Preventing Divorce (UPDATE -too late now)

[Grendel]

(UPDATE)
Well, my wife has been more than struggling with the difficulties of CF and the idea of divorce, she has been attempting to manage her time over the past 30-40 days to commit adultery. YES! She has been dating and sleeping with another person, who she "thinks she cares about", and who happens to be loaded ($$). Funny how that works. GOOD BYE AND GOOD RIDDANCE!

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My wife is contemplating divorce, to my surprise and dismay. In talking with her, one of her concerns is that her status as a caregiver has nearly decimated her feelings as a lover. So how can she go from caregiver back to lover? I think through simple boundaries and rules, though these are pointless unless she puts forth effort to be a lover. Thoughts?

Thanks
Desperate Grendel

 

[Grendel]

(UPDATE)
Well, my wife has been more than struggling with the difficulties of CF and the idea of divorce, she has been attempting to manage her time over the past 30-40 days to commit adultery. YES! She has been dating and sleeping with another person, who she "thinks she cares about", and who happens to be loaded ($$). Funny how that works. GOOD BYE AND GOOD RIDDANCE!

------------------------
My wife is contemplating divorce, to my surprise and dismay. In talking with her, one of her concerns is that her status as a caregiver has nearly decimated her feelings as a lover. So how can she go from caregiver back to lover? I think through simple boundaries and rules, though these are pointless unless she puts forth effort to be a lover. Thoughts?

Thanks
Desperate Grendel

 

[Grendel]

(UPDATE)
Well, my wife has been more than struggling with the difficulties of CF and the idea of divorce, she has been attempting to manage her time over the past 30-40 days to commit adultery. YES! She has been dating and sleeping with another person, who she "thinks she cares about", and who happens to be loaded ($$). Funny how that works. GOOD BYE AND GOOD RIDDANCE!

------------------------
My wife is contemplating divorce, to my surprise and dismay. In talking with her, one of her concerns is that her status as a caregiver has nearly decimated her feelings as a lover. So how can she go from caregiver back to lover? I think through simple boundaries and rules, though these are pointless unless she puts forth effort to be a lover. Thoughts?

Thanks
Desperate Grendel

 

[my65roses4me]

Preventing Divorce

I am so sorry that you have to be going through this. Marriage is hard to manage especially when you put sickness into the picture. I dont know what advice to give you, I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts. Keep your chin up!!!

 

[my65roses4me]

Preventing Divorce

I am so sorry that you have to be going through this. Marriage is hard to manage especially when you put sickness into the picture. I dont know what advice to give you, I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts. Keep your chin up!!!

 

[my65roses4me]

Preventing Divorce

I am so sorry that you have to be going through this. Marriage is hard to manage especially when you put sickness into the picture. I dont know what advice to give you, I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts. Keep your chin up!!!

 

[Emily65Roses]

Preventing Divorce

I'm going to give what may an annoying or discouraging suggestion... but couples therapy. Marriage counseling. I would suggest looking into those and seeing if you can get her to go with you. They'll have a better idea on how to keep the caregiver role there where necessary, but also put the lover back into place.

 

[Emily65Roses]

Preventing Divorce

I'm going to give what may an annoying or discouraging suggestion... but couples therapy. Marriage counseling. I would suggest looking into those and seeing if you can get her to go with you. They'll have a better idea on how to keep the caregiver role there where necessary, but also put the lover back into place.

 

[Emily65Roses]

Preventing Divorce

I'm going to give what may an annoying or discouraging suggestion... but couples therapy. Marriage counseling. I would suggest looking into those and seeing if you can get her to go with you. They'll have a better idea on how to keep the caregiver role there where necessary, but also put the lover back into place.

 

[lightNlife]

Preventing Divorce

You raise a very good question. I have seen many couples torn apart because one or the other felt the strain of a disease.

The wedding vows say "in sickness and in health. " Love is a commitment, not a feeling. I'm not saying that in a condescending way, but as a gentle reminder that it's not uncommon to not have particularly loving feelings at times.

My husband and I attended counseling prior to and during our marriage and have found it to be a blessing and help for getting us through the times when life was overwhelming and we needed to sort out the feelings from the commitment. Finding the right counselor is tricky. In a world where divorce seems far too easy, you may have difficulty finding a counselor who will help you work on the real issues and not just sit there as a referee while a couple airs their grievances about one another.

Two books that we have in our home are T<i>he Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands</i> and The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, both by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

Best wishes to you. I hope and pray for the renewal of hearts and emotions in your home.

 

[lightNlife]

Preventing Divorce

You raise a very good question. I have seen many couples torn apart because one or the other felt the strain of a disease.

The wedding vows say "in sickness and in health. " Love is a commitment, not a feeling. I'm not saying that in a condescending way, but as a gentle reminder that it's not uncommon to not have particularly loving feelings at times.

My husband and I attended counseling prior to and during our marriage and have found it to be a blessing and help for getting us through the times when life was overwhelming and we needed to sort out the feelings from the commitment. Finding the right counselor is tricky. In a world where divorce seems far too easy, you may have difficulty finding a counselor who will help you work on the real issues and not just sit there as a referee while a couple airs their grievances about one another.

Two books that we have in our home are T<i>he Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands</i> and The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, both by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

Best wishes to you. I hope and pray for the renewal of hearts and emotions in your home.

 

[lightNlife]

Preventing Divorce

You raise a very good question. I have seen many couples torn apart because one or the other felt the strain of a disease.

