RELATIONSHIPS

2

2DIE4Corey

New member
Dear guys,
I´ve never been in a long-time relationship. U all know why. Because of being anxious to talk about and confront the partner (who doesnt have CF) with that siutation.

How did u handle it, (if u have CF and ur partner not)
Is there a real chance for a good relationship??

thanks, for ur replies.
Delia!
 
2

2DIE4Corey

New member
Dear guys,
I´ve never been in a long-time relationship. U all know why. Because of being anxious to talk about and confront the partner (who doesnt have CF) with that siutation.

How did u handle it, (if u have CF and ur partner not)
Is there a real chance for a good relationship??

thanks, for ur replies.
Delia!
 
2

2DIE4Corey

New member
Dear guys,
<br />I´ve never been in a long-time relationship. U all know why. Because of being anxious to talk about and confront the partner (who doesnt have CF) with that siutation.
<br />
<br />How did u handle it, (if u have CF and ur partner not)
<br />Is there a real chance for a good relationship??
<br />
<br />thanks, for ur replies.
<br />Delia!
 
M

mamaScarlett

Active member
Ummm, YEAH!!
Oh, I wish I could give you a hug hon. Of course you can have a wonderful relationship. Like any relationship, both people have to go into it with their eyes open, and with honesty.
I met my husband when I was very young (17). We started dating at 19 and have been married 9 yrs. Before him I had briefly dated a few other people and there is only one I can think of that couldn't handle the Cf.
I didn't crush me because I knew that I had something good to offer someone, so to me that was his problem, and bye bye!
With my now husband, I was open with him about my Cf. Before we were really serious he had gone out and bought a book about cf and educated himself. Of course there was still alot he had to know. He had some fears, and still does have fears, but his fears are no different than my fears about 'what if something ever happens to him, or what if something ever happens our kids..?'
I could marry a perfectly healthy man and he could be diagnosed with an incurable disease. (I have a good friend this has sadly happened to) Does that mean you walk out on your marriage? No, you love that person and that love moves you to care for them.
It really comes down to love. Whomever you chose to date is going to have a few obnoxious traits (bc we all do), so you'll have to take the good with the bad. Your 'bad' happens to be Cf. But if real love is there, you take the good with the bad. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
M

mamaScarlett

Active member
Ummm, YEAH!!
Oh, I wish I could give you a hug hon. Of course you can have a wonderful relationship. Like any relationship, both people have to go into it with their eyes open, and with honesty.
I met my husband when I was very young (17). We started dating at 19 and have been married 9 yrs. Before him I had briefly dated a few other people and there is only one I can think of that couldn't handle the Cf.
I didn't crush me because I knew that I had something good to offer someone, so to me that was his problem, and bye bye!
With my now husband, I was open with him about my Cf. Before we were really serious he had gone out and bought a book about cf and educated himself. Of course there was still alot he had to know. He had some fears, and still does have fears, but his fears are no different than my fears about 'what if something ever happens to him, or what if something ever happens our kids..?'
I could marry a perfectly healthy man and he could be diagnosed with an incurable disease. (I have a good friend this has sadly happened to) Does that mean you walk out on your marriage? No, you love that person and that love moves you to care for them.
It really comes down to love. Whomever you chose to date is going to have a few obnoxious traits (bc we all do), so you'll have to take the good with the bad. Your 'bad' happens to be Cf. But if real love is there, you take the good with the bad. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
M

mamaScarlett

Active member
Ummm, YEAH!!
<br />Oh, I wish I could give you a hug hon. Of course you can have a wonderful relationship. Like any relationship, both people have to go into it with their eyes open, and with honesty.
<br />I met my husband when I was very young (17). We started dating at 19 and have been married 9 yrs. Before him I had briefly dated a few other people and there is only one I can think of that couldn't handle the Cf.
<br />I didn't crush me because I knew that I had something good to offer someone, so to me that was his problem, and bye bye!
<br />With my now husband, I was open with him about my Cf. Before we were really serious he had gone out and bought a book about cf and educated himself. Of course there was still alot he had to know. He had some fears, and still does have fears, but his fears are no different than my fears about 'what if something ever happens to him, or what if something ever happens our kids..?'
<br />I could marry a perfectly healthy man and he could be diagnosed with an incurable disease. (I have a good friend this has sadly happened to) Does that mean you walk out on your marriage? No, you love that person and that love moves you to care for them.
<br />It really comes down to love. Whomever you chose to date is going to have a few obnoxious traits (bc we all do), so you'll have to take the good with the bad. Your 'bad' happens to be Cf. But if real love is there, you take the good with the bad. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
N

nocode

New member
Hi,

Yes it's totally possible to find partners who will accept you for what you are and look past the illness.

