get frustrated trying to keep our toddler engaged. I'm using
the TV more than I would like to for her, but I justify it by
saying...it is "educational" programming!<br>
<br>
I adored teaching and felt that my time with my children was more
quality time. I'm trying to look at this from the perspective of
what my children will get from this more than what I'm not
getting...<br>
<br>
I'm complaining, yes, but I also do feel that this is time I will
treasure forever.

 

[lemonstolemonade]

Our plan is for me to go back to work next fall if our infant is
still not showing any symptoms and there is no urgent need for me
to stay home. I'll be finished with my masters early fall of next
year...YEA!!<br>
<br>
I just get frustrated trying to keep our toddler engaged. I'm using
the TV more than I would like to for her, but I justify it by
saying...it is "educational" programming!<br>
<br>
I adored teaching and felt that my time with my children was more
quality time. I'm trying to look at this from the perspective of
what my children will get from this more than what I'm not
getting...<br>
<br>
I'm complaining, yes, but I also do feel that this is time I will
treasure forever.

 

[lemonstolemonade]

Our plan is for me to go back to work next fall if our infant is
still not showing any symptoms and there is no urgent need for me
to stay home. I'll be finished with my masters early fall of next
year...YEA!!<br>
<br>
I just get frustrated trying to keep our toddler engaged. I'm using
the TV more than I would like to for her, but I justify it by
saying...it is "educational" programming!<br>
<br>
I adored teaching and felt that my time with my children was more
quality time. I'm trying to look at this from the perspective of
what my children will get from this more than what I'm not
getting...<br>
<br>
I'm complaining, yes, but I also do feel that this is time I will
treasure forever.

 

[JennifersHope]

Hi,

I have a lot of girlfriends that I work with who are nurses.. who are currently staying home with their children or only working part time and they are not feeling as fulfilled as they would like....

Some things that work for them is to make time for themselves outside of the house... Girls night out.. Date night with their husbands. Some of them like you are working on their Masters degree.

I think you are right and the saying goes.. "No one is happy if Momma is not Happy" So maybe you can sub teach a little or do something that helps you.. Only you really know what you love to do....

I don't think you are going to harm your kids, in fact, I think it will enrich their lives if you are doing stuff that is making you happy as well..

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Hi,

I have a lot of girlfriends that I work with who are nurses.. who are currently staying home with their children or only working part time and they are not feeling as fulfilled as they would like....

Some things that work for them is to make time for themselves outside of the house... Girls night out.. Date night with their husbands. Some of them like you are working on their Masters degree.

I think you are right and the saying goes.. "No one is happy if Momma is not Happy" So maybe you can sub teach a little or do something that helps you.. Only you really know what you love to do....

I don't think you are going to harm your kids, in fact, I think it will enrich their lives if you are doing stuff that is making you happy as well..

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Hi,

I have a lot of girlfriends that I work with who are nurses.. who are currently staying home with their children or only working part time and they are not feeling as fulfilled as they would like....

Some things that work for them is to make time for themselves outside of the house... Girls night out.. Date night with their husbands. Some of them like you are working on their Masters degree.

I think you are right and the saying goes.. "No one is happy if Momma is not Happy" So maybe you can sub teach a little or do something that helps you.. Only you really know what you love to do....

I don't think you are going to harm your kids, in fact, I think it will enrich their lives if you are doing stuff that is making you happy as well..

Jennifer

 

[JRPandTJP]

I remember the first year home after a very busy career in advertising and interactive technology. I was so ready to start a family and I wanted to stay home but it was a big adjustment self-identity wise. After almost seven years I can honestly say once I stopped looking at it as an either/or...black/white type of thing, I began to open myself to using my talents at home and with my community. It happened slowly but the more I placed value on the time I spent with my daughter and eventually my son, I realized how seeing them (really seeing them) each day was such a treasure. At the end of my life it won't be the degrees on the wall, the companies I worked for or the businesses I created that will bring me the most pleasure. It will be the walks in the park, the first step, the first "I love you" and so on. This helped me.

