to the partners

[lilywing]

Hi everyone,
I've been with my bf for over 10 years now. I think he knows cf pretty well. He's been around for many ups and downs and in betweens. He doesn't like to talk about it much, even when I bring it up. He likes me to stay positive and not talk sad. I guess I understand that, but to me, that feels like denial. Sometimes I keep a strong front so I don't upset him, but in doing so, I feel that I can't talk about my true feelings.

To the partners:
Do you worry about your cf person but keep it to yourself? Do you try not to worry them?

Do you sometimes wonder what life would/will be like without your cf person, and that is too hard to talk about?

Do you talk to your friends/family even if you can't talk to your cf person about CF? Does that help?

Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding him back; I worry that he thinks so too. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. I just feel like he would obviously be better off without this, as would I . But I'm stuck with it, he's not. I'm insecure, and I worry that he won't always be there, especially when it gets to the end, and I would be devastated by that. Sometimes I think that would be harder than the actual death part.

 

[lilywing]

Hi everyone,
I've been with my bf for over 10 years now. I think he knows cf pretty well. He's been around for many ups and downs and in betweens. He doesn't like to talk about it much, even when I bring it up. He likes me to stay positive and not talk sad. I guess I understand that, but to me, that feels like denial. Sometimes I keep a strong front so I don't upset him, but in doing so, I feel that I can't talk about my true feelings.

To the partners:
Do you worry about your cf person but keep it to yourself? Do you try not to worry them?

Do you sometimes wonder what life would/will be like without your cf person, and that is too hard to talk about?

Do you talk to your friends/family even if you can't talk to your cf person about CF? Does that help?

Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding him back; I worry that he thinks so too. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. I just feel like he would obviously be better off without this, as would I . But I'm stuck with it, he's not. I'm insecure, and I worry that he won't always be there, especially when it gets to the end, and I would be devastated by that. Sometimes I think that would be harder than the actual death part.

 

[lilywing]

Hi everyone,
I've been with my bf for over 10 years now. I think he knows cf pretty well. He's been around for many ups and downs and in betweens. He doesn't like to talk about it much, even when I bring it up. He likes me to stay positive and not talk sad. I guess I understand that, but to me, that feels like denial. Sometimes I keep a strong front so I don't upset him, but in doing so, I feel that I can't talk about my true feelings.

To the partners:
Do you worry about your cf person but keep it to yourself? Do you try not to worry them?

Do you sometimes wonder what life would/will be like without your cf person, and that is too hard to talk about?

Do you talk to your friends/family even if you can't talk to your cf person about CF? Does that help?

Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding him back; I worry that he thinks so too. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. I just feel like he would obviously be better off without this, as would I . But I'm stuck with it, he's not. I'm insecure, and I worry that he won't always be there, especially when it gets to the end, and I would be devastated by that. Sometimes I think that would be harder than the actual death part.

 

[lilywing]

Hi everyone,
I've been with my bf for over 10 years now. I think he knows cf pretty well. He's been around for many ups and downs and in betweens. He doesn't like to talk about it much, even when I bring it up. He likes me to stay positive and not talk sad. I guess I understand that, but to me, that feels like denial. Sometimes I keep a strong front so I don't upset him, but in doing so, I feel that I can't talk about my true feelings.

To the partners:
Do you worry about your cf person but keep it to yourself? Do you try not to worry them?

Do you sometimes wonder what life would/will be like without your cf person, and that is too hard to talk about?

Do you talk to your friends/family even if you can't talk to your cf person about CF? Does that help?

Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding him back; I worry that he thinks so too. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. I just feel like he would obviously be better off without this, as would I . But I'm stuck with it, he's not. I'm insecure, and I worry that he won't always be there, especially when it gets to the end, and I would be devastated by that. Sometimes I think that would be harder than the actual death part.

