What If.

[anonymous]

I guess in part i'm putting this one up to explain what i wrote previously in "When".

Someone once asked me (before i knew what C.F. was), if i knew the consequences for ALL my actions, would i still do it?

Eg. If i was to marry to this person and i knew the outcome of it, maybe divorce, tragedy whatever, would i still do it? (hypothetical)

The thing about being the partner of someone with C.F. is that you DO know the consequences or outcome of getting involved. You may not know exactly HOW or WHEN but you are aware of WHAT the outcome is. When they asked me that question i answered after some thought, yes i would still do it because for me the journey is what life is all about and now since that question is relevant to me more than ever, in a heartbeat my answer would still be yes.

I love and cherish my partner for all i'm worth but i do sometimes ponder the upcoming pain and anguish, her and i joke (i'm starting to "get" C.F. humour ) about it sometimes but the reality of the situation is still there...it's a dull ache thats hidden behind the love we share, i'm fortunate enough to be able to be totally open and honest to her about my fears and anguish, anything i write on the subject shes reads first and of course it goes without saying, she can be completely honest with me.

For me, the thing about diseases like C.F. is that it not only effects the lives of the people who have the disease but it ploughs through the lives of the people around the sufferers as well.

Would you volunteer for a life as a partner?

To me she's worth every single tear.

A moment of pain can feel like a lifetime, a lifetime of love can feel like a moment.........cherish it and embrace it while it's there.

Pete

 

[anonymous]

I guess in part i'm putting this one up to explain what i wrote previously in "When".

Someone once asked me (before i knew what C.F. was), if i knew the consequences for ALL my actions, would i still do it?

Eg. If i was to marry to this person and i knew the outcome of it, maybe divorce, tragedy whatever, would i still do it? (hypothetical)

The thing about being the partner of someone with C.F. is that you DO know the consequences or outcome of getting involved. You may not know exactly HOW or WHEN but you are aware of WHAT the outcome is. When they asked me that question i answered after some thought, yes i would still do it because for me the journey is what life is all about and now since that question is relevant to me more than ever, in a heartbeat my answer would still be yes.

I love and cherish my partner for all i'm worth but i do sometimes ponder the upcoming pain and anguish, her and i joke (i'm starting to "get" C.F. humour ) about it sometimes but the reality of the situation is still there...it's a dull ache thats hidden behind the love we share, i'm fortunate enough to be able to be totally open and honest to her about my fears and anguish, anything i write on the subject shes reads first and of course it goes without saying, she can be completely honest with me.

For me, the thing about diseases like C.F. is that it not only effects the lives of the people who have the disease but it ploughs through the lives of the people around the sufferers as well.

Would you volunteer for a life as a partner?

To me she's worth every single tear.

A moment of pain can feel like a lifetime, a lifetime of love can feel like a moment.........cherish it and embrace it while it's there.

Pete

 

[Allie]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>Would you volunteer for a life as a partner?<hr></blockquote>


I did, and would again in an instant even knowing all I know now.

 

[Allie]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>Would you volunteer for a life as a partner?<hr></blockquote>


I did, and would again in an instant even knowing all I know now.

 

[Emily65Roses]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br>
Would you volunteer for a life as a partner?
<hr></blockquote>

I would if I had happened to fall for someone who had CF. I wouldn't go out looking for a CFer. But I wouldn't discriminate based on it either. I have always been happy being with those I fall for, despite the circumstances. If the circumstances are tough... but you really love a person... you work around it, find ways to fix it if you can, accept it, talk about it, etc.

I love Mike more than anything in the waking world. But we are certainly not all sunshine and roses, rainbows and hugs. He drives me up a damn wall sometimes. He's younger than me and therefore (also because of his individual personality) immature enough to drive me nuts on occasion. I have to do a lot of things for him because he's lazy or doesn't know how. And he has to take care of me, beat me at night, help me with meds, go with me on my doc appointments, etc. So we both give and take. And I think if you <b>TRULY</b>, in the deepest sense of the word love someone, you can deal. Just like you are, Pete. Which only says wonderful things for how you feel about your partner.

