MicheleGazelle
New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>philipcachat30</b></i>
does anyone know any good excersises to build a stronger relationship?</end quote></div>
When I was first involved with the man I later married, I got a lot of his time and attention. He had a part-time job and two full time hobbies and I was one of his hobbies. Then he joined the military, found there wasn't enough time in the week for working 60+ hours and having two full time hobbies and promptly dropped me like a hot potato in order to make time for his other hobby, which is what apparently mattered most to him. I spent many years trying to get his attention back and we ultimately divorced. The only time I had his undivided attention was when we would argue for hours at a time, with me trying desperately to walk away from the argument so we could both cool off.
After we agreed to divorce but were still living together (my divorce was a rather drawn out process due to my health problems), I told him 2 things: a) the only time I have your undivided attention is the only time I wish you would go back to ignoring me like you usually do and b) if you spent 6 hours straight doing something pleasant with me once for every 20 times you spent 6 hours straight arguing with me, we could have made this work. With those remarks, he finally stopped hounding me and was more able to walk away from arguments, something he had never been able to do. The divorce was amicable and my relationships since then have been far more pleasant.
Sometimes, you need to deal with the painful, unpleasant stuff in life and a serious relationship must do that effectively to last. But you also need pleasant experiences together and you need to value the person enough to give them your undivided attention. In my experience, this makes going out to dinner a better relationship builder than going to a movie together because at dinner your focus is on each other and you talk but at a movie the focus is on the movie and you don't really talk. I have also found that cooking together and doing other interactive activities work well.
Good luck with this.
does anyone know any good excersises to build a stronger relationship?</end quote></div>
When I was first involved with the man I later married, I got a lot of his time and attention. He had a part-time job and two full time hobbies and I was one of his hobbies. Then he joined the military, found there wasn't enough time in the week for working 60+ hours and having two full time hobbies and promptly dropped me like a hot potato in order to make time for his other hobby, which is what apparently mattered most to him. I spent many years trying to get his attention back and we ultimately divorced. The only time I had his undivided attention was when we would argue for hours at a time, with me trying desperately to walk away from the argument so we could both cool off.
After we agreed to divorce but were still living together (my divorce was a rather drawn out process due to my health problems), I told him 2 things: a) the only time I have your undivided attention is the only time I wish you would go back to ignoring me like you usually do and b) if you spent 6 hours straight doing something pleasant with me once for every 20 times you spent 6 hours straight arguing with me, we could have made this work. With those remarks, he finally stopped hounding me and was more able to walk away from arguments, something he had never been able to do. The divorce was amicable and my relationships since then have been far more pleasant.
Sometimes, you need to deal with the painful, unpleasant stuff in life and a serious relationship must do that effectively to last. But you also need pleasant experiences together and you need to value the person enough to give them your undivided attention. In my experience, this makes going out to dinner a better relationship builder than going to a movie together because at dinner your focus is on each other and you talk but at a movie the focus is on the movie and you don't really talk. I have also found that cooking together and doing other interactive activities work well.
Good luck with this.