 

[lilywing]

Hi everyone,
<br />I've been with my bf for over 10 years now. I think he knows cf pretty well. He's been around for many ups and downs and in betweens. He doesn't like to talk about it much, even when I bring it up. He likes me to stay positive and not talk sad. I guess I understand that, but to me, that feels like denial. Sometimes I keep a strong front so I don't upset him, but in doing so, I feel that I can't talk about my true feelings.
<br />
<br />To the partners:
<br />Do you worry about your cf person but keep it to yourself? Do you try not to worry them?
<br />
<br />Do you sometimes wonder what life would/will be like without your cf person, and that is too hard to talk about?
<br />
<br />Do you talk to your friends/family even if you can't talk to your cf person about CF? Does that help?
<br />
<br />Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding him back; I worry that he thinks so too. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. I just feel like he would obviously be better off without this, as would I . But I'm stuck with it, he's not. I'm insecure, and I worry that he won't always be there, especially when it gets to the end, and I would be devastated by that. Sometimes I think that would be harder than the actual death part.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>lilywing</b></i>

Hi everyone,

I've been with my bf for over 10 years now. I think he knows cf pretty well. He's been around for many ups and downs and in betweens. He doesn't like to talk about it much, even when I bring it up. He likes me to stay positive and not talk sad. I guess I understand that, but to me, that feels like denial. Sometimes I keep a strong front so I don't upset him, but in doing so, I feel that I can't talk about my true feelings.
</end quote></div>
There is some evidence that this is a gender difference: Men tend to talk less about their feelings on such subjects. They tend to express their support differently than a woman would. I try to meet men halfway about such things. I think there is a certain wisdom in their approach and also a certain wisdom in the typical "female" approach. I shoot for trying to be able to talk about my feelings without pressuring him to do the same. I find that can be surprisingly validating and can sometimes work well for both parties.

If you do some reading on relationship articles, you might find that men tend to be like this generally and it isn't about CF per se. It's a fairly common pattern in relationships.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>
Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding him back; I worry that he thinks so too. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. I just feel like he would obviously be better off without this, as would I . But I'm stuck with it, he's not. I'm insecure, and I worry that he won't always be there, especially when it gets to the end, and I would be devastated by that. Sometimes I think that would be harder than the actual death part.</end quote></div>
Sometimes the best way to prepare for tomorrow is to take care of today. I find that when it comes to relationships, the best thing for me to do is accept their caring as best I can for today and try to enjoy their company and try to be good company myself. I can't change the fact that sometimes I am sick and therefore not up to being "fun" to be around. But I can stop whining, I can stop badgering them about my insecurities, and so forth and appreciate they are here for me now. That doesn't mean I never talk about my insecurities and such. I have found that I can talk about them without whining and badgering. I have found that's very freeing and can strengthen a relationship because it's honest without being emotionally burdening. Real intimacy requires honesty but is harmed by trying to put my crap on them. I work at trying to find the balance.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>lilywing</b></i>

Hi everyone,

I've been with my bf for over 10 years now. I think he knows cf pretty well. He's been around for many ups and downs and in betweens. He doesn't like to talk about it much, even when I bring it up. He likes me to stay positive and not talk sad. I guess I understand that, but to me, that feels like denial. Sometimes I keep a strong front so I don't upset him, but in doing so, I feel that I can't talk about my true feelings.
</end quote></div>
There is some evidence that this is a gender difference: Men tend to talk less about their feelings on such subjects. They tend to express their support differently than a woman would. I try to meet men halfway about such things. I think there is a certain wisdom in their approach and also a certain wisdom in the typical "female" approach. I shoot for trying to be able to talk about my feelings without pressuring him to do the same. I find that can be surprisingly validating and can sometimes work well for both parties.

If you do some reading on relationship articles, you might find that men tend to be like this generally and it isn't about CF per se. It's a fairly common pattern in relationships.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>
Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding him back; I worry that he thinks so too. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. I just feel like he would obviously be better off without this, as would I . But I'm stuck with it, he's not. I'm insecure, and I worry that he won't always be there, especially when it gets to the end, and I would be devastated by that. Sometimes I think that would be harder than the actual death part.</end quote></div>
Sometimes the best way to prepare for tomorrow is to take care of today. I find that when it comes to relationships, the best thing for me to do is accept their caring as best I can for today and try to enjoy their company and try to be good company myself. I can't change the fact that sometimes I am sick and therefore not up to being "fun" to be around. But I can stop whining, I can stop badgering them about my insecurities, and so forth and appreciate they are here for me now. That doesn't mean I never talk about my insecurities and such. I have found that I can talk about them without whining and badgering. I have found that's very freeing and can strengthen a relationship because it's honest without being emotionally burdening. Real intimacy requires honesty but is harmed by trying to put my crap on them. I work at trying to find the balance.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>lilywing</b></i>

