lilmac1177
New member
azdesertrat,
i am female, but i know what you mean about the feeling of worthlessness at times! i used to be SO hard on myself when i realized that i could no longer work a full-time job and financially contribute as much, and it took me a long time to put my health before my pride, but i have. i'm not going to lie, there are times those feelings creep up -mostly when a full-time position opens up at my Emergency Communications Center and knowing i can't take it (oddly enough, even if i COULD physically work full-time, i bring in more money w/ SSDI plus wages from ONE day of work per week than i would if i worked full-time w/ no SSDI income) - but i just have a little talk w/ myself (again LOL) ... so now that i've come to terms w/ not being able to work full-time, i just need to convince myself it's okay to be lazy w/ the housework sometimes
please don't ever think you are worthless!
i am female, but i know what you mean about the feeling of worthlessness at times! i used to be SO hard on myself when i realized that i could no longer work a full-time job and financially contribute as much, and it took me a long time to put my health before my pride, but i have. i'm not going to lie, there are times those feelings creep up -mostly when a full-time position opens up at my Emergency Communications Center and knowing i can't take it (oddly enough, even if i COULD physically work full-time, i bring in more money w/ SSDI plus wages from ONE day of work per week than i would if i worked full-time w/ no SSDI income) - but i just have a little talk w/ myself (again LOL) ... so now that i've come to terms w/ not being able to work full-time, i just need to convince myself it's okay to be lazy w/ the housework sometimes
please don't ever think you are worthless!
azdesertrat
New member
Thank you Lilmac1177. I appreciate your words of wisdom. I hope you have a satisfying, long & happy life...
Wow... Can I just say, I thought your were explaining my life! I'm 23. Been in a relationship with a guy for a year now. We have known each other since high school. I get disability but I'm not able to help out as much as I would like too and sometimes I have to ask him for help. I HATE asking for help. I only work one day a week which pays for groceries for about a week for us. Always have his laundry done, dishes done and dinner on the table when he gets home from work but I still sometimes feel like he would like more. Cf is a bitch. I've always been able to provide or myself until a few years ago. I got really sick and it's been a downward spiral since. I know he loves me, supports me and wants to do all he can but I still can't help that feeling that there could be someone else out there that can give him more of what he wants and needs. NO... He never gives me a reason to feel that way. It's just my own securities feeling that way.
beautifulsoul
Super Moderator
We used to hold weekly chat nights but the rise of social networking websites has pulled people away from our chats. We tried really hard to keep it going...
beautifulsoul
Super Moderator
PAT-
I can understand your frustrations and emotional baggage. I can't imagine how much harder it is for the male with CF with feeling like they need to provide everything for their spouse/family. All I can say is, you are a strong man and I admire your strength!
Keep your head up (L)
Hugs to you...
I can understand your frustrations and emotional baggage. I can't imagine how much harder it is for the male with CF with feeling like they need to provide everything for their spouse/family. All I can say is, you are a strong man and I admire your strength!
Keep your head up (L)
Hugs to you...
azdesertrat
New member
Amber, you're a big part of why I check in with this site at least every other day. Thank you for your kind words.
I have to say though; this must be a 'Mutual Admiration Society' because I DO admire you! I know some of what you've had to overcome & yet you keep pushin' on through. You are a fine example for the rest of us; whether we're young people with CF or old farts like me!
Love ya Sweetie, I hope ALL of you who keep in touch via this site have a fine upcoming week.
May God bless & be with each & every one of you...
I have to say though; this must be a 'Mutual Admiration Society' because I DO admire you! I know some of what you've had to overcome & yet you keep pushin' on through. You are a fine example for the rest of us; whether we're young people with CF or old farts like me!
Love ya Sweetie, I hope ALL of you who keep in touch via this site have a fine upcoming week.
May God bless & be with each & every one of you...
