stay at home or work?

CJPsMom · Mar 16, 2011

Our son was born at the end of November with CF. He spent a month in the NICU due to meconium ileus and a subsequent week getting his ileostomy takedown completed.

I've gone back to work and my husband also works. My husband's sister takes care of our son during the day which is great, except that she has 3 boys - twins who are 3 1/2 and a 6 year old - and they LOVE their cousin and can't keep their hands/face off of him. Since I've been back to work, he's already had one cold and we're concerned today because when my husband dropped him off, the oldest cousin was coughing up phlegm and said he didn't feel well.

A little background to ask for those of you with non-school age CFers, how do you handle child care? Do one of the parents stay home? If so, did you both work previously? If so, how did you decide?

We're really struggling with this now and we're not sure if the extra money to pay for needs outweighs having him at home, we're he's not exposed to as many germs. If one of us left work, we could manage, but barely and probably not without using our savings to help.

And one final question...does this ever get easier?

CJPsMom · Mar 16, 2011

Our son was born at the end of November with CF. He spent a month in the NICU due to meconium ileus and a subsequent week getting his ileostomy takedown completed.

I've gone back to work and my husband also works. My husband's sister takes care of our son during the day which is great, except that she has 3 boys - twins who are 3 1/2 and a 6 year old - and they LOVE their cousin and can't keep their hands/face off of him. Since I've been back to work, he's already had one cold and we're concerned today because when my husband dropped him off, the oldest cousin was coughing up phlegm and said he didn't feel well.

A little background to ask for those of you with non-school age CFers, how do you handle child care? Do one of the parents stay home? If so, did you both work previously? If so, how did you decide?

We're really struggling with this now and we're not sure if the extra money to pay for needs outweighs having him at home, we're he's not exposed to as many germs. If one of us left work, we could manage, but barely and probably not without using our savings to help.

And one final question...does this ever get easier?

CJPsMom · Mar 16, 2011

Our son was born at the end of November with CF. He spent a month in the NICU due to meconium ileus and a subsequent week getting his ileostomy takedown completed.
 
 I've gone back to work and my husband also works. My husband's sister takes care of our son during the day which is great, except that she has 3 boys - twins who are 3 1/2 and a 6 year old - and they LOVE their cousin and can't keep their hands/face off of him. Since I've been back to work, he's already had one cold and we're concerned today because when my husband dropped him off, the oldest cousin was coughing up phlegm and said he didn't feel well.
 
 A little background to ask for those of you with non-school age CFers, how do you handle child care? Do one of the parents stay home? If so, did you both work previously? If so, how did you decide?
 
 We're really struggling with this now and we're not sure if the extra money to pay for needs outweighs having him at home, we're he's not exposed to as many germs. If one of us left work, we could manage, but barely and probably not without using our savings to help.
 
 And one final question...does this ever get easier?

pipersmom · Mar 16, 2011

I don't know that it ever gets easier, but it does get woven into your every day life. Doing the meds and checking for symptoms becomes just another routine thing, like making a pot of coffee when you get out of bed.

Piper is 9 now. About two weeks before she was born, I was laid off a very well paying job. At the time, I was extremely upset. We decided I would stay home until she was 6 months old. She was diagnosed at 4 months, and that was all she wrote, I became a full-time stay at home Mom. We were getting by, and this way she wasn't exposed to anything. When she was 3, I divorced. I have continued to stay at home because of the number of inpatient visits and IV meds she's been on. For the last two yrs, she's pretty much exclusively been on homebound teaching, and honestly I don't know how I could work outside the home with her health needs. I have no savings, and we live month to month. We don't do a lot of eating out, she doesn't have all the latest toys, etc. It's worth it for me. I'm hoping as she gets older, she'll think it was worth it as well.

Before she started getting so many exacerbations, I would have loved to work, even part time, my problem was finding an employer willing to work with me when she had to be hospitalized or home on IVs. I'm pretty much her only caregiver, so that complicates things. I'm also unwilling to leave her alone at a hospital 2 hrs away at her age. I realize there are people who do have to do so, and do not judge anyone in that situation at all, it's just not something I personally could do. It sucks being broke all the time, there are nights I've cried because she's asked for something reasonable and I could not fit it in the budget, but I wouldn't change a thing, particularly because of the severity of her CF. I'll take all the time I can get, even if we drive each other nuts at times, lol.

pipersmom · Mar 16, 2011

I don't know that it ever gets easier, but it does get woven into your every day life. Doing the meds and checking for symptoms becomes just another routine thing, like making a pot of coffee when you get out of bed.

Piper is 9 now. About two weeks before she was born, I was laid off a very well paying job. At the time, I was extremely upset. We decided I would stay home until she was 6 months old. She was diagnosed at 4 months, and that was all she wrote, I became a full-time stay at home Mom. We were getting by, and this way she wasn't exposed to anything. When she was 3, I divorced. I have continued to stay at home because of the number of inpatient visits and IV meds she's been on. For the last two yrs, she's pretty much exclusively been on homebound teaching, and honestly I don't know how I could work outside the home with her health needs. I have no savings, and we live month to month. We don't do a lot of eating out, she doesn't have all the latest toys, etc. It's worth it for me. I'm hoping as she gets older, she'll think it was worth it as well.

