Walking the fine line between spouse/partner/lover and caregiver.

[Grendel]

How do you be a partner without morphing into a caregiver or parental type roll?

As a CF patient I know this is a tough question if you have been in a relationship that has suffered from it evolving from loving equals to patient and caregiver.

I am in a curious roll as a CFer, such that my wife has a significant health issue (that doesn't limit her all the time, though is significant and rare -only 900+ cases in the world) and I worry about her often. I find myself wanting to take care of everything for her so that she can rest, relax and take it all in. However, I realize that "taking it all in" includes not resting, not always relaxing and leaving some of "it" out.

She worries about me, but her boundaries have developed to be better than mine. Also, it is disputable but as a male in the relationship I just want to protect her and aid her. But I don't always know how to best do this, and I realize doing nothing is sometimes best, though it doesn't feel quite right or natural to not want to serve and be of service every chance I get.

So how do you partners/spouses of CFers do it. I could use some words of wisdom and a lesson or two from keeping the boundaries of relationship identity healthy.

Thanks.
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

How do you be a partner without morphing into a caregiver or parental type roll?

As a CF patient I know this is a tough question if you have been in a relationship that has suffered from it evolving from loving equals to patient and caregiver.

I am in a curious roll as a CFer, such that my wife has a significant health issue (that doesn't limit her all the time, though is significant and rare -only 900+ cases in the world) and I worry about her often. I find myself wanting to take care of everything for her so that she can rest, relax and take it all in. However, I realize that "taking it all in" includes not resting, not always relaxing and leaving some of "it" out.

She worries about me, but her boundaries have developed to be better than mine. Also, it is disputable but as a male in the relationship I just want to protect her and aid her. But I don't always know how to best do this, and I realize doing nothing is sometimes best, though it doesn't feel quite right or natural to not want to serve and be of service every chance I get.

So how do you partners/spouses of CFers do it. I could use some words of wisdom and a lesson or two from keeping the boundaries of relationship identity healthy.

Thanks.
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

How do you be a partner without morphing into a caregiver or parental type roll?

As a CF patient I know this is a tough question if you have been in a relationship that has suffered from it evolving from loving equals to patient and caregiver.

I am in a curious roll as a CFer, such that my wife has a significant health issue (that doesn't limit her all the time, though is significant and rare -only 900+ cases in the world) and I worry about her often. I find myself wanting to take care of everything for her so that she can rest, relax and take it all in. However, I realize that "taking it all in" includes not resting, not always relaxing and leaving some of "it" out.

She worries about me, but her boundaries have developed to be better than mine. Also, it is disputable but as a male in the relationship I just want to protect her and aid her. But I don't always know how to best do this, and I realize doing nothing is sometimes best, though it doesn't feel quite right or natural to not want to serve and be of service every chance I get.

So how do you partners/spouses of CFers do it. I could use some words of wisdom and a lesson or two from keeping the boundaries of relationship identity healthy.

Thanks.
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

How do you be a partner without morphing into a caregiver or parental type roll?

As a CF patient I know this is a tough question if you have been in a relationship that has suffered from it evolving from loving equals to patient and caregiver.

I am in a curious roll as a CFer, such that my wife has a significant health issue (that doesn't limit her all the time, though is significant and rare -only 900+ cases in the world) and I worry about her often. I find myself wanting to take care of everything for her so that she can rest, relax and take it all in. However, I realize that "taking it all in" includes not resting, not always relaxing and leaving some of "it" out.

She worries about me, but her boundaries have developed to be better than mine. Also, it is disputable but as a male in the relationship I just want to protect her and aid her. But I don't always know how to best do this, and I realize doing nothing is sometimes best, though it doesn't feel quite right or natural to not want to serve and be of service every chance I get.

So how do you partners/spouses of CFers do it. I could use some words of wisdom and a lesson or two from keeping the boundaries of relationship identity healthy.