I also don't think these things (talents/education./working/motherhood) are mutually exclusive by any means, just in the thick of infancy and toddlerhood, knee deep in diapers and puke spots on our shirts, we some times feel our kids take us away from the life we once had. I have simply found that changing my thinking has shown me quite the opposite...they have brought me back to who I am. In a strange twist of events after surrendering to it all, I now have a use for my internet background (creating the web site), my biz background (an idea in the perculator), my love of helping woman and children (becoming a La Leche Leader and volunteering with horses/kids), and last but not least my love of teaching (home educating my daughter and someday my son). It is amazing how surrendering to motherhood can take you places you never imagined. Moms that stay home can do many things outside of the home (once an infant is 15+ months you can really add back lots of stuff).

We only have a small window to really "be" with our kids. Many moms have found delaying their goals can bring them many new ideas and set them on an even more meaningful path than before. Hang in there...you're not alone.

Warmly,
Jody

 

[JRPandTJP]

I remember the first year home after a very busy career in advertising and interactive technology. I was so ready to start a family and I wanted to stay home but it was a big adjustment self-identity wise. After almost seven years I can honestly say once I stopped looking at it as an either/or...black/white type of thing, I began to open myself to using my talents at home and with my community. It happened slowly but the more I placed value on the time I spent with my daughter and eventually my son, I realized how seeing them (really seeing them) each day was such a treasure. At the end of my life it won't be the degrees on the wall, the companies I worked for or the businesses I created that will bring me the most pleasure. It will be the walks in the park, the first step, the first "I love you" and so on. This helped me.

I also don't think these things (talents/education./working/motherhood) are mutually exclusive by any means, just in the thick of infancy and toddlerhood, knee deep in diapers and puke spots on our shirts, we some times feel our kids take us away from the life we once had. I have simply found that changing my thinking has shown me quite the opposite...they have brought me back to who I am. In a strange twist of events after surrendering to it all, I now have a use for my internet background (creating the web site), my biz background (an idea in the perculator), my love of helping woman and children (becoming a La Leche Leader and volunteering with horses/kids), and last but not least my love of teaching (home educating my daughter and someday my son). It is amazing how surrendering to motherhood can take you places you never imagined. Moms that stay home can do many things outside of the home (once an infant is 15+ months you can really add back lots of stuff).

We only have a small window to really "be" with our kids. Many moms have found delaying their goals can bring them many new ideas and set them on an even more meaningful path than before. Hang in there...you're not alone.

Warmly,
Jody

 

[JRPandTJP]

I remember the first year home after a very busy career in advertising and interactive technology. I was so ready to start a family and I wanted to stay home but it was a big adjustment self-identity wise. After almost seven years I can honestly say once I stopped looking at it as an either/or...black/white type of thing, I began to open myself to using my talents at home and with my community. It happened slowly but the more I placed value on the time I spent with my daughter and eventually my son, I realized how seeing them (really seeing them) each day was such a treasure. At the end of my life it won't be the degrees on the wall, the companies I worked for or the businesses I created that will bring me the most pleasure. It will be the walks in the park, the first step, the first "I love you" and so on. This helped me.

I also don't think these things (talents/education./working/motherhood) are mutually exclusive by any means, just in the thick of infancy and toddlerhood, knee deep in diapers and puke spots on our shirts, we some times feel our kids take us away from the life we once had. I have simply found that changing my thinking has shown me quite the opposite...they have brought me back to who I am. In a strange twist of events after surrendering to it all, I now have a use for my internet background (creating the web site), my biz background (an idea in the perculator), my love of helping woman and children (becoming a La Leche Leader and volunteering with horses/kids), and last but not least my love of teaching (home educating my daughter and someday my son). It is amazing how surrendering to motherhood can take you places you never imagined. Moms that stay home can do many things outside of the home (once an infant is 15+ months you can really add back lots of stuff).