Hi everyone,

I've been with my bf for over 10 years now. I think he knows cf pretty well. He's been around for many ups and downs and in betweens. He doesn't like to talk about it much, even when I bring it up. He likes me to stay positive and not talk sad. I guess I understand that, but to me, that feels like denial. Sometimes I keep a strong front so I don't upset him, but in doing so, I feel that I can't talk about my true feelings.
</end quote></div>
There is some evidence that this is a gender difference: Men tend to talk less about their feelings on such subjects. They tend to express their support differently than a woman would. I try to meet men halfway about such things. I think there is a certain wisdom in their approach and also a certain wisdom in the typical "female" approach. I shoot for trying to be able to talk about my feelings without pressuring him to do the same. I find that can be surprisingly validating and can sometimes work well for both parties.

If you do some reading on relationship articles, you might find that men tend to be like this generally and it isn't about CF per se. It's a fairly common pattern in relationships.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>
Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding him back; I worry that he thinks so too. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. I just feel like he would obviously be better off without this, as would I . But I'm stuck with it, he's not. I'm insecure, and I worry that he won't always be there, especially when it gets to the end, and I would be devastated by that. Sometimes I think that would be harder than the actual death part.</end quote></div>
Sometimes the best way to prepare for tomorrow is to take care of today. I find that when it comes to relationships, the best thing for me to do is accept their caring as best I can for today and try to enjoy their company and try to be good company myself. I can't change the fact that sometimes I am sick and therefore not up to being "fun" to be around. But I can stop whining, I can stop badgering them about my insecurities, and so forth and appreciate they are here for me now. That doesn't mean I never talk about my insecurities and such. I have found that I can talk about them without whining and badgering. I have found that's very freeing and can strengthen a relationship because it's honest without being emotionally burdening. Real intimacy requires honesty but is harmed by trying to put my crap on them. I work at trying to find the balance.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>lilywing</b></i>

Hi everyone,

I've been with my bf for over 10 years now. I think he knows cf pretty well. He's been around for many ups and downs and in betweens. He doesn't like to talk about it much, even when I bring it up. He likes me to stay positive and not talk sad. I guess I understand that, but to me, that feels like denial. Sometimes I keep a strong front so I don't upset him, but in doing so, I feel that I can't talk about my true feelings.
</end quote>
There is some evidence that this is a gender difference: Men tend to talk less about their feelings on such subjects. They tend to express their support differently than a woman would. I try to meet men halfway about such things. I think there is a certain wisdom in their approach and also a certain wisdom in the typical "female" approach. I shoot for trying to be able to talk about my feelings without pressuring him to do the same. I find that can be surprisingly validating and can sometimes work well for both parties.

