Jen,
I totally understand how you feel about being a case manager. Honestly we went through 3 years of this and had so many experiences like you describe with the social studies teacher. In 7th grade at one point I pulled him out of school and said I will teach him myself. During that time we had our state exams, we are in Massachusetts so we had MCAS and the school called me and told me he had to take it, THAT DAY! This is after he was home with me for a month! I literally told him to write his name on the exam and said he could leave the rest blank. He is a conscientious student so he didn't do that, but he did not score well. My feeling was it serves the district right, let's bring down the town's MCAS scores. ;-) Then when he returned to school and took the math MCAS he scored in the above average range. My husband did all the home schooling on the math, it was my son's best score yet, go figure. I never continued with the homeschooling because my son is very social and really missed being around kids.
You should start with a more detailed 504. I think we got the IEP because the school failed to provide so much for my son. I think they were afraid I would take them to court or something. That isn't my style but if I needed to get him services who knows. Fortunately it never came to that. So at least if you start with a 504, and worst case they don't do what they say they are going to do, you can document that. Write everything down and save all e-mails. If you ever need to go to the school and challenge them, once they know you keep good notes they get nervous.
Beginning in 8th grade, actually after I requested the IEP, they said he could receive in school tutoring. I also got a Physicians Statement form signed where our MD wrote he would have over 14 days of absences and would benefit from in school as well as home tutoring. Check to see what the equivalent of the Physicians Statement for New Jersey is.
The IEP process takes several months and we only signed it in June. They did however for most of 8th grade give him all the services I mentioned. He was tutored in the special ed office. They have this whole area of the school I never knew about where these great special ed teachers and aides are. They tutor kids with dyslexia, anxiety disorders, learning disabilities,etc. It turned out my son knew a lot of the kids that spent time there and he was fine with it. I wondered if he might not like the language of special ed, he is in 8th grade, doesn't want to stand out any more than he already does with his absences, etc, but he was fine with it. There was one aide who was assigned to be his "case manager". Now a case manager was also assigned in 7th grade but that was a math teacher. The special ed teachers are so much better equipped to deal with this stuff. This sped teacher was so responsible and when he would miss science labs for example she would do a shortened version of the lab with him. If he understood the lab they would move on. She really served as our liaison with the school in terms of what work could be excused and what was necessary for him to learn. It was very hard for me to always be asking teachers to excuse him from work (such as coloring projects in 6th grade). My personality is more like, this is due, lets get it done. That ended up being very stressful for him though. It was a vicious cycle of make up, being absent, make up, being absent. This is not even taking in to consideration the socialization he missed out on and the stress of reintegrating . Also I can't tell you how many times he would go back to school after being out and have to take a test on stuff no one ever taught him! He takes a lot of pride in his work and it was really hard for him.
So back to your question, yes right now he is scheduled for 4x a week in school tutoring. He needed to give up a free period and an elective for high school to fit this in, but I am fine with that. Ask your school if you can have in school tutoring. Call the special education office and ask them about in school tutoring. The administrator for special ed is the one who told me he could go to high school for 5 years. The coordinator for student services was more helpful but again, this was after the formal request for an IEP. I also think once educational advocates get involved the school knows they are dealing with someone who knows what they are talking about and they are more accommodating. You need someone with knowledge guiding you. You could also go to the superintendent. When we were going through the IEP process I had to meet with the school social worker and tell why I was requesting the IEP. She was actually appalled at what my son went through at school and asked me did you ever go to the superintendent? That might have brought about change earlier if I had, it never occurred to me. I was in constant communication with the principal but while she may have meant well, she never did anything at all, she was useless. How many days was your daughter absent last year? How many hours of home tutoring did she receive? It would seem more cost effective to do the tutoring in school and better for the student. The kids pick stuff up so fast 1-1.
The special ed office should be open in the summer. The sooner you can get all this at least being talked about the better.
Anything else I can help with don't hesitate to ask.
Tara