Chantel,
I'm sorry for some of the responsese you've recieved on here. It's one thing to share opinions, even if they differ. It's another thing to attack someone and shove your belief down their throat. I'm sorry that has happened to you.
As for the percentages of CF if your partners is a carrier, YES, it is at 50% chance of having a child with CF and a 50% chance of having a carrier. Risks I personally would not take, but you are not a bad person if that is the choice you make. You have to do what works for you and is in line with your beliefs and your faith. Here's a table of CF probabilities: <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.cysticfibrosismaleinfertility.com/Where_to_begin_carrierTesting.html
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I can understand really wanting a biological child, I can. When I was younger, I ALWAYS wanted children, I thought maybe I'd give birth to 1 or 2 and then adopt 1 or 2 (if I could afford to, adoption isn't cheap!). Then I met Mark. He told me he likely couldn't have kids, and that he didn't think adoption was for him. I pressed the adoption issue for a while, and we talked about it, never making a decision yes or no, but never closing the door either.
After years of researching, I found out that men with CF CAN have biological children and shared all of this information with him. He was beyone extatic about it. Going from thinking you'd NEVER be able to have biological children to finding out you can, what life changing information.
So, we decided we'd do one round of IVF. Mainly because it was all we could afford, but also because I decided once was all I could mentally and emotionally handle. If the IVF didn't work, we WOULD move onto adoption. Neither of us were against adoption, but to be honest it wasn't our first choice either.
People ask me often (when they learn about our situation), "why didn't you adopt, so many kids need homes". And my response is that I have yearned all my life to be pregnant. Nothing can replace the feeling I have when I feel my babies moving inside of me, nothing can mimic the joy on my husbands face when his babies do "alien" movements at midnight across my stomach, nothing will stick out so clearly in my mind as the first time my husband felt a baby move, the first time he heard the hearbeat, the first indication in my stomach area that I was pregnant and could no longer fit into my jeans (oh how he laughed!). I laugh everytime I stand up and can't see my feet anymore. There are so many things that adoption cannot fulfill for me or for him. Yes you can breastfeed an adopted baby, and if that was the route we choose, I WOULD have breastfed any baby we adopted. But first and foremost we wanted to try IVF for a baby I could give birth to.
So, I can understand just how you and your BF feel.
Also, there is nothing wrong with talking about or even considering having kids before marriage- In MY OPINION! I'm religious, so I've sinned... shoot me. I know it's "wrong" by my religion, but unfortunately that doesn't change my opinion. Before we knew for sure Mark couldn't have kids, we were trying... YEARS before we were married.
Anybody who said to you something about getting a husband as opposed to a boyfriend before having children, BETTER NOT have had sex yet, or at least BETTER have been married before they had sex. IF not, what a hypocrite. Everytime you have sex, you risk having a child.... and if it's a religious thing, they the sex before marriage should go hand in hand with the children before marriage!
You two are actually wise (again, in my opinion) to be discussing all of these things now. Better to hash it out and find out you don't share the same opinions now (lifechanging opinions/beliefs) then to find out 2 years into your marriage.
If he is a carrier, you DO have options to still have a biological child! First, get him tested through one of the labs that does extensive CF carrier testing, Ambry Genetics or Quest Diagnostics. If he is a carrier, you can always look into IVF with PGD. The PGD will identify the embryos with 2 CF mutations and then you can use the embryos that contain only 1 CF mutation (i.e. a carrier)
IVF and PGD is expensive, but more and more cases are being covered by insurance when you write a letter to them explaining that you have CF, your husband/BF is a carrier and therefore you have a 50% chance of having a child with CF. When put to the ins. company this way, many are actually covering IVF and PGD because they are finally realizing the possible long term costs of CF care for a child are MUCH more than the $17k they will shell out in coverage for IVF and PGD. They will spend more than $17K in the first WEEK of that childs life if he/she has CF... so many are starting to pay.
If that doesn't work, there is a website, www.inciid.org and they have a program called, "from the Heart" where they award scholarships to couples who's only chance to concieve is IVF. Granted, you could probably concieve naturally, BUT you are trying to prevent bringing another child with CF into this world. They will respect that. You have to write a statement of WHY you need IVF and that would be your opportunity to explain why you are choosing IVF with PGD. They are LEGITIMATE. I was choosen for a cycle this year in March... unfortunately I was already pregnant and since the doctors donate services, it wasn't like they could reimburse me for the cash I spent. And the dr. wasn't going to give money back to someone who had already paid... but they are a legitimate company and they have quite a few success stories of "heart" babies on their website.
Best of luck whatever you choose, and do what works for YOU and for your BF. You two are the only ones who have to live with your decision!!!
