What to tell people

[EnergyGal]

When I said face to face, I meant some people meet through internet connections or phone services when they first make contact. I met a few of my dates through the phone services (later on after I was divorced)and we would talk for hours before meeting. I liked getting to know others that way. You can tell so much from a voice about a person. I could weed out the guys that sounded normal vs the losers. You can tell where their heart is most of the time. Then when you meet them it is like you had a connection before you meet face to face.

What is great it is free for women these services. I do not know if they have these dating services in Canada but if they do you might consider looking into it. You can be wearing what you like looking how you want and get to hear how they feel about issues and all. I loved it. You can let your hair down and not feel like someone is looking at you and observing every move you make.

I did tell certain guys on the phone about Cf/Transplant before I would meet them. If you want to know more in detail pm me.

 

[EnergyGal]

If you are at a party and if a guy asks you what you do for a living and you want to tell him to take a hike, just say something like, I am looking for a man to support me. You can also say, "you know I was just going to ask you the same question" or say "a job what is a job? I never worked a day in my life" <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> or you can say I am going to school and looking for my M.R.S. degree.

alll kidding aside,,,,,,,,

If you like him You can say if you really want to know more about me maybe we will get together one day and chat about our lives. Never give out your phone number but take his.

I have had guys say to me that I was unique because i never asked them what they did within the first two minutes of the conversation. I think it is important to find out what a man or woman does but it is all in the timing aspect. You have a right to be private about your life. It is more important about someones character than what they do for a living.

Heck what do you think folks who work for the CIA tell their perspective mates? I am sure they do not tell them right away.

What do you think a man who is so wealthy tells his perspective dates? Do you think he would reveal all his assets? Some play it down big time. You never know who Mr. Right is going to be.

Most of all, Have lots of Fun dating. Be picky and make sure they really love you lots.

 

[thelizardqueen]

Thanks for all the responses guys. I'm definitly going to go with my gut when it comes to how much I should spill at first. I want to be honest and upfront with people, because who knows if a coffee date will lead to a long term relationship, etc type of thing. To answer Lou Lou's question, I'm not working right now, because my weight is down, I'm having some problems with my diabetes, and I find more often then not that I'm tired half way through the day. When I was working last year, I found that I was getting sick quite a bit due to the low weight, etc - and I find that not working right now is a better option so that I can focus on me and get myself back to where I want to be.

On SA though apparently I'm only allowed to make an extra $100 a month before they take some of my benefits away, so I could work very minimal part time. I have been looking into that - maybe working from home, because I'm on disability I can't actually work outside the home, because then I will lose my extra disability benefits. THe system is nuts. We'll see how it goes.

THanks for all the help though...you've definitly given me stuff to think about when it does come time to getting back out there.

 

[anonymous]

Every one is giving excellent advice. I wish I'd had such good and knowing friends when I was young and dating.
The only other things I would add are that in my experience:
1) The best men always seem to turn up after you've gotten over the worst of a breakup - once you're at that place where if you think you'll be fine with your life and your friends even if you never find a "special" guy and get married or something. (It's similar to the experience of couples who think they can't conceive for some unknown reason finding themselves pregnant after they file their adoption papers.)
2) It's better not to have the men in your life be the ones to do the hands-on things like beating on you and such. (That's what RTs, postural drainage, and vests were invented to avoid.) You want to avoid turning your loved one into a caregiver and more than absolutely necessary. If he loves you just the way you are, will stand by your side through all of the ups and downs, and consider your needs as well as his own, I'm thinking that's enough (maybe more than enough) to ask of anyone. And, as my husband mentioned more than once, it really does a number on your independence and morale to have to ask someone you're feeling pissed off at (or who is pissed off at you) or is tired to the bone to do something absolutely crucial for your physical well being - and even if he isn't miffed or tired , it still make it harder to stay "equal partners" or to get into or keep the "mood" (if you know what I mean).

 

[anonymous]

hi liz, that last anon was me, lisav, thought I was signed in.

 

[Scarlett81]

To be honest, I didn't get to read all the responses-sorry guys! But, I love the idea of telling someone, "I'm between jobs."

It's the truth.
It's happened to almost everyone in life, so no one will ever think, oh she's a lazy bum-which if he did he wouldn't be worth your time anyway, but you know what I mean.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
It leaves the door open to explain further your situation if you want to, or close it too, if that's what you want.

It's a hard thing. I tell people I'm a housewife, and they automatically assume I am a lazy bum who sits and watches general hospital all day. I've even had people say in front of me, 'Oh well have Christian do (this or that errand) for you, she doesn't do anything.'
I also put myself in the other person's position If I was dating, one thing I look for in a mate is a good work ethic. And if I wasn't aware of the circumstances obviously, I might feel the same. Uh oh, this person doesn't work...are they lazy? Will it be hard to live with this person?
I don't agree with that of course, b/c I've lived this life. I know what it feels like, and God Almighty knows I wish I could work full time and contribute to the expenses.

 

[anonymous]

I call it " the question ". Everytime I talk to family I haven't seen in a while or old friends the first thing they bring up is "Are you working?" or "Are you in school?" Then you have to bust into the whole " Well no .. not right now Im currently trying to get disability, or no to many health problems." And if you just say Naw I'm curretnly doing nothing it " OMG your a bum !" or you're just lazy and milking the system.

But don't get frustated and blame them, truthfully we know they don't understand. My favorite thing to say " I'm a bum and I mooch off my parents." Just to see what they say.

 

[Lilith]

Hi, Liz.  I get this question a lot for some reason.  My
responses are either A) I'm a student or B) I'm an artist, because
art is my no.1 hobby and could be used for a job excuse.  I
hate it when people ask this question, but I would agree with Amy
that any man who can't handle the truth isn't a keeper.  For
casual dating, though, I'm afraid those are my only suggestions.