 

[Emily65Roses]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br>
Would you volunteer for a life as a partner?
<hr></blockquote>

I would if I had happened to fall for someone who had CF. I wouldn't go out looking for a CFer. But I wouldn't discriminate based on it either. I have always been happy being with those I fall for, despite the circumstances. If the circumstances are tough... but you really love a person... you work around it, find ways to fix it if you can, accept it, talk about it, etc.

I love Mike more than anything in the waking world. But we are certainly not all sunshine and roses, rainbows and hugs. He drives me up a damn wall sometimes. He's younger than me and therefore (also because of his individual personality) immature enough to drive me nuts on occasion. I have to do a lot of things for him because he's lazy or doesn't know how. And he has to take care of me, beat me at night, help me with meds, go with me on my doc appointments, etc. So we both give and take. And I think if you <b>TRULY</b>, in the deepest sense of the word love someone, you can deal. Just like you are, Pete. Which only says wonderful things for how you feel about your partner.

 

[CowTown]

I have an interesting story about this subject. Back in the day, when I was about 16 or so, I remember taking a PFT test and the guy giving me the test actually asked me if I would ever consider marrying someone with CF. I was surprised by the question because I had never thought about it before. Before I could answer, he actually had the nerve to say that he definitely would never be able to. I've never forgotten that conversation. Needless to say, after about 1 year of being engaged to my husband, I had to make sure that he knew what getting married to me might entail. The worst case scenario was that he hadn't fully comprehended CF and the possibilities of not being able to have kids, etc. I was so worried for him, but must say he couldn't have answered my questions better! He was the sweetest and really taught me that when you love someone it's all about the time you have with them. He's a very process oriented person and told me that in the first month we were dating, he researched CF, and decided then that he wanted to eventually marry me. He figured that he would much rather be with someone and have an awesome, caring, fun relationship with possible health issues, then with someone super healthy but had a miserable time with. It's all about the person, not the illness. This was a wonderful wake up call to me after years of remembering that stupid PFT guy's comment. It was also very interesting hearing his perspective on it all, since you never really know non-cfer's true perspectives on this.

 

[CowTown]

I have an interesting story about this subject. Back in the day, when I was about 16 or so, I remember taking a PFT test and the guy giving me the test actually asked me if I would ever consider marrying someone with CF. I was surprised by the question because I had never thought about it before. Before I could answer, he actually had the nerve to say that he definitely would never be able to. I've never forgotten that conversation. Needless to say, after about 1 year of being engaged to my husband, I had to make sure that he knew what getting married to me might entail. The worst case scenario was that he hadn't fully comprehended CF and the possibilities of not being able to have kids, etc. I was so worried for him, but must say he couldn't have answered my questions better! He was the sweetest and really taught me that when you love someone it's all about the time you have with them. He's a very process oriented person and told me that in the first month we were dating, he researched CF, and decided then that he wanted to eventually marry me. He figured that he would much rather be with someone and have an awesome, caring, fun relationship with possible health issues, then with someone super healthy but had a miserable time with. It's all about the person, not the illness. This was a wonderful wake up call to me after years of remembering that stupid PFT guy's comment. It was also very interesting hearing his perspective on it all, since you never really know non-cfer's true perspectives on this.

 

[Faust]

Well ya can't say you 100% know what's going to happen regarding your CF partner...He is a person just like normal people, and has to take the same daily risks associated with living just like normal people. While it's safe to say he or I will probably die from CF, that's far from a guarantee. Him/I could get shot/stabbed in a bar fight (I go to bars), him/I could die by getting hit by a car (I drive, he probably does too), we both could die in some kind of fire (both of us are always around something like a house with wiring, flamable stuff, etc), we both could be sitting in our house and have frozen airplane sewage crash through our roof and smash us...


My point being, as long as we are alive and do normal stuff, we take normal risks, which could turn into an accidental death, not just guaranteed death from CF. Look how many people die everyday to accidental death from everything under the sun, and your mate and others do the same things those people do.



And we say that "Well I'd do it again in a heart beat" (regarding being with this particular mate even though you think he will die of CF)...It's the nice thing to say, and you probably genuinely feel that way, but if you were presented two 100% exact in every way potential mates (looks, charm, personality, wealth, feelings, emotions, etc etc), and one had CF and one was normal, you would pick the normal one for countless reasons. Perspective and timeline can make everything relative.