I can relate to this thread as we speak. I have been in a relationship for the past 2.5 years. I was up front and honest from day one with him about my illness etc. I think 3 weeks into our relationship I was hospitalized. He was great through all that and supported me through the 2 week stay and IV meds at home. Forward now 2 years later and my conditions been in decline mode. I had a bad bout with Mycobacteruium and needed 6 weeks of IV meds. I missed months of work and fell into a depression. After dealing with that he convinced me to stop working, which I did. I applied for SSDI and I got it. Obviously going on disability was a financial killer. I made good money before, had insurance and was left with nothing. Now money seems to be a issue all the time. Im on SSDI and make a decent amount. I pay more than half the bills etc...he makes comments about not being able to purchase a home because of my SSDI, says we cant start a family because we don't have the financial resources. I feel like Ive become nothing but a burden to him. I feel completely useless these days and regret quiting my job. Its unfortunately too late to turn back now. Even though he says he loves me I still have that sinking feeling inside he's going to leave. I don't know what I will do being alone for the rest of my life. Is a spouse really capable of being understanding forever???? Im thinking not. I need some words of encouragement. Thanks to all.
beautifulsoul
Super Moderator
Hi Semnie34,
I completely understand when you are referring to feeling like you are nothing but a burden to him. I've been down that road myself. Little things he might say here and there will end up making me feel that way but we haven't that discussion for a while now. He insists that that I'm not a burden in any way and that he does things for me because he loves me. Which is true He reminds me that he also gets overwhelmed with his own life sometimes which might cause him to say something that I take the wrong way. Most of the time it's a miscommunication issue. He continues to reassure me that he's not going anywhere. Have you ever sat down and had a really good talk about all of your feelings? ABOUT EVERYTHING (yours AND his?) I think it's a good thing to do for any relationship. In my opinion those talks only make you stronger together. To answer your last question, I don't think a boyfriend/spouse/husband will ever understand COMPLETELY. After all, you have to physically live with it to understand all the way. I can see how that would be frustrating to a certain point. I've done my best with explaining everything to my boyfriend. Like I said before, he loves me with all his heart so any issue that is CF related does not matter to him. I've never been sick or hospitalized yet (since I've met him) so whenever that does happen I'm sure it will definitely challenge us!
Money is always an issue in any relationship so unfortunately there isn't much advice I can give you from that standpoint.
I'm not sure if my post has been helpful at all but stay strong and keep your head up!
hugs to you
(L)
I completely understand when you are referring to feeling like you are nothing but a burden to him. I've been down that road myself. Little things he might say here and there will end up making me feel that way but we haven't that discussion for a while now. He insists that that I'm not a burden in any way and that he does things for me because he loves me. Which is true
He reminds me that he also gets overwhelmed with his own life sometimes which might cause him to say something that I take the wrong way. Most of the time it's a miscommunication issue. He continues to reassure me that he's not going anywhere. Have you ever sat down and had a really good talk about all of your feelings? ABOUT EVERYTHING (yours AND his?) I think it's a good thing to do for any relationship. In my opinion those talks only make you stronger together. To answer your last question, I don't think a boyfriend/spouse/husband will ever understand COMPLETELY. After all, you have to physically live with it to understand all the way. I can see how that would be frustrating to a certain point. I've done my best with explaining everything to my boyfriend. Like I said before, he loves me with all his heart so any issue that is CF related does not matter to him. I've never been sick or hospitalized yet (since I've met him) so whenever that does happen I'm sure it will definitely challenge us!Money is always an issue in any relationship so unfortunately there isn't much advice I can give you from that standpoint.
I'm not sure if my post has been helpful at all but stay strong and keep your head up!
hugs to you
(L)
azdesertrat
New member
It seems a CF'er with an overwhelmed spouse is a common thread here.
Mine tells me she feels oerwhelmed constantly.
I just tell her that I'm going to die in debt. It doesn't matter how hard we work, scrimp & save, we'll never dig out from my medical bills.
We were never legally married because I refuse to make her responsible for debt incurred because of my health issues. It sucks.
There seems to be no way around it.
I feel very blessed that she has stayed with me through it all for 23 years now! I truly think there is some Divine Interevention here. I just wish there was some way I could ease her mind.
My best to all of you in the same boat...
Mine tells me she feels oerwhelmed constantly.
I just tell her that I'm going to die in debt. It doesn't matter how hard we work, scrimp & save, we'll never dig out from my medical bills.
We were never legally married because I refuse to make her responsible for debt incurred because of my health issues. It sucks.
There seems to be no way around it.
I feel very blessed that she has stayed with me through it all for 23 years now! I truly think there is some Divine Interevention here. I just wish there was some way I could ease her mind.
My best to all of you in the same boat...