Before she started getting so many exacerbations, I would have loved to work, even part time, my problem was finding an employer willing to work with me when she had to be hospitalized or home on IVs. I'm pretty much her only caregiver, so that complicates things. I'm also unwilling to leave her alone at a hospital 2 hrs away at her age. I realize there are people who do have to do so, and do not judge anyone in that situation at all, it's just not something I personally could do. It sucks being broke all the time, there are nights I've cried because she's asked for something reasonable and I could not fit it in the budget, but I wouldn't change a thing, particularly because of the severity of her CF. I'll take all the time I can get, even if we drive each other nuts at times, lol.

pipersmom · Mar 16, 2011

I don't know that it ever gets easier, but it does get woven into your every day life. Doing the meds and checking for symptoms becomes just another routine thing, like making a pot of coffee when you get out of bed.
 
 Piper is 9 now. About two weeks before she was born, I was laid off a very well paying job. At the time, I was extremely upset. We decided I would stay home until she was 6 months old. She was diagnosed at 4 months, and that was all she wrote, I became a full-time stay at home Mom. We were getting by, and this way she wasn't exposed to anything. When she was 3, I divorced. I have continued to stay at home because of the number of inpatient visits and IV meds she's been on. For the last two yrs, she's pretty much exclusively been on homebound teaching, and honestly I don't know how I could work outside the home with her health needs. I have no savings, and we live month to month. We don't do a lot of eating out, she doesn't have all the latest toys, etc. It's worth it for me. I'm hoping as she gets older, she'll think it was worth it as well.
 
 Before she started getting so many exacerbations, I would have loved to work, even part time, my problem was finding an employer willing to work with me when she had to be hospitalized or home on IVs. I'm pretty much her only caregiver, so that complicates things. I'm also unwilling to leave her alone at a hospital 2 hrs away at her age. I realize there are people who do have to do so, and do not judge anyone in that situation at all, it's just not something I personally could do. It sucks being broke all the time, there are nights I've cried because she's asked for something reasonable and I could not fit it in the budget, but I wouldn't change a thing, particularly because of the severity of her CF. I'll take all the time I can get, even if we drive each other nuts at times, lol.

Ratatosk · Mar 16, 2011

DS went to daycare -- a center. It wasn't an easy decision, we thought long and hard about it. Both DH and I have fairly good jobs, with benefits, time off, retirement...

Found a daycare that was wonderful about sanitizing, germ control. He was one of 6 babies. Babies were kept away from the general population -- germy toddlers. The daycare kept us informed about what bugs were going around. DS did have synagis shots for rsv the first year and he gets flu shots each year.

We figured we'd play it by ear. If DS did have issues, we'd rethink things -- possibly get a nanny. I'm not a fan of homebased daycares because of the issues with children of all ages in the same space. Our view was that eventually DS would be going to school.

Ratatosk · Mar 16, 2011

DS went to daycare -- a center. It wasn't an easy decision, we thought long and hard about it. Both DH and I have fairly good jobs, with benefits, time off, retirement...

Found a daycare that was wonderful about sanitizing, germ control. He was one of 6 babies. Babies were kept away from the general population -- germy toddlers. The daycare kept us informed about what bugs were going around. DS did have synagis shots for rsv the first year and he gets flu shots each year.

We figured we'd play it by ear. If DS did have issues, we'd rethink things -- possibly get a nanny. I'm not a fan of homebased daycares because of the issues with children of all ages in the same space. Our view was that eventually DS would be going to school.

Ratatosk · Mar 16, 2011

DS went to daycare -- a center. It wasn't an easy decision, we thought long and hard about it. Both DH and I have fairly good jobs, with benefits, time off, retirement...
 
 Found a daycare that was wonderful about sanitizing, germ control. He was one of 6 babies. Babies were kept away from the general population -- germy toddlers. The daycare kept us informed about what bugs were going around. DS did have synagis shots for rsv the first year and he gets flu shots each year.
 
 We figured we'd play it by ear. If DS did have issues, we'd rethink things -- possibly get a nanny. I'm not a fan of homebased daycares because of the issues with children of all ages in the same space. Our view was that eventually DS would be going to school.

NancyLKF · Mar 16, 2011

We both worked before Maggie's diagnosis. Our CF doc (she was 6 days old) said no daycare for at least 6 months. So we decided no daycare ever. I stay at home and actually work from home writing for parentingsquad.com and families.com as well as some regional parenting publications. We know she'll go to school one day, but the fewer times she gets sick the better. We are controlling her environment for as long as possible and she didn't get her first cold until she was almost two! It's been rough financially, but we wouldn't trade her health or my time with her at home for anything! - not even a good pedicure! LOL - and I could use one!

