T
Terry
Guest
"Out-of-county, kicked out of 4 daycares, biting, and so on..."
I don't pass any judgement on you, so please don't feel that I do. Only you can know what your limits are, and that has to be respected.
I am from the other side of the playing field, so I have a lot of sorrow in my heart for the children that you are caring for. I am the oldest of 5 children. When I was 15, all of us were removed from my home, and except for the two youngest boys, we were all separated. The two boys were "lucky" enough to be placed together the first round of foster care. Some of us never got to see each other while in Social Services custody, or even call. Every now and then the judge would decide to try to let the younger kids (I ran away from Social Services when I was 15) go back with mom and dad, only to remove them again within 2 months. Each time the kids did the dance between caregivers. Sometimes, even if the kids were on their best behavior to not be sent away, the kids would be moved on because they (the fosters) only did it for a short term, until the kids could be placed elsewhere because everyone wants a baby, but not a kid.
I don't say anything above against you, please understand that. I admire you giving so much of yourself. I only wanted to let you know that my younger siblings turned into monsters that they never were due to the system. They didn't want to be taken away from mom and dad, they were resentful, scared, unable to attach, and when they did, it was always to be sent back home and have the person they bonded with fill their spot so it was unavailable when they got taken away again. The younger three have never truly gotten it together, and the youngest of the group is now 29. One brother died at 28 due to a heroin overdose, another brother decides he should hurt society and bounce from state to state jail hopping, my sister (the baby) paid a man $40.00 to shoot her, and is still angry that he "messed up."
I am okay only because 1 person made a difference in my life early on. My bond with my grandmother was so strong, and she was such a gift to me. I hurt because she passed away when I was 8 years old, but I am grateful that during the truly important years of my life I learned what love was.
My point in all of this is that I think when you look into fostering children, you are looking into taking in kids that are angry, scared, untrusting, and very needy. These for the most part are kids that don't know what it is like to be SAFE. Most of the time they have been ripped away from even their siblings, which was so much harder for us than being taken away from our parents. No matter how old the oldest kids are, a lot of the time they are the people who have "protected" the younger ones and have made them feel "safe."
I wish you lots of luck, and I will pray for all involved, that everyone be given strength, you for strength to break down their walls, and them for strength to trust you.
Take Care,
Terry
I don't pass any judgement on you, so please don't feel that I do. Only you can know what your limits are, and that has to be respected.
I am from the other side of the playing field, so I have a lot of sorrow in my heart for the children that you are caring for. I am the oldest of 5 children. When I was 15, all of us were removed from my home, and except for the two youngest boys, we were all separated. The two boys were "lucky" enough to be placed together the first round of foster care. Some of us never got to see each other while in Social Services custody, or even call. Every now and then the judge would decide to try to let the younger kids (I ran away from Social Services when I was 15) go back with mom and dad, only to remove them again within 2 months. Each time the kids did the dance between caregivers. Sometimes, even if the kids were on their best behavior to not be sent away, the kids would be moved on because they (the fosters) only did it for a short term, until the kids could be placed elsewhere because everyone wants a baby, but not a kid.
I don't say anything above against you, please understand that. I admire you giving so much of yourself. I only wanted to let you know that my younger siblings turned into monsters that they never were due to the system. They didn't want to be taken away from mom and dad, they were resentful, scared, unable to attach, and when they did, it was always to be sent back home and have the person they bonded with fill their spot so it was unavailable when they got taken away again. The younger three have never truly gotten it together, and the youngest of the group is now 29. One brother died at 28 due to a heroin overdose, another brother decides he should hurt society and bounce from state to state jail hopping, my sister (the baby) paid a man $40.00 to shoot her, and is still angry that he "messed up."
I am okay only because 1 person made a difference in my life early on. My bond with my grandmother was so strong, and she was such a gift to me. I hurt because she passed away when I was 8 years old, but I am grateful that during the truly important years of my life I learned what love was.
My point in all of this is that I think when you look into fostering children, you are looking into taking in kids that are angry, scared, untrusting, and very needy. These for the most part are kids that don't know what it is like to be SAFE. Most of the time they have been ripped away from even their siblings, which was so much harder for us than being taken away from our parents. No matter how old the oldest kids are, a lot of the time they are the people who have "protected" the younger ones and have made them feel "safe."
I wish you lots of luck, and I will pray for all involved, that everyone be given strength, you for strength to break down their walls, and them for strength to trust you.
Take Care,
Terry