I really want to share on the whole isue of Terri's husband being with another woman and having children. It seems that quite a long time ago he lost faith in the fact that his wife would ever come around. Initially, he did do everything in his power to get a nursing degree and was by her side non-stop. Then there came a point, after much testing and CAT scans and such that it seems he concluded regardless of how much he wished for her to come around, it just wasn't medically possible. And yes there are miracles everyday, but you have to draw the line somewhere. That is when he started pushing to take her off everything artificial and let her go. Then came in the parents to fight the entire thing. To me, this situation reminds me of a story from the bible, in a way.
There is a situation where two different mothers are claiming that one baby is theirs. It goes on and on and on this way for a while. Then somebody concludes that the only thing to do is cut the baby in half and give each half to each mother since it can't be determined which woman is telling the truth. One mother agrees, the next says "don't do that, just give her the baby". Now, who do you think the real mother is, the one who really cares about the baby? Certainly not the mother who is willing to let the baby suffer and cut it in half. And I feel that suffering is exactly what her parents are letting her do. When she got married, I believe that her parents no longer have a say in what happens to her since she has a husband. I would certainly be mad, and feel the way her husband seems to feel if my husband's parents came in and said "let him live, do all you can" because that is NOT what my husband has expressed to me he wants. Has my husband ever talked about this with his parents, no. Why, that is his issue, but I am the one who ultimately has the say, he has intrusted me to do the right thing with his wishes. And I believe that is only what her husband is doing here.
To him, Terri has probably been "dead" for a long time. She can't return love, emotion, hugging and touching; she can't communicate; and she is virtually brain dead with no signs of ever recovering. I personally would not "move on", even though my husband might die before me (although it might be my time first) I won't ever remarry or move on to somebody else; this is just the way I choose to live my life. I only have one love and that is all I ever want. But, I can understand what her husband did. He didn't start dating other women until he decided that his wife probably wasn't going to come around, it's not like he was out dating a week later. Why should he sit around being miserable when there is the opportunity for him to find new companinonship out there. And yes, I believe he could have divorced her, but then he would have given up the right to say what be done with her concerning her medical care. It seems to me that regardless of everything else going on in his life- it still seems VERY important to him to have a say in what happens to his wife. I can only imagine that he is fulfilling a promise to her that if something ever happened to her, he would carry out her wishes.
Just my few thoughts,
Julie (wife to mark 24 w/CF)