The wedding vows say "in sickness and in health. " Love is a commitment, not a feeling. I'm not saying that in a condescending way, but as a gentle reminder that it's not uncommon to not have particularly loving feelings at times.

My husband and I attended counseling prior to and during our marriage and have found it to be a blessing and help for getting us through the times when life was overwhelming and we needed to sort out the feelings from the commitment. Finding the right counselor is tricky. In a world where divorce seems far too easy, you may have difficulty finding a counselor who will help you work on the real issues and not just sit there as a referee while a couple airs their grievances about one another.

Two books that we have in our home are T<i>he Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands</i> and The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, both by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

Best wishes to you. I hope and pray for the renewal of hearts and emotions in your home.

 

[catboogie]

Preventing Divorce

jonathan,

i agree that couples' counciling would be a great idea for the two of you. without knowing more about your specific situation, it is hard to give more advice than that. is it possible for someone else to take on some of the care taker roles that she now fills? a family member, a friend, or a hired person even?

wish you luck. this sounds like a really difficult situation.

 

[catboogie]

Preventing Divorce

jonathan,

i agree that couples' counciling would be a great idea for the two of you. without knowing more about your specific situation, it is hard to give more advice than that. is it possible for someone else to take on some of the care taker roles that she now fills? a family member, a friend, or a hired person even?

wish you luck. this sounds like a really difficult situation.

 

[catboogie]

Preventing Divorce

jonathan,

i agree that couples' counciling would be a great idea for the two of you. without knowing more about your specific situation, it is hard to give more advice than that. is it possible for someone else to take on some of the care taker roles that she now fills? a family member, a friend, or a hired person even?

wish you luck. this sounds like a really difficult situation.

 

[Angel]

Preventing Divorce

So sorry to read you are having such a difficult time. Before my tx, I became so ill that really my man's full role was as carer, and I needed care most of the time. When things began to get on top of him we had a big talk and decided to try some new things to help. I have a very supportive family, and they took it in turns to give him breaks, say for an evening, whilst he went out with his mates. We would also try and plan a trip at least once a week, gathering together oxygen cylinders etc, even if it was just to a friends house so I could lie about on their sofa! Perhaps she could get some additional support too? Over here we can have paid carers to relieve someone if they are single handedly caring for someone. I really don't know what else to suggest, except to talk to your wife as much as you can about all of this, and the fact that you are trying your best but unfortunately falling into a carers role can sometimes be inevitable. Best of luck with everything <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Angel]

Preventing Divorce

So sorry to read you are having such a difficult time. Before my tx, I became so ill that really my man's full role was as carer, and I needed care most of the time. When things began to get on top of him we had a big talk and decided to try some new things to help. I have a very supportive family, and they took it in turns to give him breaks, say for an evening, whilst he went out with his mates. We would also try and plan a trip at least once a week, gathering together oxygen cylinders etc, even if it was just to a friends house so I could lie about on their sofa! Perhaps she could get some additional support too? Over here we can have paid carers to relieve someone if they are single handedly caring for someone. I really don't know what else to suggest, except to talk to your wife as much as you can about all of this, and the fact that you are trying your best but unfortunately falling into a carers role can sometimes be inevitable. Best of luck with everything <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Angel]

Preventing Divorce

So sorry to read you are having such a difficult time. Before my tx, I became so ill that really my man's full role was as carer, and I needed care most of the time. When things began to get on top of him we had a big talk and decided to try some new things to help. I have a very supportive family, and they took it in turns to give him breaks, say for an evening, whilst he went out with his mates. We would also try and plan a trip at least once a week, gathering together oxygen cylinders etc, even if it was just to a friends house so I could lie about on their sofa! Perhaps she could get some additional support too? Over here we can have paid carers to relieve someone if they are single handedly caring for someone. I really don't know what else to suggest, except to talk to your wife as much as you can about all of this, and the fact that you are trying your best but unfortunately falling into a carers role can sometimes be inevitable. Best of luck with everything <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[luke]

Preventing Divorce

Grendel,

I believe that many times life gets in the way of love. Unfortunately, it takes a very special person to be able to deal with the life of CF and holding onto the feeling of "romatic love" would be difficult for some. The good news is that she stills love you or she wouldn't want to take care of you...it is how she is loving you is the problem. I have an easy answer just not an easy solution, bring the romance back in and move the CF back out. Make an effort to not let CF run your life, you know the old asthma commerical, "I have asthma but it doesn't have me?" Make an assertive effort to make her feel special and loved. From my experience women want many things but only need a few. 2 of which are to be wanted (not neccasarily needed) and to feel special. Think back to what got her to be in love with you in the first place and start from there. I am sure you didn't woo her with CPT and neb treatments so maybe just go back to what worked to begin with.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[luke]

Preventing Divorce

Grendel,

I believe that many times life gets in the way of love. Unfortunately, it takes a very special person to be able to deal with the life of CF and holding onto the feeling of "romatic love" would be difficult for some. The good news is that she stills love you or she wouldn't want to take care of you...it is how she is loving you is the problem. I have an easy answer just not an easy solution, bring the romance back in and move the CF back out. Make an effort to not let CF run your life, you know the old asthma commerical, "I have asthma but it doesn't have me?" Make an assertive effort to make her feel special and loved. From my experience women want many things but only need a few. 2 of which are to be wanted (not neccasarily needed) and to feel special. Think back to what got her to be in love with you in the first place and start from there. I am sure you didn't woo her with CPT and neb treatments so maybe just go back to what worked to begin with.

Good luck and keep us posted.