I've been in several relationships and I've never had a guy break up with me because of my condition. They were all aware of it and yes, it's hard, but if they love you then the illness does not mean a break up.

I had one boyfriend (who's now by best friend) who did say one thing to me that stuck with me and has changed my approach when it comes to telling the guy. He said that the beginnings of relationships are supposed to be all about fun and taking it easy etc. But when a person is confronted with such news, things change and most people will evaluate the situation and ask themselves if they see themselves going through such difficulties with the partner (the person with cf in this case). Then if the answer is yes, this can also help them realize how strong they feel about their (sick) partner.

This changed my approach because now I wait a few months until i disclose it.
(But he wanted to stay with me. I was the one who left him, in the end, I guess the feelings were not here from my part).

Vera, 27
 
N

nocode

New member
Hi,

Yes it's totally possible to find partners who will accept you for what you are and look past the illness.

I've been in several relationships and I've never had a guy break up with me because of my condition. They were all aware of it and yes, it's hard, but if they love you then the illness does not mean a break up.

I had one boyfriend (who's now by best friend) who did say one thing to me that stuck with me and has changed my approach when it comes to telling the guy. He said that the beginnings of relationships are supposed to be all about fun and taking it easy etc. But when a person is confronted with such news, things change and most people will evaluate the situation and ask themselves if they see themselves going through such difficulties with the partner (the person with cf in this case). Then if the answer is yes, this can also help them realize how strong they feel about their (sick) partner.

This changed my approach because now I wait a few months until i disclose it.
(But he wanted to stay with me. I was the one who left him, in the end, I guess the feelings were not here from my part).

Vera, 27
 
N

nocode

New member
Hi,
<br />
<br />Yes it's totally possible to find partners who will accept you for what you are and look past the illness.
<br />
<br />I've been in several relationships and I've never had a guy break up with me because of my condition. They were all aware of it and yes, it's hard, but if they love you then the illness does not mean a break up.
<br />
<br />I had one boyfriend (who's now by best friend) who did say one thing to me that stuck with me and has changed my approach when it comes to telling the guy. He said that the beginnings of relationships are supposed to be all about fun and taking it easy etc. But when a person is confronted with such news, things change and most people will evaluate the situation and ask themselves if they see themselves going through such difficulties with the partner (the person with cf in this case). Then if the answer is yes, this can also help them realize how strong they feel about their (sick) partner.
<br />
<br />This changed my approach because now I wait a few months until i disclose it.
<br />(But he wanted to stay with me. I was the one who left him, in the end, I guess the feelings were not here from my part).
<br />
<br />Vera, 27
 
N

nocode

New member
You also asked how do we handle it, so here's my 2 cents on this..

I usually prefer to not disclose the name of the illness straight away. I prefer to first tell them that I suffer from a condition that affects my lungs (in my case) and that's why I cough and get tired faster.

I used to talk about life expectancy straight away but that has changed. I prefer not to because who the hell knows anyway. With time, I also realized that I used to use my illness "in my favor", as a trump card, sort of something to make me different from the people they know, to cause an impact, to see their reaction, to test people. And I think a lot of times when I talked about life expectancy was precisely to that effect. I stopped doing that. I guess behaviors do change with age (this is a good thing).

I am a very independent person and one that rarely asks for help. So if they also see that, I guess that can help them accept it, because they don't feel like they have to be completely involved in the process (not for now anyway).

Vera
 
N

nocode

New member
You also asked how do we handle it, so here's my 2 cents on this..

I usually prefer to not disclose the name of the illness straight away. I prefer to first tell them that I suffer from a condition that affects my lungs (in my case) and that's why I cough and get tired faster.

I used to talk about life expectancy straight away but that has changed. I prefer not to because who the hell knows anyway. With time, I also realized that I used to use my illness "in my favor", as a trump card, sort of something to make me different from the people they know, to cause an impact, to see their reaction, to test people. And I think a lot of times when I talked about life expectancy was precisely to that effect. I stopped doing that. I guess behaviors do change with age (this is a good thing).

I am a very independent person and one that rarely asks for help. So if they also see that, I guess that can help them accept it, because they don't feel like they have to be completely involved in the process (not for now anyway).