Ask me 5 years into a relationship with someone I massively love in every way, who happens to be terminal, I'll say yes i'd do it again. Ask me the same question when i'm standing there looking at two beautiful women who seem 100% exactly the same, that i've only known for 10 mins each, I will pick the normal one, just like everyone else will. Unless the person is some type of emotional masochist.

 

[Faust]

Well ya can't say you 100% know what's going to happen regarding your CF partner...He is a person just like normal people, and has to take the same daily risks associated with living just like normal people. While it's safe to say he or I will probably die from CF, that's far from a guarantee. Him/I could get shot/stabbed in a bar fight (I go to bars), him/I could die by getting hit by a car (I drive, he probably does too), we both could die in some kind of fire (both of us are always around something like a house with wiring, flamable stuff, etc), we both could be sitting in our house and have frozen airplane sewage crash through our roof and smash us...


My point being, as long as we are alive and do normal stuff, we take normal risks, which could turn into an accidental death, not just guaranteed death from CF. Look how many people die everyday to accidental death from everything under the sun, and your mate and others do the same things those people do.



And we say that "Well I'd do it again in a heart beat" (regarding being with this particular mate even though you think he will die of CF)...It's the nice thing to say, and you probably genuinely feel that way, but if you were presented two 100% exact in every way potential mates (looks, charm, personality, wealth, feelings, emotions, etc etc), and one had CF and one was normal, you would pick the normal one for countless reasons. Perspective and timeline can make everything relative.

Ask me 5 years into a relationship with someone I massively love in every way, who happens to be terminal, I'll say yes i'd do it again. Ask me the same question when i'm standing there looking at two beautiful women who seem 100% exactly the same, that i've only known for 10 mins each, I will pick the normal one, just like everyone else will. Unless the person is some type of emotional masochist.

 

[julie]

I started dating my husband Mark, knowing he had CF. I have never been happier than in my relationship with him and all the hard times and trials are all worth it just to crawl into bed with that man every single night. I don't mind thinking about it when questions like this are asked, but I certainly don't dwell on it, especially since I am not always the easiest person to put up with either. I may not have CF but I come packing wiht my own set of problems and issues and my husband has a handful with me.

Would I do it again, of course I would. Would I change anything, absolutely not! Am I gad I did it, every single day I get to look in his eyes.

 

[julie]

I started dating my husband Mark, knowing he had CF. I have never been happier than in my relationship with him and all the hard times and trials are all worth it just to crawl into bed with that man every single night. I don't mind thinking about it when questions like this are asked, but I certainly don't dwell on it, especially since I am not always the easiest person to put up with either. I may not have CF but I come packing wiht my own set of problems and issues and my husband has a handful with me.

Would I do it again, of course I would. Would I change anything, absolutely not! Am I gad I did it, every single day I get to look in his eyes.

 

[anonymous]

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to share your thoughts and comment on mine.

Sean... For sure i agree that she could die as a result of an accident and the possibility of me dying from something as well is very real, but she will die from C.F. before her time if some unforseen circumstance doesn't take her first...either way it be won't from old age.

When we first met she was totally open about Cystic Fibrosis with me, i did do research on it and asked her all the questions that came to mind....at that time i could have chosen to be with someone who was healthy and walked away....she said she would completely understand...i knew at that time we would never be able to have children naturally....there were so many things i had to consider that my head was struggling to digest all this unfamiliar information.

But really i had no choice, my soul chose for me, she is an amazing, strong, beautiful, vulnerable woman that i fell for the moment we met. Our souls are known to eachother from way before we met, she is someone we all strive to be...or should.

Sean....in a heartbeat my friend, in a heartbeat.

Pete

 

[anonymous]

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to share your thoughts and comment on mine.

Sean... For sure i agree that she could die as a result of an accident and the possibility of me dying from something as well is very real, but she will die from C.F. before her time if some unforseen circumstance doesn't take her first...either way it be won't from old age.