If you do some reading on relationship articles, you might find that men tend to be like this generally and it isn't about CF per se. It's a fairly common pattern in relationships.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>
Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding him back; I worry that he thinks so too. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. I just feel like he would obviously be better off without this, as would I . But I'm stuck with it, he's not. I'm insecure, and I worry that he won't always be there, especially when it gets to the end, and I would be devastated by that. Sometimes I think that would be harder than the actual death part.</end quote>
Sometimes the best way to prepare for tomorrow is to take care of today. I find that when it comes to relationships, the best thing for me to do is accept their caring as best I can for today and try to enjoy their company and try to be good company myself. I can't change the fact that sometimes I am sick and therefore not up to being "fun" to be around. But I can stop whining, I can stop badgering them about my insecurities, and so forth and appreciate they are here for me now. That doesn't mean I never talk about my insecurities and such. I have found that I can talk about them without whining and badgering. I have found that's very freeing and can strengthen a relationship because it's honest without being emotionally burdening. Real intimacy requires honesty but is harmed by trying to put my crap on them. I work at trying to find the balance.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>lilywing</b></i>
<br />
<br />Hi everyone,
<br />
<br />I've been with my bf for over 10 years now. I think he knows cf pretty well. He's been around for many ups and downs and in betweens. He doesn't like to talk about it much, even when I bring it up. He likes me to stay positive and not talk sad. I guess I understand that, but to me, that feels like denial. Sometimes I keep a strong front so I don't upset him, but in doing so, I feel that I can't talk about my true feelings.
<br /></end quote>
<br />There is some evidence that this is a gender difference: Men tend to talk less about their feelings on such subjects. They tend to express their support differently than a woman would. I try to meet men halfway about such things. I think there is a certain wisdom in their approach and also a certain wisdom in the typical "female" approach. I shoot for trying to be able to talk about my feelings without pressuring him to do the same. I find that can be surprisingly validating and can sometimes work well for both parties.
<br />
<br />If you do some reading on relationship articles, you might find that men tend to be like this generally and it isn't about CF per se. It's a fairly common pattern in relationships.
<br />
<br /><div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>
<br />Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding him back; I worry that he thinks so too. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. I just feel like he would obviously be better off without this, as would I . But I'm stuck with it, he's not. I'm insecure, and I worry that he won't always be there, especially when it gets to the end, and I would be devastated by that. Sometimes I think that would be harder than the actual death part.</end quote>
<br />Sometimes the best way to prepare for tomorrow is to take care of today. I find that when it comes to relationships, the best thing for me to do is accept their caring as best I can for today and try to enjoy their company and try to be good company myself. I can't change the fact that sometimes I am sick and therefore not up to being "fun" to be around. But I can stop whining, I can stop badgering them about my insecurities, and so forth and appreciate they are here for me now. That doesn't mean I never talk about my insecurities and such. I have found that I can talk about them without whining and badgering. I have found that's very freeing and can strengthen a relationship because it's honest without being emotionally burdening. Real intimacy requires honesty but is harmed by trying to put my crap on them. I work at trying to find the balance.
<br />

 

[littleenid]

<b>Do you worry about your cf person but keep it to yourself? Do you try not to worry them?</b>

I worry about him constantly, but I'm not very good about keeping it to myself. I just try to to stay positive when I talk to him, especially since I know being stressed out makes him feel worse. If we're both worried about something to do with his health I try to point out the positive things so that we don't focus on just the negative. I don't mean that I do it to avoid the problem, I only want to keep him from feeling hopeless when he is down about something.

<b>Do you sometimes wonder what life would/will be like without your cf person, and that is too hard to talk about?</b>

Yes and yes.

<b>Do you talk to your friends/family even if you can't talk to your cf person about CF? Does that help? </b>

I try talking to my mom, but I find myself just being overly positive just to keep her from worrying, so it doesn't really help me. I've tried talking to my friends but they aren't sure how to respond. The thing that helps me most is reading these forums and reading cfer's blogs. I don't mind that I can't really talk to my friends and family about cf because it's less stressful on me trying to explain everything to them.

My boyfriend has never tried to hide anything to do with his cf, but he does have a hard time dealing with things often. It's hard not being able to talk about things openly with him all the time, but over time it has gotten a lot better.

 

[littleenid]

<b>Do you worry about your cf person but keep it to yourself? Do you try not to worry them?</b>

I worry about him constantly, but I'm not very good about keeping it to myself. I just try to to stay positive when I talk to him, especially since I know being stressed out makes him feel worse. If we're both worried about something to do with his health I try to point out the positive things so that we don't focus on just the negative. I don't mean that I do it to avoid the problem, I only want to keep him from feeling hopeless when he is down about something.

<b>Do you sometimes wonder what life would/will be like without your cf person, and that is too hard to talk about?</b>

Yes and yes.

