19forever93
New member
The day I found out that the life expectancy for CF was only in the 30's was the day of the CF walk when I was about 10...it was the first time I had ever really listened to the speech there. The lady speaking was going on and on about how the life expectancy has been climbing, from dying before childhood, to now. I thought that with CF now the life expectancy had to be about normal, but was it ever a shock when she said, "And now the life expectancy is higher than ever: 37 years old!!" and everyone started cheering. Except me. That's when it really hit me that CF is serious...it's always been pretty mild with me, but I know that for most it gets worse as you get older. And it's so scary to think about sometimes...all the time when I was little I used to think, "Wow, I wish I was lucky enough to just sit here and relax instead of doing Vest..." or, "How come it's ME stuck with taking all these pills?" And now all I can seem to think about when I think of CF is my future...I'm smart. I want to go to college, get a good job, get married, have kids...but knowing that that could be ruined by CF makes me really sad sometimes. I constantly worry about my future...I'm trying to do all I can to stay healthy, but what if that isn't enough? I try to distract myself, but everything I do makes me think of something that CF could take away from me in my future. I've always been a huge worrier, but never this worried...it is getting ridiculous. Everytime I think about CF it feels like I just got punched in the stomach and I just want to cry and cry...I could be worrying for no reason: a lot of people with CF live good, long lives. But not everyone does. What if that's me? What if I start going to the hospital all the time, or suddenly just decline, or need a transplant or something? What would happen to my life? Anyway, I am just constantly thinking about this, it is NOT healthy, that's for sure. Could it be the start of depression or something? I certainly don't want to go down that road...If I am how can I stop myself? Does anyone else feel like this or have any advice on how to deal with it? I need to have someone to talk to (and not my parents.) Thanks a lot <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
-19forever93
14 years old with CF
-19forever93
14 years old with CF