When we first met she was totally open about Cystic Fibrosis with me, i did do research on it and asked her all the questions that came to mind....at that time i could have chosen to be with someone who was healthy and walked away....she said she would completely understand...i knew at that time we would never be able to have children naturally....there were so many things i had to consider that my head was struggling to digest all this unfamiliar information.

But really i had no choice, my soul chose for me, she is an amazing, strong, beautiful, vulnerable woman that i fell for the moment we met. Our souls are known to eachother from way before we met, she is someone we all strive to be...or should.

Sean....in a heartbeat my friend, in a heartbeat.

Pete

 

[Allie]

I had the same option to walk away. I knew Ry had Cf before we ever dated, and I knew what it meant for him. While I was dating someone else, actually. If I had a brain in my head, I'd have chose otherwise. But love trumps reason over all. Sometimes the soul just knows. And could I have chosen someone else? Of course, and I'd probably be content with it, and my life would very different from what it is now. But I would have spent my whole life thinking that contentment is all anyone can hope for, never knowing that there is such a thing as soulmates, and that true love isn't only found in the storybooks.

Having someone for life is really, really, nice, but it isn't everything. The 7 years I spent married to Ry were the only time in my life that I knew what it was to have a complete soul. Something was missing not only in my life, but in me before Ry. I would go through every pain, and every heartache again to know that.

I knew Cf would take him from me far too soon, but I refused to let go of the best thing I'd ever known to spare my own heart. It's like a shot, you know it's coming, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. You don't get a lollipop and a colorful bandage afterwards, either.

But I'd go back and choose him again over complacency.

 

[Allie]

I had the same option to walk away. I knew Ry had Cf before we ever dated, and I knew what it meant for him. While I was dating someone else, actually. If I had a brain in my head, I'd have chose otherwise. But love trumps reason over all. Sometimes the soul just knows. And could I have chosen someone else? Of course, and I'd probably be content with it, and my life would very different from what it is now. But I would have spent my whole life thinking that contentment is all anyone can hope for, never knowing that there is such a thing as soulmates, and that true love isn't only found in the storybooks.

Having someone for life is really, really, nice, but it isn't everything. The 7 years I spent married to Ry were the only time in my life that I knew what it was to have a complete soul. Something was missing not only in my life, but in me before Ry. I would go through every pain, and every heartache again to know that.

I knew Cf would take him from me far too soon, but I refused to let go of the best thing I'd ever known to spare my own heart. It's like a shot, you know it's coming, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. You don't get a lollipop and a colorful bandage afterwards, either.

But I'd go back and choose him again over complacency.

 

[CarolynnS]

a week into my relationship with my boyfreind he told me that he had CF... the thoughts went thew my head... coudl i do it... could i be with someone that with out a chance of us making a life together i would lose before we got a chance of a full life together.. was i willing to endure pain when i knew it was comeing.. sentencing myslef to the enbitble...

I could have walked away but i had found someone so amzing i just couldnt do it.. a few months into the relatinship i he told me the doctor was putting him into the hospital for a few weeks, my chest was tight the whole first day.. i cryied and cried.. what had i gotten myself into.. how helpless i felt.. the love of my life was sick and nothing i could do.. But i couldnt walk away.. and then a few weeks ago he was coming to pick me up and i got a call he was going to the emergancy room....!!! he was coughing up blood.. he had never done that before.... I felt like i died inside... so scared i went there and waited with him for hours.. then they kept him over night.. i didnt sleep a wink that night... I wondered.. was i ready for this.. a life of this.. could i really consider spending a life with someone that i countinualy would get my heart sqezzed for fear this is it is this the time they say he wont get better...

The answer is YES.... yes yes yes... there is no doubt about it.. there are so many obsticals in life.. you cant control any of them... and not not even the situation we are in.. sure people say you could walk away.. but no you cant... CF is just another thing you have to go threw together.. just like any other hardship a couple will encounter... god puts people together for a reason... some fail and it was ment to be so you learn.. and some to help each other and love each other.. as much as the pain is of being with someone with CF... the life you have with them is well wearth it... I am doing my thesis on CF.. i am re-designing the theropy vest.. and the research i am doing somtimes is makes me cry.. going on these forums and finding out people problems ect.. it hurts.. it hurts to go home and look at my bf and know that he goes threwthis too and there is nothing i can do but support and love him.. but thier is not one bone in my body that would change my desision to be with him unless it way non-CF related... CF will never be a factor in our being together..