Vera
 
N

nocode

New member
You also asked how do we handle it, so here's my 2 cents on this..
<br />
<br />I usually prefer to not disclose the name of the illness straight away. I prefer to first tell them that I suffer from a condition that affects my lungs (in my case) and that's why I cough and get tired faster.
<br />
<br />I used to talk about life expectancy straight away but that has changed. I prefer not to because who the hell knows anyway. With time, I also realized that I used to use my illness "in my favor", as a trump card, sort of something to make me different from the people they know, to cause an impact, to see their reaction, to test people. And I think a lot of times when I talked about life expectancy was precisely to that effect. I stopped doing that. I guess behaviors do change with age (this is a good thing).
<br />
<br />I am a very independent person and one that rarely asks for help. So if they also see that, I guess that can help them accept it, because they don't feel like they have to be completely involved in the process (not for now anyway).
<br />
<br />Vera
 
2

2DIE4Corey

New member
oh my gawd, I hear myself talkin, when I read ur words. that kind of behaviour regarding men, is soo me. I was as well sayin byebye to my dates, when i got that feelings, "no its not the right for it"...

and i really like to hear that ur husband went out get himself informed about everything. and this is exactly my problem. I always think, holysh... i dont want that he thinks, oky this girl dies in a few years and she could have this and that... gawwd.. u know, its difficult.. I mean of course is conversation the key to everything, cause somebody would understand it for sure. its just still hard for me to see it, that it could be much more easy if I would let it happen. i am pretty sure that i kicked some men for the wrong reason, cause i am sure that they would have cared for me the best they can, but but but... :)
 
2

2DIE4Corey

New member
oh my gawd, I hear myself talkin, when I read ur words. that kind of behaviour regarding men, is soo me. I was as well sayin byebye to my dates, when i got that feelings, "no its not the right for it"...

and i really like to hear that ur husband went out get himself informed about everything. and this is exactly my problem. I always think, holysh... i dont want that he thinks, oky this girl dies in a few years and she could have this and that... gawwd.. u know, its difficult.. I mean of course is conversation the key to everything, cause somebody would understand it for sure. its just still hard for me to see it, that it could be much more easy if I would let it happen. i am pretty sure that i kicked some men for the wrong reason, cause i am sure that they would have cared for me the best they can, but but but... :)
 
2

2DIE4Corey

New member
oh my gawd, I hear myself talkin, when I read ur words. that kind of behaviour regarding men, is soo me. I was as well sayin byebye to my dates, when i got that feelings, "no its not the right for it"...
<br />
<br />and i really like to hear that ur husband went out get himself informed about everything. and this is exactly my problem. I always think, holysh... i dont want that he thinks, oky this girl dies in a few years and she could have this and that... gawwd.. u know, its difficult.. I mean of course is conversation the key to everything, cause somebody would understand it for sure. its just still hard for me to see it, that it could be much more easy if I would let it happen. i am pretty sure that i kicked some men for the wrong reason, cause i am sure that they would have cared for me the best they can, but but but... :)
 
2

2DIE4Corey

New member
@nocode: yeah u do it the same way i do. i let ppl know that its a lungproblem, which let me havin pneumonia one time a year and that my immune system is weaker than from "normal" people... this works really good. And regarding life expectancy... its a foreign word for me, cause u know a sane person or we can cross the street, get hited by a car and can die. So I dont think how old I will get or could get. And nobody has the right to say: you will become this and that age...

and like u said, use it as a trump card, u r definitely right, cause ppl look really shocked, when they hear what u have to, takin meds, inhalations, seein docs a few times a year or more often and stuff like that. I just cant handle conversations like : "u r so poor and i really dont know how u can handle it in that way" ...
... i mean u know, i dont know an other life, so what shells... :)) thank u so much for ur reply!!
 
2

2DIE4Corey

New member
@nocode: yeah u do it the same way i do. i let ppl know that its a lungproblem, which let me havin pneumonia one time a year and that my immune system is weaker than from "normal" people... this works really good. And regarding life expectancy... its a foreign word for me, cause u know a sane person or we can cross the street, get hited by a car and can die. So I dont think how old I will get or could get. And nobody has the right to say: you will become this and that age...

and like u said, use it as a trump card, u r definitely right, cause ppl look really shocked, when they hear what u have to, takin meds, inhalations, seein docs a few times a year or more often and stuff like that. I just cant handle conversations like : "u r so poor and i really dont know how u can handle it in that way" ...
... i mean u know, i dont know an other life, so what shells... :)) thank u so much for ur reply!!
 
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