Hey Colin,
Sorry you had to go into lock up, being in the hospital is so hard. I hate it, the lack of privacy, the feelings of being bored, the fact that you have nothing better to do then think about your disease, the progress of it, where it may or may not lead and how fast it may go there.
I certainly at best am an a typical CFer...and even that is still up in the air at this point...but I have spent a very good portion of my life in the hospital.
Having a good CF team is everything... I am really, really lucky, I go to MUSC in Charleston and the team there really understands all aspects of CF, not just the disease process of it but the mental and emotional hell you go through as well.
My doctors, Dr Stenbit and Dr Flume, mostly I see Dr. Stenbit and she is amazing, but they are both great and a wonderful balance but they totally get it for me..
I had to quit working a year ago and I thought I was going to lose my mind but they were so supportive and have worked so hard to get me to have the amazing quality of life I now enjoy.
Even with that great quality of life I have it is hard because every other aspect of my life is up in the air, including disability, my house is for sale and we don't actually know what my disease process is..
Would I love to be knocked out with drugs and woken up when it is all resolved... HECK YES but Heck NO at the same time
Next time you go in, can maybe your RT take you down to the gym to exercise? I within the last year have started exercising and especially the last several months, it is a great stress reducer...
ALso, can you talk to your doctors? Are they supportive? You can always come on here and chat, or if you are on facebook. I pretty much live on there.. I would love to chat and keep you company while you are in.
I think it is great that you are being honest and looking for help.. It takes a strong person to admit what you did....
Hope you find some healthy things to entertain yourself with soon.
Jennifer