Thanks.
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

How do you be a partner without morphing into a caregiver or parental type roll?
<br />
<br />As a CF patient I know this is a tough question if you have been in a relationship that has suffered from it evolving from loving equals to patient and caregiver.
<br />
<br />I am in a curious roll as a CFer, such that my wife has a significant health issue (that doesn't limit her all the time, though is significant and rare -only 900+ cases in the world) and I worry about her often. I find myself wanting to take care of everything for her so that she can rest, relax and take it all in. However, I realize that "taking it all in" includes not resting, not always relaxing and leaving some of "it" out.
<br />
<br />She worries about me, but her boundaries have developed to be better than mine. Also, it is disputable but as a male in the relationship I just want to protect her and aid her. But I don't always know how to best do this, and I realize doing nothing is sometimes best, though it doesn't feel quite right or natural to not want to serve and be of service every chance I get.
<br />
<br />So how do you partners/spouses of CFers do it. I could use some words of wisdom and a lesson or two from keeping the boundaries of relationship identity healthy.
<br />
<br />Thanks.
<br />Grendel

 

[tesorotiffa]

I just want to say that you are wonderful! My husband (as wonderful as he is!) definitely doesn't worry about me resting, relaxing, or anything like that! I think he has decided to ignore the realities of things when I'm sick!

Being as I have a healthy spouse, I cannot offer any words here, but I just wanted to give you kudos! I do understand your concern though. I hope you get some great advice here!

 

[tesorotiffa]

I just want to say that you are wonderful! My husband (as wonderful as he is!) definitely doesn't worry about me resting, relaxing, or anything like that! I think he has decided to ignore the realities of things when I'm sick!

Being as I have a healthy spouse, I cannot offer any words here, but I just wanted to give you kudos! I do understand your concern though. I hope you get some great advice here!

 

[tesorotiffa]

I just want to say that you are wonderful! My husband (as wonderful as he is!) definitely doesn't worry about me resting, relaxing, or anything like that! I think he has decided to ignore the realities of things when I'm sick!

Being as I have a healthy spouse, I cannot offer any words here, but I just wanted to give you kudos! I do understand your concern though. I hope you get some great advice here!

 

[tesorotiffa]

I just want to say that you are wonderful! My husband (as wonderful as he is!) definitely doesn't worry about me resting, relaxing, or anything like that! I think he has decided to ignore the realities of things when I'm sick!

Being as I have a healthy spouse, I cannot offer any words here, but I just wanted to give you kudos! I do understand your concern though. I hope you get some great advice here!

 

[tesorotiffa]

I just want to say that you are wonderful! My husband (as wonderful as he is!) definitely doesn't worry about me resting, relaxing, or anything like that! I think he has decided to ignore the realities of things when I'm sick!
<br />
<br />Being as I have a healthy spouse, I cannot offer any words here, but I just wanted to give you kudos! I do understand your concern though. I hope you get some great advice here!

 

[gunelle]

Hi, I just wanted to say that my boyfrind is the same. He takes so good care of me; prepares me the medication, comes with me to the hospital (when he has time) remembers all the names of the medication, makes sure I do my physio etc. He is such a good support, I can't imagine going through this without him. I am resently diagnosed, so we have been through this together all time. Also he makes sure that I get my rest, while he takes care of the house chores. I am really fortunate. Sometimes I wonder why he does it. He must really love me! I can only hope I would do the same if things were the other way around. He has so much energy. Such a good person. Oh well, I'm rambling.

If there is a bad side to all this, is that there is a chance that I might take it for granted, e.g. one day my boyfrind was to tired to prepare me my medicine, and I got upset. That's not good. I have to be gratefull for his help. I do thank him on occasion, but it gets so just a way of life, a habit, that I don't think about how lucky I am.

Regarind being like a caretaker I suppose it is a bit like that. And I do worry, that he sometimes sees me as a patient, rather than a girlfriend, and worry that he won't find me attractive anymore (seeing my sick and with my masks and all...) It's a fine line.

I want to be able to do normal things, and not to be told to rest off course, but sometimes I want to rest, so really I don't know...

Just keep up the good work Grendel <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">)

 

[gunelle]

Hi, I just wanted to say that my boyfrind is the same. He takes so good care of me; prepares me the medication, comes with me to the hospital (when he has time) remembers all the names of the medication, makes sure I do my physio etc. He is such a good support, I can't imagine going through this without him. I am resently diagnosed, so we have been through this together all time. Also he makes sure that I get my rest, while he takes care of the house chores. I am really fortunate. Sometimes I wonder why he does it. He must really love me! I can only hope I would do the same if things were the other way around. He has so much energy. Such a good person. Oh well, I'm rambling.