Just be strong for her... when seh is sick dont let her see you cry.. smile and make a joke... she is scared and sad too but if you dont show that you are it will make her stronger... Be supportive and a bit bossy lol.. make her stay on her theropys... make sure she never feels like she is inconvenenceing you.. make her theropys apart of your schedual too... just like it is a normal day <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> CF or no CF.. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> ...

We are gifted to have these people in our lives... just have to make the most of it while we can.....

 

[CarolynnS]

a week into my relationship with my boyfreind he told me that he had CF... the thoughts went thew my head... coudl i do it... could i be with someone that with out a chance of us making a life together i would lose before we got a chance of a full life together.. was i willing to endure pain when i knew it was comeing.. sentencing myslef to the enbitble...

I could have walked away but i had found someone so amzing i just couldnt do it.. a few months into the relatinship i he told me the doctor was putting him into the hospital for a few weeks, my chest was tight the whole first day.. i cryied and cried.. what had i gotten myself into.. how helpless i felt.. the love of my life was sick and nothing i could do.. But i couldnt walk away.. and then a few weeks ago he was coming to pick me up and i got a call he was going to the emergancy room....!!! he was coughing up blood.. he had never done that before.... I felt like i died inside... so scared i went there and waited with him for hours.. then they kept him over night.. i didnt sleep a wink that night... I wondered.. was i ready for this.. a life of this.. could i really consider spending a life with someone that i countinualy would get my heart sqezzed for fear this is it is this the time they say he wont get better...

The answer is YES.... yes yes yes... there is no doubt about it.. there are so many obsticals in life.. you cant control any of them... and not not even the situation we are in.. sure people say you could walk away.. but no you cant... CF is just another thing you have to go threw together.. just like any other hardship a couple will encounter... god puts people together for a reason... some fail and it was ment to be so you learn.. and some to help each other and love each other.. as much as the pain is of being with someone with CF... the life you have with them is well wearth it... I am doing my thesis on CF.. i am re-designing the theropy vest.. and the research i am doing somtimes is makes me cry.. going on these forums and finding out people problems ect.. it hurts.. it hurts to go home and look at my bf and know that he goes threwthis too and there is nothing i can do but support and love him.. but thier is not one bone in my body that would change my desision to be with him unless it way non-CF related... CF will never be a factor in our being together..

Just be strong for her... when seh is sick dont let her see you cry.. smile and make a joke... she is scared and sad too but if you dont show that you are it will make her stronger... Be supportive and a bit bossy lol.. make her stay on her theropys... make sure she never feels like she is inconvenenceing you.. make her theropys apart of your schedual too... just like it is a normal day <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> CF or no CF.. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> ...

We are gifted to have these people in our lives... just have to make the most of it while we can.....

 

[anonymous]

I also knew my husband had CF before we started dating. We were always ever open about talking about the what ifs ( what if we bought a house, what if we had a kid etc) but we never let the what if stop us ( we married, bought a house, had a child). We felt as though you have to live life at that moment. When he was born his DR said he would never make it to school, then they said he would probably not make it to college- but he did because he continued living.

My husband died a 1 1/2 ago, he struggled for about 2 years before his death- would I do it again, you bet. The love, the happiness, the laughter, the memories will always outweigh the hard times. Better to have a handful of wonderful years than to have a lifetime of miserable ones !

Melissa

 

[anonymous]

I also knew my husband had CF before we started dating. We were always ever open about talking about the what ifs ( what if we bought a house, what if we had a kid etc) but we never let the what if stop us ( we married, bought a house, had a child). We felt as though you have to live life at that moment. When he was born his DR said he would never make it to school, then they said he would probably not make it to college- but he did because he continued living.

My husband died a 1 1/2 ago, he struggled for about 2 years before his death- would I do it again, you bet. The love, the happiness, the laughter, the memories will always outweigh the hard times. Better to have a handful of wonderful years than to have a lifetime of miserable ones !

Melissa