NancyLKF · Mar 16, 2011

We both worked before Maggie's diagnosis. Our CF doc (she was 6 days old) said no daycare for at least 6 months. So we decided no daycare ever. I stay at home and actually work from home writing for parentingsquad.com and families.com as well as some regional parenting publications. We know she'll go to school one day, but the fewer times she gets sick the better. We are controlling her environment for as long as possible and she didn't get her first cold until she was almost two! It's been rough financially, but we wouldn't trade her health or my time with her at home for anything! - not even a good pedicure! LOL - and I could use one!

NancyLKF · Mar 16, 2011

We both worked before Maggie's diagnosis. Our CF doc (she was 6 days old) said no daycare for at least 6 months. So we decided no daycare ever. I stay at home and actually work from home writing for parentingsquad.com and families.com as well as some regional parenting publications. We know she'll go to school one day, but the fewer times she gets sick the better. We are controlling her environment for as long as possible and she didn't get her first cold until she was almost two! It's been rough financially, but we wouldn't trade her health or my time with her at home for anything! - not even a good pedicure! LOL - and I could use one!

Treewife · Mar 16, 2011

Not a stay at home Mom - never have been.

Ashley was diagnosed at 6 months and I considered getting out of the Navy but knew that I needed the Medical benefits for her so I stayed. One thing I have always utilized is Center care. I cannot believe that a personal home can be as maintained as a center. They just appear more clinical with everything being used only during business hours and required sanitation. Yes Ashley ended up with a few colds but no more or less than her sister or brother without CF and actually she had less admissions back in daycare... middle and high school have been our much sicker times.

I know that at any center I went to with my kids they had a much stricter sick kid policy regarding fevers cough runny noses than any of my firen's home care providors.

Maybe it would be better to stay at home. But I also think that the stress of less money could be pretty hard when added onto the stress of your child's health and medical needs.

Treewife · Mar 16, 2011

Not a stay at home Mom - never have been.

Ashley was diagnosed at 6 months and I considered getting out of the Navy but knew that I needed the Medical benefits for her so I stayed. One thing I have always utilized is Center care. I cannot believe that a personal home can be as maintained as a center. They just appear more clinical with everything being used only during business hours and required sanitation. Yes Ashley ended up with a few colds but no more or less than her sister or brother without CF and actually she had less admissions back in daycare... middle and high school have been our much sicker times.

I know that at any center I went to with my kids they had a much stricter sick kid policy regarding fevers cough runny noses than any of my firen's home care providors.

Maybe it would be better to stay at home. But I also think that the stress of less money could be pretty hard when added onto the stress of your child's health and medical needs.

Treewife · Mar 16, 2011

Not a stay at home Mom - never have been.
 
 Ashley was diagnosed at 6 months and I considered getting out of the Navy but knew that I needed the Medical benefits for her so I stayed. One thing I have always utilized is Center care. I cannot believe that a personal home can be as maintained as a center. They just appear more clinical with everything being used only during business hours and required sanitation. Yes Ashley ended up with a few colds but no more or less than her sister or brother without CF and actually she had less admissions back in daycare... middle and high school have been our much sicker times.
 
 I know that at any center I went to with my kids they had a much stricter sick kid policy regarding fevers cough runny noses than any of my firen's home care providors.
 
 Maybe it would be better to stay at home. But I also think that the stress of less money could be pretty hard when added onto the stress of your child's health and medical needs.

Mommafirst · Mar 16, 2011

I work and we bring in a sitter to our home instead of using day care -- basically like a nanny. It worked very well when Alyssa was little, because I have three young kids and it was less expensive than a day care center and I was guaranteed that no sick kids would be near her.

This is such an individual decision and a lot depends on how your child does with his CF over time. Hang in there, it does get easier in that you learn to cope with the uncertainty of it all.

Mommafirst · Mar 16, 2011

I work and we bring in a sitter to our home instead of using day care -- basically like a nanny. It worked very well when Alyssa was little, because I have three young kids and it was less expensive than a day care center and I was guaranteed that no sick kids would be near her.

This is such an individual decision and a lot depends on how your child does with his CF over time. Hang in there, it does get easier in that you learn to cope with the uncertainty of it all.

Mommafirst · Mar 16, 2011

I work and we bring in a sitter to our home instead of using day care -- basically like a nanny. It worked very well when Alyssa was little, because I have three young kids and it was less expensive than a day care center and I was guaranteed that no sick kids would be near her.
 
 This is such an individual decision and a lot depends on how your child does with his CF over time. Hang in there, it does get easier in that you learn to cope with the uncertainty of it all.

ymikhale · Mar 16, 2011

I have a nanny for my 2 y/o w/cf. We share the nanny with another family for financial reasons. We came up with an arrangement that if one of the kids is sick, the family in question takes over his childcare. In spite of all these precautions, my dd caught many colds this year, i have no clue why.
our hospital also told us no daycare b/c until they are 3 their immune system is immature.

ymikhale · Mar 16, 2011

I have a nanny for my 2 y/o w/cf. We share the nanny with another family for financial reasons. We came up with an arrangement that if one of the kids is sick, the family in question takes over his childcare. In spite of all these precautions, my dd caught many colds this year, i have no clue why.
our hospital also told us no daycare b/c until they are 3 their immune system is immature.

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