If there is a bad side to all this, is that there is a chance that I might take it for granted, e.g. one day my boyfrind was to tired to prepare me my medicine, and I got upset. That's not good. I have to be gratefull for his help. I do thank him on occasion, but it gets so just a way of life, a habit, that I don't think about how lucky I am.

Regarind being like a caretaker I suppose it is a bit like that. And I do worry, that he sometimes sees me as a patient, rather than a girlfriend, and worry that he won't find me attractive anymore (seeing my sick and with my masks and all...) It's a fine line.

I want to be able to do normal things, and not to be told to rest off course, but sometimes I want to rest, so really I don't know...

Just keep up the good work Grendel <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">)

 

[gunelle]

Hi, I just wanted to say that my boyfrind is the same. He takes so good care of me; prepares me the medication, comes with me to the hospital (when he has time) remembers all the names of the medication, makes sure I do my physio etc. He is such a good support, I can't imagine going through this without him. I am resently diagnosed, so we have been through this together all time. Also he makes sure that I get my rest, while he takes care of the house chores. I am really fortunate. Sometimes I wonder why he does it. He must really love me! I can only hope I would do the same if things were the other way around. He has so much energy. Such a good person. Oh well, I'm rambling.

If there is a bad side to all this, is that there is a chance that I might take it for granted, e.g. one day my boyfrind was to tired to prepare me my medicine, and I got upset. That's not good. I have to be gratefull for his help. I do thank him on occasion, but it gets so just a way of life, a habit, that I don't think about how lucky I am.

Regarind being like a caretaker I suppose it is a bit like that. And I do worry, that he sometimes sees me as a patient, rather than a girlfriend, and worry that he won't find me attractive anymore (seeing my sick and with my masks and all...) It's a fine line.

I want to be able to do normal things, and not to be told to rest off course, but sometimes I want to rest, so really I don't know...

Just keep up the good work Grendel <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">)

 

[gunelle]

Hi, I just wanted to say that my boyfrind is the same. He takes so good care of me; prepares me the medication, comes with me to the hospital (when he has time) remembers all the names of the medication, makes sure I do my physio etc. He is such a good support, I can't imagine going through this without him. I am resently diagnosed, so we have been through this together all time. Also he makes sure that I get my rest, while he takes care of the house chores. I am really fortunate. Sometimes I wonder why he does it. He must really love me! I can only hope I would do the same if things were the other way around. He has so much energy. Such a good person. Oh well, I'm rambling.

If there is a bad side to all this, is that there is a chance that I might take it for granted, e.g. one day my boyfrind was to tired to prepare me my medicine, and I got upset. That's not good. I have to be gratefull for his help. I do thank him on occasion, but it gets so just a way of life, a habit, that I don't think about how lucky I am.

Regarind being like a caretaker I suppose it is a bit like that. And I do worry, that he sometimes sees me as a patient, rather than a girlfriend, and worry that he won't find me attractive anymore (seeing my sick and with my masks and all...) It's a fine line.

I want to be able to do normal things, and not to be told to rest off course, but sometimes I want to rest, so really I don't know...

Just keep up the good work Grendel <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">)

 

[gunelle]

Hi, I just wanted to say that my boyfrind is the same. He takes so good care of me; prepares me the medication, comes with me to the hospital (when he has time) remembers all the names of the medication, makes sure I do my physio etc. He is such a good support, I can't imagine going through this without him. I am resently diagnosed, so we have been through this together all time. Also he makes sure that I get my rest, while he takes care of the house chores. I am really fortunate. Sometimes I wonder why he does it. He must really love me! I can only hope I would do the same if things were the other way around. He has so much energy. Such a good person. Oh well, I'm rambling.
<br />
<br />If there is a bad side to all this, is that there is a chance that I might take it for granted, e.g. one day my boyfrind was to tired to prepare me my medicine, and I got upset. That's not good. I have to be gratefull for his help. I do thank him on occasion, but it gets so just a way of life, a habit, that I don't think about how lucky I am.
<br />
<br />Regarind being like a caretaker I suppose it is a bit like that. And I do worry, that he sometimes sees me as a patient, rather than a girlfriend, and worry that he won't find me attractive anymore (seeing my sick and with my masks and all...) It's a fine line.
<br />
<br />I want to be able to do normal things, and not to be told to rest off course, but sometimes I want to rest, so really I don't know...
<br />
<br />Just keep up the good work Grendel <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">)