We only have a small window to really "be" with our kids. Many moms have found delaying their goals can bring them many new ideas and set them on an even more meaningful path than before. Hang in there...you're not alone.

Warmly,
Jody

 

[Caleblove0802]

Hi LemonstoLemonade! I was completely wrapped up into my career prior to having my son. I was the chief probation officer over two major suburbs. I was a work-a-holic. Then 3 weeks prior to my due date and not ever imagining that I would have a baby who had a chronic disease, I resigned from my job to be a stay at home mom. It is VERY hard. I currently work 2 days/week to get me out of the house. My husband would really like me to stay home full time just so one of us is taking care of everything (because there is a lot to do as a mom, a wife, and a home-owner), but I REALLY need just 2 days/week at a small job to get me out of the house. I think the hardest thing about being a stay-at-home mom is in our society you lose all status if you stay home. Doesn't Chief Probation Officer sound bigger, better, and more important than "Stay-At-Home Mom"? But what I have come to realize and accept is being home with my son is the most important and most rewarding job I can have...and so many Mom's would only wish to have that opportunity.

I forgot to login-sorry
I am Caleblove0802.

Melissa
1 son Caleb w/cf 14mos

 

[Caleblove0802]

Hi LemonstoLemonade! I was completely wrapped up into my career prior to having my son. I was the chief probation officer over two major suburbs. I was a work-a-holic. Then 3 weeks prior to my due date and not ever imagining that I would have a baby who had a chronic disease, I resigned from my job to be a stay at home mom. It is VERY hard. I currently work 2 days/week to get me out of the house. My husband would really like me to stay home full time just so one of us is taking care of everything (because there is a lot to do as a mom, a wife, and a home-owner), but I REALLY need just 2 days/week at a small job to get me out of the house. I think the hardest thing about being a stay-at-home mom is in our society you lose all status if you stay home. Doesn't Chief Probation Officer sound bigger, better, and more important than "Stay-At-Home Mom"? But what I have come to realize and accept is being home with my son is the most important and most rewarding job I can have...and so many Mom's would only wish to have that opportunity.

I forgot to login-sorry
I am Caleblove0802.

Melissa
1 son Caleb w/cf 14mos

 

[Caleblove0802]

Hi LemonstoLemonade! I was completely wrapped up into my career prior to having my son. I was the chief probation officer over two major suburbs. I was a work-a-holic. Then 3 weeks prior to my due date and not ever imagining that I would have a baby who had a chronic disease, I resigned from my job to be a stay at home mom. It is VERY hard. I currently work 2 days/week to get me out of the house. My husband would really like me to stay home full time just so one of us is taking care of everything (because there is a lot to do as a mom, a wife, and a home-owner), but I REALLY need just 2 days/week at a small job to get me out of the house. I think the hardest thing about being a stay-at-home mom is in our society you lose all status if you stay home. Doesn't Chief Probation Officer sound bigger, better, and more important than "Stay-At-Home Mom"? But what I have come to realize and accept is being home with my son is the most important and most rewarding job I can have...and so many Mom's would only wish to have that opportunity.

I forgot to login-sorry
I am Caleblove0802.

Melissa
1 son Caleb w/cf 14mos

 

[JRPandTJP]

Stay-at-home Mom just ignores so much. I like Domestic Engineer myself ;-)

I think the label we place on ourselves will always fall short...the pride and value we feel must be developed within our hearts each and everyday. We must at the end of the day thank ourselves for a job well done and reward ourselves with self gratitude and time alone/with friends ect. Self-care is the only way to really do anything well for others.

 

[JRPandTJP]

Stay-at-home Mom just ignores so much. I like Domestic Engineer myself ;-)

I think the label we place on ourselves will always fall short...the pride and value we feel must be developed within our hearts each and everyday. We must at the end of the day thank ourselves for a job well done and reward ourselves with self gratitude and time alone/with friends ect. Self-care is the only way to really do anything well for others.