<b>Do you talk to your friends/family even if you can't talk to your cf person about CF? Does that help? </b>

I try talking to my mom, but I find myself just being overly positive just to keep her from worrying, so it doesn't really help me. I've tried talking to my friends but they aren't sure how to respond. The thing that helps me most is reading these forums and reading cfer's blogs. I don't mind that I can't really talk to my friends and family about cf because it's less stressful on me trying to explain everything to them.

My boyfriend has never tried to hide anything to do with his cf, but he does have a hard time dealing with things often. It's hard not being able to talk about things openly with him all the time, but over time it has gotten a lot better.

 

[littleenid]

<b>Do you worry about your cf person but keep it to yourself? Do you try not to worry them?</b>

I worry about him constantly, but I'm not very good about keeping it to myself. I just try to to stay positive when I talk to him, especially since I know being stressed out makes him feel worse. If we're both worried about something to do with his health I try to point out the positive things so that we don't focus on just the negative. I don't mean that I do it to avoid the problem, I only want to keep him from feeling hopeless when he is down about something.

<b>Do you sometimes wonder what life would/will be like without your cf person, and that is too hard to talk about?</b>

Yes and yes.

<b>Do you talk to your friends/family even if you can't talk to your cf person about CF? Does that help? </b>

I try talking to my mom, but I find myself just being overly positive just to keep her from worrying, so it doesn't really help me. I've tried talking to my friends but they aren't sure how to respond. The thing that helps me most is reading these forums and reading cfer's blogs. I don't mind that I can't really talk to my friends and family about cf because it's less stressful on me trying to explain everything to them.

My boyfriend has never tried to hide anything to do with his cf, but he does have a hard time dealing with things often. It's hard not being able to talk about things openly with him all the time, but over time it has gotten a lot better.

 

[littleenid]

<b>Do you worry about your cf person but keep it to yourself? Do you try not to worry them?</b>

I worry about him constantly, but I'm not very good about keeping it to myself. I just try to to stay positive when I talk to him, especially since I know being stressed out makes him feel worse. If we're both worried about something to do with his health I try to point out the positive things so that we don't focus on just the negative. I don't mean that I do it to avoid the problem, I only want to keep him from feeling hopeless when he is down about something.

<b>Do you sometimes wonder what life would/will be like without your cf person, and that is too hard to talk about?</b>

Yes and yes.

<b>Do you talk to your friends/family even if you can't talk to your cf person about CF? Does that help? </b>

I try talking to my mom, but I find myself just being overly positive just to keep her from worrying, so it doesn't really help me. I've tried talking to my friends but they aren't sure how to respond. The thing that helps me most is reading these forums and reading cfer's blogs. I don't mind that I can't really talk to my friends and family about cf because it's less stressful on me trying to explain everything to them.

My boyfriend has never tried to hide anything to do with his cf, but he does have a hard time dealing with things often. It's hard not being able to talk about things openly with him all the time, but over time it has gotten a lot better.

 

[littleenid]

<b>Do you worry about your cf person but keep it to yourself? Do you try not to worry them?</b>
<br />
<br />I worry about him constantly, but I'm not very good about keeping it to myself. I just try to to stay positive when I talk to him, especially since I know being stressed out makes him feel worse. If we're both worried about something to do with his health I try to point out the positive things so that we don't focus on just the negative. I don't mean that I do it to avoid the problem, I only want to keep him from feeling hopeless when he is down about something.
<br />
<br /><b>Do you sometimes wonder what life would/will be like without your cf person, and that is too hard to talk about?</b>
<br />
<br />Yes and yes.
<br />
<br /><b>Do you talk to your friends/family even if you can't talk to your cf person about CF? Does that help? </b>
<br />
<br />I try talking to my mom, but I find myself just being overly positive just to keep her from worrying, so it doesn't really help me. I've tried talking to my friends but they aren't sure how to respond. The thing that helps me most is reading these forums and reading cfer's blogs. I don't mind that I can't really talk to my friends and family about cf because it's less stressful on me trying to explain everything to them.
<br />
<br />My boyfriend has never tried to hide anything to do with his cf, but he does have a hard time dealing with things often. It's hard not being able to talk about things openly with him all the time, but over time it has gotten a lot better.
<br />
<br />
<br />